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stigma
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It is sad that society has come to associate a lone figure with all the wrong descriptions like "pariah" , "social misfit" , "introvert" ,"friend-less" , "depressed" or even "suicidal". ( actually i think to end this sentence with a exclaimation mark would be more appropiate heh )
Earlier on in the afternoon today before i headed to the airport to work , i popped into town feeling mighty gleeful with a $50 Borders voucher from my aunt . For almost two months i had gone without buying any new books and my wish-list was getting longer by the day because i kept blowing money on clothes , food and hamster accessories .
Was it just me , or did people keep giving me sympathetic stares as i trotted down Orchard underpass alone ?
During those trips i've made on my own to places like Chinatown , Little india etc ( mostly during a few months ago when i've caught the shutter-bug and i was a familiar figure in those areas harassing people and objects with my camera but unfortunately i busted the memory card before i could even upload/print it ) , i've never felt more comfortable without a companion and i understood the simple pleasures of being able make decisions without seeking approval from another person .
But not when i'm in town jostling with the throngs of young and reckless ( and brainless ) people . Don't ask ; i don't know why either .
The stigma has become so bad that i feel compelled to make sure that i look like i am waiting for someone when i am waiting for someone at the train station by pacing up and down , looking at my phone every few minutes with a why-the-hell-has-he-not-called-me-yet expression and the classic neck-craning exercises to look as if i am scanning the crowds for someone.
Just so that people will know that i am waiting for somebody and that i'm not alone even though chances are nobody gives a fuck anyway.
Anyway.
I bet the all the local Mormons ( or the latter-day saints . whatever you call 'em ) have congregated earlier in the morning with a mission : to bug each and everyone of us to try and convert us with dire warnings of an impending doomsday where all ye sinners will be condemned to eternal damnation but ultimately their preaching will backfire and people will dismiss them as buggers .
Because i have encountered not one but three of 'em in a SINGlE DAY.
And i believe each of them noticed that i was alone and hence the topic du jour .
The first mormon was a quiet one. i didn't even realise she was talking to me ( i only noticed her walking beside me the moment i stepped out from the station into the open ) until i stopped at the trafic light. She was mumbling away ( thankfully ) inaudibly and while flipping at this book she was holding ( a bible ? not too sure ) .
I know i was really rude to do so but once the pedestrians started crossing the road , i quickly made myself melt into the crowd by taking two steps back and going left until i was out of her sight before dashing into Wheelock place. LOL . I'm such a sneaky asshole .
I thought i had seen the last of her kind but i was so wrong .
While flipping through this highly overrated book by Dan Brown ( i'm sure you guys know which one . ) , i felt someone pat my shoulder and going "sister , i would advise you not to read this book for its harmful to one's religious faith".
I would have gone and smacked the person in the face with this hardcover book for disturbing my train of thoughts if not for the fact that she had this amazingly benevolent face that seemed to radiate inner peace and contentment ( no kidding , balls ) .
Then i saw the dog-tag she had around her neck just like the earlier lady .
"Church of the latter-day saints . This is Sister Jo"
Or something like that lah , can't remember .
I wanted to run but she looked so .... convincingly sincere that any more of it she would have looked like an insurance agent .
Okay , enough of insurant agent jokes .
I decided to give her two minutes .
"Fate must has brought us together in this amazing encounter , sister . Are you a christian ?"
I shook my head.
One and half more minutes..
She fumbled through her tote bag.
One more minute .
"So what is your religion , sister ?"
I mulled over it for a second to give her the answer that will send her packing .
I tried to buy time by answering her question with an irrelevant answer.
"Erm , my family are devout buddhists"
"I see . So are you one as well?"
She gave me a mega-watt smile so serene that i found it hard to answer her with the answer i had in mind but i had to lah .
"No i'm not , i'm an atheist and will always be. "
I almost stumbled on the pronounciation of the word "atheist" but i managed to pull it off suavely .
"may i be allowed to convince you otherwise ?"
I gave an apologetic smile
"no , i'm sorry"
With that , i quickly sprinted to a few aisles away so that she couldn't find me.
i was thinking
"Wah lao , now that i'm on the run , i cannot find my books in peace liao ."
I got what i wanted within a few minutes , and they are
The life of Pi by Yann Martel
Kane and Abel by Jeffrey Archer
African Ceremonies by Carol Beckwith ( a photo essay book about african tribes )
The Satanic bible by Burton H. Wolfe ( it was in the sales bin so i just grabbed it )
Depression Anonymous . Believe it or not , it has no author ( found it in the sales bin for just $2 heh so no i'm not depressed or anything . Just very cheapo )
World press photo 2004 ( photojournalism. i bloody love this book , seen the photos on the website before but believe me , photos looks so much better in print )
Sadly , the total was way over budget so i had to grudgingly fork out cash.
Since i had about two hours to go before i started my shift , i decided to lounge about at Coffee Bean with my stash.
I went on a trip with Kane and Abel for about one hour while licking away at my cheesecake-smudged spoon .
And then.
I saw person clad in a familiar blue robe.
No , it can't be .
YES IT IS OF COURSE.
"Hello , i noticed you're alone. Mind if i sit down ?"
Wah lao , she damn thick-skin lor . I didn't even have a chance to protest when she sat down.
Hello , Sister Cindy .
She glanced at the stack of books on the chair next to me . As luck would have it , it wasn't the Satanic bible ( she'll probably douse me in holy water if she saw that book ) but Depression Anonymous .
She touched my hand
"Are you depressed? Where are your friends?"
Not again. I groaned.
They're upstairs , i fibbed .
"Really ?"
She looked unconvinced but concerned.
"Yes , why would i lie to you ?"
She chose to ignore my last sentence.
"God will always be here for you , do you know that ?"
"Yes i know , a million people have told me that before. I'm sorry , i have to go. God is calling me"
I fished out my earphones from my bag and pretended to listen while i packed my stuff and within a minute i was walking out from Coffee bean.
At least i said bye to Sister Cindy.
p/s : if you're curious , no , i'm not an atheist . I believe that God exists but for now i'm still seeking a religious direction .
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listening to : the beatles - lucy in the sky with diamonds
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What you'll NEVER see in a before/after ad.
Took me quite awhile before i achieved the desired i-am-a-beauty-queen look ( the expression , not the face . ) , with the slight tilt of the chin and super pretentious blink-and-you-miss smile , so appreciate it , assholes !
How to achieve the look : A generous amount of baby powder on face ( including eyebrows and lips ) and deliciously unkempt hair teased to fluffiness with a brush.
Its really bizarre how i enjoy making a complete fool out of myself so much. heh.
