---
101 ways to have unconventional sex - Part 1
-----
** explicit content **
Sick of missionary ? Try these.
The piss drunk clubber's method ( commonly known as club rape ) :
Wear a flimsy dress that ensures maximum cleavage exposure and easy to remove yet sexy killer stilettos ( not recommended for the morbidly obese ) and head to clubs where hairy angmohs hungry for ONS with exotic asian flesh are dime a dozen ( e.g Attica or any club/pub @Clarke Quay )
Hang around the bar in a comfortable come-hither pose e.g sitting crossed-legged on a bar stool with the hem of the skirt pulled back as far as possible to reveal your creamy thighs or leaning against the counter with your ass sticking up.
Order 5 glasses of red wine because it is so not chic to be seen gulping down tequila shooters even though the kick sets in faster.
Lose consciousness as you feel yourself getting hoisted away by strange laughing men.
Wake up to find your panties around your ankles with blood on the sheets in a cheap hotel room and a handful of used condoms near your feet.
One.. Two.. Three... Eight used condoms !
And an empty tube of KY Jelly.
That explains the soreness down south.
In the ass , too.
The Darling-If-You-Love-Me-You-Would-Let-Me-Fuck-You method :
Your girlfriend is an uptight virgin who leaves not-so-subtle hints of marriage by sighing very loudly whenever the both of you walk past bridal boutiques and says things like " Dear .. How old do you want to be when you get married ? I want to get married by 24 leh .. hee hee hee "
And then you realise she IS 24.
She freezes whenever your hands venture past the out-of-bounds territories and just when you thought you could , she covers herself with the blanket and pretends to sleep , leaving you high and dry with only your hands for company.
You have no choice but to resort to pressure.
She looks at you with watery eyes and biting her lips she unbuttons her shirt.
WTF , you think. Majiam i raping you liddat.
The horny convent girls method :
Strap-ons.
'Nuff said.
The ONS in the car method :
Cramped spaces , but how very utterly exciting.
You don't even know his name , but it doesn't matter.
You get bruises from bumping into every nook and cranny , but it doesn't matter.
Your legs ache from being on top ( info ever so kindly provided by GGYY ) , but it doesn't matter.
You're supposed to slide your palm down the steamy windows during orgasm , because Kate Winslet says so.
The outfield method with sexy garang soldiers in their number 4s :
Anywhere , anytime. LOL.
Trenches also can.
Or if you're into exhibitionism , in the dorms also can , provided that your sir doesn't mind of course.
Just be sure to remove your heavy duty boots before attempting anything because it takes so bloody long to remove those damned boots , momentum might be ruined.
The Ah Lian method :
Ah lian : You got buy the *tee hee* condoms or not ah ?
You : Yes darling.. I bought the ribbed ones .. You're gonna love it baby..
Ah lian : What ! Ripped ? How can ! Wait your xiao come out how ? Wah lan eh .. mai siao leh !
You : Not ripped lah .. Okay , Never mind .. Come , let me kiss you..
Ah lian : Eeeeyur why you kiss my ears one ! So itchy one leh !
You : Okay fine..
Ah lian : EH YOU VEH VEH VEH VEH DIRTY LAH YOU why you kiss ears and down there one ?
You : Fine.. I'll take off my clothes first ..
Ah lian : Can off the lights or not har ? Liddat you see me bo cheng sar i very paiseh leh
You : Its okay sweetie i like to look at you .. Hey , suck me baby.
Ah lian : Simi lan ?
You : Suck my dick lah.
Ah lian : YOU KI SIAO AH !You want me to kum your la* jia* ?!! YOU WAIT LONG LONG AH !
----
LOL i can't believe i typed all of that shit. I'm at Starfucks now rottin away with HH and Ros taking full advantage of the free wireless with HH's lappy ..
Cheers !
China black / Thumpers here i come !!
-----
Listening to : Seal - Kiss from a rose ( because his eyes become larger when it snows. Conjunctivitis from the snow getting into his eyes, i assume. )
