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underrated theories of life
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I've never believed in karma .

On a side note , karma seems to be THE word thats hanging on everyone's lips nowadays , no thanks to that irritating Alicia Keys song.

Anyway.

If karma was for real , everybody would be walking around battered and bruised and i would probably be confined to my bed , limbless and bedsores covering my body because i simply have done too many malevolent stuff.

E.g : Yesterday , i was extremely pissed with a bunch of ants who had gathered around my forgotten glass of Ribena on the dining table and they must have been there for quite some time because most of them had swollen buttocks filled with the sweet liquid.

I've never been a cruel person but the sight of ants never fail to enrage me for some inexplicable reasons.

So besides immediately bringing that glass to the sink while cursing aloud and seeing the ants meet their death as they spiralled down the vortex and into the sewage , i turned my attention to the few lone rangers milling around the area and armed myself with a toothpick.

I guess you can foresee what is going to happen next.

I narrowed my choice to one particularly bloated ant and aimed the sharp end of the toothpick on its button and ..

POKE.

The nano-sized bottom must have been filled to its max capacity because it burst with a satisfying splurt of pink liquid.

The little bugger didn't seem to be very affected by it and was still running about happily so i simply took a wet cloth and wiped all of them away.

So if karma was real , my butt cheeks would get inflated mysteriously and before i could get it checked at a clinic i would punture them accidently with construction scaffolding or something.

But today , i witnessed my first ever case of instant karma.

I went out with my grandpa for lunch and as you all know , old chinese men have this very unhygienic habit of leaving a trail of spit wherever they go and my grandpa was guilty of this as well.

So while we were at the bus stop , my grandpa started making colossal sounds with his throat and you could just hear the phlegm travel up his throat into his mouth.

So he spat .... and the spit flew right back and landed onto his shirt.

It was pretty windy and i laughed my ass off seeing my grandpa with that shocked expression as he craned his neck to see the unfortunate landing spot of his bodily produce on his shirt.

INSTANT KARMA!

I walked around for two whole hours with a major wedgie and i'm telling ya , to have a wedgie up yours is the most uncomfortable feeling in the world.

No , actually i think its second to having a strand of your pubes stuck to the sticky side of your pantyliner and every step you take exerts tension on that single strand and that explains the pained look until you lock yourself into a cubicle and carefully un-attach it from the pantyliner.

Unless of course you're too impatient and you rip off that fucking strand and that my friend , comes up tops in the pain department.