--
on why i hate myself
--

i must be getting old. it was barely 11pm when i started to feel myself taking deeper breaths - a sign that i was tired.

my god, and the clubs were only just starting to fill up!

anyway.

so it was club-hopping night with t yesterday. my mission was to find myself a man-slut. i'm serious.

somehow or another, i found myself among a bevy of SPGs (the blue-blooded ones, long hair and slinky tight outfits kinda) in Attica. i signalled to t that i wanted to take a rest and from the side, away from the dancefloor, i realised how much i was appalled by the behaviour of the women there and i made a solemn promise to myself that no matter how much of an SPG i might become in the future, i will never ever behave like most of the women there and disgrace asians.

okay, okay. if he happens to look like jude law then hmmmm! but i digress.

i hated Attica so we were out of there within twenty minutes.

anyway back to why i hate myself.

damn, i was so relieved to be back at MOS. there isn't any predatory tension there, and most of the people there just want some good clean fun and not whatevers that's going on in attica.

so t and i danced a bit, moved from room to room, behaved stupidly while laughing our arses off and just as we were about to call it a night, someone suddenly held my arm gently.

"hey, whats your name?" he screamed into my ear. aussie accent too close for comfort! i immediately thought of m.

i turned around and came face to face with frodo.

wtf, frodo?!!!!!

i was stunned by this doppelganger of elijah wood a.k.a frodo for a moment. not a big fan of elijah wood though, he looks like an elf. but this.. a more hirsute and blonder version.

"what!? i'm fiona! you?"

"frodo."

hahaha kidding.

his name was lucas, from adelaide for a holiday here. twenty-too-fucking-young-five.

so we danced abit ( the happy kind of clap-clap dance, not the grinding ass grabbing mating ritual) and even though i'm usually not into blondes, i was rather enchanted by this shy hairy stranger.

we screamed at each other abit, trying to talk.

then of course, it was time to go.

we shook hands.

outside MOS, i couldn't stop thinking about him, no thanks to the influence of before sunrise which i caught just a few days before. you know la, the film chronicles how two strangers met and fell in love within a day.

yaaaaaa naive. oi, i'm allowed to dream right?!

t egged me on to go back in and look for him. and i did, after scrawling my name and email address on a piece of a scrap.

i couldnt find him at all.

i trudged out from the maddening crowd, disappointed.

only to feel someone tap my shoulder just as i exited.

LUCAS!!!!!!!

he grinned. it must have been days since he last shaved but he looked so boyish with all that stubble.

"heya! we're going back to the hotel already"

"oh hey, it was nice meeting you"

"yea. me too"

we shook hands. again.

all these while i was squeezing the piece of scrap paper in my hands nervously.

"bye, lucas"

"bye!"

i went to look for t at the taxi stand where she looked at me expectantly.

"so how??"

i shrugged and let the piece of crumpled scrap fall out from my hands.

"you idiot!!! why didnt you??"

"nervous lah."

just then frodo, i mean, lucas and his merry men hopped into a cab right in front of us.

"its them!! FIONA GO AND PASS IT TO HIM!"

i froze on the spot and waved limply as lucas waved to me. and he sped away in a cab. probably back to middle earth.

t immediately smacked me.

"YOU SEE LAH!"

i could kick myself in the head if i could. i'm too chicken for such acts of bravery.

but as the saying goes..

"don't try dont know"

and now i'm still thinking about what might have happened if i did pass him my contact.

damn!! the next time i am going to be that shameless brazen slut. HA!

DONT TRY DUNNO WHAT!!!!!!!! AND IF NOT NOW, WHEN??

okay back to work. i'm starving. i love observing my bosses.

one of them likes to stick his tongue out in between conversations.

another squints like a little kid. LOL.

-

ps : m finally replied my sms and being the spiteful bitch i really am, i refused to reply him and now he is pissed off. and that makes me really happy =) =) =)

listening to : frente - bizarre love triangle ( I LOVE THIS SONG LAH!)