--
thanks for the memories
--

in today's do-it-FAST-and-do-it-NOW world, every damn thing has fallen victim to efficiency, including love.

i'd hate to start off with "i remember the good ol' days when.." because i'm not of age to start reminiscing but yet, i feel that so much has changed in how society functions within the span of a few years.

the last two men i dated, everything just happened in a finger-snapping second. the standard of procedure were eerily similar - a first dinner date, a second dinner date, the post-dinner drinks, the inevitable "do you want to hang out at my place for more drinks?" question, followed by the frantic elevator groping and finally, the morning after where you go "so what the fuck? are we together or what?"

whatever happened to the shy flick of the hand when the guy tries to, ever so discreetly, attempt to hold your hand?

whatever happened to the late night phone calls that continues way into the morning and the moments of hesitation whenever the other party initiates to finally fucking hang up? (but jason, i can't feel my ears anymore...)

but at least, even though i have completely lost any sense of whatever little innocence i used to have, i still have memories of something sweet enough for me to hold on to forever.

he, the decent boy with the decent thoughts. despite always mucking around in my place and us sleeping together on the same bed (and me, always the skank clad in the barely there shorts and lacy camisoles), nothing sexual of any sort ever happened between us.

nope, not even a kiss. the only intimacy i can recall : chaste good-bye pecks and the occasional super friendly hug (which comes with the added brotherly pat. SO TURN-OFF RIGHT!)

so...damn innocent.

after all these years, though we have both moved on, we finally consumnated our great love last night with a kiss that lasted all of five seconds.

like a pair of twelve year old sweethearts, he actually had to dare me to kiss him before we sealed our unlikely romance.

"i dare you to kiss me. on the lips." he said, with the signature tilt of his head which i have come to associate with cockiness.

i looked at him and let out a haughty laugh.

"fuck off!", i said. but yet i was trembling slightly, actually foreseeing what was to come.

he shrugged his shoulders. and that was it. taking a deep breath, i leaned forward, closed my eyes and prayed that i wouldn't miss.

i didn't.

after a few seconds of i-can't-remember-what, i was looking down at my toes, my mind a complete blank.

we said nothing. there wasn't a need to.


--

meanwhile the ang moh asshole boyfriend is returning in two more days!! i can't wait to run my fingers down his hairy arms. if there's one reason why i am 60% SPG, it's because white men have more hair. no kidding. most women find hairy men a turn-off but i find it incredibly sexy to see thick downy hair on sturdy arms. i even like chest hair!!!! ironic that mark is hairy everywhere except his head. LOL.

---



i love the composition of this picture. ( from left : nic, pei, xin, me )

--

listening to : placebo - every me every you