-- i heart singapore--- Back in SG after a retarded 22 hours of breathing in stale cabin air due to an unscheduled refueling stop at Seoul. Grrrr. Well at least Cathay compensated us some moolah. Heh. Oh , my flight was totally last minute as well because of my grandpa who is recovering well , thank god. I came home only to discover that my computer of 6 years had finally died on me. It simply refused to boot and there was a funky clicking sound going on inside the CPU when i switched it on , as if it was struggling to give itself a new lease of life. But the only signs of life was the lone flickering underscore against the black moniter screen. Well , its about time you retired , dear self-assembled computer. You have been a faithful servant. And now , its time for some laptop shopping. WOOHA! And also , to all those interested in my auctions.. please bid for it so that i can close it ( i have adjusted the minimum ratings and price ) !!! I might not be able to get back to you all asap though due to obvious reasons. =) Or just email me lah. Am bloody tired now , thank god i was sensible ( and tired ) enough to shelve plans for Mambo. okay bye. -- listening to : jay chou - fa ru xue
-- hammie's storefront !--- Alright , i've been really busy the past few days and i've just come back from Malibu. The weather has taken a sudden dip and its fucking cold now in LA ! Foggy too. I realised with horror that i am COMPLETELY broke. Despite the exchange rate being incredibly sucky i spent all that have brought here , which is alot really. Not to mention the number of times i had to resort to whipping out my card reluctantly. I conclude that i will have to eat shit for a long time when i return to SG .. and thats why i've decided to sell some of the stuff i have just bought . They're good and reliable stuff okay , not some ah mao ah kow items that some unscrupulous sellers sell.  Bath and body works' body lotion box set consisting of Very Merry Cranberry , Vanilla Bean Noel and WInter Candy apple ( 59 ML each )  VS Panty Size XS ( brand new with tag )  VS Panty Size XS ( brand new with tag )  VS panty size XS ( brand new with tag )  Junk food tee size S ( brand new with tag )  Bath and Body works' Tiramisu souffle body lotion 200ML ( $35)  Bath and Body works' Apple Torta souffle body lotion 200ML ($35)  Bath and Body works' Amaretti souffle body lotion 200ML ($35) All prices and details can be found on my auction site  Email me for details ! I have no problems with haggling but please don't deviant too far away with ridiculous prices =) The souffle body lotions are absolutely delicious smelling ! I liked 'em so much that i got 3 sets for myself. :D I love Victoria's Secret so much. Sigh. I bought like a ton worth of pretty lingerie at the Thanksgiving sales last night ! I will be setting foot in Changi Airport again soon. Can't wait to see all of you again. And i can't wait to max out my card at the duty free shops as well( Liquor ! Cosmetics ! ) . hehehehehe. Okay time for a peking duck dinner at downtown LA. Take care y'all. -- 3 songs constantly being repeated on the ipod on the long dreary rides on the freeways - 1) Jay Chou - Feng 2) Starsailor - Four to the floor 3) Deathcab for cutie - Marching bands of manhattan p/s : i saw a mercedes AMG car on the road just now followed by a spanking new Bentley with a british licence plate which means that the crazy ( and filthy rich ) bugger had shipped his car all the way from ENGLAND. i think i'm damn swakoo because my cousin didn't even blink an eye when the AMG drove past us with a swoooooosh. I've been everywhere man.. I've been everywhere.I think i've seen it all here. Range rovers , countless Z-4s , SLKs , numerous CLKs , a couple boxsters and .. don't breath , boys .... a Ferrari ENZO !  LIKE WTF!?! It was parked innocuously by a high-end store at Beverly Hills. Damn siao , man. Really damn siao. This piece of metal runs on a Z12 engine ! travel , i've been everywhere man , i've been everywhere.All of a sudden my dream car ( a topless Mazda Mx-5 ) felt like a plain peanut next to these gold plated nuts.  Hello , my new dream car. As you can tell i like smaller and compact cars , preferably topless. The Z-4 is a ladies' car here in the states because most of the Z-4 drivers i've seen are female , usually hot and blonde. Sob. But before i should even immerse myself in these lofty dreams i should really check my ass into a driving school and learn to fucking drive. Yes and get a licence on my first attempt too , i pray. I truely embarrassed myself while go-karting at Malibu . I swear to god , driving those go-karts are nothing like playing Daytona. hahhahaa.
-- horrors!--- Before heading out for yet another day out with B , i stole a glance into the kitchen and saw my aunt with cling wrap wrapped around her eyes to prevent tearing as she chopped onions. I asked incredulously "What the hell ? You paid 1k to come here and toil in the kitchen ?!" She turned around , eyes red from the onion fumes. "Yah lor , your uncle likes to eat home-cooked food mah.." Then she smiled a smile so genuine that it could only come from the heart. I fought the urge to throw up. She went on "Your uncle is alone at home most of the year and as his wife i want to make sure that during the brief period we get to be together that he gets good home-cooked instead of takeaways.." I shrugged and went out to meet B , who was already waiting outside in his car. Sure , if i was someone's wife , i would definitely would want my husband to have the best and i have a duty to ensure that it happens , and vice versa. Hell , i might not even get married and remain a bed-hopper all my life but in the unlikely event that i tie the knot , i cannot imagine myself playing the role of a domesticated wife. Or in a chinese degradatory phrase , the "Huang Lian Po" I have cooked and did household chores for the guys i have dated before. As much as i'd hate to admit it , the little woman in me felt an uncanny warmth emancipating from my insides .. An unexplained toe-curling bliss knowing that i had done something to make him happy. I still can remember the time when xxx came over to my place for a simple home-cooked fare of porridge , steamed fish and tofu. Simply by standing by the stove , stirring the porridge as he sat a few feet away at the dining table waiting for dinner , i couldn't help breaking into a silly grin.. away from his eyes of course. Then , i never felt so loved as he came up from behind to give me a hug as i washed the dishes. He knew how much i hated washing dishes and despite his firm offers to help , i refused. I don't know why either , i just desperately wanted to do something. As if the sole purpose of my existence was to slave for him. But then again those were purely isolated incidents. Its like eating ice cream. Too much of it and it makes you sick. Women from previous generations were housewifes not by choice , but by circumstances. Men from then fell automatically into the "breadwinner" category and women , housewifes of course. So many roles to play. A mother , a cook , a caring wife , and by night , a bolster. I say that because it wasn't a woman's prerogative to refuse sex in the past. No cliched excuses , nothing. And i am darned sure that most of our grandmothers never had an orgasm before because sex back then was purely recreational and it was a wham-bam-thank-you-mam affair where only men derieved pleasure from. Okay i digress. Perhaps i say that domestication scares the shit out of me because i am still entertaining juvenile thoughts. And the juvenile in me is still very much commitment-phobic. But the rebel in me says , why give up a life that knows no limit to be tied down getting scalded by straying streaks of hot oil in the kitchen and running after the kids with greasy hair plastered to your face ? I say.. Why marry someone as narrow-minded ? The man i would marry in the future might freak out at the idea of a menage-a-trois ( maybe not the the third party was a hot slut and not a chippendale dancer with tight abs) , but he's definitely not going to be one whose idea of a good wife is one who cooks and washes well , and whose legs are constantly spread open , always ready for a fuck. If so , the wedding vow should go
[Groom's name], do you take [Bride's name] to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage.
Do you promise to fuck her , beat her, abuse her and enslave her
At your own discretion , at any time or place
And forsaking all others, be faithful only to her only when you feel like it
So long as you both shall live?
[Bride's name], do you take [Groom's name] to be your wedded husband to live together in marriage
Do you promise to cook for him, get shut out from the outside world for him , bear his children and lose your figure for himFor ever and ever and ever
And forsaking all others, be faithful only to him and worship him
So long as you both shall live?
But of course love posseses a force so insanely powerful that it fucks the mind of all who falls under its spell. So much that i wouldn't be surprised if i looked at myself in the mirror 10 years later from now wearing a faded "Singapore is a fine city" tee with pureed carrot stains and an bawling infant in my hands.. And sighing .. in pleasure. About how wonderful my life is. *shudders* -- listening to : sugarcult-memory
-- not a docile kitty-- Her immaculately manicured fingers wrapped around the stem of the champange flute as she circled the rim in a slow lazy fashion with her free index. "Hmm ?" Josh looked at Abbie and shifted uncomfortably in his seat , the tent in his pants aching as it strained against the fabric. "You look so fucking hot and you know it don't you ?" Abbie smiled . Or was that a smirk ? "Was that supposed to turn me on ? You'll have to work on your vocabulary" Her fingers uncurled around the stem and she begin stroking it. "Alright you slut. You want me to fuck you like a whore until you cry out for me to stop and you want me to suck on your clit and to tongue fuck you until you cum over and over again in my mouth . Do you ?" Abbie narrowed her eyes at Josh and crossed her legs , the sheer lace of her garter rubbing against her thighs as she did so. "You are such a sick fuck , Josh. " Josh laughed. "But you like it don't you ?" Her creamy cleavage came into the restaurent's dim lights as she leaned forward and caressed Josh's middle finger. "As a matter of fact , i do. Tell me how much you want your cock in my pussy. Tell me how much you want to spank me until my ass cheeks becomes tender and warm" Abbie leaned back and chuckled. She loved it when grown men squirm helplessly after getting teased by her. Josh knew.He wasn't about to be defeated. "Smug little bitch. Let's see just how smug you can be when you're on your knees and gagging on my cock." His eyes never straying away from her , Josh could picture Abbie with tears streaming out from her eyes as she choked on his cock as he shoved it down the throat. The entire length. He could see her petite body convulsing as she came , the white of her eyes showing as she grabbed at his hair. He could see her desperately gulping in air as he pinned her against the wall with his hand tight around her throat. He feel her tongue , hot against his shaft as she ran it up and down. "Excuse me.. Would you like more champange ?" The lucid visions of Abbie naked floated away as the waiter cut in. "No thank you. I'll have the check please" In the elevator , Josh held Abbie's hand and put it on his crotch. "This is going to be inside you later" "I know." And she put his tongue into his mouth. ---- B proof-read this little essay for me and i got the stamp of approval ! :D He said it turned him on relatively enough to pass ( which must be pretty okay since he has rather high standards. ) I haven't morphed into some some sorta sexual deviant ( though i am in some ways ) , but being stuck at home ALL day does some wonders to one's sanity. Maybe i should start an erotica-writing career huh. Might be pretty lucrative though i guess its a niche industry since men ( i assume men are the ones who bring in the $ for the sex industry ) are visual creatures and most certainly can't be half-assed enough to read while wanking off. Like "Why the fuck would i wanna read when i can wank off to a hot LIVE action on my moniter ??.. SIAO " But. There are more intelligent beings out there , B being one of em. Hur. And i do get turned on reading sexy literature ( romance novels are NOT one of em. swashbuckling men with tender kisses and swords are so cliched ) And i admit , while reading works by the Marquis too. If the response if good , i might even add a part 2 ! :D I really hope that i don't get nasty comments because if i was really out for attention , i guess photos alone would suffice and i do have tonnes of scandalous materials somewhere. Come on singaporean readers , you can do so much better than flame bloggers all day long. okay bye. -- listening to : elliott smith - twilight ( he's fucking good. but dead. )
-- woohoo ?-- Someone said that i sounded "kik" in my audio posts. And upon listening to it hey i think i agree hahaha. But you can't blame me for trying too hard on my virgin attempts to audio blog huh ! :P Anyway this is a preview of whats to come ..  My cousin and I at Univeral studios. Trust me it wasn't that cold until dusk fell and thats when all of us started shivering .My camera's flat unfortunately because i did not have the cow sense to bring along a charger for it so i'll have to depend on my uncle's 3 megapixel camera. sigh. I think i'm extremely sensitive to the climate here because rashes have started breaking out in random places especially my thighs and it upsets me greatly because i really treasure my complexion alot. It feels like chicken skin now and thinking about it makes me really frustrated. grrrr. The TV shows here all rock, especially Howard Stern's infamous talkshow. Muahaha. What !? You don't know who Howard Stern is ? Where have you been ? Hiding among the mosses under a rock ?! The last episode i watched , the ex-wife of mini-me from Austin Powers ( who's a porn star i think ) stripped and let Howard fondle her boobs. w0ot. The shopping here is expensive but extremely gratifying because of the wide range here. My only gripe is the lack of sizes for me , especially shoes. The girls here have boats for feet ! Okay i'm heading to Pasadena for a cuppa with my long-lost friends now. Fiona , out !
-- a revised version-- Because my previous two posts typed in Vegas were somewhat a failure due to the censored offensive language I decided to delete it altogether. I stayed in Caesars Palace by the way. So , never ever use the computers there. They're a complete ripoff. So much for Vegas being the infamous Sin City where topless cabarets and strip clubs are rampant and sex and alcohol always being in the same sentence. Nevada's freeways were absolutely astounding though. Driving through the Mojave desert with your head out of the window and the gusts of wind weaving through your hair was one hell of an experience i'll never forget. I'm feeling so sad at this very moment. And lonely too Going downstairs for a smoke now with a cute neighbour i just got to know. Its 13 degrees celsius outside , lovely. Perfect for a tete-a-tete with a cute korean boy. okay bye. -- listening to : deathcab for cutie - marching bands of manhattan
----- yum-meeeee--- I love Indomie's Mee Goreng so much that i must have eaten at least 3 packets of 5 in the last 2 months , which makes it an average of two packets a week. I had it for three days straight already for supper , the third being just now. I never have it plain , always with a perfect sunny-side up. The secret to making a really good sunny side up is really simple. Just set the stove to the smallest flame ! Then your sunny side up would be just slightly and evenly browned underneath and soft on top , and the egg yolk still runny yet cooked on the bottom. Mmmmmmm. I like my sunny side ups with a generous dose of pepper.   okay so this sunny side up was slightly burnt and dry because i was too pre-occupied with uploading songs into my ipod mini borrowed from my cousin for the long dreary flight I love Indomie so much that i bought two packets of five for the trip. I just cannot survive without my Mee Goreng with a Sunny Side Up :D My only gripe about the noodles is the lack of spiciness even though i'm not a fan of spicy food. However i am a purist when it comes to what goes into my mouth ( in more ways than one , if you know what i mean *wink* ) and if its supposed to be banana custard , it HAS to taste like bananas. And Mee Goreng is of course , spicy. But ah , nothing is perfect. =) Damn , i suddenly have a craving for seafood bisque. I had it a week ago at this place called Crustacean at Holland V , along with a steak sandwich and a warm chocolate cake. My partner had a seafood platter or something and it was pretty good. Quite a nice place , price wise its about 40+++ per person. Hmm i should really start reviewing restaurents since i'm such a fan of dining out at different places. Okay enough of food , time to continue with the packing.
----- ho hum--- i'll be leaving for LA tomorrow at about 5pm and i leave with mixed emotions because my grandpa's condition has taken a sudden turn for the worse. i was at the hospital with him yesterday for a routine checkup and the doctor informed my aunt and i about his swollen intestines as a result of his tumour and he needed to be operated on asap because it's affecting his appetite and its causing him major discomfort due to the flatulence and non-stop hiccuping. i immediately decided to cancel my trip . it'll mean i'll have to forfeit my 1k on the plane tix but whats a grand compared to my grandpa ?? while still at the hospital awaiting the okay-go from the cardiologist ( cus he has heart probs and surgery will definitely aggravate it ) , i told my aunt about my decision and being the typical singaporean that she was , she was against it due to the costs involved. then we were ushered into the cardio's and finally , some good news. He was all for the op since it was a minor one and my grandpa's still pretty strong to undergo it. so yes , i could leave without worries. but i am still worried and will definitely fly back immediately should any complications arise. i love my grandpa too much. on a happier note , we'll ( my cousin and his parents ) be staying in Las Vegas for the first few days.i am pretty pissed about it because i am not old enough to gamble. shit. and being stuck in Sin City with family isn't really ideal because i really want to check out the shady lifestyles and places. i'll be San Gabriel most of the time but i'll also be spotted around huntington beach ( O.C ) and santa monica too , since my friends are there and i'll probably be bunking with them for a day or two , either at a backpacker's hostel or at their pads. i can't wait to hang out with them. they have been telling me about the wonders of this device called a vaporizer. fuck joints , they said. it should be good. really good , considering that i can get high on a stick of Reds. not to mention visits to musuems and local cinemas/theatres. and when night falls , i'll be in my party togs. they promised to buy me a lapdance as well when we visit stripclubs ! YEAH ! heck , i should moonlight as a stripper while i'm there. they earn really big bucks. i have no sex appeal to speak of but i might appeal to a niche audience if i dress up as a barely legal demure asian schoolgirl , or to put it in simpler terms , an asian lolita ( a plain looking one yes but hey that makes it even more realistic right ) . LOL. i'm not sure when i'll be back. i haven't seen my tickets yet but tentatively it'll be during the first week of december. so it makes it about a month that i'll be there. i really should go pack my luggage(s) now. and i hope Cathay Pacific plays really good movies and not d-grade stuff like house of 1000 corpses. or worse still , home alone ( since its almost christmas season now ) . NOOOOOOOO. -------- listening to : the killers - mr brightside
---- love-- Today my collegue got slapped by her boyfriend in public. So many passerbys stopped to stare. After running back to us in tears while holding her hand to her cheek and seeking shelter in the kitchen , she actually forgave him and went to meet him after hiding for 30 mins. WTF. It isn't the first time her boyfriend had laid his hands on her before . She had come to work on numerous occasions with angry bruises or the evidence of being grabbed violently by a strong hand. She confided to me that once while clubbing with him and their friends , she got slightly tipsy and this apparently infuriated him so he pulled her into a toilet cubicle where he whacked her and even almost flung a dustbin at her, if not for the bouncer's intervention. I looked at her and couldn't fathom how her boyfriend , all of 1.8m and brawn , could even bear to lay hands on her petite little body. She's slightly less than 1.5m. While bearing in mind that women that women are definitely creatures capable of pissing their partners off , NEVER EVER should a man hurt her physically. And to think that not so long ago before the slapping incident occured i was just fawning over how sweet a couple was , with their hands entwined under the table while engaging in lively banter. I swear to god , if i ever see another sign of abuse on her , i'm gonna call the cops.
------ i really shouldn't but..-- i really shouldn't post this up and risk tarnishing my squeaky clean reputation ( i think ) but i find them really well taken so TO HELL WITH IT ! and because most were taken using xin's cameraphone , the quality's pretty sucky which is why i had to tweak the contrast with photoshop , and not because i want to come across as being pseudo-arty or whatever. and because to prove that i'm not posting them up for attention's or compliments' sake , i shall disable comments for this one =)  its amazing what lowered inhibitions can do to a person's sanity .. its also amazing how lowered inhibitions ( not from alcohol but from the adrenaline rush you get from partying ) can make me actually make contact with a public toilet seat when i usually hover.. its even more amazing how a camera angle can make my boobs look inflated. not that i'm complaining.  one of the more popular emo poses around nowadays. being the superbly trendy person that i am , i must also follow suit , no ? usually the caption would be like "as i walk down the boulevard of broken dreams" or "the road ahead is long" or "where do i go from here?" SO EMO CAN. *barfs*  and lastly the super gimmicky photo of me. it was actually taken in conjunction with my friend's birthday , where i scribbled my birthday wishes for him in the blank space. and no , i am not topless you assholes. i am pretty reluctant to post this one up because i look so bloody fake and plastic but what gives eh. i love the caption even though i'm more of a submissive person anyway. -- okay now i am really late.
------ mash'd---- I thought it was a really fantastic idea to spin an eclectic mix of rock , punk and alternative @ Phuture on saturdays on a regular basis though i'm pretty sure , judging from the response last night , it won't remain for long. i'm not a really big fan of zouk/phuture due to the crazy crowds that gives asthmatics like me the jitters but last night i was very comfortable with the idea of getting to and fro from phuture to the toilets within 2 minutes. then again , not everyone likes jiving to the Sex Pistols ( everyone now - i am anti-christ ! i wanna be ANARCHY ! ) . And thats why phuture was relatively empty last night. but tony tay really knows his music. i bow down to his greatness and good taste. it is completely impossible to dance along to Axl Rose going "Ohhhhh ohhhhhhh sweet child of mine !" So everyone one was doing what they would usually do at rock concerts - MOSH ! LOL! Imagine. People dressed up to the nines , high heels and all , moshing. Fucking insane. But good. and the drinks. you gotta admit that they're good. but one thing i hate about clubbing at zouk is the scarcity of chow available nearby. the 5 of us walked like miles to great world city to end up looking like tramps eating noodles from plastic cups. i've never had problems filling a post-clubbing stomach while clubbing at my regular haunts like cocco latte. the enterprising person in me thought , how lucrative it would be to open a small cafe in the block of nearby flats catering specially to zoukettes. and i'd only have to open on weds , fris and sats to make a profit !! alrite , time to go get dressed. its champagne night at acid bar later. yums. moet and chandon. take care y'all. xxooxox, fiona ------- listenin to : sugarcult - memory ----- p/s : what are they doing to my lovely lovely paris ?! i can't believe its happening . fuck those riots.
----- thrills--- as usual i've been too busy ( and lazy ) to update. i'm really milking this extended vacation ( the next module starts in jan ) of mine dry. anyway. i was appalled by my sick bliss derieved from waxing M's leg hair last night. all it took was a small strip of Veet's bikini wax strip to make my toes curl in morbid pleasure. i doubled up in laughter seeing his mutiple twisted expression with every quick pull , which i executed with much relish and delight of course. "okay okay this is not going to hurt i promise" ( YEAH RIGHT !!!!!!! ) i stroked his leg which was propped upon mine lovingly and smoothed down the finger-sized wax strip on a particularly hairy location. "sure or not ???" ( worried expression ) "really lah it ....." then i RIPPED it off without any warning , my eyes still fixated on his face to capture every expression. LOL. his mouth opened in a bewildered look and a silent scream escaped before he screamed "chaoooooooo cheee bye !!!!!!" i think he would have kicked my face if i didn't hold down his leg. however after the first few rips , he sorta became immune to the pain and and then i whipped out my weapon. THE HAIR TWEEZER. his smug look which was a result of him becoming numb to the pain quickly vanished. Bahahahaha. His eyes grew large with worry and he made a lame attempt to escape. "its not going to hurt.. i promise.. you pluck your eyebrows what , its just about the same. and besides the hair growth is so much slower than shaving !" he looked skeptical and pointed to his leg which nursed a forest of stubbly new growth because it had been eons since he shaved his leg. "so many hair , pluck until when ?!" i grinned and told him to relax , this was only an experiment. "i feel like your toy , lor.." so i picked out one very mean looking strand of hair. but to maximise the pain factor , i did not pull it out in one swift action and instead i pulled it using a slow deliberate force. the expression on his face ? priceless. "FUCK YOU LAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" hahahhahaa. the torture ritual continued for about 45 mins , with me trying out different ways to find out the most painful method. so far , i think the fleshy parts of the calf hurt the most , especially so if i pull out more than 3 strands of hair together at the same time and rolling it about back and forth. the aftermath of the experiment was a hairy one. the blue waxing strips astrewn all over the table , looking not so blue with its masses of black hair on them. my floor , littered with the cause of his agony. tomorrow i am going to help him wax his entire leg with sugar wax and you can be sure i will take photos. till then, take care y'all. xoxoxo, fiona ------ listening to : RHCP - scar tissue
---- let's talk about sex , baby--- I stayed home today , not by choice but by circumstances . I thought i was supposed to work when it was actually tomorrow and by the time i realised it was already too late to make plans. Oh well. Just as well. I spent the whole day browsing suicidegirls.com , with big big thanks to Jer for being nice enough to share his password with me so that i could see what lies beneath those paltry preview pages. And boy. They were gorgeous things. Tastefully taken shots of bare skin and titillating body mods. Nothing too risque nor vulgar. Just a celebration of a woman's body and the artworks on them. They're the exact reason why , quoting from the 40 year old virgin , pussies should be put on pedestals and worshipped. If i could mould my own girl toy , she would be a petite little package of alabaster skin , short jet black hair with bangs and smokey turquoise eyes. Perky tits , slightly over a handful. Nipples ? Pink ones would be nice. Pierced ? Of course. Down south , she would be cleanly shaven with either a labia or clit ring. Not both , since it'll probably make her pussy look congested. And just a small tattoo on the inside of her thigh .   So beautiful..I scorn those who shun homosexuality , and disdain those who take lesbianism as a joke , becoming "lesbians" overnight just because it is so uber cool to do so. Or proclaiming themselves "lesbians" just because they have held hands or exchanged oral fluids with each other. Thats just so incredibly childish but trends are usually juvenile anyway. "oOoh hee tHis is mE anD jAnet kiSsIng !! WE ARE LESBIANS !!!!!" asinine. asinine. asinine. These dipshits make me want to rant and yell and hurl. I'm not gay, neither am i a bisexual. I used to think that i was the latter though and dated another girl for a while about 7 months ago. She was an attractive and liberated individual and the attraction was there. Was it purely physical , i am still unsure. It was a fling on my part , the bi-curious person in me rearing its ugly head. She on the other hand took it pretty seriously and was devastated when i didn't want to continue the relationship a short week later. Being with her opened up alot of doors. We hung out at chalets and house parties where girls were all over each other. Where girls fingered each other behind cubicles and fondled on every available surface. Where beautiful petite things straddled each other playfully on couches to no music in particular. It was then i realised i wasn't into it. I cringed and froze whenever she touched me. I guess she knew because she stopped trying after a while. I miss her touches actually , because they feel so much gentler and lighter. Despite my blatant reluctance , i loved how she knew about that little spot on my neck and how sweet she smelled. Of course big manly hands around my small waist or creeping up my thighs beats a woman's touch any day :p I've never been comfortable bringing up this topic because i've never talked about it but i guess it isn't such a big deal confessing after all. And then a few days ago , i obsessed over this girl who was at the cafe i work at. She didn't look like a dyke. Despite her binded breasts and boyish clothes , she had the most feminine smile , though fleeting and rare. She became the centre of my universe for an hour . I looked at her at every possible opportunity , and longed to touch her scarlet lips. I suppressed the urge to ask for her number because she was with another girl. Then i asked myself what the fuck was i even thinking about. Homosexuality is when you are in love with someone from the same gender , and NOT when the attraction's purely a physical one because as humans , we appreciate beauty. In more ways than you can ever think of. You're not gay just because you want to have another girl grab your hair while you eat and tease her. Thats just carnal , and its normal. You're not gay just by simply wondering how another guy would look like naked. I think people need to be educated. - listening to : Air - Cherry Blossom Girl ( THIS REALLY AWESOME TRUST ME ) And its time for fiona's recommendations ! 1) Astrud Gilberto - So nice 2) My Chemical Romance - Ghost of You 3) Deathcab for Cutie ( you saw it comin didnt you ) : Styrofoam plates 4) Goldfrapp : Ooh La la
Happy deepavali. I'm tired and feeling very snappy. ---- listening to : Astrud Gilberto - So nice
|
