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bitterness
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To all the happy lovey-dovey couples in the world :

Fuc......................................

I mean , good for you ! And well done !

Is it just me , or do i get couples engaged in some sort of "lost-in-your-eyes" moment surrounding me wherever i go ?

From the burly looking husband holding onto the waist of his petite wife to prevent her from losing her balance on the train..

To the young "we-just-got-together" couple , looking all coy and silly.

Heck , i even managed to stumble onto my collegues in some sort of intimate tete-a-tete in the kitchen.

Embarrassing , no doubt.

But it got me sort of wishing i had someone to pull me into a toilet cubicle or something whenever we wanted *ahem* private time to ourselves.

Okay.. I've been watching too many movies.

Everytime i found someone whom i thought i could love , shit happens.

I miss someone so badly that i've started to look forward to going home , so that maybe i could catch him online.

I'd wait until the wee hours , swivelling around in my chair , keeping my fingers crossed and jumping up whenever someone signs in to MSN.

But as always , he is never online or our rare conversations would be hampered by a slow connection due to the distance.

Try as i might to remind myself that he just wants to remain friends , somehow or another i always manage to lull myself into thinking those dreaded "what if..." thoughts.

The biggest burdens are not surprisingly , "what if" questions.

What if i had never thrown that horribly childish temper which caused us weeks of silence , which led you to tell me that we'd be better off as friends ?

What if you never had to leave ?

My best friend , knowing my short attention span , said she'd give me another month before i'd get to know another guy and then forgetting all about him.

I hope so too , because all these one-sided nonsense is wrecking me.

I hope that the new guy would be as wacky and random as you. That he'll suddenly squat down in the middle of the train station with both hands on head to demonstrate how one should act in the event of an earthquake.

Or that he'll start jumping around in a manner so embarrassing that i'd walk away feeling half disgusted half amused only to have him suddenly grabbing me by the waist and saying "okay that was stupid"

Or to invite me for an impromptu silly slow dance at deserted train stations.

I hope the new guy would appreciate my scent as much as you do. And that he'll show his appreciation like you would by sniffing me like a dog.

I hope the new guy was as thick-skinned as you. Like i'd chide you for being shameless , to which you will always reply your overused thick-skinned retort .. "you like."

I hope the new guy would enjoy talking dirty with me especially during late nights , and to label me a cockteaser for saying all that.

I hope the new guy would like the silence in libraries.

I hope the new guy smells like you.

I hope he knows where Molvania is.

Shit lah , i feel so bloody emo now.

On a happier note , i am glad to annouce that

1) I have gotten two new syrian hamsters. Both are aptly named "Hammie".

2) I am going to start work at Oak3 films soon on a freelance basis.

And best of all..

3) I have just gotten my pay.

Okay thanks bye .

"And its songs like this that catch
my troubled head
when i am missing you to death"

- The Postal Service / Iron and Wine