--
afterthought
--

you know, i honestly think i'm just trying to deny myself from the fact that i have as much appeal as a pile of decaying jellyfish in my previous post.

admit it, you bloody fabricator, you're still chaste not because you think you chose to be, but because you're a disgusting self-loathing heap.

i tried smiling into the mirror to cheer myself up but all i saw was a tired sallow face and a set of horribly deformed teeth with assorted remnants of my meals lodged between them.

i am emaciated. i look emaciated and i feel emaciated.

my legs look awfully skinny and my usually impeccably pedicured toes look like a shadow of their glorious self. my favourite nail polish in the sweetest shade of plum looks desaturated.devoid of colour. my nails are chipping.

and my hair. when did it start to look so drab ? i miss the days when i had loud messed up hair and revelled in looking slutty and breaking hearts at will.

my aura. if it had a colour, it'll be black. cold dark ebony.

on any given day if i were to be granted a single wish, i'd wish for good health and happiness for my family ( no i'm not kidding ) but right now, at this very moment, all that i really really want, is someone i could love.

and it doesn't even have to be mutual.

whatever happened to the cynical and nonchalent fiona ?

oh fuck i'm rapidly losing any semblance of sanity left.

and its only 6.30 in the morning.

i think i drink too damn much. my tongue is numb.