--
imminent
--

its coming. the plague is coming. the first time i saw my spit tinged with blood, i knew it was coming to an end.

it has been for four days now. please tell me i'm not going to die. my doctor colleague says coughing sometimes ruptures blood vessels but i am not convinced. it must be a tumour. it has to be.

*tears hair out*

this fear being riddled with every disease imaginable is driving me nuts. its like a bad obsessive-compulsive habit,except that it manifests the mind in a way not unlike maniacs who wash their hands 287213789121 times a day. even the tiniest mosquito bite alarms me. is it a rash? is it because i might have skin disease?

and the lone pimple on my cheek, the first one in a long while. why is it there? am i not taking enough vitamins? do i have too much toxins floating around my body?

my doctor is laughing all the way to the bank because of a paranoid young lady who subjects herself to blood tests at whim just to seek a peace of mind. the assurance is short-lived however, as the paranoia creeps up on her within days again, like a strangulating vine around a tree, slowly smothering its host to death.

someone please refer me to a shrink. the downward spiral into the abyss of despair is back again.