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the brewing storm
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don't say i never tell all you kaypoh people out there ah.

remember the Far East Economic Review? i bet you do, the last we heard about the whole she-bang being not too long ago. but we haven't heard about it since then but i'm telling ya both sides ain't taking it lying down !

it's definitely a newsworthy item that we would love to cover but of course we can't because of obvious *cough* reasons.

ah.. singapore, singapore. tonight i pray for press freedom.

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just now i asked my grandma if she had any friends and i teared a bit when she retorted

"what friends?! where got time for friends?!"

all her life she slaved for this family and family is all that she's got and i'm glad that at least she has all our love and all of mine.

till now everytime i think about my grandpa this deep regret washes over me. i understood how important it was to cherish your loved ones when they are still around and i tried my best to spend as much time as i could with him, be it accompanying him on his daily stroll or just hanging out with him during the weekends and for these i'm glad. i'm just so fucking glad that i am not ridden by guilt like most people for not spending enough time with their loved ones while they're still alive and that i know i made my grandpa happy.

but i can never forgive myself for wishing that he would just hurry up and go when he was bedridden and suffering because i wanted him to be eased from his pain but yet i still didn't have the cow sense to remain at his side when i knew that he was definitely going to die after not eating for a week and i still went home when i knew i shouldn't. what the fuck was i even thinking about ??????

i'll never forget the moment i stepped into the room only to be greeted by my lifeless grandpa , and i touched his hand. they were still warm but when i saw the piece of cotton over his mouth ( a chinese belief that bad "qi" comes from orifices of deceased people ) i knew he wasn't there with me anymore.

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ps: okay to end this depressing post on a happier note i am happy to annouce that i have a crush on the most unlikely guy ever - BRAD PITT !! i've never liked pretty boys, but its just that everytime i see his photos i get reminded of david. not that david is anywhere near brad but the resemblance is there. speaking of david i've started to talk a little with him again, although its mostly "work" talk since he's also a journalist. i'll never date him again though, that *&*(*&~@.

FYI he flies around like 99.9% of the time and when he's back all we do is to procreate and the last thing i want to be is someone's comfort woman. and he's a bad kisser.