--
the birds and the bees and the birds and the bees
--

i caught Tab TV on channel 5 out of sheer boredom and was immensely riled by the blatant anti-homosexuality "facts" regarding the statistics of HIV-positive people here.

i really didn't see the need for the good people at mediacorp to place emphasis that "more than 40% were homosexual men" when the topic was teenage sex.

oh, the irony.

oh, the digression !!

damn homophobes.

izzy ( aka the sarong party girl ) was there as part of a discussion heralded by 3 utterly uptight i-want-to-be-best-friends-with-my-daughter presenters.

i would like to quote the flying dutchman

"i would want my daughter to kiss in front of me rather than do in downstairs. and why not after all he is her boyfriend and i want her to know that i am absolutely fine and open with it"

and then he abruptly changes his tune later to something like

"i find it disturbing to know that kids nowadays don't know the meaning of sex. don't they know that sex is more than just sex?"

yes yes.. sex is more than just sex.

it is... Sex.

speaking of which i think that the value of virginity goes through phases.

before, it was like

"oh my god you're not a virgin?!?!"

and now its like

"oh my god you're a virgin!? where have you been all your life?! the fiona rock?!"

then

"i'm not gonna marry her anymore ! she ain't a virgin!"

and now

"i think its absolutely necessary that my would-be wife be experienced in bed. i hate amateurish sex"

i can actually foresee the near future speak now. because it has and will always be cool to be different, maybe people would actually start lying about their not-s0-intact virginity to be cool. ( god i can't believe i'm actually using the word cool. i am a has-been. LOL )

and i admit, i am actually afraid of what is to come the day i lie on a bed stark naked with a foreign object about to enter the unexplored region. how would it be like ? would i start convulsing with disgust and guilt? would i roll my eyes and think "fuck this isn't what i thought it would be" ?

i remember how fiercely i guarded my first kiss. i had always fantasised about it being all rosy and soft, a warmth emancipating from the pit of my stomach, a toe-curling experience which would end with a shy smile and a hug. ( okay i meant my first real heterosexual kiss, i've kissed dozens of women before )

i was so paranoid about it that i wanted to direct it. yes you heard it right , direct my very first kiss. i wanted so badly for it to go right, i wanted to remember it fondly.

no silly truth or dare forfeits.

i wanted it to be etched lovingly in my memory and not something so botched up that i wanted to forget.

and what do you know? the latter happened. hahaha.

so many opportunities i had wasted, those tender goodnight consumnate peck-on-the-cheek that could have progressed to something memorable if not because of my prudence. i thought maybe this wasn't THE moment, that something better would come along.

and then one fine day someone came along. someone i didn't even fancy. he kissed me while i was unaware and although it was a fleeting liplock i went into a minor shock after that.

nothing like what i had waited so long for. no sparks flew, no nervous beating of the heart. it was just his dry lips against mine. horrid.

i was so sickened and so bloody pissed with him.

i have waited almost 19 years for that one special first kiss and YOU just took it away. FUCK!

i remember a time when X and i were at my grandma's place late one night. nobody was around, the air was chilly and we were comfortable slumped against each other lazily.

he held my hand and nuzzled my cheek with his. i was so damn nervous i didn't dare look at him though my heart was so full of love and anticipating him to kiss me.

i turned around slightly just enough to look at him from the corner of my eye and all that seperated our faces was an invisible barrier of warm air from our breath.

i knew he was waiting but because of my cowardice i did not and instead i chose to sit up on the pretext of looking at my phone because the suspense was too much for me to handle.

gahhh.

i am sad to report that since that unfortunate first kiss i've never had any romantic encounters to date except for nasty spur-of-the-moment moments that involved alot of embarassing fumbles and what-the-fuck-was-i-doing thoughts.

which is why, i am afraid of the second "first time" every person has to go through.

i don't want to be part of the statistic where 75% of all singaporean girls loses their virginity in a cramped chalet room. yeah thats right , chalets. and no wonder, chalets are a breeding ground for sexual tension. alcohol and a private room ready . perfecto.

neither do i want to wake up feeling bewildered to find my panties around my ankles with the dude i danced with the night before sleeping in his birthday suit next to me.

and definitely not with some horny 20 year old whose idea of foreplay is a quick breast-kneading session.

but with high expectations come great disappointment, i can only hope that i don't end up feeling as disgusted as with my first kiss. lol.

anyway.. pictures !



spot the virgin !!



shiny happy people



dwarfed! ( i look pregnant. but hey ! i had a heavy dinner okay ! )



post-puke scene



HOT BABES!



the egoistic no-i-am-not-making-a-wrong-turn (when he really was) driver. note the phantom rainbow
--

listening to : the sad little stars - don't fuck with love