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alot of random snippets
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will be exclusively wasting time from now on as i've landed myself another writing job, which will probably commence next week.

i've always been quite the unqualified two-bit gourmet, i like my food and i am picky about what goes into my mouth (in more ways than one... :p). apart from ginger that somehow always ends up chewed before the unfortunate discovery, i just about like everything else.

so i tried making meringue kisses today. meringue is actually just whipped egg whites and sugar, baked into a melt-in-your-mouth crisp cookie.

the procedure is simple enough. heat oven, whisk egg white and sugar till soft peaks form, throw it into the oven.

i really CANNOT imagine what the fuck went wrong as my egg whites were lovely tufts of virginial white fluffs, all satiny and glossy.

but barely two minutes after its entry into the oven..



I GOT THESE!

*tears hair out*

i'll be honest and admit that i've never been the culinary maestro. somehow everytime i try to whip up a batch of something, it'll inevitably end up burnt or liquified or spread out into one flat mass, or even better: liquified, burnt at corners AND looking like an unidentified unsavoury flat mass.

i do much better with cooking, at least my rice turns out palatable.

i love merigues. i love lemon meringue pies. i love how it crumbles in between your lips and then melting away into sugary hints moments later.

baking disaster aside (but i'll be back tomorrow), my tim-tam obsession hit its peak just now.

as of now i've already devoured three packets of tim-tams since my orgasmic dream on friday night.

my favourite way to eat it is to do the tim-tam slam. extremely gimmicky, since it's no different from dunking it into milk but so bloody fun to do!!!

firstly, you bite two dainty corners off from your beautiful tim-tam.



i apologise for the shitty quality. im getting a new camera soon. but just look at the gorgeous layer of butter cream sandwiched between the airy malt biscuit covered in ooh-la-la chocolate with generous hints of caramel.

EVEN GODIVA DOESN'T COME CLOSE! (okay, maybe with exception of the Godiva chocolate ice blended drinks)

and then, you dip one end of the tim-tam into cold milk and you SUCK. like this.



don't suck like you're trying to suck out solidified semen from an ancient cock, as i did with my virgin tim-tam slam experience. all i got was a rush of biscuit crumbs up my nose and throat which choked me.

suck slowly. the hollow spaces between the biscuit acts like a straw so if you do it correctly, you'll be able to suck up a considerable amount of milk before it starts to disintegrate and THIS IS THE MOMENT WHERE YOU STUFF THE ENTIRE THING INTO YOUR MOUTH.

then, sit back and enjoy the glorious moment when the smorgasbord of wonderful flavours come together.

i'm not exaggerating.

it's quite tedious to repeat it for the entire packet of tim-tams but i loved every moment of it. alternatively of course you can just dunk it in milk but it's just not quite the same. for christ sake's don't treat it like an oreo! that's... sacrilegous.

i know you guys are dying to know about my love life (yes, all three of you). nothing much happening. i spent the entire night in his arms on saturday night. utterly sweet beyond words, but it never felt more wrong.

spent most the time awake not because i was consumed by thoughts or feeling deliriously happy/achingly sad but because he had cornered me so much that i only had probably 20% of the bed to myself. he'd roll over after i complained, only to roll back to my side of the bed, hand across my chest, clutching my shoulder tightly and breathing down my neck.

every little movement i made, only caused him to tighten his hold on me, as if he was afraid to lose me. yeah, i wish.

i wonder why i am doing so much self-destruction to myself. hmmm.

anyways.

i've been listening alot to placebo recently. god, they are really geniuses. i am particularly in love with protege moi, every you every me and pure morning.

somehow, smoking while listening to them gives me this sudden awareness. of what? of nothing in particular, but i appreciate how it inspires me to write.

and as if to mirror my eclectic personality, i have been humming non stop to paris hilton's nothing in this world. LOL.

da-da, da da ta la la.

dunno lah, very catchy you know? i like the MTV too. cheesy! but i like.

taking up french lessons soon. and then i'll be able to belt out protege moi like a pro!!


C'est le malaise du moment
L'épidémie qui s'étend
La fête est finie on descend
Les pensées qui glacent la raison
Paupières baissées, visage gris
Surgissent les fantômes de notre lit
On ouvre le loquet de la grille
Du taudit qu'on appelle maison

protege moi, protege moi.

ok, time for a shower. will be catching babel with D later. ooooh yeah. and i want to watch the queen, pan's labyrinth (trivia: i used to pronounce it as lare-bee-reenth. LOL) and happy birthday. heard it's a good old fashioned love story. about time too, after the influx of weepies where someone is dying from some terminal illness, incestual love triangles or whatever.

c'est la vie!

--
maybe because i'm just greedy
--

okay, i've just had the most vivid dream ever. actually i have vivid dreams and nightmares all the time but i tend to forget them by the time i wake up.

but not this one.

alas i did not dream of multiple orgasms or running across lush green meadows hand in hand with edward norton/jude law/johnny depp/jay chou/wentworth miller.

i actually dreamt of tim tams!!!!

for the uninitiated, tim tams are a kind of popular chocolate biscuit.

what weirds me out is how i've never actually really taken a big fancy to tim tams though i'll never refuse if offered. the only biscuit cravings i get are fresh famous amos and chipsmore cookies. yes, dunked in milk please.

and now i have a major craving for tim tams.

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Alcoholics Anonymous
--

the parched tongue, the constant nausea that wields nothing and the temporary amnesia that occurs during the peak of inebriation.

after the nasty drinking episode last night, i am swearing off alcohol!!

okay, for the next few weeks at least. :)

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snippets
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so here i am at 2.30am still wide awake, or until the effects of the sleeping pills (yes i finally got my hands on em again) kicks in.

nothing much going on, except that i have finally finished the last article for the girlie magazine i am freelancing for. a good thing, because it means money. a bad thing, because i haven't gotten any other assignments and it will mean that i'll be sitting on my ass doing nothing until i find a real job.

oh, i have a new celebrity crush! bye bye jude law, i am now insanely in love with edward norton!!

yes, i am THAT impressed by fight club. and who could forget his exceptional performance in american history x?



edward in american history x - somehow he resembles timothy mcveigh (the oklohoma city bomber) in this shot. HOT!

he looks nothing like a celebrity - in fact, i bet he could walk down santa monica without being mobbed, because he looks so pedestrian. he looks so... typically american.

and the best part is - he used to date nutcase courtney love!! everyone now..

"what the fuck?!"

in other news, there is no news. the balding ex-lover is due to return tomorrow, and yes hell hath no fury like a woman scorned because he has NO idea that i know about his trysts but i will make sure that he gets the message asap.

things are going well with the Chorizo Man. i don't know if its a good sign that we spent most of our conversation just now discussing the works of nietzsche, socrates, plato and pythagoras (of which i know only little about, i admit with great sadness) , and how would things have turned out if they engaged in a menage-a-trois.

oh yeah baybeeee.

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Bombs kill at least 100 in New York bombings
--

did that headline catch your attention? i bet it did. no actually nothing like that happened in NYC, but Iraq has.

but who gives a fuck? would you even have bothered should the headlines read "Bagdhad Bombings" instead?

you would have shrugged it off and went "shucks, not another one"

whatever that is creeping in on our heads, surely should frighten us more than a deadly pandemic or an economic crisis.

the demise of humanity.

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so damn fucked
--

being in between jobs only mean one thing which loathes me no end: time.

or rather, an excess of it.

for the past two weeks or so, i've been suffering insomnia which end only when i fall head first into my bed, exhausted, at 7 in the morning.

the dark hours are always spent intrigued in front of the telly, with DVD covers astrewn. i am glad to report that i've seen a few memorable titles, namely cruel intentions and secretary.

otherwise, i am weaving in and out of sanity in an inebriated stupor, filling out my notebook with long incoherent scribbles.

i have crossed paths with someone who hails from exotic and far-flung spain (chorizo! paella!). intelligent, unbearably articulate, soft-spoken and comfortably sarcastic, it is unfortunate that i still pine for a certain balding motherfucker when really, i should be seeing more of this spanish gentleman.

time, wherefore art thou when i need you most?

and now i shall watch edward norton and brad pitt bare their knuckles in fight club. woohoo.

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UPDATE AT 4.20AM :

Fight Club is SO bloody good.

"I want YOU to hit me as hard as you can."

yeah i really love my alcohol daaaaahlingssss =)

i was going to pee in the lift on the way up but i didn't and i'm so prpud of myself !!

hell yeah tomorro one more round!

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GOLDEN GLOBES!
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damn it, i really need to get a REAL job ASAP. freelancing means too much free time on my hands (which leads to really screwed up sleeping hours and proscratination-why finish my article today when i have forever ?!)

so anyway, golden globes came and went. no big surprises there - both fashion and awards wise. however, being the pop bitch that i've always been, i shall take on the difficult role of mrs blackwell and do my share of criticism ( FYI as much as i feel that Paris Hilton is indeed a skank, i really feel that she doesn't deserve to be ranked second in 2006's worst dressed)


____




New parents Peter Saarsgard and Maggie Gyllenhaall ( one of my favourite actress! And not because she's Jake's sis :p her role in Secretary was mind-blowing i'm tellin ya ) in you-can't-go-wrong black outfits. Maggie G just gave birth not too long ago by the way.



Naomi Watts in this STUNNING blue number. i really love this one- all dresses should look look flowy like this( NOT billowy like your mother's curtains on a drafty morning). i am impressed with how she accesorizes it with a metallic clutch that matches the prints on her dress. you gotta be really leggy to be able to pull off a full length dress though.




has-been Vannessa Williams (of the blue corn moon and sycamore trees) incurs the wrath of fashionistas and PETA.



fuck, what wouldn't i give to look like Teri Hatcher at her age?! this grecian dress accentuates her curves perfectly. go easy on the botox though darling.



presenting.. the over-rated Sienna Miller. okay okay i admit i am kinda biased against her because of Jude Law, but then again i've always rather admired her dressing though it really is a tad similar to Kate Moss'. i hate everything about her in this picture. the body of her dress makes her torso looks super long, and the collar makes her shoulder look droopy. and what's with the hair?! pioneer-girl-meets-red-carpet? and she looks like she's recovering from a bad tan.




so damn hard to pull sunflower yellow off but Reese Witherspoon does it damn well! and i like her hair. reminds me of what Heath Ledger's wife wore to last year's Oscars though. damn i forgot her name.



Helen Mirren (she won best actress for her role in The Queen which i'm going to catch later) looking bloody fine in this blue silk number.



Cate Blanchett mixes boudoir chic with skanky skank up. too much lace!!



i like this dress but somehow it doesn't really grow on me. i think i'd like it better if it was knee-length and matched with satin black heels. i don't know if this dress is from Chanel but it sure gives me Chanel vibes.



i've always liked the dark-haired-blue-eyed look, which i think Ashlee Simpson and Dita Von Teese (i really wonder how sex with Marilyn Manson is like.. LOL) looks really good in but i wish Cameron Diaz would go back to her brunette look! she looks really severe with ebony hair . or maybe its the lipstick.



"tonight i'll be your naughty girl.." Beyonce airs her pits while skanking it up in this awful caberet-like outfit. looks like someone patiently plastered her up with gold leaves. her bod looks amazing though.



lastly.. BRAD PITT! goodness this man looks better as he ages. most of the men played it safe with the black tux look( which is fine by me. i find such suits seriously sexy), and Brad hams it up with a skinny black tie which is so this season.

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more to come! i'm glad to announce that i feel abit better now, and that i've manage to tune my body back in sync with humane sleeping hours. time to make lunch now - foccacia bread with sundried tomatos and slices of steak!! and drenched in olive oil of course.

=)

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love me
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because i really do not want to be spending valentine's again with the girls.

nooooooooooo.

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highway to hell
--

thanks for all the emails and comments =) i'm okay, though not that okay. he cheated on me again, for the 87873289430th time, but yet i still lie disguised under the pretence of not knowing, wishing that maybe somehow he would change for the better.

it's never gonna fucking happen.

i want so badly to confront him, to scratch him until i draw blood. but i just cannot bring myself to such a confrontation, fearing that if i do so i'd never be able to see him again, even as friends. so now he is still blissfully unaware of my knowing.

i have no choice but to adopt a wait-and-see approach, since he's flying away again tomorrow for a week. i want to see his face as i tell him, calmly, what i have found out, and this time round it should be pretty damn good since he was the one who initiated that "we should try again, put the past behind us" and of course i fell for it hook, line and sinker like the dumbass i usually am.

how the fuck can i even trust him with his proven track record? (trust me despite my hostility now all it takes is a bit of persuasion from him to make me completely forget the previous lessons learnt.)

it disgusts and pains me greatly to know that the very same bed i slept on a few days ago bore traces of another woman who slept in the same spot just hours ago.

i thought i wouldn't give two hoots anymore but i caved in and suddenly all the desolation i've managed to get rid off overwhelmed me like a flash flood, on top of the other issues i've been grappling with.

it is impossible to describe the exact state of hopelessness one feels when everything feels like it's crashing down. like the milder sibling of a panic attack, you are rendered completely useless both mentally and emotionally. your tightly balled fists shivering from the pressure exerted, mind racing to find the quickest solution to end it all. by reflex you crawl to the kitchen cabinet to retrieve the alcohol. nothing much changes, you can only feel worse.

i encountered this episode last night, one of several in the past year. i was a slobbering mess and a pathetic one at that. i forced the vile liquid down my throat so that i could seek respite in sleep.

i woke up feeling as shitty and i suddenly felt the urge to do something. which i did. i needed to do something to wake myself up from this limbo, to remind myself of my existence.

so i went to get myself a nice little tattoo, even though i've never had any sort of inclination of getting myself inked, ever.

was a bloody impromptu decision which took me all of five grand minutes after i woke up to decide (no thanks to my altered state of mind, might regret it when i'm emotionally stable) but god, it felt so good.

thanks shell, for being there.

i am going to end this 'vacation' of mine early, settle down in a new job ASAP, pick up a few cute guys at some sleazy bar, and rent more DVDs.




it says "i don't give a fuck" in french.

i can't pull myself out. please help. please lift me up from this desolation.

--
caffeine high
--

i have always scoffed at caffeine junkies who would wither and die without their daily dose of Starbucks. why pay $5 ( 5 x 30 = $150/a month. 150 x 12 = ALOT OF MOOLAH. yes i am too lazy to calculate :p ) for a cup of something that you get from 20cents-a-satchet coffee?

well, now i eat my words.

ever since i started working at my current (or soon to be ex) magazine, i started lusting for iced hazelnut latte with extra whipped cream on an expensive basis, no thanks to my colleagues (trust me us writers are a harassed lot whose inspiration comes mainly from caffeine, especially in the mornings), who slurp up Starbucks by the barrel.

has anyone realised how AWESOME the whipped cream at Starbucks are? they don't come from a can, but freshly whipped from a jug for your enjoyment. being a 100% whipped cream fan, i give that two thumbs up!!

i love whipped cream so much that i have stocked up on whipping cream in my fridge and bought a whisk so that i can whip up a batch of stiff uber-delicious peaks of snowy goodness whenever the craving strikes. i eat them with everything- with bread, with fruits and cereal. but most of all, i like eating it on its own.

it scares me a little to think about where all the fats, carbo and protein i have been piling on go to. i have normal bowel movements, and i certainly don't have any worms inside my tummy. what if my body compresses them into some small little dense lump and one day,it will suddenly inflate and overnight i will become a human ball confined to my bed.

hahaha. ludicrous.

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thanks for the memories
--

in today's do-it-FAST-and-do-it-NOW world, every damn thing has fallen victim to efficiency, including love.

i'd hate to start off with "i remember the good ol' days when.." because i'm not of age to start reminiscing but yet, i feel that so much has changed in how society functions within the span of a few years.

the last two men i dated, everything just happened in a finger-snapping second. the standard of procedure were eerily similar - a first dinner date, a second dinner date, the post-dinner drinks, the inevitable "do you want to hang out at my place for more drinks?" question, followed by the frantic elevator groping and finally, the morning after where you go "so what the fuck? are we together or what?"

whatever happened to the shy flick of the hand when the guy tries to, ever so discreetly, attempt to hold your hand?

whatever happened to the late night phone calls that continues way into the morning and the moments of hesitation whenever the other party initiates to finally fucking hang up? (but jason, i can't feel my ears anymore...)

but at least, even though i have completely lost any sense of whatever little innocence i used to have, i still have memories of something sweet enough for me to hold on to forever.

he, the decent boy with the decent thoughts. despite always mucking around in my place and us sleeping together on the same bed (and me, always the skank clad in the barely there shorts and lacy camisoles), nothing sexual of any sort ever happened between us.

nope, not even a kiss. the only intimacy i can recall : chaste good-bye pecks and the occasional super friendly hug (which comes with the added brotherly pat. SO TURN-OFF RIGHT!)

so...damn innocent.

after all these years, though we have both moved on, we finally consumnated our great love last night with a kiss that lasted all of five seconds.

like a pair of twelve year old sweethearts, he actually had to dare me to kiss him before we sealed our unlikely romance.

"i dare you to kiss me. on the lips." he said, with the signature tilt of his head which i have come to associate with cockiness.

i looked at him and let out a haughty laugh.

"fuck off!", i said. but yet i was trembling slightly, actually foreseeing what was to come.

he shrugged his shoulders. and that was it. taking a deep breath, i leaned forward, closed my eyes and prayed that i wouldn't miss.

i didn't.

after a few seconds of i-can't-remember-what, i was looking down at my toes, my mind a complete blank.

we said nothing. there wasn't a need to.


--

meanwhile the ang moh asshole boyfriend is returning in two more days!! i can't wait to run my fingers down his hairy arms. if there's one reason why i am 60% SPG, it's because white men have more hair. no kidding. most women find hairy men a turn-off but i find it incredibly sexy to see thick downy hair on sturdy arms. i even like chest hair!!!! ironic that mark is hairy everywhere except his head. LOL.

---



i love the composition of this picture. ( from left : nic, pei, xin, me )

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listening to : placebo - every me every you

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NEW YEAR!
--

let's see.. only the third day of 07 and i have already

1) said goodbye to my job (greener pastures full steam ahead!)

2) put on weight!! (haven't got the balls to weigh myself yet but i can feel it.. yeah baby)

3) fallen for mark again for the 28979287th time (yes please slap me)

4) refrained from alcohol for a WHOLE month already! (okay i had a few sips here and there but that was all)

5) honestly felt that my boobies stick out more prominently due to the weight gain




and no, i don't have any fucking resolutions because who the fuck adheres to them anyway? not me!



and there she was, swirling in mid-air, her ass sticking out like a sore thumb.



this picture just makes me smile. looks mighty ridiculous but great friends + fantastic location + fabulous weather = happiness.

and with these my friends, may 07 be really awesome for you.

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listening to :


john mayer - why georgia