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remember my face and fuck off ( Part II )
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One can never walk along any street in Singapore without getting accosted by people with either a charity can ( whatever you call that la ) or a clipboard in hand.

Regarding flag days , the most efficient way to get yourself spared from those leeches is to donate 5 cents in exchange for a sticker which you then proceed to stick it on your forehead with the invisible sign that says

"I HAVE DONATED SO FUCK OFF !"

Of course i don't do that , i have honed my dodging skills to a T after all these years of travelling on public transportion as these irritatants seem to congregate around bus interchanges and along MRT stations.

Tried and tested dodging methods -

1) Have earphones plugged into your ears as you embark on your trecherous journey towards the train station from the bus stop. Pretend not to notice when any of the leeches approach you.

2) Say "I'm a student" whenever you get approached by surveyors. Not applicable if you have a receding hairline or have kids in tow.

3) Walk very very very briskly while constantly looking at your watch as if you're in a hurry.

4) Pretend to have an arguement while on the phone. Make sure that you have a constipated/pissed-off expression.

5) Have both hands filled so that they have the cow brains to know that you're unable to fish your out your wallet to donate. ( I usually hold a newspaper in one hand and my bag in the other for this purpose )

Anyway.

Today , as Yan and I strolled along Orchard bitching about our lacklustre love lifes , we got rudely stopped in our paths by two eager beavers with a small notepad in their hands. I tsk-ed very loudly and tried to pull Yan away but she was already answering the other's guy question with much gusto and i saw that he was quite cute and i cursed her under my breath for giving in to her weakness ( which is of course , cute guys. I myself have the same weakness but i draw the line at such people. LOL )

So i had no choice but to grudgingly ( i wouldn't be if he was at least cute but he looked rather effeminate and held his pen in a rather limp looking wrist) entertain the other surveyor .

He asked for my name and give my name I did . After all where's the harm in doing so ?

"Sorry.. How do you spell your name ?"

I coughed and blinked my eyes questioningly. How hard can it be to spell F-I-O-N-A ?

"Eff Ai Oh An Eh." I mumbled and he jotted it down while biting his tongue.

I peered over his flimsy survey form and realised that he had spelled my name as Fioann.

Okay never mind.

So he goes on to inform me that this survey was about employment-related issues and that he would proceed to ask me a few questions about it.

Like hell i would believe , i thought to myself. All these questions are but a scam to fish out my number so that your boss can call me up to coax me into joining MLM ( Multi Level Marketing )schemes under the impression that i have won a prize or something like that. ( once my dad was sooo happy after receiving a call because apparently he had won a caribbean cruise in a contest which was surprising since he never enters contests and he left shortly after to collect his "prize" , only to return later looking really long-faced. "Kan ni na , prize my lanjiao , go there listen to some MLM talk only !" )

He starts asking me a few silly questions like whether i'm happy at my current workplace and then the last question was

"So what would your ideal job be like ?"

Without hesitation i replied with a straight face

"Porn star."

He laughed and said

"ha ha are you sure?"

I rolled my eyes

"Does my answers matter anyway ?? You guys just want my number right?"

He was stumped for a moment

"Huh no lah.. This is a survey mah.."

I shrugged my shoulders and continued looking at him

He looked intently at his survey form for awhile before he asked with an embarrased expression
"Err.. Miss.. I would need your phone number for this survey.."

LOL.

I decided to give this poor bloke a break and being the nasty person that i am i wanted to give him a dud number but knowing my conscience i will probably start stuttering if i lied so i started rattling out the first few numbers

" 9..X..X...X...X...X..X................................"

Something in me snapped and i blurted out a wrong last number and felt so guilty though only for that moment before Yan the silly woman cut in

"Eh Fiona.. Your number is that one meh ????? I thought the last number is 5 ????"

I dug into her ribs with my finger and lied loudly

"Wah lao you my best friend also don't know my number..Win liao lor. "

She looked puzzled for awhile but before i let her blow my cover i quickly pulled her away after the two surveyors thanked us.

Somebody save me.

I have a bimbo for a best friend !!!!

So all you surveyors out there.. Take a close look at my photo and strike me off your list.



SHE GIVES OUT DUD NUMBERS

Oh , i am also unable to comphrehend why people refuse flyers.

I always make it a point to accept flyers .

After all how heavy can a piece of paper be ??

I think that giving a polite smile while shaking your head to refuse the flyer takes requires more effort than just lifting your hand to take the flyer .

Besides sometimes there are really good stuff on flyers like discount coupons okay !!!

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listening to : pink floyd - see emily play