orgasmic hamsters

2007-07-24T12:09:00.000+08:00

hi guys!

thank you very very very much for the overwhelming emails requesting for the new url. because i am such a technophobe, i have no idea how to consolidate your email addresses so that i can do a mass-email .. so well, i'll just post it up here =)

introducing......

http://www.surrealist.wordpress.com/

A VERY SURREAL HAMSTER.

ch-ch-check it out!

see you guys there =)

p.s : does anyone have any idea how i can actually save all my entries in blogspot into one document file? i'd hate to see all my posts sucked into the vortex of the WWW graveyard. thanks in advance!

2007-07-08T22:18:00.000+08:00

--
ctrl-alt-delete
--

after 3.5 years being known as the orgasmic hamster, it is time for me to move on.

this blog has seen me morph from a whiney then-waitress cum student to a still-whiney fresh-corporate-slave writer.

it has also seen me dump/getting dumped by various forms of the opposite sex. thank god it's usually the former.. =D

after getting tomorrow-ed a couple of times, my audience increased exponentially and some of them became my friends. and one them (divine intervention, no doubt), a lover.

despite a modest readership clocking in the few hundreds, i have been recognised on a few occasions, a rather embarrassing situation if you ask me but quite flattering nonetheless!

going through my old blogs (yes i have TWO other prior blogs. amazing!), i can shamelessly declare i am one of the longest surviving local bloggers around, considering i have been consistently blogging since 2002.

anyway.

i'm moving to a new blog address, with an entirely new (but most probably still hamster related.. haha!) moniker.

dear readers, do email me at banana_hamster @ hot mail . com if you're still interested in the chronicles of the world's only specimen of the homo hamsterus (human hamster) species.

it has been a good 3.5 years!!!! KISSES!

xoxo,

the ex orgasmic hamster

fiona chen xinyi

2007-06-27T22:37:00.000+08:00

--
bye for now
--

on hiatus.

just feeling rather... sad, to put it bluntly.

it never fails to amaze how abrupt change is - it ambushes you from behind, smothers you and releases just before you choke to death . it leaves no trail. it comes as it pleases, unrepentent and unrelenting.

take care, all of you.

just one for the road:

train - drops of jupiter

2007-06-24T00:53:00.000+08:00

--
zee blind date
--

the blind date was.... well.....

the dude was 17. 17 17 17 17 17 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and he.met.me.while.clad.in.his.jc.uniform

will blog about it as i am in an emo-emo state after watching the painted veil while killing myself with cheap wine.

fucking awesome film.

2007-06-22T17:20:00.000+08:00

--
tgif, people
--

just as i was looking forward to a quiet weekend curled up by the TV with a bunch of rented DVDs and junk food, dear ol' jas called to inform that she has arranged for a blind date for me later.

i'm on a roll, man. suddenly everyone has got a "cute colleague/friend/cousin" that "might be the guy you are looking for".

right. will keep you guys posted on this "exciting" blind date that will take place in less than two hours' time. hoo. (no, no rose corsages or anything,tsk!)

have a good one, y'all.

--

on another note, i don't understand why everyone seems to be borrowing money from me, or attempting to.

i used to relent and play the part to a friend in need but when i realised that i make a really bad debt-collector, i stopped lending altogether.

i'm sorry to those i've turned down in recent months but you'd probably do the same too when you have about $600+ owed to you by probably a dozen people.

i don't forget, trust me. but i am unable to speak out and ask for it to be returned because well, i just can't seem to do it.

do not take me for granted. and once again, do not think that i've even forgotten about it because i do take mental notes.

this is specially going out to someone who owes me about $300, of which the bulk went towards paying for his nicotine habit. shithead.

2007-06-21T17:55:00.000+08:00

--
ASIAN PRIDE YO
--

其实我是会写华语的

有汉语拼音我是没有问题的！！

没骗你哦！

以前我的华语是真的很兰，兰到无要可救！

说了你也不会信可是我小六时候我的华语可靠到B哦！

到了中学就一直望下跌，没有一次是及格的！应为我是一只香蕉！外面黄里面是白
的！哈！哈！

但是我中三十爱上了周杰伦！他改变了我的华语！

我米他米到可以不上学，呆在家看有他的节目。

哈哈！想起来就想笑！真是年轻的一个可贵的记念！

就应为他我开始狂练他的歌词，虽然大多数我都不会读。

慢慢的我的华语就进步了哦！

我就把我所记的词APPLY(我不懂华语APPLY是设么！哈哈！好笨蛋！)在我的作文里
头。

结果我的O LEVELS 的华语PASS！真是领大家惊喜！

所以我有今天都是可以说是杰伦哥哥的功劳哦！

好了，该放工去跟凯弟弟做体操了！好紧张哦！

我没有带EXTRA(也不懂这个华语是设么啦) 衣服所以我会很臭！应为流汗！

好了你们照顾自己吧！好骄奥我些完了！

2007-06-20T22:45:00.000+08:00

--
sulk sulk groan groan
--

i know this will surely come as a shock (or a joke) to some of you but...

I AM GOING TO THE FUCKING GYM TOMORROW.

and yes, and that would be my virgin visit.

i feel so sluggish nowadays, and i attribute it to the acute lack of exercise and the fact that i am so gu-niang that i grumble whenever i start to perspire. ( i have this vision of bacteria festering in the millions thriving on my nutrient-rich perspiration on my skin whenever i sweat )

BUT THAT, ladies and gentlemen, will change.

i believe the last time i actually attempted to exercise/sweat my guts out was a good one or two years ago, for a run around the neighbourhood. yeah, lasting all of ten minutes and already i was grunting like a wet pig.

to kickstart my fitness regime for a healthier perkier fiona, i decided to reward myself with an incentive.

a pair of alexander mcqueen for pumas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://alexandermcqueen.puma.com/

yumyumyum

yaya i know all ye hardcore fashionistas will cringe/want to clobber me for putting such delicate wondrous objects to such use other than the purpose of viewing it from a glass case. well, i've never fancied mcqueen's flamboyant couture much, if that makes you feel better. heh heh.

okay lah, wait till i i find it in my size then say lor. was browsing through nike women just now and realised to my disappointment (*air of resignation*) that i could only fit into kiddy sizes. mind you, i wouldn't mind wearing kiddy sizes if not for the fact that mot of the designs comes in bubble pink with velcro straps...

..and yellow daisies. bah humbug.

i just read through this post and to my disdain i sound like a whiney bimbo with fluff for brains.

that i am, darlings. that i am. =)

xoxo,

the sedentary creature

--

**update at 12.03am

3/4 bottle of chilled dessert wine = WOOHOO

on my way to "a bit the high ah"

=)

2007-06-19T10:08:00.000+08:00

---
massive lone pimple on forehead
--

fifi's to-watch movie list

~~black snake moan~~
~~zodiac~~
monster
prozac nation
kissing jessica stein
the painted veil

and the list just keeps getting longer! hot damn.

2007-06-18T16:25:00.000+08:00

--
how do you spell i-d-i-o-t?
--

some people are just downright shameless. here's an excerpt from an MSN conversation with someone i haven't contacted in eons.

kai : eh, u like deathcab for cutie right? send me their songs leh (he didn't even bother to say hi)

me: no, i buy their albums.

kai: wah, so hardcore ah. upload them and send to me leh (the audacity!!)

me: WHY SHOULD I??

kai: ....

a few minutes later he suddenly went offline, and i assumed he had blocked me in MSN. just as well anyway!

some people.. tsk.

2007-06-15T02:02:00.000+08:00

--
my other half *chokes*
--

finally! a rather decent picture of myself together with the best friend.

and a very weird looking boob with a hollow chest. hmmm.

we're gonna get the same tattoo together soon! i can't bloody wait.

happy birthday tre, you idiot.

heading to bintan for 2 days for his birthday.

CIAO!

2007-06-13T10:01:00.000+08:00

--
not getting any, maybe thats why
--

well, would like to share with you guys something i plucked off the net.

--
As usual I was up long before R and had already completed my run and showered. I was at the sink rinsing out my coffee cup in a sweatshirt and panties, I heard him stumble out of the bathroom and now he was behind me his hands on my hips, kissing my neck and ears, while rubbing his pelvis into my hip. In the morning R is typically affectionate but today he was amorous, check that, horny.

“Hmmm, your irresistible, that cute ass of yours, your so sexy,” he whispered. Who knew a tattered college sweatshirt would be an object of arousal. “Let’s go back to bed for a while.” By now his hands had slipped under the sweatshirt and fondled my breasts. Not very convincingly I protested that I had a meeting to go to and asked him, “Don’t you need to go to work? “I have a meeting near here at ten and then he asked me about my meeting and I told him it was a networking breakfast. “You mean a meeting where no one expects you and no one will miss you?” I wouldn’t have put it that way but that was true. “But I could use the contacts,” my protests were getting weaker as a finger had found its way to my cunny. “Mmmm,” I murmured softly, and he knew I had surrendered.

As the sweatshirt lifted over my head my eyes met those of the landlady who was dragging the hose to the flowerbeds next to our apartment. I saw her smile as she did a u-turn and went to check on a different bed. He pulled the panties off my hips and slipped his fingers into me and then I felt him begin to probe with his penis, I folded myself over the counter and he entered me. After we went back to bed for round two, after which he sprung up and headed to the shower, satisfied. Leaving me with my motor running and knowing it would be noon before I could get anything productive done.

--

hot! this is how good erotic literature should be like. subtle, nothing too aggressive like "OH YEAH YEAH FUCK ME RIGHT THERE!" (who the heck screams like that in reality anyway? not even me!), and definitely a scene that we could all imagine ourselves to be in. bent over a kitchen top? yes please!

i guess being a writer manifests my life in more ways than one, considering how suggestive text
appeals to me more than visual porn does. haha.

kthxbai =)

2007-06-12T12:18:00.001+08:00

--
mm
--

contrary to popular belief,

i don't need anyone to buy me a chanel bag, to dine and wine me at chi-chi places nor jet-set me to far-flung spots on first class.

because i can afford to do that myself.

my needs are simple.

a genuine concern for my well-being. i want to be fussed over and be forced to sit down during one of my impending asthma attacks, instead of a "not again?!!" indignant reaction.

places... forget les amis, forget fullerton hotel. i'd love you even more if you brought me to that rusty swing in the middle of bishan park, the very spot where you first broke your leg after that nasty fall.

trust..i want to be able to give you something without being eyed suspiciously "why are you giving me this?", and vice versa. no, i am not buying you a new shirt because i've done something wrong and this is to make up to you, but because i came across it in zara and i thought it'd look good on you. capisce?

well.. yeah.

2007-06-11T16:06:00.000+08:00

--
monday, i'm not in love
--

though the day cannot possibly start off as bad as it did a few weekdays ago when i overslept on the train and ended up having to foot a staggering $12 cab fare back to the office, this morning wasn't a particularly fabulous walk in the park either.

felt incredibly sleepy, probably due to the mild overdose of chlorpheniramine, which always lulls me to sweet sweet sleep without a hitch.

anyway. hair misbehaved and i walked out of my house with a grumpy sulk, hair sticking out at odd angles at the back.

then, no seats on the train. i positioned myself in the middle of the cabin so that the probability of warming a seat is higher.

then a few stops later, someone sitting behind me alighted but as i was too engrossed in my book some motherfucker beat me to the seat by a few seconds. na bu eh.

i don't usually get so uptight over such trivial matters but i was super grumpy lah.

was in a daze the whole morning in the office. couldn't find the inspiration to write at all.

lunch was a lacklustre affair as usual. i wolfed down the salty mee sua without tasting anything. at science park 1, everyone eats to live, and not live to eat.

a filled tummy = the temptation of a noon snooze.

i snuck into a toilet cubicle, set my alarm clock to buzz after 15 mins, and fell asleep with my head against the toilet paper holder.

SHIOK.

and here i am, pretty damn awake.

okay this is a mundane boring post lah. but it reflects my mundane boring monday =)

ciao

2007-06-10T16:13:00.000+08:00

--
peaceful sunday
--

woke up with the familiar sensation of a shrivelled tongue, after it got mildly assaulted with whiskey last night.

damn shiok lah, to be able to amble around the house lazily, stirring porridge and reading papers over earl grey tea with just a soupcon of milk and two cubes of sugar. just the way i like it!

some pictures.

say you like me froweer!! i is pweety with froweeeeerrrrrr. and urm, hi chest.

post accident near the ammo dump. owner of car isn't too happy. okay that was a gross understatement.

the writer-in-residence happily shows off her bag du jour. SHINY GREEN BAG YO. yes i know my office chair is an offensive putrid looking saffron yellow.

3 / YYYYY

attempting a look that i can never quite pull off as you can tell from the nauseating results. had dinner at Ramen ten at FEP, and the cynical food critic says : fucked up place.

looking awful behind the EcoSphere at the science centre. was looking forward to the excursion there with l.e but it was marred with many malfunctioning exhibits and a dripping nose.

followed by a sombre stroll around lim chu kang's cemetary.

climax of outing - HOLLAND V XO FISH BEE HOON!!!!!! pretty fucking good. further accentuated by the beads of sweat rolling off my brow. as good as the one at compass point's food court!! i'm sold.

the charades people. YEAH CHARADES! try acting out "sugar and spice and all things nice" and "he ain't heavy, he's my brother." thanks ah.

still sober.

unconvincing salesgirls. spot the mole.

the one reason why being a writer rocks - no restriction on hemlines. or anything else for that matter.

orange tan + neon pink bra + zebra prints = classic eurotrash.

okay. heading off for a nap. i'm craving for fish bee hoon again.. =(

2007-06-05T09:31:00.000+08:00

--
indignant
--

A little bird told me that MOST Singaporean men would have paid for sex at least once in their lifetime, and that it usually occurs before they are 30.

Young, dumb and full of cum, I’d say.

I am not oblivious to the inclinations of our fine young men, but never gave much thought to it. No one ever owned up (who would?), so it was swept under the carpet and dismissed as hearsay. But it is now confirmed.

That little bird then sheepishly admitted to me (after much probing) that yes, he’s guilty as charged as well.

But only once (!!!), he claims.

And why the hell would you want to do it? I pressed on; adamant that such a good-looking and well-off bachelor like him (SPH scholar at that! I blame the educational system.) would resort to what I would assume as something only ugly toothless men with crusty beady eyes would do.

“Don’t know, curious I guess.”

Unconsciously I shifted away from him. Our kneecaps were no longer touching. I drummed my fingers on the table nervously, unable to maintain any eye contact with him – every time I did, I saw him (oh, your beautiful face!) furiously thrusting some buxomly young thing moaning unconvincingly in my mind’s eye.

It disgusts and scares me no end. I now look at my male friends in a whole new light – tinged with slight contempt and suspicion. Did harmless-christian-boy once throw his religion to the wind to sin? Has Mr fiona-you-look-great-tonight ever picked up some girl off Geylang for a quick wham-bam-thank-you-mam in a dinghy transit hotel?

Though I am full of admiration and respect for the women who trade their flesh for cold hard cash, I am unable to imagine how (and why) men can actually put off thinking about the fact that the very vagina that they are about to enter has been fucked raw by countless of other desperate men, not to mention the remnants of various bodily fluids deposited. Teeming with viruses and what-have-yous, no doubt!

How on earth they still get turned on, I do not know.

___

In happier news - SHELLY HAS GIVEN BIRTH! ALL HAIL JOSHUA !! =)

2007-06-04T16:58:00.000+08:00

--
een-throw-duck-shern
--

hello. my name is fiona. and i am a drunk.

i like to sway precariously between complete inebriation and temporary insanity while sucking furiously on dripping wet menthol cigarettes.

2007-05-31T04:10:00.000+08:00

--
solemn
--

you know it is time to do something when somehow a few times a week your ride home is marred by the overwhelming urge to throw up;you wished that the fucking car would sudden teleport to your place so that you can barf in peace.

i have done it once before and i will attempt it gallantly again-

i am going off alcohol for a month.

YES u heard it here first, barely 10 minutes after yours truly has thrown up for the 3rd time in a week, not particularly drunk, just extremely nauseous. (for the record i've just downed TEN glasses of vodka limes within three hours. i was.. thirsty.)

it's showin up in the form of pasty complexion, severe fatigue and pounding headaches in the mornings. NOT GOOD AT ALL.

good night!

2007-05-30T12:51:00.000+08:00

--
spectrum!
--

i have been spending too much on clothes recently. and that was before the GSS even started! actually i'm not too excited about GSS at all, because as an insider i know that the so-called good buys are really trash from a million seasons ago. :p

but of course if u are that patient chances are you'll be able to fish out some really kitschy cute thing from the bargain bin. but i'm never that patient, and besides i have a low tolerance when it comes to rubbing sweaty shoulders with other frenzied shoppers. and coupled with the fact that it is almost impossible to find something in an XS during sales, i have almost given up on sales altogether.

but enough of my sad sad life. here are two outfits that i covet.

HELLO GORGEOUS COLOUR BLOCK SHIFT DRESS!! i love colour blocks like this, it's like art on the go. and it is! i just cannot remember the name of the artist who does such prints. ellsworth kelly? no?

i am going to buy a plain long tee and print my own!

and this. i went ballistic with lust when i saw Posh in this get-up.

pink leather pencil skirt + tiny cinched waist + gorgeously fitting blouse = PERFECTION!

i am now inspired to wear my pencil skirt in bright happy colours, downplayed by a sombre dark camel belt + leather stilettos. i love how the pink softens the would-be office dominatrix look (if the skirt is in black).

actually i really like Posh's style. she's very structured, clean though she may look overly harsh with her choice of clothings sometimes. and also mainly because i am able to emulate some of her looks because she is pretty damn skinny as well. ha!!

okay.. maybe not. common folk like us scrimp and save for ages just for a whiff of chanel but to the i-bath-in-milk-and-honey kind, they wear chanel and prada like we wear topshop and zara. SADNESS!

haha.

lastly.. one of my "creations"

my nautical hue/summery dress which is actually an old blue dress i sewed ( very badly, i can't sew for nuts) together with a plain cami, cinched at the waist with a vintage striped fabric belt.

i've got like a whole bag of old clothes waiting to be refurbished, with 101 inspirations in my head but i haven't got the time to actually sit down to piece 'em together!! (but i have the time to booze/shop/ogle at men though)

random trivia: a blob of mucus just flowed out from my left nostril. LOL. so damn sudden lah, considering i don't even have the sniffle. hmm.

okay back to work!! press conference later. HELL YEAH. i hate press confs but at least i don't have to sulk in front of the computer. :D :D

HAPPY VESAK DAY PEOPLES!

2007-05-29T11:00:00.000+08:00

--
WOWness!
--

what makes me deliriously happy

1- a second take from the short (and hunched) but amazingly gorgeous greek-god replica in the canteen.

2- espresso in the morning

3- alcohol at night

4- car rides with the little emperor because he is completely retarded. "fiona i am going to show you a giraffe" halfway down the highway.

5- car rides with the YYYYYs (guys, i say Y5 is cheesy but does the job well. or how about WiFi? :p). because i get my nose tickled by roving feet and get scared shitless by xin's driving.

6- the Grandmother's cooking

and what makes me ridiculously upset

1- incessant phone calls from m and a voicemail from him featuring an angry aussie accent saying that i shouldn't be so childish and i should answer his damned calls. well, fuck you.

2- the food at science park 1.

3- surging crowds

--

okay will update this when necessary. heh. back to work!

2007-05-28T16:54:00.001+08:00

--
YAYNESS!
--

finally. maroon 5's sophomore album is OUT! dammit i have been waiting for so long that my underarm fuzz's long enough to be braided. kidding. but i WILL embark on a hairy-pits campaign one day, to stand up for feminism.

anyways.

i have decided on what car i want. a white mazda MX5 please, the old chunky ( and decidedly affordable ) model. the Father grunted when i mentioned it to him (as usual, which was his exact reaction when i hinted to him i wanted an unattainable BMW Z3 ). it'll have to wait till i get my licence though. am currently facing some.. problems getting it :p

speaking of cars, i hate how everyone feels that i am better off driving some cute car like the beetle or cooper or even worse, the suzuki swift. yes i know i am quite petite and that everyone will go awwww if someone as small as me steps out from an equally small car... NOT! Its so bloody stereotypical lah. Fuck you all. Ha.

I dream about driving massive cars all the time. I dream about owning the roads with a kickass BMW 7 series or a pick-up truck. Or monster truck. I swear to god once you’ve seen a monster truck (I’ve seen it in LA before), u’ll never want to own anything else again. EVER. I want everyone to go WOAH this little thing here is driving THAT!?

Or a hummer.

I am going to get a selfish two seater so I am not obliged to send anyone home. Tee hee hee. If not, I’m going to fill my backseat up with a lot of stuff :D

Okay please bear with my weird punctuations as i’m typing this using Word so every bloody thing gets corrected. Gets on my nerves when I’m trying to edit copies because Word is so vindictive. Roar!

the Grandmother stayed over for the weekend and she insisted that I lock up the kitchen windows because she was afraid some enterprising burglar would enter from there. Yes grandma, and my apartment’s on the 7th storey.

bye!

2007-05-23T09:20:00.000+08:00

--
bimbotic half-rant
--

This morning I was feeling rather smug for finally getting my eyebrows done up symmetrically. As a result, my mood became extra good so I paid more attention to my make up (usually a slap and go affair), fussed around with my outfit, and went out feeling like a million dollars.

And then, at the bus-stop, I caught sight of this gorgeous woman, sans make-up. She was absolutely ravishing. Her dark tresses brought out her flawless porcelain mien, and her cheeks had that healthy flush even the most expensive blusher cannot emulate. Dressed casually in a white tank top and jeans, everyone at the bus-stop was vying for a closer look at her. I felt… Neglected. Like hello people, I spent an hour in front of the mirror today so will you please take a second glance??

You know, some women just have all the luck! While most of us would primp and pluck and pile on the cosmetics just to look fairly human (and expose skin, for the desperate), a select minority can just roll right out of bed into town and still be able to command admiration.

Tell me again why am I even bothering? Haha.

2007-05-22T09:57:00.000+08:00

--
GOOD MORNING SINGAPORE!
--

beautiful, beautiful morning.

much better than yesterday, mostly due to the fact that some damned pigeon shat on me.

fucking pigeons.

firstly i would like to dedicate this post to the little emperor, whom i indirectly caused to crash his car early saturday.

little boys and girls, this is a sterling example of why you should not attempt wacky car stunts on narrow and dark roads :p

anyways.

i have been walking with a spring in my step, and i believe that my excellent state of mind is due to the fact that i've largely managed to stop thinking about m, though of course once in a while i get reminded of him, and it doesn't help that my boss sounds exactly like him. smells like him even. sort of. must be some generic aussie aftershave.

but like all bad experiences, especially one that has dragged on for an agonizingly long year, it'll probably take a long awhile to get over it.

and to my horror i've sort of morphed into a cynical bitter bitch when it comes to men.

like how t was gushing to me about how this guy she has been eyeing actually came up to her and confessed that he has been wanting to talk to her, but his shyness prevented him from doing so.

my immediate reaction was to roll my eyes and think: women can be such moron sometimes. i’m a prime living example.

“yeah right, you mean you actually believe that load of bollocks?!!” i rolled my eyes some more.

t laughed

“yeah like you make the best judgement ! who’s the one who went crawling back to some asshole just because he said he missed you?”

“that’s why i speak from experience darling!”

now i am unable not to link every damn male gesture to an ulterior motive.

come to think of it the female species are equally scheming. heh heh heh. okay enough of my tirade against the egoistic species.

my playlist is becoming as eccentric and erratic as i am. i know it is a wee bit too early, but i have been getting off listening and jumping to Christmas songs such as Santa Baby and All I want for Christmas Is You. Haha!! So damn cheesy but oh, they really get you tapping your feet and wishing that Christmas would hurry up and arrive.

Anyways here’s what being overplayed on my ipod

1) Nouvelle Vague – Too drunk to fuck
2) Kylie Minogue – Santa Baby
3) Suede – Beautiful Ones
4) Placebo – Pure Morning
5) Matchbox 20 – Push
6) The Postal service – Such great heights (otb, this is definitely your song)
7) Joan Osbourne – What if god was one of us (the parody being What If God Smoked Weed. LOL)
8) Jay Chou – Qing Tian
9) Imogen Heap – Just for now (gorgeous.. absolutely surreal piece of music!!)
10) Nelly Furtado - Say it right

this morning i was standing next to this well-dressed and nice smelling guy. i was impressed with his overall sense of style. everything was well put together,
from his striped shirt with the french cuffs and chunky cufflinks. i loved his vintage camel laptop carrying case, a vast contrast from the fugly ones that the laptop makers throw in for free with each purchase.

then i looked down and almost wanted to scream.

his pants were at his ankles and his socks were a ghastly white peeping out shamelessly from underneath!!!

noooooooooooooooooooooo. faux paux alert!!!

i was seriously disappointed. what on earth was that?

his freshly polished wing-tips were gorgeous to a fault, but the white socks and ankle-length pants were not.

maybe he was trying to make a statement. but from the look of it, i highly doubt so. maybe he was in a hurry.

whatever it is, it kind of sums up how some people sometimes spoil an entire outfit by overlooking just one detail.

like how i once worn suspenders with shorts that were abit too loose and unflattering, so i ended up looking like a clown.

at the magazine i was with previously (for the curious.. i was with the highly upper-crust Lexean magazine as a writer. don’t really like to talk about my work here), my male colleagues were all impeccably dressed, thank god.

abit too overdressed in Lanvin and Hugo Boss for a media company but hey, who's complaining?

their cuffs were all of the right length, their made-to-measure jackets perfectly fitted, their silk ties never a gaudy colour and always complementing. most importantly, their shirts were always neatly pressed and their collars never limp. i abhor limp collars on men.

anyway, do check out http://www.thesartorialist.blogspot.com/ if you want to know more about the dos and don'ts of style. and http://facehunter.blogspot.com as well.

please.move.me.to.london.

i'm also starting my own online shop, and yes they will be based mostly on the shit i like.

an example of what i usually wear, and what i'll be selling.

yaaaaaa do not mock my skinny legs.

more about my business venture next time. back to work!!! ciao !! kisses!

2007-05-17T17:52:00.000+08:00

--
whack!
--

Alive but very busy! As of now, every week I have 5 articles ( doesn’t sound like a lot but I think fellow writers will feel my pain ) to churn out and about 15 to edit. I’ll need all of my brain juice to keep sane and buzzing so I’ll probably be neglecting this blog more than I would like to =(

Worst of all, photoshoots will be commencing soon. Actually I’d rather style shoots than write. I hate feeling stagnant. I love writing, but only if I’m on some secluded strip with vodka for company and a notepad in my hand while sucking on a pen thoughtfully. Give me pen and paper over the keyboard anytime. Nothing beats feeling pen against paper.

The rest of my free time's filled up with crazy alcohol binging sessions with the retarded people from TNP, retail therapy with girlfriends, getting knocked out by reckless drivers i.e dex and J, non-stop 21st birthday celebrations, dinners with grandma and after-work media events (which is.. still work actually. and no OT!)

And starting from next week, my french lessons will begin at Alliance Francaise.

Pleased to announce that life without M has been Fabulous with a capital F! I am clear-headed and my appetite is voracious. My new tattoo is totally fucking botched, because it scabbed and I scratched bits of it off in my sleep =( Now it looks patchy !

Time to fuck off from the office. One more day to the weekend!!! Kisses!
--

listenin to : REM - losing my religion

2007-05-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

--
musings
--

all the hullabaloo over unconsiderate people on public transportation has launched a train of thoughts in my seldom idle mind (usually buzzing with a POV shot of jude law's head peeping between my legs and my hot mouth on edward norton's... well, never mind)

anyway.

it all started not too long ago, when i had finally settled down into a coveted seat on a rather crowded train, my feet sore from prancing around in my 3 inch high heels and my back aching from all that balancing.

i could barely stand.

then. enters pregnant woman.

as if on cue those seated suddenly snaps into a hypnotised sleep. except for dumbass, and still smiling wide-eyed me.

really, i don't think i can understand the discomfort of pregnant women but i believe it is on par with blistering feet.

i panicked, knowing very well that my poor feet can no longer endure the torture i subject it on a daily basis.

but because i am such a conscientious person (as compared to considerate), i bit my lip and stood up, wobbling on my brand new pedder red heels, the dull ache in my back throbbing.

pregnant woman sits down, beaming.

and you know what, fuck that, i am not happy.

fuck all the social consciousness and the graciousness and what-have-yous. i have of course launched into my little angsty tirades on trains before, the uncaring ugly commuters bearing the brunt.

but this time, i am not sure whether i am actually pressured to give my seat up due to the bloody fucking norms we adhere to (or rather just I, because the rest of you are just selfish little fucks), or because i want to.

obviously the former rings true in the said situation.

i have come to realise that, in the words of tyler durden from fight club

"you are NOT special. you are not a unique or beautiful snowflake. you're the same decaying organic matter as everyone else"

everyone is in a rush.

every morning, i see people rushing up the escalators when the information board warns them that the next train is due to arrive in one minute, and the train after that, two minutes.

but yet, everyone still breaks into a run.

one minute. one fucking minute. what difference would it make? why do people run frantically just to catch the the train that's coming in a minute rather than take it easy and wait just sixty seconds more for the other one?

i don't quite get it.

i am a grumpy shell of myself in the mornings. i walk past the coffeeshops in the mornings and find myself being disgusted by fat sweaty people stuffing their faces with fried beehoon and pieces of luncheon meat dripping in stale oil.

nauseating.

okay this post is extremely fragmented. will edit when i'm in a clearer state of mind. =p

2007-05-11T10:11:00.000+08:00

--
GOOD MORNING!
--

you know it is NOT a good start to the day when you are trying to suppress your sudden craving for a good cheeseburger and chilli fries with whatever's left in the office fridge.

and sadly, the only two edible items left are CHEERIOS (courtesy of american boss ) and WHEAT BIX (courtesy of aussie boss)

seriously WTF?!?! WHO THE HELL EATS THAT CRAP??

i am solemnly munching on dry cheerios now as i type and it tastes like crunchy cardboard =(

and wheat bix. they are the nastiest cereal i've ever tried, smells and looks and probably tastes like compressed wood shavings.

oh, cheeseburger. oh steak! oh fish and chips.

at least the weekend is here!! YIPPEEEEE

--

UPDATE AT 2.49 PM

satisfied my carnivorous cravings at BOTAK JONES during lunch!!!!!

THANK YOU DEX!!!!

muah muah muah muah!! haha.

the burger was FAB (didn't manage to finish it though )

! i also took back a set of cajun chicken for my urm, snack. heh.

--

2007-05-08T14:08:00.000+08:00

--
fifi's lunch hour chronicles
--

sat across a really good-looking blonde during lunch today.

then..

he whipped out a neatly folded blue hankerchief and dabbed his lips daintily after his meal.

while i am impressed with this display of old-school gentlemenly behaviour, i cannot help but imagine the colony of germs breeding on that square of fabric. *shudder*

by the way, m uses a hankerchief too. worse still, he enjoys blowing his nose/wiping his sweat/cleaning his mouth on it.

and its not even nicely folded at all.

why am i still talking about him?!!!

feeling extremely stagnant now at work, sounds like a dream to not have anything to do but really, you can only surf so many websites in a day!!

i like being busy. keeps my mind off shit.

shouldn't have finished my work at one shot. grrrrrrrrr

--

listening to: snow patrol - how to be dead

2007-05-04T16:14:00.000+08:00

--
because God said so
--

okay. i have learnt an IMPORTANT lesson yesterday. and this goes out to you too!

i'm not a frequent smoker, but i can be sucking on fags non-stop if i happen to have them on hand, or when i'm not feeling particularly chirpy.

so for the past few days i have been actively feeding my body with toxic relaxants.

anyway.

first divine intervention : misplaced lighter. realised it at holland village during lunch break that i must somehow have dropped it when i held it with the fag box.

second divine (and major intervention):

this is what happened.

i bought a lighter (for 80 bloody cents!!!!! what, the price inflated like 50% lah) at the coffeeshop and proceeded to position myself within the already very crowded yellow criminal box.

stuck cancer stick in mouth.

holds lighter near to cancer stick, prepares to light it.

now, i have got a major problem with lighting fags, i don't know why. so i usually hold it really close to my face.

then..

THE MOTHERFUCKIN DAMNED FLAME CAME OUT LICKING AT ME LIKE A RAGED DRAGON'S BREATH!

WTF!

the flame reached as high as my forehead and woah! by reflex i quickly touched my hair and was immensely relieved when my fingers touched base with my still intact fringe.

i looked at the offending lighter. the bloody "switch" was set at the strongest/biggest flame lah!!!

who the fuck does that? why is the manufacturer so sick? was it a government ploy to blind all smokers?? MUST BE.

thats not the end of the story.

so upon reaching the office i prepare to re-apply warpaint on my face as usual.

then, i thought my left eyelashes looked oddly white at the tips, and i thought i had brushed my concealer over it.

i rubbed at the eyelashes eagerly.

nope.. still whitish.

i took a closer look and almost fainted.

ALMOST HALF OF MY LEFT EYELASHES WERE GONE! AND WHAT WAS LEFT WERE SINGED PATHETIC EXCUSES FOR EYELASHES.

OMFGGGGG

the whitish part was where the flame had licked my poor follicles and they curled up into a burnt crisp in retaliation.

oh my god. oh my god.

i thought it rather funny at first and i started laughing hysterically to myself (i was alone in the office). then it stopped being funny when i realised i only have half of my left eyelashes left.

so, all ye smokers. you have been warned.

--

RANDOM UPDATE AT 4.43pm :

okay. there's this weird short strand of super curly and thick hair that i spotted on my desk and it looks like pubic hair!!!

i am probing at it with my pen. no way am i touching something so close to someone elses' vagina/penis/mangina/asshole.

i am 99% sure it is a strand of pubic hair.

HOW THE FUCK DID IT END UP ON MY SPANKING NEW DESK?!!!!!

i am thoroughly disgusted.

hahahaha i suddenly thought of something. imagine after giving a blowjob/cunninglingus you get pube hair stuck between your teeth and someone sees it and go "errr i don't know where that mouth of yours has been but there's pubic hair stuck between your teeth"

what? don't look at me like that. the pubic hair confirm plus guarantee plus chop don't belong to me nor m's. because 1) i am a brazilian wax regular 2) m is blonde. everywhere!

woot. i am keeping the suspicious hair in my drawer for further studies. i am honestly intrigued.

2007-05-03T09:21:00.000+08:00

--
silver lining
--

yesterday was achingly surreal. i wandered along roads, trying to will myself to cross the road with my eyes closed.

a disgusting emotional heap, that was me last night. a slobbery mess of tears, mucus and a renewed determination to die with a bang.

i hate it when i feel sorry for myself because there simply is nothing i should be sorry about, considering how blessed i really am, and the situation i am stuck in, a consequence of choice, not circumstances. the situation being the omnipresent heartache a.k.a m the ex boyfriend. but thats another story.

it is frustrating to read about how people point fingers at the young ones like me, saying that we get worked up over nothing, that we're just spoilt little emperors upset over the most trivial of matters.

that i agree to an extent. but really, who wants to be suffering from extreme mood swings that can only be satiated by sleep and medication?

it is hard to describe the turmoil the minority of us inflicted with fucked up heads experience. i would liken the lows as taking long seemingly endless bus rides without a destination in mind, listening to the same god damn depressing song on repeat. you finally alight to blindingly bright sunshine, bask in the sudden exurberence, only to get on the next fucking bus not long after. it's a tedious cycle. one that i cannot wait to break out of. everytime i thought i have finally suceeded in doing so, the next crash comes.

with every such numbing wave i am rendered useless. i am unable to write my articles, i never bother to eat, replacing solids with liquids because i cannot be bothered to chew. i sit around, wallowing in self pity, thoroughly disgusted with myself for doing so.

but i cannot help it. such episodes never usually last more than two days, thank god. but everytime it does, i come out feeling like a stone jutting out from a breakwater, slowly eroding with every wave that crashes upon me. slowly but surely i'd be reduced to nothing but mere grains of sand dispersed throughout.

and then there's the hunger to feel pain. again this is an inexplicable phenomenom. like how the experts dish us bullshit advice like clenching fists and counting to ten, some of us do it another way. the keyword being therapeutic. i started out pinching my waist until it sometimes resulted in bruising, which escalated to other forms which alarmed even myself.

yesterday i got another tattoo. a small one. the rush which accompanies the calming buzzing sound soothes me instantly.

i look at it now, a better person than i was last night, and i smile like an idiot.

allow me to quote a line from murakami's norwegian wood, which i have just finished reading.

"don't feel sorry for yourself", he said. "only assholes do that".

not exactly a groundbreaking inspiring quote but makes a great deal of sense.

fantastic book by the way.

in the meantime, i am fine, still kicking ass.

2007-05-02T18:02:00.000+08:00

as of 6.02pm, i am a sad and broken person.

i am broken beyond belief, and i am clawing pathetically at what i believe to be hope, when in fact they are nothing but fraying remnants of my sanity, and his thinly veiled lies which i chose to overlook.

go on, say it.

"i told you so."

2007-04-30T10:47:00.000+08:00

--
busy like fuck
--

while typing out this post's title, i suddenly appreciated the versatility of the word fuck. haha!

anyway.

past week.. not particularly eventful, unless you consider drinking every night an event.

its like all of a sudden everyone wants to drink with fiona.

laying off booze for the next two weeks i reckon, because the consequences are already showing up on my face. 3 pimples! not good.

slept through saturday. shiok. i slept till i woke up with a pounding headache on sunday. :D

caught pieces of april. not bad at all!

am readin norwegian wood by murakami at the moment. awesome as usual.

okay back to work.

2007-04-26T10:06:00.000+08:00

--
on why i hate myself
--

i must be getting old. it was barely 11pm when i started to feel myself taking deeper breaths - a sign that i was tired.

my god, and the clubs were only just starting to fill up!

anyway.

so it was club-hopping night with t yesterday. my mission was to find myself a man-slut. i'm serious.

somehow or another, i found myself among a bevy of SPGs (the blue-blooded ones, long hair and slinky tight outfits kinda) in Attica. i signalled to t that i wanted to take a rest and from the side, away from the dancefloor, i realised how much i was appalled by the behaviour of the women there and i made a solemn promise to myself that no matter how much of an SPG i might become in the future, i will never ever behave like most of the women there and disgrace asians.

okay, okay. if he happens to look like jude law then hmmmm! but i digress.

i hated Attica so we were out of there within twenty minutes.

anyway back to why i hate myself.

damn, i was so relieved to be back at MOS. there isn't any predatory tension there, and most of the people there just want some good clean fun and not whatevers that's going on in attica.

so t and i danced a bit, moved from room to room, behaved stupidly while laughing our arses off and just as we were about to call it a night, someone suddenly held my arm gently.

"hey, whats your name?" he screamed into my ear. aussie accent too close for comfort! i immediately thought of m.

i turned around and came face to face with frodo.

wtf, frodo?!!!!!

i was stunned by this doppelganger of elijah wood a.k.a frodo for a moment. not a big fan of elijah wood though, he looks like an elf. but this.. a more hirsute and blonder version.

"what!? i'm fiona! you?"

"frodo."

hahaha kidding.

his name was lucas, from adelaide for a holiday here. twenty-too-fucking-young-five.

so we danced abit ( the happy kind of clap-clap dance, not the grinding ass grabbing mating ritual) and even though i'm usually not into blondes, i was rather enchanted by this shy hairy stranger.

we screamed at each other abit, trying to talk.

then of course, it was time to go.

we shook hands.

outside MOS, i couldn't stop thinking about him, no thanks to the influence of before sunrise which i caught just a few days before. you know la, the film chronicles how two strangers met and fell in love within a day.

yaaaaaa naive. oi, i'm allowed to dream right?!

t egged me on to go back in and look for him. and i did, after scrawling my name and email address on a piece of a scrap.

i couldnt find him at all.

i trudged out from the maddening crowd, disappointed.

only to feel someone tap my shoulder just as i exited.

LUCAS!!!!!!!

he grinned. it must have been days since he last shaved but he looked so boyish with all that stubble.

"heya! we're going back to the hotel already"

"oh hey, it was nice meeting you"

"yea. me too"

we shook hands. again.

all these while i was squeezing the piece of scrap paper in my hands nervously.

"bye, lucas"

"bye!"

i went to look for t at the taxi stand where she looked at me expectantly.

"so how??"

i shrugged and let the piece of crumpled scrap fall out from my hands.

"you idiot!!! why didnt you??"

"nervous lah."

just then frodo, i mean, lucas and his merry men hopped into a cab right in front of us.

"its them!! FIONA GO AND PASS IT TO HIM!"

i froze on the spot and waved limply as lucas waved to me. and he sped away in a cab. probably back to middle earth.

t immediately smacked me.

"YOU SEE LAH!"

i could kick myself in the head if i could. i'm too chicken for such acts of bravery.

but as the saying goes..

"don't try dont know"

and now i'm still thinking about what might have happened if i did pass him my contact.

damn!! the next time i am going to be that shameless brazen slut. HA!

DONT TRY DUNNO WHAT!!!!!!!! AND IF NOT NOW, WHEN??

okay back to work. i'm starving. i love observing my bosses.

one of them likes to stick his tongue out in between conversations.

another squints like a little kid. LOL.

-

ps : m finally replied my sms and being the spiteful bitch i really am, i refused to reply him and now he is pissed off. and that makes me really happy =) =) =)

listening to : frente - bizarre love triangle ( I LOVE THIS SONG LAH!)

2007-04-23T15:00:00.000+08:00

--
ive got the IRK (mindless ranting ahead)
--

either its the monday blues, or i really really need to get away from it all.

as of 3pm, i am irked by

1) the curry stains on my grey skinny jeans thanks to carelessness at lunchtime. okay so they're not obvious, just very easily-missed splotches of light yellow.

but i'm the sort of person who'd be so irked by a mere gravy spot on my shirt (you know what i mean lah, when your friends insist that the brown spot can't be seen but somehow your eyes keep glancing at it and it seems to increase exponentially everytime you look at it) that eventually i'd become cuckoo from the fixation.

2) m. because he hasn't replied me in three freakin' days after i texted him. TWICE!

okay i sound obsessed. i'm not, really. just that i really hate it when people don't reply my texts though i'm guilty as charged for such a crime. yea yea karma i know. but hey at least when i get the second same SMS i'd explain the lack of reply. i am so shitted by it that i really feel like thrashing my phone so i can concentrate on my work. ARGHHHHH!

3) i-need-fags-and-alcohol-but-i-cant-get-em shits. yah at 3pm its prolly too early for such vices but fuck it!! i need alcohol. pronto. if not i'm going to grow this grotesque figure from the back of my head that'll chew up anyone who comes near.

4) the OFFICE. the cold seems to be eat into my bone marrow because long after i've left the office i'd find myself rubbing my arms while shivering. in 32' degrees weather. nice.

okay i have just switched my phone off because i keep looking at it every five mins.

i need to seek inner peace. i need to seek inner peace. i need alcohol and fags. i need to seek inner peace.

2007-04-20T16:41:00.000+08:00

--
roar!
--

i encounter stupidity everyday, in all manners and levels.

a few minutes ago, i encountered raw stupidity.the very epitome of it.

___

i am generally rather distant from my colleagues because i simply have nothing in common with them.

but XX suddenly MSN-ed me just now

XX: hey, there's something going on in the office. i can sense something brewing

me: what?

XX: something lor

me: what????

XX: tee hee. nah nothing much right now but i can "sense" the smoke around here. trying to get more in depth

me: right. regarding what?

XX: tee hee, that's a secret. can't tell you.

___

repeat after me... What The Fuck.

it's like suddenly stripping naked in front of your boyfriend, teasing him and then dancing around him taunting

"la la la la la you can't fuck me!"

its damn KNN right?

but thats another point. i think my colleague is a classic example of someone trying to stir up
shit in an otherwise placid environment.

and oh.

the next time someone i'm not familiar with tries to do the air kissy-kissy-muah-muah with me, i'll grab their face and give them a full-on kiss, and attempt to lap up the mucus in their throat with my tongue.

one more hour to the weekend!

2007-04-18T14:28:00.000+08:00

--
thoughts that make you smile
--

it happens to everyone. that moment when your mind decides to amuse you and comes up with something that makes you break into a smile or a suppressed chuckle.

it can be that memory of your first kiss, which you botched up when you started drooling.

it can be the sight of your fucked up boss tripping over an invisible lump in the carpet.

it can be even be something as insignificant as catching that school hunk taking a second glance at you, even if it happened twenty years ago.

but for me now, it can only be this scene.

which has already been replayed 187382496 times in my head :

so i was at m's place and taking a shower. i heard him opening the bathroom door but thought nothing of it because i thought he probably wanted to join me.

but a minute or so later, still no hairy ape-like object was standing in the tub with me.

so i parted the shower curtains to peep out

and

i saw m sitting innocently on the toilet bowl butt naked and staring into blank space.

i squinted at him

"what the? are you taking a dump?"

he looked up.

"no? i'm just takin a piss"

my mind whizzed for a moment, trying to register what he had just said

"huh? why can't you do it standing up????"

he scratched his head

"because you're in here?"

i laughed out immediately

"you mean, it makes a difference?!"

then he had to laugh at the absurdity of his own behaviour as well. LOL.

speaking of which, i still cannot understand how some people can actually walk in and out when their partner is taking a dump. LOL

i mean, peeing isnt so bad lah. but shitting. err.. :)

2007-04-17T00:13:00.000+08:00

--
well sometimes..
--

i'm not a big fan of romantic weepies, but i am in a curl-up-in-front-of-tv-with-glass-of-wine-and-sob-over-sad-movies kind of mood.

doesn't take alot to make me cry when it comes to film actually.

let me try to skim the top of my consciousness. hmm. i have bawled my eyes out watching

1) american history x
2) brokeback mountain
3) cold mountain (partly because it was a bad time for mark and me then and jude law resembles mark. okay just ever so slightly.)
4) garden state
5) castaway (LOL WTF RIGHT? though it was so long ago i still remember it fondly because i was ashamed that i was crying when no one else was :p)

and bla bla bla. tired lah, there a whole long list. to be honest every film that i've seen ( apart from the shitty ones) will somehow move me, maybe not to the extend of tearing up but the lump in my throat will make its presence felt.

anyways.

i need you guys to recommend me a really sad love story weepe ala cold mountain. you know lah, star-crossed lovers that sorta shit.

the notebook any good? or before sunrise?

i'm actually downloadin dancer in the dark starring bjork now. okay so its not a romantic film but it should be pretty damn shiok.

okay its finally bedtime for me.

2007-04-16T10:50:00.000+08:00

--
should i curtsy to you too?
--

the disturbing trend of girls (and even *gasp* women) bestowing themselves with the title of princess is alarming and disturbing me greatly.

they especially like prefixing their names with a (in a what they deem as adorable style - the mandatory oh-so-cute but perfectly redundant puntuations, deliberate misspelling and of course, of course, let us not forget the alternate caps) :

prIncEss^^

*ppprincesss*

and bla bla bla. in their bid to outshine each other in becoming the next common royalty, they lose their individuality and fuse into a pulsating pink blob.

i was at the STOMP portal just now (bad layout yes but damn, nothing beats quirky journalism) and found myself at the starblog link. to my indignation, they have recently recruited a tween blogger to blog there.

and her name?

princess michie. LOL

simi lan jiao lah. princess michie. LOLOLOL i am chuckling to myself in the office as i type this.

i dont know what's up with her but if i'm not mistaken she appeared on the frontpage of the new paper not too long ago when her blog got ridiculed or something.

thats not the point. the point is, if they are getting someone with a moniker like princess michie to blog for a portal thats run by our major daily.....................................

for the last fucking time all of you self-made princesses out there, stop deluding yourself. there are no pink castles with windows made of swarovski crystal, no fancy chiffon tutu gowns and definitely no prince to sweep you off into a lavender field on his white stallion.

and really, i wonder why they are settling for the second best when being queen definitely beats being some lowly princess.

yes thats right. make way for queen fiona all you minions.

no, make that qUeEeeen fiFi_**.

yours royally,

qUeEeeen fiFi_**, Her Royal Highness Fiona the Third, by the Grace of God of the Awesome Tampines Estate and probably Half of Sengkang of the Republic of Singapore.

God save our gracious Queen,
Long live our noble Queen,
God save the Queen:
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us:
God save the Queen.

O Lord, our God, arise,
Scatter her enemies,
And make them fall.
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks,
On Thee our hopes we fix,
God save us all.

Thy choicest gifts in store,
On her be pleased to pour;
Long may she reign:
May she defend our laws,
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice
God save the Queen.

(no i am really busy with work in the office but it is therapeutic to blog in between :p)

2007-04-15T15:55:00.000+08:00

--
the week in retrospect
--

I..

1) threw up in dex's car after a bit too much at velvet. SORRY LAH!!!!

2) consequently took the day off due to a pounding hangover

3) got flashed at

4) ended the whirlwind two-week long "romance" with J. okay so we didn't date per se but there was definitely chemistry between us. which ended. bye bye, visits to temasek hall.

5) had dismal sales at the flea market due to poor traffic. but what to do, fash bash @ NAFA was held on the same day!

6) dad and long term girlfriend finally tied the knot.

7) was in a caffeine induced high most of the time

8) swore that i am butting out from dating hell from now, and will henceforth devote 100% of my attention to work, alcohol, friends and family. and hammie.

--

listenin to :

air - cherry blossom girl

2007-04-12T11:32:00.000+08:00

--
fleeeeeeee
--

come! i will be there selling my fabulous size 00 clothes, including those CNY outfits i featured here before. and more!

ahhhhh shoots are gonna be rolling in soon.

i think we might need to hire an intern/fashion asst.

pay is shitty ah, i tell you first.

so if you are highly driven by fashion and speak impeccable english, email me.

also i noticed alot of peope commiting leggings crimes nowadays.

i see girls matching their leggings with all sorts of shit from beach dresses to super short tops.

HELLO??

leggings are not meant to replace pants. period. its just obscene.

the mini denim skirt/leggings thing is so ancient lah. i was wearing that the last time i was in LA which was almost two freakin years ago. so stop it.

one piece of advice: stop buying leggings. i assure you that it's already well on the way out, probably going extinct within the next two months. nice legs people, nice legs! dont hide em under fabric.

anyway. dont worry, i am a very very nice person and i won't make you run inane errands like buying kopi for the entire crew on a rainy day.

but i can very bossy and condescending especially during actual shoots. and i don't like incessant talking as well.

one more week before the website finally goes live :D :D :D

2007-04-11T22:59:00.000+08:00

--
flashed
--

okay let me try to sum up what happened last night in a more coherent manner without the dramatic caps (okay well there's a drama mama in every girl!)

waits for lift with man.

gets into lift with man.

man presses the 8th level button.

lift starts moving. i fiddle with my ipod.

for some reason i glance behind. sees man's hand near his crotch.

alarm bells goes off in my head.

familiar scenario in close proximity. very very close proximity.

ignores man.

man produces a vibrating white device.

man's shorts are around his knees.

man rubs vibrating white device to his crotch.

i am very disturbed.

in a state of panic, i developed temporary amnesia.

which caused me to forget to look at his face and more importantly, the promise i made to myself.

the promise which was made the last time i met another flasher a couple of months back.

that i would not be afraid and kick him in the balls.

lift door finally opens.

i scurry out. breathless.

would he pull me back into the lift?

he did not.

but he followed me out.

and stood there. staring.

he stood there fucking staring, still rubbing his dick wildly.

he walks. he follows.

he stops one unit before my flat.

i entered my flat in a daze.

tells dad.

goes out together with dad.

i am still shaken.

sees the motherfucker milling around one level below. the audacity!!

you piece of shit fuck.

still suspended in temporary amnesia AND inability to process thoughts.

goes back home.

really shouldn't have.

should have followed him with a baseball bat.

calls J.

didn't provide much help.

calls police.

police arrives ten minutes later.

four of them uniformed hunks.

they then comb the area.

nothing.

comes back and takes down my statement.

really really atrocious english.

spelled crotch as croach.

but they were helpful.

now what?

the fucker knows where i stay.

....

no i am neither afraid or whatever that's associated with fear. i am just so pissed with myself for not kicking his arse or at least remembering his face.

crikey!

2007-04-11T11:10:00.000+08:00

--
a whole lot of bollocks
--

wanted: lunch khaki

o, woe is me! my office happens to be very incoveniently located in the groin of sunny island singapore, in fucking science park 1.

where the hell is this prehistoric cave, you ask.

well, it doesnt matter where, because it is strategically placed beyond civilisation so that the deranged scientists here can concentrate on world domination.

yes... why the fuck is a media company like mine stuck here? i do not know.

my particular building is strangely located behind this massive vomit of overgrown foliage, and the blocks here are connected by very primitive looking bridges. like those tribal treehouses owned by incestuous cannibals with betelnut-stained teeth.

there is only ONE public bus that transports the exodus of harassed-looking corporate slaves from modern society into this elusive dungeon (abandon hope all ye who enter!!) every morning, i pull my panties into a bunch in frustration trying to squeeze my butt up the bus.

and mind you, i have a small butt.

whats even more infuriating is that the bus company KNOWS about the madness that ensues every morning with the arrival of sweet service 92 (push! shove! grunt! curse! push! get to the back of the bus you fucking fuckers!!!!!) but yet they still deploy the tiniest pygmy bus they own (half the size of a normal SBS bus).

SBS, please do not confuse science park with lilliput okay?

this applies to bus 95 as well, which calls at the same stop but carries a different load - the sad looking bunch of young people to the madhouse i call NUS.

NUS is a HUGE place. i don't know what the student population is but i believe 95 is the only service that plies the campus. it arrives probably once a millennium.

speaking of which i visited J at his hall in NUS yesterday and i was appalled by how small his room is, as well as the sight of topless young boys in running shorts lurking in the corridoors.

i digress.

so the bus stop opposite buona vista MRT is populated by only two kinds - office workers suffocating under their obnoxiously coloured ties and half-asleep students. of course there is a third category - me. the fabulously flashy gorgeous perky kind.

i should be crowned queen of the bus stop or something.

anyway.

if you happen to be lodged between the rocks and a hard place called science park 1, call me. and maybe we can stuff our faces with the disgusting food on offer at the Cintech 1 (which sounds like a toilet) canteen.

okay the indian food is not half that bad.

well... the only redemption? the reuters cuties. hahahaha shit i just can't get enough of them.

okay back to work.

p.s : raise yr hands, all of you who thought greenspan was an environmental organisation.

p.p.s : am i the the only who suffers from momentary giddy spells whenever evil thoughts cross my mind? i am not kidding. for example i'll think ''maybe i should put rat poison into the office bitch's cup", and a suddenly a bout of wavering vision lasting about 3 seconds would follow.

2007-04-09T14:46:00.000+08:00

--
my phone, the sexist
--

okay so i've been feeling rather fantastic lately. i am loving my job (not so much the writer's block), my quaint colleagues, my clean desk and of course, the cuties at the canteen. ha!

also, my dad's getting married next week (i think). life does get a little complicated when you have a father, a mother, a stepmother and a stepfather. doesn't bother me much though so don't get all "oh you poor little only child" on me! :D

a little update on my still lacklustre love life: recently i've starting seeing J, someone whom i used to hang out with for a while two years ago before it ended really badly because he became a tad obsessive and i wasn't really feelijng him. but he's changed alot apparently and i like how i feel so at ease while talking to him, and how our conversations always end up with me curled up in hysterical laughter.

this time round though, he seems to be a bit.. well, distant. i'm not sure if its just me being sensitive or that i'm just really anxious to get it on and finally settle down in a steady commited relationship. he''ll be having his exams soon and is mugging really hard for it. no time for the attention-seeking me!

someone said i'm just making use of him to distract myself from mark, which is true to only to an extent because i am rather attracted to J (for now). how long this attraction will last, i am not sure though. i hope he'll hurry up and win me over before i jump ship.

fuck my short attention span and impatience.

anyways.

as per entry topic, my phone is definitely sexist. LOL. i just got myself a new phone, a spankingly fabulous nokia 6300. its compact and pretty damn simple to use. and looks masculine enough.

yeah i like masculine phones. bright pink phones with flower motifs? give me a fucking break!

i was texting J about persuading him to get a boyzilian (some private joke lar :p) and was trying to spell Penis when i realised the auto-dictionary doesn't recognise the male anatomy and i had to manually key it in.

which kinda puzzled me. i mean, penis is not a vulgar word what.

then i tried to spell vagina

and...

IT WORKS!!!

haaha!!!

i haven't tried it yet but if my theory of nokia being sexist rings true, then it'll probably be able to spell ovary and not scrotum. LOL.

can someone from nokia tell me why?? :D :D :D

by the way i am so addicted to caffeine now. can't live without it. and yes i am blogging from work.

did i mention my boss has a fish tank with NO fish in it, but it has an operational pump and filter which is turned on 24/7.

so i quizzed him about it and he gave me an enigmatic smile

"Ah young lady, there ARE fishes in it.."

"really?? where???" (then i peered really closely at the tank)

"you can only see it if you're only above thirty years old, my young lady...."

then the whole office laughed at me. i'm the youngest there lah.

---

ps: my colleague tried to spell penis on her Sony Ericsson phone and she can't spell penis as well, but vagina works fine. :D

Hamster Dance

2007-04-08T03:01:00.001+08:00

this has got to be the most random and meangingless crap ever BUT it made me laugh. LOL.

2007-04-06T23:01:00.000+08:00

--
epilogue
--

i am jack's smirking revenge

2007-04-01T21:34:00.000+08:00

--
pretty strong shit!
--

whose effects can be described as tethering precariously on a finger-thick trapeze 100 storeys above ground unsupported and not giving two shits because it is all just too damn glorious from here.

2007-04-01T10:45:00.000+08:00

--
sleepless in singapore
--

finally.. valium!!

i shall sleep soundly tonight.

2007-03-31T16:59:00.000+08:00

--
THE OFFICE
--

is not so boring anymore. headed to post-work drinks with the "cooler half" of the office on friday. hitched a ride with the big boss and it was quite daunting because he obviously thinks he is damn smart

big bad american boss married to SPG : so, do you read? (an obvious dig at me since i'm a writer)

me: yes

BBABMTSPG : oh, what do you read? (eyes straying to my leg)

me: urm, everything really. i like metaphysical shit

BBABMTSPG: really? interesting. do you read confucious and stuff like that? i love it

me: not really actually

BBABMTSPG: (completely ignoring my last sentence) do you like lao tzu? (an ancient chinese philosopher)

me: well, he's respected all over the world so yea. don't really know much about him though. but i have the bridged version of the art of war..

BBABMTSPG: (interupting) but that's by sun tzu isn't it?

me: (rolling my eyes) yes, i know.

then we start to talk quite a bit and my heart actually went out to him when i noticed how much of a constant hurry he was in, from the pace he walks and the way he whizzes through words. i mentioned it to him and he softened visibly

BBABMTSPG: (embarrassed) errr yeah.

me: why are you so bloody tense?

BBMBMTSPG: i don't know.

me: its friday! relax!

BBABMTSPG: okay okay.. (he then proceeds to stop by a chocolate store and animatedly buys two chocolate popsicles for the both of us. LOL)

maybe he's not such a bad guy after all!

the rest of the colleagues intrigue me, the "lesser" half of it as they are quiet little shadows. one of them has massive boobs, is a hardcore catholic (i didn't know it at first and she kinda rolled her eyes at me when i mentioned i am part atheist) and whispers. the other, a big-bone girl suffering from an obvious inferiority complex. she totally avoids eye contact. and both of them are only 23.

i should get to know them bettter and convince them to undergo a major wardrobe and personality revamp tailored by yours truly.

okay.. retail therapy time. hey! it has been a fornight since i last bought anything pretty. apart from the la senza bra yesterday.

i seriously have no idea why i am always buying pretty lingerie when there is no appreciative audience.

ciaoooo

2007-03-28T23:06:00.000+08:00

--
CLASSIFIED JOBS
--

1)

we're looking for a full-time graphic designer for our websites :) you must be damn good at HTML, photoshop and flash. even better if you are well-versed in freehand and illustrator! you must also have experience in another company of similar capacity. we're a media company, obviously :)

2)

i am also looking for a full-time boyfriend. you must speak impeccable english, smell nice, have clean teeth and nails.

it will be an added advantage (though not necessary) if you like placebo, have nice manly and hairy hands, able to point out where tunisia is on the map, like skinny shapeless women and extended foreplay.

however, if you happen to be spanish with green eyes and dark curly hair, then you may ignore the above requirements and apply immediately.

you need NOT apply if you think wearing sports shoes other than for sports is okay, wear tight tee-shirts, think that you are far more intelligent than me (even if its true), or if you think that warcraft is the awesomest invention ever.

for the above two positions, please email fiona at banana_hamster@hotmail.com

only shortlisted candidates will be contacted.

2007-03-28T14:40:00.000+08:00

Okay… here’s a lil poem

I have a job

It makes me blue

My colleagues are boring

And the work is, too

So here I am, fiddling thumbs as I wait for the editorial line-up to be confirmed. Yes, I’m back to slaving away in the corporate world, this time as a writer (again! What else?) for an upcoming women's fashion/lifestyle website.

For a media company, my colleagues has to be the most boring bunch of people I’ve ever worked with. They are bland, wear shapeless clothes, and none of them smoke (!!!!). they don't even curse!!! Granted, they are friendly but maybe I’m just too used working next to balenciaga-whoring people in the previous two magazines (here, zara is probably considered high-end). The two ang moh bosses in my company are married to SPGs. Oh, the horror! One of them has a really perky butt though, this coming from a non-butt person so you can figure how perky he really is.

FYI, I am NOT slacking off at work. It’s only my second day here so there really isn’t much to do because I cannot start writing without the confirmed line-up. Well at least I don’t have to cover fashion week :D

I think the best part about being a writer is the research. i get paid to read magazines and surf websites as part of "research" :D

Con: office is located about ten thousand miles away from home.

Pro: office is located next to reuters, where apparently they only recruit heartbreakingly gorgeous people. To top it all off, you probably needs loads of brains to work for news agency, unlike this hair-twirling bimbo here who knows very little else except that spring 2007’s ready to wear collection looks rather mono, and that the latest turban trend is ridiculous.

Con: both bosses are Americans and are no doubt as brash and loud as david, the ex.

Pro: they are straight to the point, mildly funny and they don’t mumble.

Con: no eye candies

Pro: like I said, at least there’s reuters! And not to mention the handful of agencies nearby such as DSTA ( Defense Science and technology agency), DSO and yadda yadda, which means I am working near some seriously brainy freaks, people who will not go huh? When I ask them who made God.

By the way, who made God?

So, I met Mark two nights ago and it didn’t end as expected. Surprisingly we talked and laughed a lot, and I even convinced him to take the public bus, something that he has never done all his 5 years here. I am going to buy 4D using the numbers on his ticket.

We joked about having kids again, and this time I told him our kids were not going to have his last name as I want to preserve my culture, so they will have Robinson-Chen as their last name.

RIDICULOUS. Why am I even grinning as I type this?

I’ve always thought he had rather blah looking eyes, for they are mostly grey instead of blue. But suddenly, somehow, they looked a delicate shade of blue that night.

Okay.

I want to relate an embarrassing situation which happened yesterday while on the way to work.

Was hurrying my way at the MRT station someone accidently tapped me on the shoulders. It was someone around my age, a decidedly cute young man. I gave him the huh? look and he produced a big sweep (lottery) ticket.

“er.. I think you dropped this?”

And so I did, when I was retrieving my e-z link card from my wallet.

Wah lao… of all things, why must it be the big sweep ticket? Very paiseh you know.

Back to swirling around my chair at work.

2007-03-23T18:09:00.000+08:00

--
the MONSTROSITY
--

and you guys thought my hammie was fat!!

wait till you see james' cat! (wow, it rhymes!)

holey moley!!!!!!!!! an obese pussy! i am so in love with him.

gorgeous garfield. apparently's he is gay after getting his dick castrated due to an urinary infection. when you run your hands down his back, concentrating towards the rear, he will start to arch and lift his ass up, as if he wants you to do him doggy style.

and introducing the incredibly regal and atas lady partner of garfield. she is always in this "i-am-too-fucking-good-for-anything" pose and she ignores everyone. she even hisses at garfield whenever he saunters by. LOL. maybe she's disgusted that she is forced to copulate with a size 30 partner who doesn't even have a dick.

lastly, the owner and his sexually incompetent tomcat.

by the way, i really want to get a madison surface piercing though i know the chances of it healing nicely are less than 0.1%. any advice?!!

2007-03-22T00:19:00.000+08:00

--
well..
--

seems that i'm busier jobless. two rather interesting job offers so far, but because this time i'm determined to make it work for me long term i'm not jumping into anything hastily.

so.

had about 3 lattes and a shot of expresso today. was floating around in a caffeine high for most part of the day, oblivious to my surroundings. what perplexes me is how i still manage to fall asleep on the bus even after all that starbucks loving.

so.

i just finished watching brokeback mountain for the third time and without fail, i start tearing up so badly that even i feel embarrassed. LOL. i think i've mentioned it before but there is something so deliciously sexy when two hirsute men kiss. gives me the tingles :D

anyway that was NOT the reason why i cried. ok??

and i have finally gotten my hands on boys don't cry!!!!

HELL YEAH.

its a film about this transgender girl who gets found out in the end. and you know what happens in a homophobic society.

during the interview with the american boss of a media company today, he asked what sort of sites i usually surf at home.

so i pondered a while and said matter-of-factly

"hmm.. mostly girlie sites i reckon?"

a pause.

he looks at me with an arched eyebrow.

then i realised.

"no, not that sort of girlie sites, i mean, fashion and shopping stuff.. you know, girlie."

he let out a huge guffaw and even i had to laugh. LOL.

i am tired.

tomorrow.. some me-time.

2007-03-16T02:45:00.000+08:00

--
i need to whine
--

i have just experienced the worst day in 2007 so far.

firstly, i have an enormous ulcer at the corner of my lips. which is a really rare spot for ulcers to appear in. and it fucking hurts. i can't talk much because it stretches my lips too much and i have to cut my food up into tiny little pieces.

secondly, i have just admitted myself into the jobless market. yes thats right i am OUT OF A JOB. no i didn't get sacked. i turned down XXX magazine's latest assignment a week ago, which probably means they'll never call me ever again since they have a long list of freelancers waiting. why call fiona, the ingrate?!

and why did i reject it, you ask. i am still madly in love with fashion and writing but because i thought i had secured a new position at XXX website and was supposed to commence work next week. but it didn't materialise. all i got was an email from the editor telling me that the position had been taken up. thanks huh, telling me four days before i was due to report to work.

so now i am jobless.

to think i was so revved up to start a fulltime job again!

fuck it.

so after wrapping up the very last shoot with XXX magazine, i headed to town to pamper myself. i was suddenly craving for ramen so i popped into sushi tei.

then as i opened my mouth to savour the steaming ramen, i yelped in pain.

I HAD FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT THE STINKIN ULCER!

so i couldnt enjoy my food and was nibbling it strand by strand.

then i missed my train. after that, i missed the bus.

i need some lovin' !!!!!

2007-03-13T12:43:00.000+08:00

--
all things gorgeous
--

i am in the midst of revamping my room. coming in a few more days, my dark mahogany set of closets, dresser and computer table will replace the run of the mill constructed wood crap i have right now.

i have also almost finished painting one side of the wall a dark pink. just one side though, for the accent.

yeah dark pink. not your cotton candy pink! give me a break!

i am also replacing the curtains with a flowy floral vintage fabric. though i definitely will not mind settling for this faceted curtain by hannah alljin( http://www.allijn.nl ). i am so enamoured with this that i am tempted to dip my fabric in resin so i can crumple it up as well, though of course it will be permanently crumpled. LOL.

when you slowly draw open the curtains, it just comes to life like a flower unfurling. in a more structured manner of course. but no less beautiful.

so..bloody..amazing.

i will also need a new ceiling light. and i want this, damn it!

this "top secret" lamp by hector serrano will look stunning against my pink wall. it does resemble a silkworm cocoon though. but i love it anyway.

in the future when i finally own my cosy little studio apartment, my theme will be minimalist yet fluid. i love softness against hard, angled backgrounds. like this washbasin by michael schmidt (please tell me how the heck do you pronounce his last name. smeet?)

will be easy to clean too!! no grime will be able to accumulate because there ain't no corners. die, grime!!!!

and lastly, i will be getting these ingenious book shelves from umbra.com. THEY CAN BE PURCHASED LOCALLY!! HELL YEAH!!!

i am getting 4 of these babies. each shelf will be able to hold 10 books.

and this!

most of the time, the simplest designs are what really catches my eye. some are so simple yet functional and obvious that you'll go "now why didn't i think of that?!"

right, back to finishing my last article for the company. bye, magazine life!! i need sleep.

2007-03-13T04:08:00.000+08:00

--
sober musings
--

saw someone on the train taking a gulp of water, gargling for about two mins before swallowing it.

i was immediately overwhelmed by a wave of nausea.

i related it to james and trish and they were like "whats wrong with that?!"

yeah actually there is nothing wrong with it since you're actually swallowing what was already in your mouth but i just find it extremely disgusting. i had to tear myself away from watching that guy because my digested lunch was already reaching my throat.

i guess i am prone to be easily disgusted. every damn thing disgusts me and this is definitely working against me.

1) i am unable to eat without wiping my cutleries beforehand, which looks extremely rude. of course this only applies to food courts and hawker centres, and some cheap restaurents.

2) i force myself to drink as little as possible when i'm out, so that i can avoid visiting public loos.

3) when walking through narrow passageways, such as those in the void decks of my neighbourhood, i will develop a sudden superfast pace while holding my breath and maintaining a straight dead gaze ahead so that i wouldn't have to look at the grimey corners.

4) sometimes, i visit the homes of friends who urm, compromise on hygiene. you can tell when you realise your feet gets coated with dust after a few steps and there is a massive pile-up of forgotten debris behind their door. usually i'll douse myself in dettol when i take a shower afterwards.

5) i look at people's feet all the time despite knowing very well that i'll spot something gross like black stuff under the nails. men being the rather poorly cleansed creatures, i wonder how i would be able to find one clean man among the masses.

i have so many quirks that i irritate myself no end. sometimes, before spending my money on yet another dress/clutch/pumps/insert-item-here, i'd be suddenly gripped by guilt. what guilt? guilt which haunts your conscience when you know very well that the price of the very dress you are buying will be able to feed that old auntie collecting cardboards for a month.

singapore fashion week is around the corner, bringing another round of air-kissing and champagne flute clinking. i know the world works perfectly like that with the rich/poor divide balancing everything out like yin/yang. but spending $10000 on draping the runway with pure silk and rare flowers? frivolous. ludicrous even.

then i will start to wonder if should the world be a perfect communist community, how would it really be like? because the rich europeans would have to share their wealth, then africa and the starving nations would be equals. but do we really want that?

because then, nobody would feel the need to improve, to work anymore. why should they, when regardless of how much effort they put in, the returns would be the same as the man sitting at home doing nothing.

if communism had taken over a century ago, we definitely wouldn't be where we are now. we'll still be in samfoos and calico dresses, churning butter and writing by candlelight. everything would remain stagnant.

i am of course not saying that communism is bad because there is no perfect model. capitalism has even more cons. but i digress.

i feel bad that i am working in the fashion industry, witnessing all these self-indulgent acts which i have since absorbed (most unfortunate). they think nothing of blowing 10 grand for a couture dress, or for an 18 course degustation dinner. decadent offerings that the old woman staying in a dark bedbug-infested flat in bukit merah with her daily meals of porridge and vegetables would never have heard about.

and the beggar who kowtowed to me on the train in shanghai.

and the little girl in rags whose eyes gleamed when i handed her a 20 renminbi note, which was only about SGD$5. it will keep her happy for a fortnight at least.

sidetrack: i have mentioned it before and i will repeat myself again. i am ALL for euthanasia. having volunteered at renci hospital for 6 years running (though i admit the visits have become alarmingly sparse due to my schedule) and seeing the patients in the chronic wards, their life ebbing away, confined to a bed with nothing to do except watching the fans revolve and awaiting their death. i bet if they were mentally conscious enough to speak, they would get the doctor to administer them some lethal cocktail.

and it wouldn't hurt to put a fifty note into a frail elderly pulling cardboards. it'll only be one shoe less (and one heel of a jimmy choo). if i, someone earning peanuts can do that, so can you.

so yeah. woah what a bloody long post, considering i am bloody tired after spending the whole day out.

2007-03-09T12:52:00.000+08:00

--
i love paris in the springtime, i love paris in the fall
--

caught paris je t'aime last friday, and it was good!

not mind blowingly good but memorable. as with montages, some gripped me while some induced a yawn.

jean-michel shows off his balls and tight white arse. no this isn't a gay flick featuring naked men in the kitchen. and yes he's french!

also caught last king of scotland on DVD yesterday. well i can see why forest whitaker won an oscar for his potrayal of ex ugandian president amin. he was so convincing that i was almost afraid.

so many films, so little time.

2007-03-07T03:46:00.000+08:00

--
i am Jack's smirking revenge.
--

well yesterday night ended on a rather awkward note after a flurry of events which took us both by surprise.

car ride home was marred by an understandable uneasiness between passenger and driver.

driver : let's just forget about this

passenger : right

driver : cigarette?

passenger : no, why don't you stab me now? you know you want to. and you can because you hate me so much that my limp body would get you so hard

driver : i'm not a necrophiliac. but i'd stop the car and rape you now if you don't shut the fuck up. and you know i can

passenger : asshole. pass me the fags.

regardless of what they all say, the human mind is an infinite abyss of which its capabilities are surely still far from being stretched.

anyway, a few pics.

sexuality - embrace.

i have started the ritual of ingesting a whole cup of blended blueberries everyday. costs a bomb, considering that a serving (one small box) costs about $4 from the supermarket. but well, thats the price you pay for good health!! and a glowing complexion.

just so you guys still remember how i look like.

hammie says hi !! (my doppelganger)

--

listening to : the shins - new slang

2007-03-06T01:57:00.000+08:00

--
achievement of the day!!
--

finished draft at 10am, napped till 2pm, headed to office till 8pm and met up with david for coffee where i sucked the life out of probably 10 cigarettes within the 3 hours. stressed lah.

such is my life. but i'm lovin it.

i couldn't bear to leave my spanking new conventional oven to perform mundane matters like toast and to sterilise hammie's toys.

so all of a sudden on my way home, i knew i had to put my domestic instincts to good use.

so i got flour, eggs and baking powder from the supermarket.

i'm gonna make myself a sponge cake!!!

i know it sounds really easy, just whip the eggs into soft peaks, fold in flour and sugar and then pop it into the preheated oven.

but i assure you it is far from that, especially when i have to manually whip the eggs. which chipped my impeccably manicured nails.

my arms are actually still quite sore now from the whipping (ooh, sounds kinky), for it took me 20 minutes to actually get the eggs into form.

which is why i need a boyfriend, for i'll command him to do all the whipping while i bend over to bare my ass.

i mean, i'll command him to do the whipping while i sieve the flour and oil the baking tins. haha.

i've always been pretty adept at cooking but i don't know why i am cursed with the opposite of a midas touch in baking.

BUT NOT TODAY! NO SIREE!!!

:D

INTRODUCING... MY FIRST EVER SUCCESSFUL ATTEMPT AT BAKING!! HELL YEAH!

Sponge cake (bachelorette size) with warm strawberry jam :D okay so it looks really ugly and i'm not even sure if its palatable but hey! at least it didn't turned out charred or become one congealed mess.

actually it feels a tad harder than how sponge cakes should be. i.e, soft and fluffy.

okay, heading out to meet bertie boy for a quick smoke now. poor dude lost a huge client and is feeling in the dumps.

ciaooo

2007-03-05T06:20:00.000+08:00

--
my eyes!
--

i have been fixated on this screen since 8pm, and the time now is 6.20am.

why?

because of procrastination.

i should have made haste and finished up my work yesterday but i did not. so here i am, stuck without inspiration and eyes feeling very strained indeed.

i need a cinnabon bun please.

today, i got pinned to the bed by trisha while aloysius whipped out his electric shaver and tried to arouse me. haha!

it does feel like a vibrator though. a weak one.

actually it was the first time ever that i touched an electric shaver. it doesn't shave very well though, the fine hairs on my hairless legs were still there despite mowing it repeatedly.

right. back to my 1000 word draft. save me.

--

listening to : incubus - i wish you were here

2007-03-03T20:25:00.000+08:00

--
maybe because i'm a latent pervert
--

well. i may be loud and crude sometimes, but i don't think i can be described as sexual because, unlike my ex editor whose every sentence drips heavily with sexual innuendos, i don't. well sometimes they come out in my writings but that's about all.

and then there's porn. somehow, i have never really latched onto the idea of jacking off to porn, and i have never even been mildly interested nor turned on by it. i guess it's the idea that somehow i know that those girls, whose moans sound like they are being replayed by a recorder or whose facial movements are confined to the wince/mouth agape/saucy lip-licking expressions are not actually enjoying themselves. and by that, i can't either.

but i do look at porn lah, it's an eye opener to actually see things being done that you will probably never have the balls to try. like double penetration, fisting and the never-ending list of sexual fetishes that border along the bizarre. no, i will never eat shit even if jude law asked me to. okay.. maybe i will. HAHA!

then i chanced upon this last night. and boy.

okay i admit, i have a thing for violence. there's something about these comic strips which makes it so beguiling. maybe it's the detailed illustration. maybe it's the way my mind resurrects these inanimate objects. or maybe i just like pink nipples.

okay, time for beer at the local pub. ciao !

Pure Morning- Placebo

2007-03-01T23:45:00.001+08:00

i've been listening alot to placebo recently, as well as getting off fantasizing about brian molko, the very androgynous lead :)

2007-02-28T01:28:00.000+08:00

--
glamourous? NOT!
--

as most of you would know by now, i do fashion and writing for a living. okay not so much for a living since it pay peanuts.

forget the glamour, forget the glitz. yes, i get to attend some rather fabulous events now and then, not to forget the bags of freebies that get thrown at me every other day.

but behind the scenes, it is a mess of clothes waiting to be sorted out into their respective mountains, the never-ending sourcing ("fiona, i need to find TEN leather organisers by THIS EVENING.") to be done, and of course, bitchy behaviour from.. just about everyone. in all seriousness, being bitchy quite inevitable considering the pressure-cooker environment. deadlines, people. deadlines!

so what happens behind the glossy and slick fashion spreads you ooh and ahh over? hard work. and alot of waiting.

firstly, the fashion director seperates the clothes of the day into two racks - the wanted and the unwanted. once that's done and she sits down and starts whining about everything under the sun, the steaming of the clothes begin. mind you, no crease allowed! satin and denim are hell to work with.

and then there's the accesories table. in between takes, i have to note down every item that gets featured, for the credits page. it's actually easier than it really looks because most of the time, the items on a shoot are borrowed by me so everything falls into place.

and of course, the model. modelling is a very boring career, because models wait FOREVER before she actually gets photographed. for e.g, she'll be asked to be at the location at 9am but her make-up and hair will only commence after the clothes are ready, and it will be almost noon by then. after she gets primped up, it will be 3pm and then i will start sighing because it will mean that the shoot will only wrap up after 8pm.

most of the time, the clothes are really ill-fitting so an absolute essential at a fashion shoot is the humble peg. what we do is we wrap the peg up in sticky tape so it won't dent the fabric, and then peg it accordingly onto the model. on average, an entire outfit will require at least 6 pegs.

the lovely model whose name i have forgotten. they all look the same on their com cards to me! contrary to popular belief most models are actually naturally fabulously skinny like me. you'd be surprised at the amount of shit they eat while waiting.

anyway. i don't know if it's time for me to explore new horizons. would love to try creative writing and advertising stuff, but it seems like i'll be stuck with fashion for quite a while :)

woo i am tired. nites

2007-02-26T01:05:00.000+08:00

--
some days..
--

just how many of you actually pee when you dream about peeing?!!!

i do.

2007-02-25T04:44:00.000+08:00

--
pet peeves
--

speaking of pets, i noticed hammie has been looking rather lethargic lately. it is very unlike of her to lie down motionless yet awake, sulking quietly. she is pretty old now, almost two years old! i guess that's why.

anyway.

maybe it is better for me to remain single, as i have come to realise that i have developed too many pet peeves and habits as a result of having the luxury of staying mostly alone for the last 6 or 7 years.

sleeping habits especially. i never knew how serious my "loner habits" were until recently when i started staying over at mark's place. yes laugh all you want but i've never slept in the same bed with a guy before, except for absolutely chaste bedtimes with the childhood sweetheart.

i could only sleep knowing that mark was fast asleep, because i was afraid that he'll baulk at how horrible i look while deep in slumber. YES i look like some demented monster unconscious because i sleep with my mouth wide open. because of this stupid vanity, i had to make sure i was awake before he was. which explains why i am always so dog-tired the morning after.

him being the temperate ang moh, the air-con would always be at full blast at home. poor sensitive nose of mine would start flowing like a broken dam. he would offer to turn the blasted thing off but because the smart boy doesn't own a fan, i would always reject it because i'd rather be sniffing then to sweat buckets. this also happens frequently at hotels and friends' places.

and there are the little things that really get on my nerves, such as the omnipresent blanket issue. i think you all know how it is when you wake up in the middle of the night freezing your arse off because your special other has somehow managed to entwine himself warmly in the blanket. you then attempt to gently tug on the blanket to claim your side, only to be greeted by a grunt. so what do you do? selfishly wake the other person up by yanking the damn thing away or shrug and give up? yeah yeah call me submissive but i always choose the latter. I MAKE A DAMN GOOD GIRLFRIEND.

i cannot imagine giving up all my bad habits such as rubbing my nose really hard, clearing my occasionally itchy throat (and making all sorts of weird clicking sounds) and the super gratifying mega sneeze that reverberates around the house.

i think i will gently suggest the idea of sleeping seperately when i finally settle into another relationship again.

2007-02-24T16:57:00.000+08:00

--
ZOMG
--

a week ago, i finally managed to see this distant cousin i only meet once a year on chinese new year upclose.

and immediately, i developed a crush on him. this despite him being married to an ex-model who bore him a gorgeous little tot and him being probably 10 years older (no, not a problem at all!)

and i had to dream about him last night. my dreams are usually lucid events but boy i remember this vividly in technicolour details.

and he even held my hand.. thrice!!!

incestual shit man. :)

2007-02-22T03:07:00.000+08:00

--
ah, well
--

despite all the nasty things i have been saying about mark, sometimes i find myself wondering in despair about the good times we had.

i miss sitting on the toilet bowl watching him trying to shave around this annoying mole on his neck. yes, he uses shaving cream which it doubly fun to watch.

i miss being there at 8am in his bed, because that's when the alarm will irritate the hell out of us, prompting him to hit the snooze button, grunt and then try to smother me with his hug.

i miss laughing at his no-brainer wardrobe, with labels such as "work clothes" and "shorts" on each compartment.

i miss smoking in the balcony with him, snug in his arms, overlooking the east coast greenery and the wind in our hair.

he's probably the only one in the whole world apart from porn webmasters to describe his schlong as a "big and juicy". cheesy but i miss that.

i miss poking fun at his pale thighs and pink nipples.

i miss the priceless look on his face when he finally unwrapped his christmas present from his mother two months late, only to discover an ancient "best of australia" album. with waltzing matilda on the tracklist!

i miss staring into his smoky blue eyes as he fastened up my helmet.

i miss his huge hands.

i even miss washing his dishes.

and coming up, an "i hate" list.

but for now, allow me to wallow in the misery of missing someone that i have grown to hate.

good night

2007-02-21T03:12:00.000+08:00

--
HUAT AH!
--

okayyyy. after frivolously blowing quite a fair bit recently on my recent trip and probably a dozen new outfits (with chinese new year as an excuse), i had to recoup my losses to mend the big gaping hole in my bank account.

and the verdict? after 3 days of maybe 20% visitation, 10% talking cock with the relatives, 10% stuffing my face, the rest was spent gambling the hours away with relatives and friends.

i shouldn't be complaining because i didn't lose any money, but my luck has been pretty damn weird so far. it comes in waves, and i can make up to $100 during such lucky waves but apparently they come and go and i'd lose everything in the next hour.

so... after counting, i am glad to announce that i have made a grand total of ...

$52 at the gambling table.

more to come of course.

here are a few of the new outfits i have bought for chinese new year.

maroon tube dress : inc
champagne necklace : ??
gold pumps : tangs studio
gold clutch : a small little shop in tsim tsa tsui

i actually prefer wearing this tube dress without leggings. by the way, it is NOT a sin to wear a short dress without leggings. i find it extremely annoying whenever i hear people say "you know, you ought to wear leggings with that short dress" ( and when i ask "why should i?", nobody seems to be able to give me an exact answer) because it is not a damn rule to wear leggings with every damn short dress. just because leggings are still quite in season, you don't have to wear it all the time. i mean, nobody was wearing leggings pre-2006 and yet people were still walking around bare legged in ultra mini dresses.

white cotton dress: some shop from the Central
off-white lace heels: nine west in hongkong
necklace : ladies' market in hongkong. for just $2 !!!

hemlines are going up on many of this spring's runway looks. i don't religiously follow trends though i have to keep myself updated on them due to my work, but since the short dress works for me i'll do it to death. or until my thighs become jiggly.

not quite an auspicious colour theme for the new year but the little black dress is (and will always) be a staple in every wardrobe because it is so versatile. it'll take you from casual to cocktail and even black tie events! i actually have around 4 black dresses even though i'm not too big on black as it makes me look skinny.

black not-so-shift dress: zara
lace clutch: nine west in hongkong
silver patent pumps : $5 from some store in mongkok. so damn comfortable too!!

okayy. tomorrow there'll be a shoot and i still haven't managed to contact the photographer YET. i am fucked.

can't wait to catch the following movies

1) paris je t'aime (vignettes style !! i love such short takes, ala coffee and cigarettes)

2) notes on a scandal

3) letters from iwo jima

i think it was the devil that made me do it when i decided to spend friday night watching this chick flick, just my luck starring lindsay lohan. wasn't that bad actually, apart from bad acting and bad plot. hahaa.

yes okay it was THAT bad.

good night all.

2007-02-17T17:21:00.000+08:00

--
yay
--

happy CNY!

this chinese new year, i shall just focus on winning money from relatives/friends, stuffing my face with goodies and answering questions from concerned distant relatives e.g

"wah! grow so tall liao ah?" (yes.. my puberty only ends when i'm 30)

"so when you getting married ah?" (oh, my boyfriend feels that we should tie the knot only after his grandson gets married next year)

"so when you takin O levels ah?" (only after i take my PSLE later this year)

"why you so skinny ah?" (why are you so fat?)

"wah last time you dark dark skinny skinny now become so white liao ah!" (yes.. i've got the michael jackson syndrome)

yes, these are but some of the few inane questions i constantly battle come every chinese new year as distant relatives i see only on an annual basis flock to my house.

but well, in exchange for the ang paos i get, i am more than glad to entertain them noseyparkers.

past week has been particularly uneventful apart from two photoshoots and random meet-ups with friends.

okay, time to get dressed up for reunion dinner :)

2007-02-14T01:52:00.000+08:00

--
the globetrotter returns
--

apologies for all the worry i've caused to some. a flurry of emails and voicemails along the lines of "WTF are you doing fiona?!!!" amused me somewhat actually. =p

so you must be wondering what actually happened. nothing much, really. just that when you're feeling like you're caught in a limbo, all that you want to do is to just drop everything else and live someone elses' life for awhile. of course i couldn't play god so i did the next best thing: travel. a decadent i-love-me treat.

within a few hours of facing mark and hearing him say all the dreadful words, i decided on a whim i HAD to get out. and fast. so i got online, and contemplated on tibet to embark on a soul-cleansing zen trip. but accomodation would be whack so i randomly chose shanghai and hongkong for its accessibility. a few clicks later, the trip was on.

yes, i was THAT impulsive.

so i hopped onto the plane early tues morning.

hello, shanghai.

--

extremely satisfying breakfast of cheese omelette crepes and new potatos on singapore airlines business class. very unphotogenic but oh! so good.

my room @ the grand hyatt, shanghai. yes... room for one, thank you very much. and don't give me that sympathetic eye!

the gorgeous view from my room @ the 78th storey. too bad fog got the better of it and a few hours later all i saw when i peered out was.. whitewashed murals. fuck!

nanking street.

no hand carry crabs, please. use your feet.

the eerily quiet shanghai financial district. then again, it's rather new.

like little stacked matchboxes.

very windy.

i like to stand in the middle of the pre-war streets, and imagine the glorious days when shanghaiese women wore slinky cheongsams and smoked long stemmed cigarettes, and the intoxicating scent of opium lingering in the cold. sophistication is long dead, honey.

handy clothes racks.

modern alleys.

not-so-modern alleys.

doesn't this remind you of some really backward soviet country during the industrial phase?

pictures do no justice for the sheer yumminess of this popular shanghai snack.

deep-fried spring onion pastry. so oily that it is every dietician's nightmare. only for 1 yuan ( SGD$ 25 cents )

light but crispy batter encloses a delightful mixture of mincemeat and spring onions. oral orgasm!!

the startling reality of shanghai's income gap. walk along the streets lined with Gucci, Prada and Dior stores but wander into the alleys and be greeted by a parallel world of poverty and old people huddled around small bonfires.

another popular shanghaiese snack but i don't have the balls to try it lah. i am generally wary of street peddlars selling seafood. and you should be, too!

old-school charcoal roasted sweet potatos!

excellent eating on a frosty winter day.

just like solidified honey. the colour is so brilliant!

curry and coffee.. gives you diarhoea.

touristy shot of the dunno what tower.

these two sculptures cannot be any more randomly placed.

chinese cab drivers are terrified at getting mugged, as you can see from the acrylic 'protection' they have.

shanghaiese subway. got lost while exploring the heartlands because well, i am ashamed to admit that my command of mandarin is atrocious.

finally after a 4 hour delay due to intense fog at Shanghai, i touched down in Hongkong and straight to my room at Marco Polo Hongkong Hotel, located at the harbour in Tsim Sha Tsui. a pretty nice 5-star hotel as well. the mirror looks like it came from an Anna Sui catalogue, yes?

the view.. otherwise maimed by the science musuem. i don't usually dig such modern views but i really feel that HK has successfully created the most beautiful city skyline. kudos!

i've been to many hotels in my time, and the sheer massiveness of this bed wins hands down. i've placed my pair of jeans there so that it becomes clear that it can easily accomodate 7 of me on this bed. depressing, since this kinda bed is definitely made for hot passionate sex (inclusive of various back-breaking positions adopted from the karma sutra) . HAHA. which i am seriously lacking of, obviously.

very very cramped living conditions. not unlike Singapore, but i would like to think that at least we have more space to move about in.

like Singaporeans, Hongkongers LOVE their shopping. this scene in Mongkok is taken on a weekday noon. imagine the chaos on a weekend!

a popular snack among the hongkong teens. it's a cold dish where you choose the ingredients for a list and they mix it up for you in a brown sauce.

and the ingredients include ( literally translated ) :

cow pat fish

intestine baby

lion dog

pig ears

green melon

pig head meat

and..

FISH WINGS!

the "far east plaza" of hongkong : argyle centre. horrid place, be thankful for far east plaza, all ye singaporeans because this place is stuffy, extremely crowded and awful techno is the soundtrack du jour.

the sight of innards turn me off so badly that i have to hold my breath while walking past the vendors. and they are dime a dozen so i almost died of asphyxiation, dahlings.

deep-fried intestines. which, admit it you perverts, resembles penises. really big and limp ones.

typical hongkong snack vendor.

smelly beancurd

and the.. *drumroll* DEEP FRIED INTESTINES! i popped one into my mouth and spat it out after a few chews. the taste is like.. a rush of rancid melted lard with a bitter aftertaste.

wasn't that bad at all! apart from the smell which i have grown accustomed to, it tastes just like tofu except that it was mildly sourish. from what, i don't really wish to know.

not too bad.

ladies' street.

succulent roast duck meat! two thumbs and two big toes up!

public bus.

artistic urm, legs.

TITS AHOY, MATE! Porno flicks @ the Marco Polo hotel. being alone brings desperation to great heights! nah, i didn't catch any at all since it costs like HKD$98 per film!!

the capital of nightlife, Lan Kwai Fong. big thanks to pebbles who managed to get me onto the guest list at the uber snobbish Hei Hei club, where only members are allowed entry.

alleys of LKF

alleys of LKF 2

foreboding buildings of LKF

i LOVE this picture. :)

gloom.

met up with S for a round of drinks and i got slightly tipsy after a couple of vodkas :p had breakfast at 3am at his recommendation. yum!

room service for a hungry lonely person. club sandwiches. one of the best i've ever had.

big red lanterns.

satoshi (a friend who is japanese but speaks better cantonese than the average singaporean. oh the shame) and i outside the harbour. yes i was cold. very.

don't you just love how perspectives always look so pretty? everything's merging at event horizon.

right next to my hotel

just like the MRT at home!

on the plane home.. reluctantly.

aboard the cathay pacific business class. foie gras terrine and fresh mozzarella with rocket salad. gastronomic!

--

i was going to write alot more, including what happened just as when i touched down at changi airport which angered/saddened me no end but i'm too lazy. maybe later. =)
--

listening to: lily allen - littlest things

2007-02-06T12:17:00.000+08:00

--
c'est la vie
--

flying off to shanghai early tomorrow, followed by a few days' stay in hongkong.

will be back in a week? i'm not sure.

it's time for a break.

cheerios people.

2007-02-05T04:53:00.000+08:00

--
this is it
--

once again.. mark and i have agreed to go our seperate ways.

i don't know what else to say.

well okay i do know what i want to say.

i am sad.

and very very very very very very very very angry.

but i deserve it.

__

quote of the day:

"any physical pain is easier to deal with and better than the pain we feel from the emotional damage inflicted on us by our loved ones"

2007-02-03T06:41:00.000+08:00

--
the tirade against romance, chocolates and even sex
--

after a spectacularly memorable-in-a-bad way date a few nights ago, i successfully striked mr.chorizo out from my dateable list.

which leaves me with.. effectively no one on the list.

which means... i will probably be a sick sad single again on valentine's.

as for the spanish un-lover, let's just say we're better off with online conversations. i guess my impression of him when we first met at the press event was not so accurate since i only managed to speak to him fleetingly. in fact, i got so bored and wanted to leave so badly that i had to pretend to talk to my phone so that i could scoot off.

__

me ( in a discreetly loud voice :p ) : HELLO? yan ah? whats up? OH SHIT I FORGOT! but i'm in the midst of something here.. hmm.. i see.. okay.. okay then, i'll see you later.

me: *pretends to look flustered while clicking away on the very useful prop- my handphone*

mr.chorizo : is everything okay?

me: ah.. urm.. well, actually i had already arranged for a round of drinks with my friends but i forgot. and i'll have to join them if not my head's at stake *looks at him with hesistant but downcast eyes*

mr.chorizo: i see. run along then! i'm okay with it if you're wondering. i'll just walk home *wide grin*

me: really? gee, i feel really bad about finishing this off so abruptly!

mr.chorizo: hey no sweat, there's always the next time!

me: yeah of course.

__

so much for hoping that he'll be able to distract me from the balding cheat. right. tough luck, girlie.

if there's one ( or two. or three. or... ) thing that'll make me smile, it'll be these.

i am SO in love with this cheery dress from Anthropology!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can totally imagine myself running against the wind in this ala sound of music, with white ballet flats and a white clutch. and bright red earrings, just for the contrast.

this dress, from Anthropology as well, has also caught my eye, though not so much as the green one. it'll look awesome with white rounded heels/wedges !!!

sadly i know how unflattering these dresses would look on me, as i've been to the Anthropology stores in LA before and i know just how huge their sizes are. bleddy hell. just as well anyway, since the prices are always hovering around the USD$200 tag.

but oh, i'd gladly fork out big bucks for 'em if they came in my size!

i see alot of mini dresses coming this season, and leggings finally making their exit though they're still extensively featured in many spring/summer 07 collections, especially Chanel's.

i have all the reasons to blow my moolah on clothes, since its chinese new year! YAY!

2007-02-01T03:35:00.000+08:00

--
why gamblers never win
--

after a few rounds of blackjack with $1 per bet, i had already owed J $7.

bloody hell!

i've never been quite the gambler since i don't describe to the gambler's mentality of "maybe the next round i'll win"

my luck was obviously quite bad as i've been either losing or drawing even with J, who was the banker.

so when it was about time to go home, i felt quite sore about surrendering seven sweet bucks to J so i issued the last ultimatum

"eh, we play one last round lah, just you and me. $7 for this round!"

J looked at me and hesitated.

"you sure?"

i nodded.

he shuffled the cards and i decked it.

my pair of cards lay quietly there on the table. i picked it up and before i could even see it, j screamed and threw his cards face-up on the table

"HAHAH FIONA I GOT BLACKJACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

i was like WTF? and i held up his cards in disbelief.

fuck, he got an ace and a king, which meant i had to pay double. which means i now owe him $21 !!

the moral of the story is : never fuck around with your luck!

2007-01-29T15:51:00.000+08:00

--
alot of random snippets
--

will be exclusively wasting time from now on as i've landed myself another writing job, which will probably commence next week.

i've always been quite the unqualified two-bit gourmet, i like my food and i am picky about what goes into my mouth (in more ways than one... :p). apart from ginger that somehow always ends up chewed before the unfortunate discovery, i just about like everything else.

so i tried making meringue kisses today. meringue is actually just whipped egg whites and sugar, baked into a melt-in-your-mouth crisp cookie.

the procedure is simple enough. heat oven, whisk egg white and sugar till soft peaks form, throw it into the oven.

i really CANNOT imagine what the fuck went wrong as my egg whites were lovely tufts of virginial white fluffs, all satiny and glossy.

but barely two minutes after its entry into the oven..

I GOT THESE!

*tears hair out*

i'll be honest and admit that i've never been the culinary maestro. somehow everytime i try to whip up a batch of something, it'll inevitably end up burnt or liquified or spread out into one flat mass, or even better: liquified, burnt at corners AND looking like an unidentified unsavoury flat mass.

i do much better with cooking, at least my rice turns out palatable.

i love merigues. i love lemon meringue pies. i love how it crumbles in between your lips and then melting away into sugary hints moments later.

baking disaster aside (but i'll be back tomorrow), my tim-tam obsession hit its peak just now.

as of now i've already devoured three packets of tim-tams since my orgasmic dream on friday night.

my favourite way to eat it is to do the tim-tam slam. extremely gimmicky, since it's no different from dunking it into milk but so bloody fun to do!!!

firstly, you bite two dainty corners off from your beautiful tim-tam.

i apologise for the shitty quality. im getting a new camera soon. but just look at the gorgeous layer of butter cream sandwiched between the airy malt biscuit covered in ooh-la-la chocolate with generous hints of caramel.

EVEN GODIVA DOESN'T COME CLOSE! (okay, maybe with exception of the Godiva chocolate ice blended drinks)

and then, you dip one end of the tim-tam into cold milk and you SUCK. like this.

don't suck like you're trying to suck out solidified semen from an ancient cock, as i did with my virgin tim-tam slam experience. all i got was a rush of biscuit crumbs up my nose and throat which choked me.

suck slowly. the hollow spaces between the biscuit acts like a straw so if you do it correctly, you'll be able to suck up a considerable amount of milk before it starts to disintegrate and THIS IS THE MOMENT WHERE YOU STUFF THE ENTIRE THING INTO YOUR MOUTH.

then, sit back and enjoy the glorious moment when the smorgasbord of wonderful flavours come together.

i'm not exaggerating.

it's quite tedious to repeat it for the entire packet of tim-tams but i loved every moment of it. alternatively of course you can just dunk it in milk but it's just not quite the same. for christ sake's don't treat it like an oreo! that's... sacrilegous.

i know you guys are dying to know about my love life (yes, all three of you). nothing much happening. i spent the entire night in his arms on saturday night. utterly sweet beyond words, but it never felt more wrong.

spent most the time awake not because i was consumed by thoughts or feeling deliriously happy/achingly sad but because he had cornered me so much that i only had probably 20% of the bed to myself. he'd roll over after i complained, only to roll back to my side of the bed, hand across my chest, clutching my shoulder tightly and breathing down my neck.

every little movement i made, only caused him to tighten his hold on me, as if he was afraid to lose me. yeah, i wish.

i wonder why i am doing so much self-destruction to myself. hmmm.

anyways.

i've been listening alot to placebo recently. god, they are really geniuses. i am particularly in love with protege moi, every you every me and pure morning.

somehow, smoking while listening to them gives me this sudden awareness. of what? of nothing in particular, but i appreciate how it inspires me to write.

and as if to mirror my eclectic personality, i have been humming non stop to paris hilton's nothing in this world. LOL.

da-da, da da ta la la.

dunno lah, very catchy you know? i like the MTV too. cheesy! but i like.

taking up french lessons soon. and then i'll be able to belt out protege moi like a pro!!

C'est le malaise du moment
L'épidémie qui s'étend
La fête est finie on descend
Les pensées qui glacent la raison
Paupières baissées, visage gris
Surgissent les fantômes de notre lit
On ouvre le loquet de la grille
Du taudit qu'on appelle maison

protege moi, protege moi.

ok, time for a shower. will be catching babel with D later. ooooh yeah. and i want to watch the queen, pan's labyrinth (trivia: i used to pronounce it as lare-bee-reenth. LOL) and happy birthday. heard it's a good old fashioned love story. about time too, after the influx of weepies where someone is dying from some terminal illness, incestual love triangles or whatever.

c'est la vie!

2007-01-27T11:16:00.000+08:00

--
maybe because i'm just greedy
--

okay, i've just had the most vivid dream ever. actually i have vivid dreams and nightmares all the time but i tend to forget them by the time i wake up.

but not this one.

alas i did not dream of multiple orgasms or running across lush green meadows hand in hand with edward norton/jude law/johnny depp/jay chou/wentworth miller.

i actually dreamt of tim tams!!!!

for the uninitiated, tim tams are a kind of popular chocolate biscuit.

what weirds me out is how i've never actually really taken a big fancy to tim tams though i'll never refuse if offered. the only biscuit cravings i get are fresh famous amos and chipsmore cookies. yes, dunked in milk please.

and now i have a major craving for tim tams.

2007-01-27T01:24:00.000+08:00

--
Alcoholics Anonymous
--

the parched tongue, the constant nausea that wields nothing and the temporary amnesia that occurs during the peak of inebriation.

after the nasty drinking episode last night, i am swearing off alcohol!!

okay, for the next few weeks at least. :)

2007-01-24T02:27:00.000+08:00

--
snippets
--

so here i am at 2.30am still wide awake, or until the effects of the sleeping pills (yes i finally got my hands on em again) kicks in.

nothing much going on, except that i have finally finished the last article for the girlie magazine i am freelancing for. a good thing, because it means money. a bad thing, because i haven't gotten any other assignments and it will mean that i'll be sitting on my ass doing nothing until i find a real job.

oh, i have a new celebrity crush! bye bye jude law, i am now insanely in love with edward norton!!

yes, i am THAT impressed by fight club. and who could forget his exceptional performance in american history x?

edward in american history x - somehow he resembles timothy mcveigh (the oklohoma city bomber) in this shot. HOT!

he looks nothing like a celebrity - in fact, i bet he could walk down santa monica without being mobbed, because he looks so pedestrian. he looks so... typically american.

and the best part is - he used to date nutcase courtney love!! everyone now..

"what the fuck?!"

in other news, there is no news. the balding ex-lover is due to return tomorrow, and yes hell hath no fury like a woman scorned because he has NO idea that i know about his trysts but i will make sure that he gets the message asap.

things are going well with the Chorizo Man. i don't know if its a good sign that we spent most of our conversation just now discussing the works of nietzsche, socrates, plato and pythagoras (of which i know only little about, i admit with great sadness) , and how would things have turned out if they engaged in a menage-a-trois.

oh yeah baybeeee.

2007-01-23T05:03:00.000+08:00

--
Bombs kill at least 100 in New York bombings
--

did that headline catch your attention? i bet it did. no actually nothing like that happened in NYC, but Iraq has.

but who gives a fuck? would you even have bothered should the headlines read "Bagdhad Bombings" instead?

you would have shrugged it off and went "shucks, not another one"

whatever that is creeping in on our heads, surely should frighten us more than a deadly pandemic or an economic crisis.

the demise of humanity.

2007-01-23T01:36:00.000+08:00

--
so damn fucked
--

being in between jobs only mean one thing which loathes me no end: time.

or rather, an excess of it.

for the past two weeks or so, i've been suffering insomnia which end only when i fall head first into my bed, exhausted, at 7 in the morning.

the dark hours are always spent intrigued in front of the telly, with DVD covers astrewn. i am glad to report that i've seen a few memorable titles, namely cruel intentions and secretary.

otherwise, i am weaving in and out of sanity in an inebriated stupor, filling out my notebook with long incoherent scribbles.

i have crossed paths with someone who hails from exotic and far-flung spain (chorizo! paella!). intelligent, unbearably articulate, soft-spoken and comfortably sarcastic, it is unfortunate that i still pine for a certain balding motherfucker when really, i should be seeing more of this spanish gentleman.

time, wherefore art thou when i need you most?

and now i shall watch edward norton and brad pitt bare their knuckles in fight club. woohoo.

--

UPDATE AT 4.20AM :

Fight Club is SO bloody good.

"I want YOU to hit me as hard as you can."

2007-01-20T03:39:00.000+08:00

yeah i really love my alcohol daaaaahlingssss =)

i was going to pee in the lift on the way up but i didn't and i'm so prpud of myself !!

hell yeah tomorro one more round!

2007-01-17T10:37:00.000+08:00

--
GOLDEN GLOBES!
---

damn it, i really need to get a REAL job ASAP. freelancing means too much free time on my hands (which leads to really screwed up sleeping hours and proscratination-why finish my article today when i have forever ?!)

so anyway, golden globes came and went. no big surprises there - both fashion and awards wise. however, being the pop bitch that i've always been, i shall take on the difficult role of mrs blackwell and do my share of criticism ( FYI as much as i feel that Paris Hilton is indeed a skank, i really feel that she doesn't deserve to be ranked second in 2006's worst dressed)

____

New parents Peter Saarsgard and Maggie Gyllenhaall ( one of my favourite actress! And not because she's Jake's sis :p her role in Secretary was mind-blowing i'm tellin ya ) in you-can't-go-wrong black outfits. Maggie G just gave birth not too long ago by the way.

Naomi Watts in this STUNNING blue number. i really love this one- all dresses should look look flowy like this( NOT billowy like your mother's curtains on a drafty morning). i am impressed with how she accesorizes it with a metallic clutch that matches the prints on her dress. you gotta be really leggy to be able to pull off a full length dress though.

has-been Vannessa Williams (of the blue corn moon and sycamore trees) incurs the wrath of fashionistas and PETA.

fuck, what wouldn't i give to look like Teri Hatcher at her age?! this grecian dress accentuates her curves perfectly. go easy on the botox though darling.

presenting.. the over-rated Sienna Miller. okay okay i admit i am kinda biased against her because of Jude Law, but then again i've always rather admired her dressing though it really is a tad similar to Kate Moss'. i hate everything about her in this picture. the body of her dress makes her torso looks super long, and the collar makes her shoulder look droopy. and what's with the hair?! pioneer-girl-meets-red-carpet? and she looks like she's recovering from a bad tan.

so damn hard to pull sunflower yellow off but Reese Witherspoon does it damn well! and i like her hair. reminds me of what Heath Ledger's wife wore to last year's Oscars though. damn i forgot her name.

Helen Mirren (she won best actress for her role in The Queen which i'm going to catch later) looking bloody fine in this blue silk number.

Cate Blanchett mixes boudoir chic with skanky skank up. too much lace!!

i like this dress but somehow it doesn't really grow on me. i think i'd like it better if it was knee-length and matched with satin black heels. i don't know if this dress is from Chanel but it sure gives me Chanel vibes.

i've always liked the dark-haired-blue-eyed look, which i think Ashlee Simpson and Dita Von Teese (i really wonder how sex with Marilyn Manson is like.. LOL) looks really good in but i wish Cameron Diaz would go back to her brunette look! she looks really severe with ebony hair . or maybe its the lipstick.

"tonight i'll be your naughty girl.." Beyonce airs her pits while skanking it up in this awful caberet-like outfit. looks like someone patiently plastered her up with gold leaves. her bod looks amazing though.

lastly.. BRAD PITT! goodness this man looks better as he ages. most of the men played it safe with the black tux look( which is fine by me. i find such suits seriously sexy), and Brad hams it up with a skinny black tie which is so this season.

--

more to come! i'm glad to announce that i feel abit better now, and that i've manage to tune my body back in sync with humane sleeping hours. time to make lunch now - foccacia bread with sundried tomatos and slices of steak!! and drenched in olive oil of course.

=)

2007-01-15T03:15:00.000+08:00

--
love me
--

because i really do not want to be spending valentine's again with the girls.

nooooooooooo.

2007-01-13T06:59:00.000+08:00

--
highway to hell
--

thanks for all the emails and comments =) i'm okay, though not that okay. he cheated on me again, for the 87873289430th time, but yet i still lie disguised under the pretence of not knowing, wishing that maybe somehow he would change for the better.

it's never gonna fucking happen.

i want so badly to confront him, to scratch him until i draw blood. but i just cannot bring myself to such a confrontation, fearing that if i do so i'd never be able to see him again, even as friends. so now he is still blissfully unaware of my knowing.

i have no choice but to adopt a wait-and-see approach, since he's flying away again tomorrow for a week. i want to see his face as i tell him, calmly, what i have found out, and this time round it should be pretty damn good since he was the one who initiated that "we should try again, put the past behind us" and of course i fell for it hook, line and sinker like the dumbass i usually am.

how the fuck can i even trust him with his proven track record? (trust me despite my hostility now all it takes is a bit of persuasion from him to make me completely forget the previous lessons learnt.)

it disgusts and pains me greatly to know that the very same bed i slept on a few days ago bore traces of another woman who slept in the same spot just hours ago.

i thought i wouldn't give two hoots anymore but i caved in and suddenly all the desolation i've managed to get rid off overwhelmed me like a flash flood, on top of the other issues i've been grappling with.

it is impossible to describe the exact state of hopelessness one feels when everything feels like it's crashing down. like the milder sibling of a panic attack, you are rendered completely useless both mentally and emotionally. your tightly balled fists shivering from the pressure exerted, mind racing to find the quickest solution to end it all. by reflex you crawl to the kitchen cabinet to retrieve the alcohol. nothing much changes, you can only feel worse.

i encountered this episode last night, one of several in the past year. i was a slobbering mess and a pathetic one at that. i forced the vile liquid down my throat so that i could seek respite in sleep.

i woke up feeling as shitty and i suddenly felt the urge to do something. which i did. i needed to do something to wake myself up from this limbo, to remind myself of my existence.

so i went to get myself a nice little tattoo, even though i've never had any sort of inclination of getting myself inked, ever.

was a bloody impromptu decision which took me all of five grand minutes after i woke up to decide (no thanks to my altered state of mind, might regret it when i'm emotionally stable) but god, it felt so good.

thanks shell, for being there.

i am going to end this 'vacation' of mine early, settle down in a new job ASAP, pick up a few cute guys at some sleazy bar, and rent more DVDs.

it says "i don't give a fuck" in french.

2007-01-12T03:08:00.000+08:00

i can't pull myself out. please help. please lift me up from this desolation.

2007-01-08T01:36:00.000+08:00

--
caffeine high
--

i have always scoffed at caffeine junkies who would wither and die without their daily dose of Starbucks. why pay $5 ( 5 x 30 = $150/a month. 150 x 12 = ALOT OF MOOLAH. yes i am too lazy to calculate :p ) for a cup of something that you get from 20cents-a-satchet coffee?

well, now i eat my words.

ever since i started working at my current (or soon to be ex) magazine, i started lusting for iced hazelnut latte with extra whipped cream on an expensive basis, no thanks to my colleagues (trust me us writers are a harassed lot whose inspiration comes mainly from caffeine, especially in the mornings), who slurp up Starbucks by the barrel.

has anyone realised how AWESOME the whipped cream at Starbucks are? they don't come from a can, but freshly whipped from a jug for your enjoyment. being a 100% whipped cream fan, i give that two thumbs up!!

i love whipped cream so much that i have stocked up on whipping cream in my fridge and bought a whisk so that i can whip up a batch of stiff uber-delicious peaks of snowy goodness whenever the craving strikes. i eat them with everything- with bread, with fruits and cereal. but most of all, i like eating it on its own.

it scares me a little to think about where all the fats, carbo and protein i have been piling on go to. i have normal bowel movements, and i certainly don't have any worms inside my tummy. what if my body compresses them into some small little dense lump and one day,it will suddenly inflate and overnight i will become a human ball confined to my bed.

hahaha. ludicrous.

2007-01-07T03:57:00.000+08:00

--
thanks for the memories
--

in today's do-it-FAST-and-do-it-NOW world, every damn thing has fallen victim to efficiency, including love.

i'd hate to start off with "i remember the good ol' days when.." because i'm not of age to start reminiscing but yet, i feel that so much has changed in how society functions within the span of a few years.

the last two men i dated, everything just happened in a finger-snapping second. the standard of procedure were eerily similar - a first dinner date, a second dinner date, the post-dinner drinks, the inevitable "do you want to hang out at my place for more drinks?" question, followed by the frantic elevator groping and finally, the morning after where you go "so what the fuck? are we together or what?"

whatever happened to the shy flick of the hand when the guy tries to, ever so discreetly, attempt to hold your hand?

whatever happened to the late night phone calls that continues way into the morning and the moments of hesitation whenever the other party initiates to finally fucking hang up? (but jason, i can't feel my ears anymore...)

but at least, even though i have completely lost any sense of whatever little innocence i used to have, i still have memories of something sweet enough for me to hold on to forever.

he, the decent boy with the decent thoughts. despite always mucking around in my place and us sleeping together on the same bed (and me, always the skank clad in the barely there shorts and lacy camisoles), nothing sexual of any sort ever happened between us.

nope, not even a kiss. the only intimacy i can recall : chaste good-bye pecks and the occasional super friendly hug (which comes with the added brotherly pat. SO TURN-OFF RIGHT!)

so...damn innocent.

after all these years, though we have both moved on, we finally consumnated our great love last night with a kiss that lasted all of five seconds.

like a pair of twelve year old sweethearts, he actually had to dare me to kiss him before we sealed our unlikely romance.

"i dare you to kiss me. on the lips." he said, with the signature tilt of his head which i have come to associate with cockiness.

i looked at him and let out a haughty laugh.

"fuck off!", i said. but yet i was trembling slightly, actually foreseeing what was to come.

he shrugged his shoulders. and that was it. taking a deep breath, i leaned forward, closed my eyes and prayed that i wouldn't miss.

i didn't.

after a few seconds of i-can't-remember-what, i was looking down at my toes, my mind a complete blank.

we said nothing. there wasn't a need to.

--

meanwhile the ang moh asshole boyfriend is returning in two more days!! i can't wait to run my fingers down his hairy arms. if there's one reason why i am 60% SPG, it's because white men have more hair. no kidding. most women find hairy men a turn-off but i find it incredibly sexy to see thick downy hair on sturdy arms. i even like chest hair!!!! ironic that mark is hairy everywhere except his head. LOL.

---

i love the composition of this picture. ( from left : nic, pei, xin, me )

--

listening to : placebo - every me every you

2007-01-03T03:33:00.000+08:00

--
NEW YEAR!
--

let's see.. only the third day of 07 and i have already

1) said goodbye to my job (greener pastures full steam ahead!)

2) put on weight!! (haven't got the balls to weigh myself yet but i can feel it.. yeah baby)

3) fallen for mark again for the 28979287th time (yes please slap me)

4) refrained from alcohol for a WHOLE month already! (okay i had a few sips here and there but that was all)

5) honestly felt that my boobies stick out more prominently due to the weight gain

and no, i don't have any fucking resolutions because who the fuck adheres to them anyway? not me!

and there she was, swirling in mid-air, her ass sticking out like a sore thumb.

this picture just makes me smile. looks mighty ridiculous but great friends + fantastic location + fabulous weather = happiness.

and with these my friends, may 07 be really awesome for you.

--

listening to :

john mayer - why georgia

2006-12-31T06:11:00.000+08:00

--
say YUM!
--

was looking through my archives and i JUST had to re-post this photo which i took last year

tasty vaginas, anyone ? =D

for once you can eat a pussy and swallow it too! LOL.

2006-12-30T13:53:00.000+08:00

--
hmm
--

interesting to know how the editor and i were talking about how we had to constantly update one of our stories about dictators because this year, people like pinochet kept dying like nobody's business.

and then i wake up this morning to read that saddam hussein was executed yesterday, probably while we spoke.

ha now my editor gotta update the stories.. AGAIN!

last night has been a very strange night indeed. looking forward to spending the new year with my girls at wala wala =)

hope everyone had a fab 06 !! i didn't, but i will make sure my 07 will be.

2006-12-29T02:42:00.000+08:00

--
OOMPA LOOMPA
--

i have 6 more hours to finish a full length review of a TV show i've never even watched before. fun.

have spent the last two days tearing my hair out from the internet disruptions. i am ashamed to admit that i am that leashed to the net. i almost cried when i couldn't access my corporate email for two fucking days.

nothing much been happening, except that i am still force feeding myself with the bile they call protein.

come on now fiona, you have barely started on one sentence of your review!! BUCK UP

2006-12-26T03:00:00.000+08:00

--
THE GREAT FAT EXPERIMENT
--

perhaps it is the stress and lack of sleep, because even though my weight still is stagnantly standing at a mere 39kg, everyone else is commenting how much skinnier i look.

only a week ago, i was happily strutting around in my skinny jeans and heels knowing that i belong to the elite group of people with a BMI of 14 who can truly look good skinny jeans.

maybe you guys don't know it but it is really depressing to hear the words "fiona" and "thin" in the same sentence on a constant basis. and even more so because i still weigh the same as i did three fucking months ago you imbeciles!

well not anymore because today i flipped both my middle fingers to the world and said

"HERE'S TO Y'ALL FAT WHINEY BITCHES WHO THINKS I AM SCRAWNY!"

and bought this huge bottle of ( likely ) bollocks from GNC

i don't know how much this bottle of protein is going to make me look any less anorexic but i am desperate enough to try.

and yes it tastes like shit, only creamier.

i have to drink a huge cup of this nasty concoction twice daily for 10 days!!! woe is me !! =(

this 11 day long holiday ( my boss gave the team 26-29 dec off so it clashes with the long weekends = 11 day break. WOO HOO ), i am going to do nothing but sleep and gorge until i throw up.

i am bloody determined to put on at least 2kg by the first week of January.

will keep you guys updated on the progress ( or lack thereof)

--

listening to : goo goo dolls - iris

--

UPDATE AT 10.30AM, 26 Dec :

day 1 of the torture ritual. the portion was MUCH bigger than expected. shit, after adding the water to the three mammoth scoops of powder it was almost one liter of sewage with white turds.

i didn't even manage to get past the first gulp before i emptied half into the toilet and topped it up with more water because it was just so thick and grainy.

i forced it down my throat with tears streaming down my eyes because it was really THAT hard to swallow.

and now i am feeling really nauseous. oh god please give me the strength to endure ten more days.

2006-12-21T01:13:00.000+08:00

--
nightmare in town
--

i don't know about you but the sudden onslaught of korean/taiwanese imported fashion frightens me so much that i am forced to seek refuge in my thankfully fashion-sensible office (with the exception of dick lee sometimes, who has been spotted wearing zebra prints and white pants before. for the love of god, dick! don't do that!).

i don't think that the dresses i'm going to feature later are downright ugly, just that they have this tacky feel to it that irks me. just by looking at the pictures alone i can actually feel how stiff the fabric is (and i'm sure i'm pretty damn right too since i've molested a few at far east plaza before). good fabric certainly does not come cheap, and while i am all for cheap and great buys, i don't think such dresses are one of them. the stiffness causes even the most perfect of figures to deflate, since it "irons" out your curves, causing the plump to look fat AND shapeless, and the skinny, thin and ramrod-straight.

okay i shall eat my words. this dress really looks pretty damn ugly. i can totally imagine your typical ah-lian with the long japanese perm wearing it with some cheap run of the mill charles and keith heels.

it looks like a maternity dress for chrissakes.

and goodness, whats with the lace overdose? i love lace, but only if its meant to accent the outfit and NOT overwhelm it.

i love dresses too. they are pain-free (wear and go) and comfortable.

i like my dresses soft and swirly. not so stiff that before the day is up the bottom of your dress is so creased and crumpled that onlookers wonder if you have been bumping along your ass the entire time. of course with quality fabric comes a price and i must admit that i have spent quite a bomb on my dress collection. sigh.

can anyone tell me WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MONSTROSITY?!!!! big buttons are so ten seasons ago( though they will always look fab on trenchcoats) and don't even tell me about the very conspicuous bow. as you can see on the model, the dress is extremely unflattering because of the ill-placed bow and lousy fabric. she looks like she has no waist.

speaking of clothes, i know all of you are orgasming in excitement from the huge Mango sales going on. i like mango, they have decent stuff BUT i hate their sizing.

i hate it when labels are made to make you feel smaller than you really are, for e.g, did you know that a M from mango is actually XL from Zara!?!

YES THATS RIGHT.

to bigger girls i know that is an absolute godsent, very ego-masturbating ( delusional though ) but to size 00 girls like me it is hell.

i didn't know about mango's sizing policy until recently, so all these while i have been purchasing XS clothes happily until i realised that it is actually a small M in local terms, which explains why i have to alter most of their stuff to fit. their smallest is actually an impressive sounding XXS, something which i only discovered a few months ago. but the thing is their XXS is NOT that SMALL afterall !!!!!!! some of them are actually almost closer to a Topshop 8 than 6.

what's even more infuriating is how different labels have different sizings. why can't they all confer and come up with a general sizing policy and spare us asking stupid questions like

at a mango store "Sorry, but does this come in a Topshop Size 10?"

and vice versa. M will be M everywhere, and not XS here or S there.

Marks & Spencer pisses me off even more. I once fell in love with this psychedelic satin shift dress there and tried it in a UK size 6 ( which is supposedly a Topshop 6 ) BUT IT FEELS LIKE A TOPSHOP 12 !!!

I don't blame marks&spencer for downsizing their sizes though. like dorothy perkins, they cater for mostly the bigger women. but abit too much lah, hoodwinking XL ladies into thinking that they are an S.. hmmm..

okay fuck i really need to sleep. 2 am!!!

2006-12-20T14:10:00.000+08:00

--
something from the rain
--

loneliness:

Like strangers huddled together waiting for the rain to stop, you pray that a handsome someone would appear from the shadows offering to share his umbrella with you.

2006-12-18T01:22:00.000+08:00

--
the awful truth
--

you know you are still very bitter and full of resentment and still quite not over him when you start screaming to joan jett's "i hate myself for loving you" and alanis morrisette's "you oughta know" in the lift, complete with furious air-guitaring and frantic head-shaking.

and you still check back on his relevant websites ( he's almost a public figure, especially after the Asian games ) on a regular basis. when i say regular, i mean hourly.

obsession? very likely.

but its getting better now.. i'm getting there.

i'm looking forward to the day when i can start humming along to songs like the postal service's "such great heights" and joss stone's "super duper love" with wild abandon.

for now i'll stick to my staple of angsty fuck-you-bastard-die!!!! music, and an almost unhealthy dose of mariah carey's "all i want for christmas is you" and.... *gasp* wham's "last christmas"

LOL.

i know! so cheesy right??? but they just put me in a festive mood =)

my colleagues have been so irritated by my playing of last christmas on repeat that i received a warning letter.. HAHHA!

can't wait for christmas. who knows, maybe someone might sweep me off my feet just before christmas and we'll embrace under the (artificial) mistletoe after a moving midnight mass in some cathedral.

then maybe 2006 won't be so bad after all.

if not, well, i can always curl up in front of the sofa with my annual christmas ritual of unhealthy snacks+ a DVD of Love Actually.

damn i love that show! but you all know that already.

2006-12-17T10:59:00.000+08:00

--
unscrupulous?
--

now many of you would have worked part-time before while still in school for that little extra moolah. and chances are, you'd be someone dodging tables while carrying trays laden with food in a restaurant for a rather meagre pay.

i have spent almost three years of my student life waitressing, though it was rough at first as i'm quite the spoilt child, i did enjoy those stints.

now to view matters from the other side of the story. as paying customers, i'm sure all of you know about the service charge implemented in most restaurants. a hefty 10% of the entire bill.

but how many of you know WHAT exactly is the service charge about?

well i didn't. i've always thought that it was an incentive given to the wait staff, like the 10% wholly BELONGS to us. and not absorbed by the fucking restaurants.

i didn't give much thought to it while i was still waitressing but i chanced upon this at a local forum..

"For those of you unfamiliar with the service charge, this is how it works: the 10% levy is payable in almost every restaurant where you are served by a member of the restaurant staff who seats you, takes your order, brings you the food, collects payment, clears the table and of course tends to any whim or fancy you may have. The exceptions are fast food restaurants, self-service restaurants, some buffet places and cafes. At the end of your meal, 10% of your bill is calculated as the service charge and worked into the bill. You pay up, the staff splits the service charge collected at the end of the month, there's no tipping involved, no confusion. Right? Wrong."

the staff splits the service charge?!!!!!! NO WAY!!

it has NEVER happened before to me. i get paid probably around $5 and that is exactly what i get. i have never heard of getting any share of the service charges, which will be quite a tidy sum if i do.

so that brings me to.. THAT MEANS MY EX COMPANY HAS BEEN KEEPING WHAT WAS MEANT TO BE THE LONG SUFFERING SERVICE STAFF'S MONEY!

WTF!?!

as far as i'm concerned i am pretty sure that companies have no right to take it as we're the ones providing the service and not them.

can anyone enlighten me on this? i am feeling very outraged and exploited.

2006-12-16T18:45:00.000+08:00

--
la vie en rose
--

okay, for the last fucking time, i am going to put the toxic 'relationship' with mark into a shredder machine. the shit that i've heard, especially in the past few days, is just an confirmation that he is indeed, nothing more than a player whose girlie conquests are just notches in his bedpost.

what embarrasses me so much is how i have viewed matters from rose-tinted glasses, that somehow, he'll fall for me someday and we'll have brunette kids with mark's eyes, my nose and complexion. and our height.

i was so desperate to see him that on several occasions i had to entice him with promises of a romp in bed just so he would see me. laughable, really, considering that i've always sniggered at girls who go to such pathetic lengths for someone who probably don't give two hoots.

p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c. yes, you may use that to describe me.

ladies, you should NEVER be pressured into using sex to get someone. even if you're really that into him. because in the end, not only he will ( yes, WILL ) not fall for you, but you'll be disgusted that you actually resorted to such unorthodox methods.

but then again, it is easier said than done. now than 06 is coming to an end, i look back and i feel nothing but regret, remorse and an overall "i could have done so much better" feeling. it has been a really negatively eventful year and i can't wait for 07 to arrive, to mark my first step into adulthood and hopefully, to learn from the mistakes 06 has taught me.

i'm also embarrassed to admit, for the first time, that i've weaved in and out of depression for the whole of this year, which probably started when my grandpa passed away. it got worse when i started dating mark in june, and the periods of depression were so bleak that the only avenue of release was to inflict pain on myself, which came in the form of a blade. utterly childish, but the pain was secondary to the helpless anguish that i felt. many times, i've broken into quick strides just to get home so i can feel the tug of the blade again my arm.

it was sweet release, exhilirating even. i know there has been much flak for the growing number of self-mutilators but it's something that outsiders will never understand. it's not a cry for attention for most, but more like a form of prozac, albeit a physical one, to those in need.

the scars remain,but they are getting lighter.

i have since stopped though. i am really determined to push him out of my head this time round. meanwhile he is dating someone i know. who happens to be one of the filthiest and most disgusting ( who has had over 30 sex partners. she is only 18 ) person i know. who has bad breath and dirty plague-covered teeth and the fashion sense of a skank. and ezcema. ha. well mark, i hope you find love with her and may you two die from trasmitting STDs to each other.

so today i celebrated the first day of my new life. with retail therapy of course. i don't want to know how much i have spent, but knowing that a new wardrobe will definitely give me that confidence to strut my bag of bones is enough. a haircut tomorrow too, gosh i really need that. been so busy that my tresses have been untouched for three months. 3 months!! no wonder my hair has been really disobedient.

meanwhile i will give my all to work. i will try my best to mingle at events and stuff myself with all the finger-food available. and champagne, yes.

it is 7.14pm on a saturday and i am in the office by the way.

be happy for me everyone. i have finally stepped out of the shadows

p.s : FUCK YOU bitch. i am looking forward to day when i can peer down at you from my 3 inch high heels while YOU serve canapes me to me in your WAITRESSING uniform. i have never felt so much contempt against a person before in my life, and you deserve it, whore. you are the girl who should never have any friends, because all that you do, you'll just end up seducing the boyfriend of your good friends and then fucking them, like what you have done to not one, not two but several of us.

2006-12-12T23:39:00.000+08:00

--
what sort of a person am i?
--

what happens when you happen to cross paths with a snail along the road? do you

1) pick the grimey little thing up and dispose of it in a safer place ( e.g the bushes )

2) ignore it completely and think "boy am i glad i didn't step on the bugger" and then shudder at painful memories of previous snail-crushing incidents.

3) stamp on it with relish and grin as the shell disintegrates under your feet.

i belong to 1) . i'm not trying to say i'm a total humanitarian or a martyr, and honestly, i think i do so mostly because i do not want to face the guilt that haunts me, knowing that by leaving the ignorant mollusc there, chances are they'll become a wet debris of slime and shattered shell in no time.

today, i almost became 2). i became so overwhelmed by shame that i retraced my steps ten minutes after i had left the site, only to find her/him( yes, snails are NOT asexual creatures like amoebas ) still on the same spot. i eased away its hold on the ground and flung it gently into the shrubbery.

i didn't feel at any more peace at all, knowing very well it'll attempt to escape its haven again. maybe snails like living dangerously to make up for their utterly dull lifes.

or maybe, like the humanified creatures in Murakami's novels, they just want to exit their cold-blooded lifes with a bang.

Murakami.. i've been reading him alot. If the translated texts are already so compelling, then the original japanese texts can only be better.

2006-12-11T00:55:00.000+08:00

i had steak today.

2006-12-09T18:08:00.000+08:00

--
THE HOLIDAY!
--

YES! i caught the sneak preview last night with the girls. the verdict?

cliched storyline, main characters had personalities and led lifes that were too good to be true. but then again its supposed to be a feel-good movie so i shall not discount the film much in that aspect.

but jude law looks so good. too bloody good.

Love Actually still tops the category of christmassy lovey-dovey comedies in my opinion! i am planning to make it into a ritual to catch at it every year during christmas. until i finally find true love. LOL.

in other news, extremely hectic week but i have finally met all my deadlines so i treated myself by sleeping in today.. waking up at a grand time of 5pm :p

and now that i have finally found the time to do nothing but laze around and to listen to some music or to read a book, i suddenly realise that how much i am better off doing this with a companion. i can absolutely put myself back to six months ago, lying on mark's stomach looking at the sun filtering in from the curtains..

OKAY time-out fiona, this singlehood misery must be put of your bloody head.

--

update at 8.30pm after 2 hour's worth of Jude Law surfing :

i know.. i have no fucking life!! i've been surfing the net trying to look for delectable pictures of jude and downloading his vids to hear his gorgeous accent.. when i chanced upon the find of the century...

http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/jlaw_nude1.jpg

JUDE LAW'S COCK!!!!!!! ( pardon my excitement but you'll be as excited too if you found a picture of jennifer aniston and her labia )

everyone now.. OH MY GOD.

no i'm not jacking off to this picture ( i swear )

this obsession is becoming a wee bit too much. LOL.

i think i have driven away any potential suitors reading my blog. nooo don't go away now!

okay time to head out for a nice little swim + sauna =) have a great weekend peoples!

2006-12-08T01:10:00.000+08:00

---
i really shouldn't
--

since i'm a self-confessed film buff i should denounce all commercial fluffy movies but i WANT TO WATCH THE HOLIDAY SO BADLY. LIKE GIMME IT NOW BADLY!

watching the trailers remind me of mark so much. too much in fact. heck, mark's aussie accent even sound like jude law. they don't share an uncanny resemblance but because there was once mark shamelessly claimed that his friends said he looks like jude law, that idea has been in my head ever since.

and i hate to admit it but i miss him.

too bad he's in doha now. ASIAN GAMES, BAYBEEEEE! GO SINGAPORE GO!

2006-12-07T12:59:00.000+08:00

---
ROAR!
--

i've got 4 copies due today, two which were due yesterday but due to my BAD hangover ( which saw me making pavement pizzas all the way from tues night till last evening ) i couldn't get anything done. and now i'm in deep shit. hurrah!

and why the hell am i still blogging? LOL. i'm just so fucking glad that i'm over my hangover. i'm not going to drink again for a LONG while.

1 more day to the weekend! YEAH BABY!

bye!

2006-12-05T12:19:00.000+08:00

--
say sar-mern
--

okay so what if i've been making a fool out of myself all these years, pronouncing salmon as "sell-mern?" and not "sar-mern" ?!

and it is definitely NOT a good idea to gorge on smoked salmon + mixed greens + balsamic vinegar at 10am in the morning because i feel quite queasy in the tummy now.

sorry shelly, our salmon date will have to wait. not touching the greasy fellas in a long while !!