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an NDP affair
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Happy National Day , folks.
Now while National Day serves to evoke thoughts of independance , patriotism ( the gahmen certainly hopes so ) or a day trip to Johor to stock up on groceries , i can never associate National Day with anything else except for ** whom i had a brief "affair" with last year around this time.
Last year's National Day was spent with him at my cousin's place . In between trying to drum some tips into his distracted mind for his upcoming english oral examinations , we caught the NDP live on TV and expressed resentment about not being able to catch the fireworks in person but we did so anyway a few days later at the fireworks festival.
I don't know why but i was so besotted with him to the extent that looking back , i feel nothing but a loss of self-worth . Although it wasn't like i was being at his beck and call , he could have done alot more to show his appreciation for what i have done instead of taking it for granted.
I remember very vividly one sunny ( read : fucking hot ) day in August , i was in the middle of filming a commercial ad and i received a missed call from him. Naturally i was thrilled since he usually never calls so i called him back the moment we took a break. What followed was a conversation that will forever be etched in my memory. He sounded abnormally calm when asked me a question which i perceived as oddly random at first.
"Eh , do you know what is a blog?"
My heart froze. Please , don't tell me that he had read my blog because i had written so much about him and i would most certainly die from embarrasement if he reads it.
"Er.. Yah.. Why ?"
"Oh no lah , just asking. So you know how to blog right?"
I bit my lip.
"Yes.. Actually i have one.."
Silence.
I could hear him taking inhaling deeply as if he was trying to restrain himself.
"Oh really."
That reply.. His voice sounded so alien , so aloof ..
"Er.. Yah.. why ?"
Silence again.
"BECAUSE I HAVE READ IT , THATS WHY !!"
He was literally yelling and i was left breaking out in cold sweat , mouth gaping wide in shock.
Why was he so angry ?
"Why are you so angry ?"
He was furious and i was at the receiving end of his fury.
"BECAUSE I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE TO KNOW EVERY LITTLE ACTION ABOUT ME"
Yes , i have written about our dates but details were never explicit. And i gave him a pseudonym. I could not understand his anger.
"But i didn't write alot what.. "
He cut me off mid-sentence
"Do you know that most of our friends read your blog ?"
"No.. They do ?"
"Fuck , yes they do. J called me today to ask whether that person Fiona is writing about is me. So now the whole world knows , are you happy now ?"
"So what ? Its not as if we're doing something shameful here"
I just had to ask.
Wrong question.
"I JUST DON'T LIKE IT YOU UNDERSTAND!?!"
"But its my blog .."
"SO WHAT?"
He hung up on me after that and i was in a state of disbelief. Not knowing what to do and left with minutes before filming resumed , i had to find a solution. And quickly.
I called Pek who was at home
"Pek.. Please do me a favour.... Here is my blogger password and here's what you should do.."
Silly eager-to-please me had done what i should not have. Which was to give him to him despite it clearly being a situation where i was obviously right but yet he still emerged victor.
Having deleted the offending entries , i sms-ed XXX to inform him and he replied
"Don't ever let me read anything about myself ever again"
I was very affected and my composure was unsteady throughout the entire shoot . I was chiding myself for blogging about him and incurring his wrath.
What a wimp i was !
Why he was so anal about getting mentioned on my blog , i will never know.
Maybe he finds it a disgrace to be seeing someone like me.
Or that seeing me was supposed to be a hush-hush affair.
Oh well.
It has already been a year since he left me without an explanation and that period of time was one of my bleakest ever . I managed to get over him though.
He is now still happily attached to my good friend and they make a really cute couple.
So anyway.
The time is now 10am and i'm headin back to sleep after satisfying a sudden craving for instant mee-goreng with a sunny side up .
Once again , happy 40th birthday , Singapore.
STAND UP FOR SINGAPORE !
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p/s : More photos uploaded in Flickr !! http://www.flickr.com/photos/hammie
