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like invisible hands around my throat
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Ros had the shock of her life yesterday while we were watching "You've got mail" over at her place last night.

At first it was only breathlessness that would sometimes go away by itself but i knew i was going to be in deep shit when i heard myself wheeze and my inhaler was 10 bus stops away at home.

I looked at Ros hiding who was falling asleep hugging her bolster and all of sudden i remembered just how many people around me had died and i was so bloody scared that i quickly roused Ros up and said in between gasps

"I think i'm going to die."

By then i was really really really damn scared because i was wheezing fucking badly and i couldn't do anything to stop it.

But i think she was more scared than me lah .

Everything happened so quickly after i told her i didn't have my inhaler with me . Ros got her bro to carry me downstairs and we reached CGH in his car within a few minutes.

Damn drama sia !

So how does having an asthma attack feel like ?

Well let me tell you.

It feels like no matter how deeply you inhale , almost all the air gets stuck at the top of your throat and the 1% that manages to get past is what keeps your life hanging by a thread.

As it worsens , the struggle to breath becomes so painful and taxing that you really feel like dying and you give up breathing altogether. But somehow your body doesn't listen and as if by reflex the wheezing continues AGAINST YOUR WISHES.

Its like drowning. When you start to panic and your body senses that it is still not getting the oxygen it needs , somehow it forces your mouth to open when it bloody well knows that it is water that you will be swallowing and not air.

Wheezing involuntarily. Yeah thats the word.

Involuntarily. Haplessly.

I was so afraid of dying that i started to type my last message on my phone while on the car , with my other free hand pawing at my chest.

I must have looked like a wreck because Ros was crying while thumping my back. Like it was going to help at all. LOL.

"Fiona omg omg your lips are turning blue omg omg please god don't let her die"

Hahahahah.

Actually it wasn't so funny when it happened la.

When we reached the A&E , i was so drenched in cold sweat that i felt cold. Maybe it wasn't the sweat. Maybe i was really that close to dying cus' by that time my wheezing had quietened down and i was just gasping like a fish out of water.

I got plonked into a wheelchair and the nurse pressed an oxygen mask to my mouth but since i couldn't even inhale i didn't really see the purpose and everything was a whirl because the next thing i knew , i got a tube stuffed down my throat and believe me it isn't the best feeling in the world.

I felt gagged !

Yeah so that tube apparently contains whats in my inhaler because it tastes exactly like it and woah breathing never felt SO GOOD !

The first sentence i uttered as i got wheeled out from the room half an hour later to Ros was

"Hello , stranger . " ( If you watched Closer you'll know what i mean )

"Wah lao Fiona you gave me a bloody shock can ??"

I think i must have really looked like an idiot because i was sweating so profusely just now that my hair was damp , limp and there goes my make-up as well.

The doctor insisted that i be kept under observation for few hours and i was quite adamant about being warded even if only for a few hours cus' if i did , my dad will find out and i'll receive the biggest lecture from him for not bringing my inhaler out.

Well obviously i couldn't protest much because i still felt really weak and i stumbled without the help of a wheelchair.

I had the oxygen mask strapped to my mouth again in the ward and i tell you man , breathing in pure oxygen is really.... SHIOK.

I received a dose of stabiliser and was even subjected to a freaking blood test.

The needle was HUGE.

As Ros and her bro went to fill in forms for me , realisation sank in that it was my first time being warded , if only for a while.

Lying on a hospital bed felt so surreal .

I took out my phone and i didn't know who i should call.

Will anyone even bother ?

I decided against calling anyone since i will be discharged soon . The time was almost 12 and i decided to tell the next person who called or messaged me about my ordeal.

But of course. Just when you needed someone most , he's never there.

Never.

Ros wanted to call the gang in but i didn't want to create a fuss since i'm already perfectly okay.

And yes , my dad had to be informed. Shitttttttttttttttttttt.

My dad didn't say much when he came but on the way home he managed to piss me off by saying

"Next time , you can just go and die since you heck care about your condition so much"

Thanks ah , dad.

Really thanks alot.

Did i mention that the hospital bill was a whopping $500+

LOL.

I'm alive and i'm kicking ass .

I never felt better but i'm still sore over the fact that i didn't know who to turn to ( except Ros ) last night.

And woo boy i got prescribed so many medicines and inhalers that i feel like an AIDs patient.

Time to revise for my paper later on..

Till later , folks.

And take care of your bloody health !!