orgasmic hamsters

orgasmic hamsters






Friday, July 28, 2006

oh , the horror !

i was with d having some post-dinner drinks at some place in red dot building ( skin ? i forgot its name ) when d waddled off , slightly intoxicated, to the bathroom. i was minding my own business stirring my rum and coke absent-mindedly when the bartender sudddenly leaned over ( we were sitting at the bar )

mat-rocker bartender : are u local ?

me : huh ? yea, 100% singaporean !

mat-rocker bartender *happily* : ohh.. so are you an SPG ? ( obviously he thinks SPG is a complimentary term or something. haha )

me *flabbergasted* : nooooo ??!!

okay this SPG issue has been bugging me for sometime. depending on how you define an SPG, i am, to quite a handful, considered an SPG because mark is aussie and d is well, a bloody yankee though he is only half white.

i honestly think that i do not fit into the description of an SPG because

1) i do not date white men exclusively, i just happen to meet more of them at this point of my life

2) i spend my own money

3) i have an above average IQ ( hahaha not like it matters but i just wanna flaunt that i am not some ditzy hair-twirling girl , okay ?? )

more on the SPG topic later, i have to go back to my books. exams are in like what, 10 hours time.


oh, i found these photos i took in china a year ago. gosh, such an enriching photographic experience i had there =)

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such innocence.

listenin to : lustra - scotty doesn't know


Tuesday, July 25, 2006

of men, fishing , shit and obese hamsters

Fours hours had passed with about ten bouts of pseudo-excitement, mostly false alarms involving stuck hooks, random floatsam and one that got away.

And then amidst the zen soundtrack of water lapping against the shore, the wind carried the soft chime of bells.

Never has the familiar ting-a-ling-ling caused so much flurry. And why ? Because they were attached to a fishing rod for the sole purpose of announcing " LOOKEE HERE ! YOU'VE GOT A BITE, BABY! "

" I've got a huge one ! I've got a huge one ! " G shouted as his road curved into a sinuous semi circle.

" What is it ? Rasputin's decomposed dick ? " Someone commented almost disgruntedly as the rest crowded around G who was fighting a seemingly taxing but winning war with the catch.

" Wah , ka ni na ! Sibei chio leh this fish ! " G couldn't keep his smile off his face, his chest ( and ego ) puffing up exponentially as the unfortunate fish thrashed about wildly. The rest of the boys however, kept unusually silent, as opposed to animated exchanges along the lines of "wah , you si bei suay !" and " never mind, i'll get you a new hook" whenever the line was reeled in only to reveal disappointment.

No praises were heard, either. They left the still triumphant G one by one, their jaws tightening with renewed determination to top G's achievement.

Men. *shakes head*


just wondering, how many of you have this habit of reading while you poop ??

when i say habit, i mean something you can't do without, like being rendered completely shitless if you don't have any sort of reading material on hand, be it your handphone's SMS inbox or even a brochure. ( i have been so desperate before that i resorted to reading the instruction manual on the sanitary bin over and over again before )

because i am like that. i find it extremely crucial to be distracted by reading ( only reading, since other activities like playing some handheld game or smoking will create TOO much distraction ) , because if i don't get sufficiently distracted, my thoughts will wander to the deed being done and i'll be too disgusted to complete the task at hand. LOL. like "hmmm, i think the shit should be reaching the exit with a few more pushes.. oh FUCK, that is so fucking gross !"

when i'm at home, i get so carried away by my reading ( espcially newspapers ) , that long after i have emptied my bowels i will still be atop my porcelain throne engrossed in reading.

for as long as 30 minutes, mind you.

and no, extensive reading doesn't apply to public loos because i just want to get up from the tissue covered seat ASAP, with exceptions to the loos in Changi airport because they are so impeccably clean and quiet.



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what do you mean , i'm pregnant ? i'm not !

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where the fuck did that blinding flash of light come from ?

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my owner is a bitch


listenin to : the shins - new slang


Sunday, July 23, 2006



i would if i was good looking, because good looking people don't need no hair to look presentable.

i.e natalie portman.

anyway the time now is 8.45am and i'm off to a kelong (?!) off pasir ris for a day of sun, fishing and tonnes of unhealthy bbq-ed food.



listenin to : snow patrol - run


Friday, July 21, 2006

Thank God Its Friday !!


it irritates me alot to see how his Blackberry phone drags him around like a leashed dog.

it also irks me no end when he acts like a complete slob i.e walking around the main road outside his condo barefooted ( in his grubby UCLA sweatshirt and looking like a tramp , no less )

me : why the fuck are you barefooted ?! the roads are dusty !

d : *shrugs* well, the air is dusty too

what the fuck.


Wednesday, July 19, 2006


salut , my dear readers !

i've been nothing more than casual acquiantances with someone for a couple of months running, the friendship limited to mere hellos , good-byes and short ( but always enriching ) conversation.

today i've finally found the chance to sit down to have a long talk with him. well-travelled , good-humoured and easily amused, he's the kinda person everyone would like.

he's not drop-dead gorgeous and yes the age gap is a little scary but everytime he smiles i would always fight the urge to lean forward to touch the crinkles around his eyes. heh.

hopefully something would come out of this new-found friendship !!

and good night to all !


Monday, July 17, 2006

encore ! encore !

baybeats 2006 kicked ass , baybeeeee !

this is despite the fact that the place was teeming with emo emo tweens dressed in their best black/striped emo attire with emo eyeliner and emo sulk.

"cut my wrists and let me bleed the world is such a dreary dreary place to be.."

the irony was, even though they were trying to stand out, they end up fading into the mundane majority and making normal folks like us look curiously outstanding.

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this mat-rocker dude impressed us somewhat with his ability to squeeze his legs into his ultra-tapered denim. fashion police alert !!

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some dude with really bad emo hair. it's long and straight at the front and sides but badly scrunched up at the back.

horrendous dressing aside, the music was rocking as usual ! i'm heartened to see that the turnout was slightly better than last year's and the support for local bands packed in much more enthusiasm than before !!

i missed out the later half of day 1 because it was ping's birthday ( for more details please refer to xin's blog ! i love of all them ! ) , and whole of day 2 was spent sleeping and wallflowering at liquid room with tre and pebbles.

really enjoyed :

electrico ( we're not made in the USA : red and white and no fuckin blue !! )
the posies
beezewax ( the band had SO much energy ! i think the drummer was high from smoking his drumsticks )

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jack black lookalike from the posies ( yes yes suckass quality i know )

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the ever greens - glen alexander fifi

i think my body harbours a personal vendatta against heavy bass because whenever i stand too close to booming speakers, i'll start to feel nauseous and light-headed. happened last night during the closing act when we managed to squeeze in right at the front ( i was wedged between two huge speakers ) and whenever i'm clubbing too. the whole vibraring vocal chords thing gets to me, man.

concave scream was kinda dismal , even they apologised for their lethargy ! whats up dudes, you guys really rocked my socks last year !!

i can't wait for baybeats 2007. heh heh. perhaps they could get deathcab for cutie ? or perhaps a few members of the now defunt the juliana theory ? heh heh heh.

oh wait. here's something yan gave to me as a surprise gift. i knew she was up to something when she started cackling like a demented hyena when i met her.

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turns out she stole this HIV test kit from somewhere for me. thanks alot for the concern.

between fits of stifled laughter ( public lah , must suppress ) , i said

'yah yah, you might think its funny now but when i really kena AIDS then we won't be laughing anymore'

instead of the desired effect she laughed even harder. i have a heartless bitch for a best friend !!

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waiting.. waiting.

exams start next week ! SIGH.

and now i'm off to stuff my face with a macdonald's big breakfast that i just ordered.


listening to : train - drops of jupiter


Saturday, July 15, 2006


i've always found people who post lyrics after lyrics in their blogs a complete bore but this time , i really must share this with all of you.

such a haunting song, such beautiful lyrics.

snow patrol - run

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Anyway from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up...

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
I just want to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess



Thursday, July 13, 2006


i know you guys have been waiting for this , simply because all of u are lazy readers !

i've got a swollen left eye because apparently i have a sty under my eyelid. i don't know what the fuck caused it but folklore has it that it' s a result of looking at unsavoury stuff , e.g peeping and porn.

no wonder.


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THE GREAT COKE EXPERIMENT with tre the amateur scientist which failed horribly. possibly because we did not crash the menthos simulateneously into the coke, quite a tricky task really. we only got the coke to bubble over instead of it spurting out in a magnificent fountain.

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kimchi boy and chicken rice girl

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passion fruit souffle @ le petit salut in Holland V. its a french restaurent that serves really fantastic french fare at affordable prices.

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tre's parking ticket.. on his birthday !! HAHAHA ! i couldnt stop laughing when we went back to the car and saw the long strip of paper.

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plump and succulent chicken at the second level of queenstown hawker centre ! OTB , are you drooling yet ? :p

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fooling around at toys r us

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an afternoon at the library

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bugis station

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this photo would have turned out great if only my hands weren't shaking. argh

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meet big d , the incredibly adorable mascot of georges !

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bert's terrier !

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sri marianamam ( its as hard to spell as jacintha abishnegan ) temple

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sri mariamamam's ( ?! ) gates

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and finally, andrew shows us why he should be crowned greatest lover of the world. ha !



Tuesday, July 11, 2006

post-dawn musings

reading supposedly quenches the thirst of the inquisitive, but the more i read, the more wants i gain.

like an insatiable desire to feel, to touch.

instead of going "ah, so that's how its like", i'll be killing myself thinking why the hell am i sitting on my ass when i could have been experiencing it first-hand.

how does it feel like to be queueing up in a Starbucks outlet on dreary monday morning with the rest of london, all looking ubiquitous in their monotone threads and laptop bags ?

how does it feel like to tether at the edge of a fjord in norway, to drop a pebble right down the abyss and never hearing it reach its destination ?

how does it feel like to be controlled like a worthless puppet by your government, to be shouldering the faults of those you respect in North Korea ?

how does it feel like knowing that you could be the next meal of the vultures encircling you in Ethiopia ?

how does it feel like to be saturating your blood with chemicals of names you can't even pronounce, to hallucinate for days only to realise that the whitewashed walls ,that sickly antiseptic stench and the tube in your nose isn't a figment of your drugged imagination ?

i'll probably never know.

and now i am late for class. toodles.


Monday, July 10, 2006

forzA italia !

as much as i am an english fan, i had to place my money on some team that will probably win me some quick buck.

so, in a matter of a few minutes spent making my decision at the betting shop, i had morphed into an italy convert.

brian ( yes , your friendly top tipster from The New Paper ) had proclaimed with much conviction a few days earlier

"fiona, trust me on this one , italy will lift the trophy !"

i looked at his moustache of wisdom and knew that he had convinced me.

"but you're always placing your bets contrary to your predictions in the paper !!!" ( but the best part is his predictions always comes right while he loses his personal bets :p )

"but trust me young lady italy will win."

so i humptum $10 dollars on an 1x2 bet , which means italy had to win , no matter what.

the payout was a paltry $24 but hey, i'll do all to make the match even more thrilling ya ?

the match was expectedly quite boring , but the atmosphere down at the pub with the girls was not !

everyone who was supposed to be there was there and it was a sea of blue , green , red and white. and smudged face paints and imitation soccer jerseys !

then all of a sudden Zidane went to headbutt Materazzi ( sounds like Maserati ) and got red-carded. i laughed out loud at this extremely curious incident, so did the rest of the italian fans though the french supporters remained largely tight-lipped.

felt like deja vu, a repeat of the wayne rooney incident. and yeah the ref was the same argentinian arsehole, though of course Zidane's sending off was much more justified.

talk about retiring with a bang ! now instead of people going "ah , Zidane. he who defines beauty in football" when reminicising, they'll now snigger and go "ah , Zidane. remember how he got sent off for that stupid gaffe during his last game before retirement ?!"

anyways italy won , yes, but because they won after a penalty shootout, i lost my $10 to singapore pools because they drew at fulltime. ah well.

and now , i can finally sleep normally. sweet sweet sleep !!!!!

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sara fiona tanya - green white red !


Sunday, July 09, 2006

highlights of the hiatus ( what hiatus ?! )

1) happily ERASED the entire library in my iPod while setting up the iTunes in my new computer. yes , all 10 bloody gigs of it. apparently i have opted to sync my iPod with the still empty iTunes and hence the erasure. gahhhh !! idontknowhatishouldfuckingdonow

2) thought i was pregnant, but was proven otherwise with a simple pee-pee test ( SINGLE LINE ! NEGATIVE ! YEAH BAYBEEE ! ) and the highly anticipated ( usually dreaded ) arrival of the monthly crimson tide. phew. harrowing experience indeed.

3) the submission of my assignments. post-production was a bitch ! and now there's the exams to look forward to. lovely.

4) decided for the last time that mark and i were never meant to be. yeah , the 12 year age gap and the fact that he's rarely around has taken its toll. but we're still friends. really good friends.

5) so if you think you're smart and kinky ( read : insatiable sexual appetite. i kid , i kid. no , really. ) and weird , do not hesitate to call me. especially if you're a brooding latino/french/hispanic hunk with dark eyes and hair and a hint of those oh-so-sexy overnight stubble.

6) lost quite a small fortune on betting ( and countless sleep-deprieved nights ) . but tonight, i shall recoup my losses because italy ( italic font some more ! geddit ?? haha ! ) will win. let us all eat pasta tonight !

7) because xin has finally gotten rid of her pervy "boyfriend". it is true when they say that if your best friends dislikes your significant other, then he probably has a doubtful character. NO SHIT.

8) drank half a bottle of Absolut topped with good ol' cranberry juice without ending up piss drunk or waking up with a oh-god-let-me-die hangover.

9) read indignantly the North Korea saga. i have no idea what their "dear leader" is trying to prove with his actions, because i'm damn sure the North Koreans most certainly do not condone such acts of defiance which will ( and have ) result in a cut of aid supply from allies. what do Bush and Kim Jung-Il have in common ? Selfishness.

10) bought a few ( alot actually ) reads - A wild sheep chase and Dance dance dance , both by Haruki Murakami ( who authored Sputnik Sweetheart, one of the most riveting novels i've ever read ) , The devil wears Prada ( because there is a fashionista in every girl ) , collected short stories of Roald Dahl and An unfinished life : JFK

11) seen a few good films , and a few unforgettable ones. Superman returns was a snoozefest , and so was the King and the Clown. C.r.a.z.y was excellent ! And now i really wanna watch Havoc and Thank you for smoking. Anyone game ??

and so i end my Sunday entry. have to work later , urghh. FORZA ITALIA !!



Saturday, July 08, 2006

hee haw

just when i thought people were beginning to realise the absurdity of pick-lines , i encountered the mother of all inane pick-up lines yesterday while at work.

customer : do you have chinese blood in you ?

me : err , yeah

customer * mulls for a while* : no wonder , you look chinese. so whats your name ?

now this wouldn't have sounded so ridiculous if he were a foreigner since its really hard to differentiate between the nationality of yellow-skinned races. but hot damn , he is definitely as local as tiger beer and chicken rice. and yes obviously i LOOK like a chinese.

mark finally came home after a month long hiatus , only to inform me that he'll be leaving for the UK next week, and this time it'll be for a fortnight. after which he'll be back for a week before flying off to denmark again for another fortnight.

today i watched him sleep, curled up like an infant. the wrinkles on his weathered face a telling sign of his age.


Thursday, July 06, 2006

excuse my french


i will support just about any team who plays against portugal. fucking whiny portuguese actors, all of them.

yeah, i am still sore over the england/portugal match.

speaking of france, c.r.a.z.y ( i think it ended its run in theatres here already ) is one helluva film !! its an excellent coming-of-age french movie about a closet homosexual boy.

because of the film ( and one spanish boy i've gotten to know through mark ) , i now am completely besotted with men with dark hair and green eyes.

yeah, the exotic looking ones. think kaka ( brazil ) and fernando torres ( spain ) !


two photos :

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the unlikely terrorist. be afraid. be very afraid.

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dani's cat, aptly named Pussy ( no i am NOT kidding ). awfully photogenic feline but i'm afraid this kitty here has some mental issues. it apparently chases phantom objects around, snarls at dogs 5 times her size and thinks all human legs are enemies, because the only thing she does when in close contact with legs is to unveil the claws in her tiny paws.

she is definitely one fiery pussy !

and i think my hamsters hate me , because all they do is lie around and laze the whole damn day away but the moment my head touches the pillow, they start running on the noise-inducing wheel as if on cue. damnation !

okay,back to the match. and i have a lecture at 9am later. O GOD PLEASE LET ME SURVIVE THE DAY !

may portugal lose, and may christiano ronaldo get stomped on the nuts.


Wednesday, July 05, 2006

triple yawn !

i'll be damned ! germany lost !!

the second goal was such a poignant moment.. you could actually feel the german team give up as del piero meandered his way towards the second goal without any sort of interference from the home team at all.

and now it is time to rest. post-production of my assignment resumes later !! gahhhhhhhh.


Sunday, July 02, 2006

sucks to be you

england lost.

rooney's red card was totally uncalled for.

go on and gloat , all ye portuguese supporters.

one more week before regular blogging resumes , i'm so tired with my filming assignments and the world cup.


the writer








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