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zhong guo da lu
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I will be flying off to China this saturday morning and no , i'm not going there for a holiday but to visit relatives with my family.

I mean , who the hell in their right state of mind goes to Xiamen ( A.k.a the Fujian province ) for a holiday ???

Actually , i'm kinda thrilled by the prospect because i've always liked chinese culture and of course , the bottles of duty-free alcohol and smuggled cigarettes i'm going to lug home at the end of the 1-2 week trip.

The last time i went there ( which was about 10 years ago ) , i had a terrible experience when the whole lot of us trooped down to the super rural areas where my grandfather's super ancient elder brother and his brood resided.

When i mean rural , i mean really RURAL.

Think stone houses , zinc rooftops and a communal toilet.

Being the inquisitive 10 year old brat that i was , my 8 year old cousin and i explored the village thoroughly bundled up in our winterwear and we went around probing our noses into the barns and poking the ribs of sleeping horses and cows.

But my excitement really grew when i spied a pig sty in front of us and come to think of it why the hell was i so excited about the damned pigs which were to cause my downfall later ?

So i literally lunged for the sty but little did my young mind know that there under that innocuous pile of leaves near the sty was a bloody pothole ?

No , not pot hole.

More like a vertical life-sizd tunnel filled with muck !!

So of course i fell straight into the hole and thank god i was fast enough to get a grip on the side if not i guess i would have been completely submerged in that pool of god-knows-what.

There i was , neck-down in the hole and screaming my head off while my cousin was laughing his ass off and refusing to help me because i stank.

WTF !?!

I managed to clamber out of the hell hole and my cousin sprinted away because i really smelt like sewage.

No , more like concentrated sewage water.

I peered into the offending hole and the water was a murky brown with lumps of yellow human phlegm and bubbles of what looked like spit floating on it.

I almost threw up.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT WATER !???????????

I ran back to the main house crying and i say , bad news travels fast ( thanks to my asshole of a cousin ) and everybody refused to let me into the house becaue i was dripping with an assortment of everything disgusting and laughing , they ushered me into the bathroom where another surprise awaited me.

I was pretty impressed to see a bathtub in the bathroom but just as i was about to step into it , i stopped.

THERE WAS A CARP SWIMMING IN THE BATHTUB!!

What in the world ?!

As if to rub salt into raw wound , i had to wait in the freezing cold while i waited for the heater to heat up , but the heater itself was another object of interest altogether because it was actually an old-skool kind of gas heater and you could actually see a blue flame behind the glass window slowly heating up the water in it.

As you can imagine , i didn't really bother to scrub myself clean cus' the bathroom was too lacking supplies for a city girl like me so we went back to the hotel with everyone holding their noses in the car because i still smell like fuck.

And that is the exact village i shall be visiting in a few days time.

Godspeed. I shall look before i tread upon alien ground.

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MUSTAFA!
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Caught the Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy with T yesterday and i must say i liked it though not to the extent of proclaiming it as "10/10" like he did .

Damn funny la , esp the opening scene.

So long , and thanks for all the fish !

Anyway.

Headed to Mustafa and we laughed our asses off when we saw this bottle of ointment




Sibei funny la , i don't know what T said that triggered the avalanche of laughter from me but it went something like

"they put an indian face on the packaging so that it will appeal to the indian customers here but what's the use ? They can't read chinese !"

By the way the chinese words read ( after translation )

"Steady black ghost oil"

LOL !!!!!!

Those people seriously need a design and a Research and Development team.