orgasmic hamsters

orgasmic hamsters






Thursday, April 29, 2004


Ghetto-ish wannabes and the American slang turns me off. BIG TIME!!


Was browsing thru Oh!Genki forums ( somethin i usually do when i'm totally bored ) and this thread aroused my curiosity. Actually its more like a thread specially opened for flaming this girl and i cant agree more with how apt the thread it , considering the influx of sudden ABCs ( American Born CHinese ) wannabes now. SO basically they were criticising this girl for her wannabe avatar and her ghetto slang. An example from her :

"if people has lotsa ego they wud put "im pretty" already. but since da person tries to be da least bit humble juz let them be nors. its not as if u urself wudnt put something lyk "my pics dun puke".
and sayin that u post ur own best pic on ogk? it may be ur best pic but it may seem ur worst to other ppl.
and u r not da only one viewin da forum sho many other ppl wud haf opinions on da pics too. if u tink it wudnt make u puke, it might make others. sho leave it aiites!"

Ha ha ha. Yo Yo~! Randy Jackson in da house YO ! AIIGHT!! This whole AIIGHT thing pisses me off and i wish i could stuff a turnip or something into someone who speaks to me like that. I mean , the whole american slang is so irritating , don't you think so ? And if you haven't noticed , its usually the chinese americans ( NOTE : NOT chinese who are born and bred in the USA. Im referrin to those who have been stayin there only recently ) and the wannabes that type ( and sometimes talk ) like that . I've got a few caucasian ( Ang moh ) friends and i swear they DO NOT , totally NOT talk like or type like that. So my conclusion is , those who type ghetto style are just wannabes tryin to be in vogue . And the sad part is , they usually expose themselves with their extreme poor language or the occasional slip using Singlish giveaways. Let me try to reconstruct an online conversation with a wannabe ( Strictly a figment of my rich imagination . Inspired by the ABC wannabe in Ohgenki forums )

FIona : Hello !

ABC : Yo ! Sup !

Fiona : Hahahaa.. The sun ?

ABC : So watcha doin now yo ? Aint no goin out with ya homies ?

Fiona : What homies ?!

ABC : HOMIES ! As in , your friends dawg ! AIIGHT !

fiona : Oh.. say properly la.. Nope gonna slack at home today. Tired lah.

ABC : Awwwwwww that is so sad like totally , dude !! Imma headin' out later yo , ya wanna join ?

fiona : nah..

ABC : Geez... thats like DA DUMPS , man ! AIIGHT , imma headin out now yo. Holla to ye brother for me , aiight ! TATA !

fiona : ...........


Yuck. That is oh-so-poser. Whats with all the AIIGHT. Drop them like a hot potato , man !! Beside the obvious bad grammatical mistakes , the vocab's not that rad either. Compared to the cutesy alternative typing that goEs likE thiS anD thE typErs thInk itS sO cutE anD spEciaL , i'd go for the latter. A word of advice to all. Please don't go around typing like a non existent american and embarasse yourself.


Wednesday, April 28, 2004


The world is simpler than we think !!!!!!!

woah. just borrowed a few books from the library today and one of them is a book by Mark Buchanan , the famous science journalist. I've never been into philosophy ( in the dictionary its 'study of the ultimate reality, causes, and principles underlying being and thinkin' ), but i got drawn to it after readin the first paragraph which goes like this ( Warning : Abit boring and lengthy but PLS READ IT. I GUARANTEE U AMAzEMENT ) :

"It was 11am one a fine summer morning in SARAJEVO ( i have no idea where this is. Oh , its a place in Bosnia. Where is Bosnia , u ask. ITS IN EUROPE LAH ) . Anyway back to the paragraph. It was June 28 , 1914 when the driver of an automobile carrying the pasengers made a wrong turn. It was an unremarkable mistake , easy enough to make in the crowded , dusty streets. But this one tiny mistake by this drive , on this day , was to disrupt and end hundreds and millions of lifes and alter the course of history forever.

The automobile stopped directly in front of a Bosnian serb student , Gavrilo Princip. A member of the Serbian terrorist organisation , Princip couldnt believe his luck. He drew a small pistol from his pocket. Pointed it. Pull the trigger twice. Within thirty minutes the Austro-Hungarian Archduke and his wife , Sophie , the passengers , were dead. within hours the polital fabric of Europe had begun to unravel.

In the days that followed , Austria used the assasination as an excuse to begin planning an invasion of Serbia , Russia guaranteed protection to the Serbs , while Germany ( Where hitler the fucker reigned. ) offered to intercede on Austria's behalf should Russia become involved ( Sounds confusing ? Means Austria and Germany teamed up while Serbia and RUssia teamed up lar. Note that Austria and Serbia are two insignificant countries but Germany and Russia are definitely NOT ). So , within thirty days , this chain reaction of international threats and promises tied Austria , Russia , Germany , France , Turkey and Britain into a deadly knot with all the diff alliances. When the first world war ended 5 yrs later , ten million had died. Twenty quiet years later , the second world war claimed another 30 million.

Why did these happen within 3 decades ? Was it all due to a chaffeur's mistake ? Had he not driven into the wrong way and let his passengers get murdered by a terorrist , all these would not had happened.


My thoughts :

Wow. This is what i call a chain reaction. This brings me to the chaos theory , or the butterfly effect. What the heck is butterfly effect ? Let me put it this way. A butterfly can flap its wings for eternity in a inflated balloon but nothing will ever happen as it is enclosed in a area . But if it were to be flapping its wings in New york , it may cause a tornado in Australia , the other side of the world. Why ? Because our atmosphere is volatile , and every little change counts. Sounds absurds but its true. Winds occer because of pressure changes and pressure changes are really nothing spectacular but look at what it causes. Tsunamis , typhoons etc.


i'm no pervert , but i've always wondered how it is like to have mind blowing sex in places like public toilets , airplane cubicles ( the mile high club !! ) , or even on the backseats of lonely midnight buses. The thought of getting caught red handed exhilirates me. ha ha ha.


of late i realise that i'm becomin more uncouth and unbecoming and i swore more than than i did the last time. Thats why i'm not surprised when people i barely know ask me whether i'm a virgin or not. Well , thats really rude , to think that u don't even know my first time yet you're intruding into my very intimate info. But i always proudly reply that YES indeed , i am still one. So what ? I may talk like i'm a mine of an info about sex but i've always been a firm believer of sex after marriage , and i do not condone pre marital sex , thank you very much ( i believe all my faithful readers and gd friends know this ) .

And yes , i still believe that it is not impossible for a girl to rape aa guy. Think about it ! I don't wanna go into details but i can if you need. Just leave a message on my tag board.


Tuesday, April 27, 2004

well , something 'untypical' happened today. I was travelling on the bus while on my way home from work , about to doze off with my headphones plugged in nicely when i thought i heard someone scream and i dissed it as sound pollution from the ever-irritating TVmobile ( personally , i feel that TV should be banned from buses. What the hell , just because there's big bucks to be earned from commisions from advertisments does not mean compromising the comfort of US commuter. bah. ). OK , i digress.

So as i was saying , er , yeah the screams. So i continued leaning against the window while drifting off to the soothing melodies from Metallica. Just kiddin. It was just some random song burned from my computer. DAMN. am i having a short attention span or what !? BACK TO THE TOPIC. The screams went on and i dismissed it as a baby cries instead of the TVmobile so i wasnt very affected by it but abt 5 sec later i decided the screams were too shrill to be comin outta a baby so i took a look around and my jaw dropped wide open. there was a lady sitting behind me and she was screaming her head off while she thrashed about in her seat.

By then the whole bus' curiousity was aroused and everyone was looking at her when two kindly passengers stepped out and went forward to help her when i got up to hold her up as she was really shaking too wildly and threatening to fall off her seat at anytime , which she did however. By then it was rather clear that she was having seizures , or convulsions if you will.

Well the whole sight was not a pleasant one as she was all balled up in a foetal position , her teeth gritted menacingly and her whole body went rigid after the spasms. Some dim-witted ( but with gd intentions lar ) passenger shouted for the two guys restraining her to put something in her mouth lest she bites her tongue off which is the most stupid thing to do cuz she wasnt even tryin to bite anything , obviously not with her teeth gritted so tight together. So the intelligent passenger found a straw and went on to force it between the teeth. GEE , like a straw would help. anyway the last thing u should do when helpin some1 with a seizure is to stuff something into his/her mouth , contrary to popular belief. Only in very rare occasions then would the patient try to bite his/her tongue off lar !!!!!

ANyway , a few min later , this lady sudddenly went back to normal and apparently she has NO IDEA of what happened because the next moment she sat up , she was tryin to tie her dishevelled hair into a ponytail. Either that , or she's utterly embarrased and tryin to hide it. Well she looked dazed and disoriented , apparent when she stood guard by the exit door as if tryin to alight when we were in the middle of an expressway.




Friday, April 23, 2004

today was my second and last day off this week , and i went out with Jeremy . I decided to play around a bit with my smashing brand new kohl pencil from M.A.C ( the HOLY GRAIL of cosmetics ! I LOVE them all. ) . A very regretful decision , as i was to find out later. I lined and smudged my eyes very very carefully and i loved the end product , kinda opened my eyes and they looked larger ( most probably i was deceiving myself ) . Anyway i went out a satisfied girl and but the joy was short lived , apart from the disappointment i felt when J did not even notice ( GUYS. what do they know anyway ?! ) , but when i was in Crystal Jade having brunch with him , he made me laugh so hard i was practically in tears and guess what. I forgot i lined my eyes in kohl and i conveniently used my finger to wipe the tears off my eys , conveniently smudging the kohl in the process. And J finally noticed my eyes , for the wrong reasons ! I was really pissed with myself and i stormed to Guardian to buy the cheapest eye make up remover and removed everything promptly , mascara. I felt so naked without my mascara. I felt like a slitty eyed cheena.

Zipped down to Sungei road , aka Thieve's market as we've never been there before. A rather interesting place to be at , though the ware there is more catered for the ah peks cause' almost every stall sold those huge and bulky rings and broken down electronic junk. However treasures are to be found if you're a knowing shopper. I bought a few paperback novels like Nicholas Nickleby at dirt cheap prices !!! Best part of all , i even managed to spot a really lovely jade pendant for only $6 , how authenticate the piece is , i don't care. For it looks totally gorgeous in its light green state tinged with a lil' violet.

Guess what ? I was watching a bit of Blue Print on TVMobile just now and i suddenly realise how CUTE Soo Kui Jien is ( its okay you havent got the slightest clue who he is.. He's the host of Gotcha! with Rui en. ) Anyway , here's his pic

Well , he looks MUCH better now with his goatee ! Or maybe its jusy my current obsession for guys with goatees. Heh. And guess what ? He's 31 YEARS OLD !!!! THAT IS SO UNBELIEVABLE ! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT. I've got so many friends my age who looks even older than him !! What is he , an immortal or something ?


Thursday, April 22, 2004

How does it feel like to have a dick ?


Yes , i wanna pee standing up. It saves time and is more hygienic in a sense cuz' this way i don hafta share dirty public toilet seats anymore !! I'm sick of having to hover above the toilet seat whenever i gotta empty my bladder cuz it strains my thighs and believe me , unless u're a girl , you don't know how tiring it is to pee while not sitting down completely to as not to make contact with the grimey disgusting toilet seat. And also , i would be more conscious of my own response to the opposite. How terrific. all i have to do is look down to see whether my member is standing up to gauge my interest for a particular someone. LOL. Theoretically speaking , it is impossible for a a female to rape a male. Sad. Now , how unfair is the law ?!! Not that i wanna rape anyone of course. Now dont u start worryin , my dear friends. i am not having transsexual thoughts . I'm just voicing out some random thoughts.


Today was my day off , and i went out with Yan and Ping to Katong in search of the famous Katong Laksa !!!! The first few mouthful of the laksa were rather bland and i was disappointed but the taste grew on me and 5 min later we were slurping down our laska deliriously in spite of the scorching heat. YUM~! So we wandered along Katong for a while with full and satisfied tummies but after that we had to leave for Ping had to work in the evening and i had to company Yan to have her hair done.. Anyway , i would strongly recommended the Laksa. Its rightfully famous !! Check them out at 51 , East coast road. Name of the shop is 328 Katong Laksa.


Wednesday, April 21, 2004

My lacklustre , dull and unexciting love life in school Part 1


Okay , its ten minutes to 2am and i'm so bored , i could do a improvised lap dance on an imaginary person right now. Don't really feel inspired to rant and growl about stuff yea cuz its like so peaceful now. So i shall dedicate this entry to my love life in SCHOOL. Not exactly interesting . U have been warned.

Hmm , during primary school i had a terribly bad dress sense , not that it mattered at all of course when we were that young , but i vaguely remember that i hated brushing my teeth and would skip doing so for up to a week , so you can imagine how sweeeeeeet and white my teeth was. ha ha ha. OK i digress. I wore nerdy glasses and had bad teeth ( its not getting better. Yea. Wow. ) but somehow i still managed to look 'cute' , well thats how ppl described me then,but looking back i guess they were just trying to be nice , they cant possibly say im ugly to my face right. Ok i disgress again. So looks werent everything cuz i kinda belonged to the more popular crowd in my upper primary days and i had this really big crush on this guy named Chunxiong who was also a part of my clique. He was monkey-ish and really damn funny . So one fine day i mustered up all my courage and asked him out to watch 'amargeddon' and he actually agreed ! We ended up in the video arcade however cuz the movie was sold out. awwww.... I didnt get over him till i graduated from primary school and by then everyone knew i had the hots for him. So thats about it , unless you want me to talk about this guy ( also a part of my clique ) who had a really huge crush on me for like 2 years and the things he did that scared me off big time. Another day perhaps.

So in secondary school , i was this big poseur AH LIAN with really frizzy and horrible hair , disgusting dress sense that made me wear my uniform really tight and my socks really high. I spewed hokkien vulgarities nonstop and that alone scared away all the boys , and coupled with my ah lian looks , woot. NOTHING. I cant really remember much of my sec 1 days , just painful memories of getting dragged by my form teacher to dye my hair black and constantly getting my mini skirt unpicked.

Sec 2. I fell in love for the first time in secondary school. His name ? Lee kian boon. I was a big time truant case and i could skip school for a few consecutive days but it all changed when i met Kian boon , the cute and 'ah beng' guy from next class. Just to catch a glimpse of him i went to school everyday and this went on secretly for 6 months until i blew my cover when my home econs teacher discovered my econs textbook with his name all over and she annouced it to everyone. Wow. Talk about being helpful. So word spreaded and i got cornered by Kianboon's friends and i reluctantly admitted my crush on him. Sadly , he didnt feel the same for me and he had this reputation as a playboy but we continued being good friends. But in time to come , he started being extremely nice and all , making me feel quite uncomfortable in the way he acted , like doing things he didnt used to do. In the end , he did ask me THAT question but by then i've already given up on him and though i knew i still liked him , i rejected him anyway. So altogether i've liked him for 1 and half years , which is like the longest time ever even till now.

So , nothin really happened during sec 3 and 4 , except a few upper secondary guys who were remotely interested in me but after the Kian boon crush i told myself to keep all relationships off campus and i ignored all of them. I really hate being the 'talk of the town' , like whenever i walk past somebody they'll be pointing fingers at me and whispering stuff that they think is out of earshot but unfortunately i have really good hearing so i'll be hearin stuff like 'Eh.. isnt she the one who likes kian boon ? Wah , so 'Bay hiao bai' ah , so ugly still go like a Yandao'. Ahh. SO yea , basically sec 3 and sec 4 just flew by and i have the fond memories to prove it , but that'll be in another entry next time.


Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Woo ! Two comets sighted !!!! Anyway , they are peanuts compared to the ever magnificent Hale-bopp comet , last
seen in 1997.

I'll try to post pics of hale-bopp up later.Meanwhile , i'll satisfy my cravings for a glimpse of rare celestial objects ( yes , i'm sick of looking at Venus, trying to convince myself that the hazy patch in Orion is indeed a nebula and UFO-like weather balloons ) like the Bradfield comet which unfortunately makes its appearance only in the wee hours like 5am and takes a telescope to view cuz its magnitude is more than 5. ANyway , james will keep me posted should he spot Bradfield and i'll try to catch it with my naked eyes and my lousy scope. Hoohoohoooooooooooooooo~


Mummy , look ! the road drop down leh
ok , so a road has collapsed at Nicolle highway. I wasnt particularly excited about it as compared to the last time i saw 'breaking news' on channelnewsasia which was during the Sept 2001 terrorist attacks. I guess if this happened at the good ol' USA , this probably won't even make it into prime time news , much less the headlines. This really shows how BIG singapore is , eh ? anyway , RIP for the casualties in the accident , apparently caused by a series of explosions due to the MRT circle line's construction.

Speeaking of MRT lines , sometimes i really wished i had the authority to say fcuk you to the guys in charge of transportation in singapore. Billions of $$$$ is pumped into building redundant stuff like the under-construction Paya Lebar expressway and the Circle line. Think abt it , if it was THAT necessary , how the heck did ppl travel in the first place ? that like , DOH. They're just making singaporeans LAZY. I rather they spend the money on giving money to the old folks staying alone in one room studio flats in chinatown.

Catfight !

Today , at work , i had a small tiff with Mia. She's such a bitch ! It started when Feedah and I were being ecstactic over the functioning dishwasher as it meant at end to to us manually washing the dishes. Dear old Mia went to scrutinise one of the plates and found a blemish on it and the conversation went something like this

Mia : Eh, u call this CLEAN?

Fiona : Please open yr ugly eyes and LOOK. Its IN the plate.

Mia : Why are u so lazy , must user dishwasher to use meh ?

FIona : Hey , u're always avoiding washing the plates so u dunno how backbreaking it is to do so okay , u hussy


I took up the plate and discovered that it wasnt a stain or something , but a defect on the plate itself. She wasnt convinced and started scrubbing the plate and when i went back into the kicthen 5 min later she was still scrubbing it. Stupid. No wonder she has to work full time with such a meagre salary. Because she's so stupid she cant even get a decent education for a decent career. Hahahaha. And you should had seen the look on her face when two of the airport technicians who were regulars at our cafe requested that i serve them instead of her ! Anyway , i don't blame her being such a sourpuss as she's so unpopular in our cafe among all of us. She can complain for all i care cuz i know that nobody will support her anyway. lol. When Eshika took over my shift , she was also tellin me how Eswari quarreled with Mia yesterday. Tsk tsk. If i were her , i'd rather quit and bury my head in the sand forever like an ostrich.


Monday, April 19, 2004

my right upper arm is aching SO bad , i feel like holing myself in bed right now till morning , though its only 10pm. I've to keep it at a bent position and if my arm is straightened the ache is kinda like what u would feel on yr thighs if u walked non stop for 1 week without resting. And i have not even done any strenuous stuff ! aargh. will update tomorrow when the ache goes away. ciao.


Sunday, April 18, 2004

ok so i cut n pasted my from my old blow ( ) as i didnt want this tis look empty. Anyway , i'm not really a BIG fan of blogspot as they tend to screw up my blog. DOH.
i was bathing just now when i came across this really kooky thing sitting on top of the sink with the tube of toothpaste sticking prominently out from it. Upon closer inspection it turned out to be this really indigenous device that squeezes out every f**king last breath of whats left inside the tube with u turn the knob at the side. Ya , you know , like when your mother ties a rubber band at the end of the toothpaste tube when its finishing to squeeze out the very last scrap in it. I found this really amusing , cuz

1) the little bit of toothpaste left in the tube costs nano-cents. Maybe say , 0.001 cents ?

2) the device costs abt , say , $1.50.

So , spending money to save money. ha ha ha. we'll need to use the device for like 20 years b4 we can get our worth back. Theoretically speaking its not gonna last for more than a year before it falls apart. Silly singaporeans.


Yes , i scrape my tongue with the flexible plastic thingy every damn day, and i'm not ashamed to say so. Why ? Because , it promotes good oral hygiene and prevents bad breath by almost 75 % !!!!! So , do the world a favour and start scraping yr tongue of all those obnoxious bacteria and sendiments of food . Bad breath is NOT , i repeat , NOT attractive. i cant believe i'm butt naked as i type this entry . I'm fresh out of the shower , my hair's dripping wet and i'm doing this becuz i had an inspiration to write this entry and i didnt wanna miss it. So there



the writer








shawn kuku


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