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Oui , oui , monsieur

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Whats with people and their phoney accents nowadays ?

As you would have known by now , i'm working part time at a cafe at an international airport and boy , the different customers i face never fail to amuse me.

I don't know why , but usually when i speak , there is a slight twang to it that make me sound neither here nor there . Which means that i don't sound as singaporean as i should. Of course not as bad as those fakey voices you can hear on 98.7fm lah ! :D

As i was saying..

Yesterday i served a group of young singaporean jappy wannabes and i can assure you , their command of the english language is rather atrocious. The first few sentences of our brief conversation went

Ah lian 1 ( With the badly drawn eyebrows ) : One car-poo-chi-no

Me : Huh ? What ? *Hesitates for a moment* Oh.. Cappucino ? Large or regular for you ?

Ah lian 1 : *Suddenly turning into a British* Oh yeah i would like to have a regular one , puh-leeze ( the exact tone i would usually use when exaggerating )

Me : Okay ..

AH beng 1 ( with the typical brown horrendous hairstyle ) : Hey , you american born chinese ah ?

Duh. I was rather amused for a while , thinking about the conversation. The sudden influx of ABCs with their very accented english has pulled the wool over our eyes , leading us to believe that every person with a slight twist to their accent is an ABC.

Come on !

Just because i talk with a clear diction and proper grammer and stuff does not make me an ABC. 0_o . But after that Ah beng asked that question i couldnt help but slang even more because that would make the 'Americans and British' in them make a sudden appearance. At least it livened up my dull day :D

Speaking of accents.

I get reminded of...

MY MANAGER !

Now , i am not a racist ( He's indian )

But one cannot hide the fact that most local indians speak like they're speaking Tamil regardless of what language they're using. ( Like a string of words spoken in a sing-song manner )

And he's not even local ( he's Malaysian. Thats WORSE because they speak Malay all the time. )

Did i mention that he absolutely suck in his english but yet he tried hard to mask that fact by accenting his speech?

I laughed my ass off a couple of days ago when dear old Gopisam took over my collegue and served a caucasian. He started over-emphasising his words which he feels will make him sound American and oh-so-cultured.

NOT.

More like a wanker born with a speech defect.

Now let us imagine him , bearing in mind that he looks like a failed experiment of a scientist's attempt to cross-breed between a chimpanzee and a sloth. Oh , the horror.

Gopisam : GOOD eve-NING ! how CAN i HELPCHU ?

Customer : Oh hi , an expresso please.

Gopisam : * tryin to make conversation* oh , one EXpresSO ? you LOOK tie-YERD ! just DOWN from EH flight ?

I noticed he prounces A as 'Eh' when trying to engage in a conversation with a caucasian. Not good.

CUstomer : * looking miffed and reluctant to talk* : Well yeah. Sorta.

Gopisam : oh I SEE. this EXpresSO WILL HELPCHU ! DUNCH WORRY !

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I can't stand him.