--
FUCKING DOCTOR!
--

still alive, though work has been rather taxing.

okay so 'rather taxing' is an understatement since i've been so stressed that my period came 2 weeks earlier. TWO FUCKING WEEKS!

which of course prompted another flurry of paranoia, and another trip to the doctor. since my usual doc was away i had to settle for some dubious doctor around the neighbourhood and i swear to god after this incident i will forever remain A CREATURE OF HABIT.

this fucking doctor was the worse ever. period. so he had a look up my little rosebud and he shook his head gravely. and i can guarantee you that it is far from assuring to be on some gurney lookalike with your legs spread open and this old man peering into the inner depths of your privates and shaking his head.

"what it is, doc?? why am i bleeding down there when its not my period!!?" ( then i didn't realise it was my period )

"i don't know but i think you've got a tear down there and you need to stitch it up"

"what tear?! how come i don't feel it?!"

( ignoring my question completely) "you gotta come back and get this stitched up or you'll bleed everytime you have sex"

i was feeling rather bewildered at that time because firstly, i've never felt any sort of pain down there neither have i had any problems er, copulating.

"its okay doc never mind about the tear, i'm not going to sleep with anyone in a long while"

and guess what. HE ROLLED HIS EYES AT ME AND WENT

"yeah right you're telling me you're not going to have sex anymore how is that possible"

you chao kuku! are you insinuating that i sleep around? if that wasn't blatant sarcasm i don't know what.

because i wasn't convinced that it was a tear that caused the bleeding since the flow was quite heavy, i wanted to know if its not any other thing that's causing the sudden symptom like a cyst or whatever.

"how can i know when i've not any done any tests on you yet girl? can you stop asking so many questions??"

seething in anger but not wanting to create a scene, i kept quiet. the worse was yet to come.

"okay girl you gotta do a blood test."

fine, blood test it is. though the first time i had my blood drawn i was thrashing about on the verge of fainting, i've been through it so many times that i was ready to get poked like a pro.

the needle went in and i squirmed a bit but took it like a brave girl. then, the doc got me to do something that made me gasp in muted horror

"okay girl, press down here with your two fingers"

he instructed me to press down between the needle with my two fingers so that he could withdraw the bloody needle.

WHAT THE FUCK. this was supposed to be done by a nurse!

halfway through withdrawing he suddenly muttered incoherently and trudged off with the needle sticking from my arm.

THAT IS RIGHT. HE WENT OFF WITH THE NEEDLE STILL IN MY ARM!

it was just hanging there, jutting out obscenely, the crimson liquid a concave cylinder in the syringe.

he came back with a metal tray and nonchalently removed the needle from my arm. how unprofessional!!!!!

i even had to stick on the plaster myself.

and now, almost a week later, i still haven't gotten the results from my blood tests even though i was promised i would get it on friday. bloody hell.

and yes, i went home and stuck a mirror between my legs and had a thorough self-examination. really, i see nor feel no tear. maybe he was just making some sort of excuse so that he could shut me up. i usually trust docs but this time round i'm going to insist on seeing the actual lab reports.

i'm not too worried now since the cause of the bleeding's my period but i just want to make sure that i get a clean bill of health ( which is stupid since my previous blood tests have proven otherwise but well, thats paranoia for you )

other than that, all has been fine.

and oh i find it extremely rude when people you're not exactly on buddy-buddy terms with asks about your salary.

i am earning enough, thank you very much.

can't wait for december, when deadlines for the inaugural issue's finally over.

BYE FOR NOW PEOPLES !

--

listening to : goo goo dolls - slide

--
interesting shit!
---


A fascinating article on BBC makes some startling predictions about the human race. far-fetched or not, it still makes an interesting read.


--
Evolutionary theorist Oliver Curry of the London School of Economics expects a genetic upper class and a dim-witted underclass to emerge.

The human race would peak in the year 3000, he said - before a decline due to dependence on technology.

People would become choosier about their sexual partners, causing humanity to divide into sub-species, he added.

The descendants of the genetic upper class would be tall, slim, healthy, attractive, intelligent, and creative and a far cry from the “underclass” humans who would have evolved into dim-witted, ugly, squat goblin-like creatures.

But in the nearer future, humans will evolve in 1,000 years into giants between 6ft and 7ft tall, he predicts, while life-spans will have extended to 120 years, Dr Curry claims.

Physical appearance, driven by indicators of health, youth and fertility, will improve, he says, while men will exhibit symmetrical facial features, look athletic, and have squarer jaws, deeper voices and bigger penises.

Women, on the other hand, will develop lighter, smooth, hairless skin, large clear eyes, pert breasts, glossy hair, and even features, he adds. Racial differences will be ironed out by interbreeding, producing a uniform race of coffee-coloured people.

However, Dr Curry warns, in 10,000 years time humans may have paid a genetic price for relying on technology.

Spoiled by gadgets designed to meet their every need, they could come to resemble domesticated animals.


---

so i forwarded this to the entire office, and said to my colleague

"damn, i wish i was born in 3000! then i will have perky boobs"

then he said

"but what if you fall into the lower class?"

LOL. scary shit. then again, evolution isn't a snap-of-the-fingers action. i don't think anything that drastic would happen in a millenium. what say you?

i'm still in the office by the way. CRAZY SHIT ! but i like being busy. take care y'all

--
one of those shit
--


1. When is the last time you held hands
with someone?
well i'm pretty sure i held mark's hands as we had sex.

2. You wake up as the opposite gender,
what's the one thing you'd do?
i'd check if i had hair around my asshole.

3. Have you ever crawled through a
window?
yes

4. Where is your mum?
probably snuggling up to the husband i never really got to know

5. Morning or night person?
i bite in the mornings!

6. What was the last movie you watched?
ehhhhhh. sideways and 8 mile on DVD. both were pretty damn good.

7. Things about the opposite sex you
notice first.
if he's got dark hair and green eyes, baby!

8. What do you do when no one is
watching?
i pick my nose and then examine the offending article.

9. Ever been in love?
i hope so !

10. What's something your friends make
fun of you for?
for resembling a toothpick and for being so awesomely cool and stylish.

11. What is your curfew?
..

12. Would you ever dye your hair red?
yes

13. You + alcohol =
spontaneous combustion

14. What's your worst personality flaw?
laziness

15. What career would you wish to be
in?
media and thats why i love my job now

16. Which country would you like to
visit?
france and middle asia

17. Do you want a well paying job or a
job you enjoy?
the latter definitely

18. Do you believe in needing a
religion?
not for now but probably will when i'm old and dying. thats the way it goes

19. When were you last on the phone?
just now with yan

20. What were the shoes you wore today?
stayed home today

21. Do you like maths?
fuck no

22. What about history?
hate it as a subject but love reading it

23. Have you ever seen 5 squirrels at
one time?
wtf?

25. Can you touch your nose with your
tongue?
no but i can touch YOUR nose with MY tongue if you come close enough

26. Do you have a brother?
no

27. Did your great grandad fight in the
civil war?
no. no civil war here lah.

28. Who's your favorite person to talk
to online?
definitely not yan or xinzi

29. Have you ever used photobucket?
all da time

30. Do you like hugs?
more than kisses

31. Do you want to be a doctor?
i would like to be a gynae. i like looking at vaginas and comparing them to mine. and oh, the looks on a to-be mother's face during her first ultrasound

32. Have you ever fallen asleep with
gum in your
mouth?
no!

33. What do you do right before you go
to bed?
nth.

34. Right when you get out of bed?
i wedge myself between the bed and the wall so that no one can pull me off my bed.

--

haha. not going to post alot as i'm saving up all my brain cells for work. impending deadlines ahead! anyway here's a joke from xinzi

"one day, naughty peter drew a penis on the whiteboard.
the teacher saw, and wiped the whiteboard off angrily..
the next day, peter drew a BIGGER PENIS. and beside it, he wrote "THE MORE U RUB IT, THE BIGGER IT GETS."

not bad lah, quite funny!

--
woo hoo
--

what i really need now is a nice well-oiled neck rub followed by 10 hours of sleep.

event just now at Il Lido was amazing. nope, still the same ol' socialite-y faces making up the crowd and air kisses galore BUT the canapes were awesome.

scallops wrapped in parma ham..
lobster tartlets..
asparagus and smoked salmon rolls..
foie gras with caramelised fruit in lettuce cups
lamb skewers

see they were so good that i remembered all of them.. there were more but there were so many trays going around that i couldn't track them all down. ha. all of them salty little things makes you thirsty. downing them with champange is like an orgasm on your tongue.

sorry, what event was that about again? hahahaa.

i think to hold a successful media event one must ensure great titbits. i know some may dispute that it might distract your targets but trust me, my colleagues and I wouldn't have lingered for more than ten minutes if it weren't for the food. for the first time we actually hung around for an hour at an event. most events i've attended, the canapes served were usually sad little limp things like cucumber sushi. i'm glad i'm a writer and not a PR person, since i hate to mingle. i'm one of those who'll be happy standing in the corner gorging food while wondering what the door gift would be.

anyway.

http://leeeeeeeee.blogspot.com/2006/11/growing-up-in-singapore.html

heartening to know that we're still very much a patriotic bunch, judging from the comments. in my opinion i think this Lee guy is just a piece of shit. Good journalism my arse baby. even my editor agrees.

if you read his first paragraph closely, it means that he actually spent most of his life HERE and not in fucking Houston. i concur that he's just one of those wannabes trying to make a hoo-ha out of his 'americanisation'.

fucking tired. good night all

--
imminent
--

its coming. the plague is coming. the first time i saw my spit tinged with blood, i knew it was coming to an end.

it has been for four days now. please tell me i'm not going to die. my doctor colleague says coughing sometimes ruptures blood vessels but i am not convinced. it must be a tumour. it has to be.

*tears hair out*

this fear being riddled with every disease imaginable is driving me nuts. its like a bad obsessive-compulsive habit,except that it manifests the mind in a way not unlike maniacs who wash their hands 287213789121 times a day. even the tiniest mosquito bite alarms me. is it a rash? is it because i might have skin disease?

and the lone pimple on my cheek, the first one in a long while. why is it there? am i not taking enough vitamins? do i have too much toxins floating around my body?

my doctor is laughing all the way to the bank because of a paranoid young lady who subjects herself to blood tests at whim just to seek a peace of mind. the assurance is short-lived however, as the paranoia creeps up on her within days again, like a strangulating vine around a tree, slowly smothering its host to death.

someone please refer me to a shrink. the downward spiral into the abyss of despair is back again.

--
don't laugh!
--

i've finally succumbed and got a myspace account :p okay so i've had it already for the past few months but i never went back since friendster's the more local-friendly portal.

i know i know.. i'm too old for such stuff !

just today my colleague was leaning in towards my cubicle and going

"tsk tsk.. myspace huh!"

LOL. so embarrassing.

personally i like myspace because there are so many accounts of obscure bands in it and its really easy for me to check out their music without having to source all over the net for it.

but i think its also hunting grounds for perverts and real-life wallflowers with supernova online personas. even though my profile was empty i've received quite a number of messages ( most of them nerdy white boys from the good ol' USA ) with contents like

"hey howru? =) wru from ? shall we meet? i'm from southside =)"

i was tempted to reply something along the lines of

"i'm fine. sure let's meet up. southside? hmmm. i don't mind meeting up at harbourfront =)"

( btw if you didn't realise southside's a term for the southern american coast or something )

anyway my URL's http://www.myspace.com/thehammie so yeah do add me while you're there. ha!

anyway i'm only 20 ! NOT too old for anything :p

good night!

---

listening to : postal service - the district sleeps alone tonight

--
SPARE US!
---

NOT AGAIN!

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/239554/1/.html

We're seriously turning into a country of SHEER convenience. Do we really have to build everything around us so that our pores don't ooze a single molecule of precious pespiration when we step out.

and the pollution! oh, just imagine the pollution. and the accompanying music. it is impossible to venture out without passing by any construction of sorts ( Upgrading, circle line, new highways etc ). It's true that we have to constantly upgrade ourselves and our surroundings but all these are most certainly redundant. worse of all they're even planning to build something to link Ubin to the mainland. what the fuck. if that ever happens i'll most certainly stage a protest. fuck you all brainless government planners.

soon there won't be any walking space left. everything will be rails. concrete will replace tarmac and cars will be scrapped to create trains.

nobody walks.



embrace the future.

--
peace of mind
--

i must learn to forgive and forget. repeat.

i must learn to forgive and forget.

i must learn to forgive the bitc...i mean, person who so shamelessly flirted with someone i was dating and being utterly unapologetic even when confronted. she was even defensive and said that "i'll make sure you regret it. i mean it." ( with added menace included *snarl* ) as a parting shot.

i must learn to forgive my thoughtless cousin who always comes to me asking for money and then disappearing to go out with his friends on my birthday.

i must learn to forgive my friend who would rather head off to "go shopping for bags" on my birthday. yes, i am still bitter about it.

i must learn to forgive my mother, who never remembers even the biggest details of my life such as where i'm studying at or my age.

"but mom, i'm already working!"

"really? but isn't 18 a bit too early to start working?"

"mom, i'm twenty !"

i must learn to forgive my dad for remaining skeptical about my ambitions even until now that i've started to make a headway in my line of work.

i must learn to forgive the people who never returns frantic calls and messages. like when i was in one of my depressed bouts and i called someone who happened to be nearby but instead chose to hang out with his friends.

i must learn to forgive everyone who has snapped at me before, simply because i have my own little snappy tempers as well.

i must learn to forgive the screamers and crybabies on public transportation.

lastly, i must learn to be less paranoid and ease up a little.

--
and all that jazz!
--

all these air-kissing rituals are driving me up the wall.

stop.

i stand in the corner, quietly molesting the stem of my glass of pretentious pellegrino, observing the circus i call the media.

i hate pellegrino! who the fuck drinks water that tastes like carbonated alkali? is it only because requesting for "sparkling water" sounds more chic? ( yes. )

as i stiffened a sleeping leg a wedgie is formed and with two discreet fingers i coax the offending fabric out from the clench of my tight ass.

--
not dead!
--

still alive, yes. i realised that it has been a while since i got any "me" time and i'm hell bent on spending this weekend by the beach reading a book and archie comics. it better not rain, dammit!

and ta-dah~ halloween pics are up !!! just a couple though, because most of them were taken when i was dead drunk and i look absolutely shitty with my eyes looking delirious and horrendously gummy smiles.

none of the pictures have been photoshopped so if you were wondering why i look so ghastly pink well its because since i have a reason to overload on the make up, then why not??

by the way its a "lolita-meets-pornstar-meets-ballerina-meets-witch" costume. i know its a ridiculous outfit but i really had no choice because nothing fits my petite frame. sigh. its a kid's costume, yes. =D

believe me if i could i'll definitely go dressed as barney or a burger. i like funny outfits !! there were like 817389173182 devils so next year you know what NOT to wear for halloween.



the japanese lolita, the unwitchy witch, the half-ass pirate and the french maid



at zouk's deli where i met the PAP and hugged the oversized koala. i know i shouldn't wear glasses with my costume but i really couldn't stuff those bloody contacts into my eyes.



the most politically incorrect photo !



i really love these dudes in the PAP uniforms. hahahahahaha. i think they carried it off really well !!



one of those "how-come-i-don't-remember-taking-this-photo" moments. was so intoxicated that i got overexposed !! HAHA ! oi brother, don't say i not good to you hor, at least i mosaic-ed your very flushed face :p

anyway i know that we don't celebrate halloween here in this part of the world but i really think that most of us use it as an excuse to dress up. next halloween i MUST get my costume early and ship it in from the states so i can dress up as a burger.

fucking tired. today is the last day of a series of press events. FINALLY !!!

--

listening to :

suede - beautiful ones