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happy belated motherfucking day
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I never felt the need to wish my mother a happy mother's day , much less shower her with gifts for the past 19 years of my life but somehow , guilt followed me around like a shadow and my conscience managed to persuade me to pick up the phone and to call my mom's office one day after mother's day.

Me : Hello .. Yvonne please ?

Auntie-sounding receptionist : Hold on ..

**Lousy on-hold music**

Mom : Hello ?

Me : *stammering* Hello .. Mummy

Mom : Hello my daughter ! How can i help you ?

Me : Err .. Happy mother's day *Embarrased chuckle*

Mom : Why thank you ! No presents for me ah ?

Me : Hee don't have .. I treat you to dinner can ?

Mom : Of course my dear .. How about sunday ?

Me : Okay..

Mom : I'll call you again to confirm okay ?

Me : Okay .. Bye ..

Mom : Bye ! *Click*

The joy in her voice was apparent and having being brought up in a traditional family where emotions are suppressed , i found it hard to bring myself to show concern for my family members much as i want to .

I know it sounds unfilial to say that i don't see why i should even call my mom ( with or without occasion ) but when you have a mom who deserts you when you're just a toddler barely a year old , the indifference remains.

It sucks to have your mom ask "When are you taking your O levels ?" when you're already almost 2 years into your tertiary education and even worse , getting your birthday AND your chinese name wrong.

Its sucks to discover that your mom is already legally married to her boyfriend from relative's hearsay .

I wouldn't say that i resent not having a mom to watch me grow up because i get more than enough attention from my grandparents and my aunts ( my dad didn't really give a damn either )

My mom is obviously trying to make amends , but for what ?

I suspect that there is a hidden agenda behind those fat sums of money given to me and that one call/meeting once every few months.

She just wants to make sure that i still acknowledge her as my mom so that she can turn to me during her twilight years .

Her favourite phrase whenever i try to reject her bribes

"Take the money la .. Next time when i'm old you can support me .." Followed by a worried "Right?" when i remain muted to which i will nod my head numbly and keep the wad of notes or cheque in my pocket.

For fuck's sake , i will not shirk my responsibility towards my parents even though their concern shown to me pales in comparison to that of my grandparents because it is my duty to do so.

I chanced upon my parents' divorce documents the other day and flipping through the yellowed sheets , tears smudged the typing reading what actually happened during the court proceedings and the last straw was realising that my mother didn't even try to fight for my custody.

She just left.

How very convenient.

It was a poignant yet funny moment to read how my dad actually went to lodge a missing person's report when my mom disappeared with her passport for a couple of days when i was just a month old , only to have her resurface with a shocking revelation that she had gone for a trip with another man.

What i found it funny was , it was quite obvious with my mom's wilful ways that a missing passport only meant that she had gone for a holiday with her friends and this i'm very sure that my dad knew but he only wanted the damning evidence of a police report that she had indeed gone away without informing her husband . In other words , my dad just wanted to potray her as the irresponsible and immature wife to hasten the divorce procedures.

I can't really blame her for wanting to escape , she was only 19 but already burdened with a bawling infant and it didn't help that she had an obstinate and rebellious character who always saw the grass as greener on the other side , all traits which i have unfortunately inherited.

I do not hate my mother.

However , i do not like her very much either. I hate talking about her and i detest it even more when i say that my mom is not staying together with me , which is already a clear indication of what has happened but yet some people are dense enough to ask what happened to my mom.

And i don't detest it not just because i am unable to get the prounounciation of "divorce" right ( is it die-vors or dee-vors ? )

Anyhow , mother's day IS too commercialised , just like any holiday.

Bloody fucking retailers.

So yes , i will be meeting my mom this sunday , which is probably going to be one of the two or three times we meet up a year.

She's a damn hip mom , btw.

She wears Roxy slippers , mini skirts , have 6 ear piercings and walks around without a bra somtimes.

She has huge boobs , one of the few things i didn't manage to inherit. What a pity.

Sadly i look nothing like her as well . I would like to have her large double lidded eyes and lips that look like they've gone for numerous collagen jabs.

Ohhhh well.

Looking like a life sized replica of my dad isn't THAT bad either. Yes , i am almost as tall as him.

Anyway.

Headed to town today with Si Xian and we were awed by the dressing room @ CK Tangs.

Bloody opulent , i'm telling ya.

It was just like a scene from post-modern Paris , complete with the Anna Sui-esque dressing tables ( Yep those with intricate girly carvings ) , rich satin walls , feather hangers and even music reminiscent of the good ol' 1920s ! ( Think Edith Piaf's La Vie En Rose ) .

The changing room itself was HUGE and dimly lit.

I think its around the size of 3 normal changing rooms so you can potter around the room parading in your try-outs.

There's even a day-couch for you to fulfil your Cleopatra fantasies !

Sixian and I grabbed two bras so that we could sneak into the changing room and coudn't resist a Kodak moment when we wore the CK bras on our tops just for the heck of it (the things girls do behind closed doors when put together .. You wouldn't wanna know ! Thats why we always visit the loo in pairs ! :P )



Just look at the padded satin ( okay so its not really satin but it looks like satin. Feels like synthetic leather though ) behind us !! Everyone now .. Oooooooh , lavish !

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Okay , time for bed ..

Ciaoooooo

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listenin to : goo goo dolls - Iris