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because God said so
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okay. i have learnt an IMPORTANT lesson yesterday. and this goes out to you too!

i'm not a frequent smoker, but i can be sucking on fags non-stop if i happen to have them on hand, or when i'm not feeling particularly chirpy.

so for the past few days i have been actively feeding my body with toxic relaxants.

anyway.

first divine intervention : misplaced lighter. realised it at holland village during lunch break that i must somehow have dropped it when i held it with the fag box.

second divine (and major intervention):

this is what happened.

i bought a lighter (for 80 bloody cents!!!!! what, the price inflated like 50% lah) at the coffeeshop and proceeded to position myself within the already very crowded yellow criminal box.

stuck cancer stick in mouth.

holds lighter near to cancer stick, prepares to light it.

now, i have got a major problem with lighting fags, i don't know why. so i usually hold it really close to my face.

then..

THE MOTHERFUCKIN DAMNED FLAME CAME OUT LICKING AT ME LIKE A RAGED DRAGON'S BREATH!

WTF!

the flame reached as high as my forehead and woah! by reflex i quickly touched my hair and was immensely relieved when my fingers touched base with my still intact fringe.

i looked at the offending lighter. the bloody "switch" was set at the strongest/biggest flame lah!!!

who the fuck does that? why is the manufacturer so sick? was it a government ploy to blind all smokers?? MUST BE.

thats not the end of the story.

so upon reaching the office i prepare to re-apply warpaint on my face as usual.

then, i thought my left eyelashes looked oddly white at the tips, and i thought i had brushed my concealer over it.

i rubbed at the eyelashes eagerly.

nope.. still whitish.

i took a closer look and almost fainted.

ALMOST HALF OF MY LEFT EYELASHES WERE GONE! AND WHAT WAS LEFT WERE SINGED PATHETIC EXCUSES FOR EYELASHES.

OMFGGGGG

the whitish part was where the flame had licked my poor follicles and they curled up into a burnt crisp in retaliation.

oh my god. oh my god.

i thought it rather funny at first and i started laughing hysterically to myself (i was alone in the office). then it stopped being funny when i realised i only have half of my left eyelashes left.

so, all ye smokers. you have been warned.

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RANDOM UPDATE AT 4.43pm :

okay. there's this weird short strand of super curly and thick hair that i spotted on my desk and it looks like pubic hair!!!

i am probing at it with my pen. no way am i touching something so close to someone elses' vagina/penis/mangina/asshole.

i am 99% sure it is a strand of pubic hair.

HOW THE FUCK DID IT END UP ON MY SPANKING NEW DESK?!!!!!

i am thoroughly disgusted.

hahahaha i suddenly thought of something. imagine after giving a blowjob/cunninglingus you get pube hair stuck between your teeth and someone sees it and go "errr i don't know where that mouth of yours has been but there's pubic hair stuck between your teeth"

what? don't look at me like that. the pubic hair confirm plus guarantee plus chop don't belong to me nor m's. because 1) i am a brazilian wax regular 2) m is blonde. everywhere!

woot. i am keeping the suspicious hair in my drawer for further studies. i am honestly intrigued.