orgasmic hamsters

orgasmic hamsters






Sunday, December 31, 2006

say YUM!

was looking through my archives and i JUST had to re-post this photo which i took last year

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tasty vaginas, anyone ? =D

for once you can eat a pussy and swallow it too! LOL.


Saturday, December 30, 2006


interesting to know how the editor and i were talking about how we had to constantly update one of our stories about dictators because this year, people like pinochet kept dying like nobody's business.

and then i wake up this morning to read that saddam hussein was executed yesterday, probably while we spoke.

ha now my editor gotta update the stories.. AGAIN!

last night has been a very strange night indeed. looking forward to spending the new year with my girls at wala wala =)

hope everyone had a fab 06 !! i didn't, but i will make sure my 07 will be.


Friday, December 29, 2006


i have 6 more hours to finish a full length review of a TV show i've never even watched before. fun.

have spent the last two days tearing my hair out from the internet disruptions. i am ashamed to admit that i am that leashed to the net. i almost cried when i couldn't access my corporate email for two fucking days.

nothing much been happening, except that i am still force feeding myself with the bile they call protein.

come on now fiona, you have barely started on one sentence of your review!! BUCK UP


Tuesday, December 26, 2006


perhaps it is the stress and lack of sleep, because even though my weight still is stagnantly standing at a mere 39kg, everyone else is commenting how much skinnier i look.

only a week ago, i was happily strutting around in my skinny jeans and heels knowing that i belong to the elite group of people with a BMI of 14 who can truly look good skinny jeans.

maybe you guys don't know it but it is really depressing to hear the words "fiona" and "thin" in the same sentence on a constant basis. and even more so because i still weigh the same as i did three fucking months ago you imbeciles!

well not anymore because today i flipped both my middle fingers to the world and said


and bought this huge bottle of ( likely ) bollocks from GNC

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i don't know how much this bottle of protein is going to make me look any less anorexic but i am desperate enough to try.

and yes it tastes like shit, only creamier.

i have to drink a huge cup of this nasty concoction twice daily for 10 days!!! woe is me !! =(

this 11 day long holiday ( my boss gave the team 26-29 dec off so it clashes with the long weekends = 11 day break. WOO HOO ), i am going to do nothing but sleep and gorge until i throw up.

i am bloody determined to put on at least 2kg by the first week of January.

will keep you guys updated on the progress ( or lack thereof)


listening to : goo goo dolls - iris


UPDATE AT 10.30AM, 26 Dec :

day 1 of the torture ritual. the portion was MUCH bigger than expected. shit, after adding the water to the three mammoth scoops of powder it was almost one liter of sewage with white turds.

i didn't even manage to get past the first gulp before i emptied half into the toilet and topped it up with more water because it was just so thick and grainy.

i forced it down my throat with tears streaming down my eyes because it was really THAT hard to swallow.

and now i am feeling really nauseous. oh god please give me the strength to endure ten more days.


Thursday, December 21, 2006

nightmare in town

i don't know about you but the sudden onslaught of korean/taiwanese imported fashion frightens me so much that i am forced to seek refuge in my thankfully fashion-sensible office (with the exception of dick lee sometimes, who has been spotted wearing zebra prints and white pants before. for the love of god, dick! don't do that!).

i don't think that the dresses i'm going to feature later are downright ugly, just that they have this tacky feel to it that irks me. just by looking at the pictures alone i can actually feel how stiff the fabric is (and i'm sure i'm pretty damn right too since i've molested a few at far east plaza before). good fabric certainly does not come cheap, and while i am all for cheap and great buys, i don't think such dresses are one of them. the stiffness causes even the most perfect of figures to deflate, since it "irons" out your curves, causing the plump to look fat AND shapeless, and the skinny, thin and ramrod-straight.

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okay i shall eat my words. this dress really looks pretty damn ugly. i can totally imagine your typical ah-lian with the long japanese perm wearing it with some cheap run of the mill charles and keith heels.

it looks like a maternity dress for chrissakes.

and goodness, whats with the lace overdose? i love lace, but only if its meant to accent the outfit and NOT overwhelm it.

i love dresses too. they are pain-free (wear and go) and comfortable.

i like my dresses soft and swirly. not so stiff that before the day is up the bottom of your dress is so creased and crumpled that onlookers wonder if you have been bumping along your ass the entire time. of course with quality fabric comes a price and i must admit that i have spent quite a bomb on my dress collection. sigh.

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can anyone tell me WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MONSTROSITY?!!!! big buttons are so ten seasons ago( though they will always look fab on trenchcoats) and don't even tell me about the very conspicuous bow. as you can see on the model, the dress is extremely unflattering because of the ill-placed bow and lousy fabric. she looks like she has no waist.

speaking of clothes, i know all of you are orgasming in excitement from the huge Mango sales going on. i like mango, they have decent stuff BUT i hate their sizing.

i hate it when labels are made to make you feel smaller than you really are, for e.g, did you know that a M from mango is actually XL from Zara!?!


to bigger girls i know that is an absolute godsent, very ego-masturbating ( delusional though ) but to size 00 girls like me it is hell.

i didn't know about mango's sizing policy until recently, so all these while i have been purchasing XS clothes happily until i realised that it is actually a small M in local terms, which explains why i have to alter most of their stuff to fit. their smallest is actually an impressive sounding XXS, something which i only discovered a few months ago. but the thing is their XXS is NOT that SMALL afterall !!!!!!! some of them are actually almost closer to a Topshop 8 than 6.

what's even more infuriating is how different labels have different sizings. why can't they all confer and come up with a general sizing policy and spare us asking stupid questions like

at a mango store "Sorry, but does this come in a Topshop Size 10?"

and vice versa. M will be M everywhere, and not XS here or S there.

Marks & Spencer pisses me off even more. I once fell in love with this psychedelic satin shift dress there and tried it in a UK size 6 ( which is supposedly a Topshop 6 ) BUT IT FEELS LIKE A TOPSHOP 12 !!!

I don't blame marks&spencer for downsizing their sizes though. like dorothy perkins, they cater for mostly the bigger women. but abit too much lah, hoodwinking XL ladies into thinking that they are an S.. hmmm..

okay fuck i really need to sleep. 2 am!!!


Wednesday, December 20, 2006

something from the rain


Like strangers huddled together waiting for the rain to stop, you pray that a handsome someone would appear from the shadows offering to share his umbrella with you.


Monday, December 18, 2006

the awful truth

you know you are still very bitter and full of resentment and still quite not over him when you start screaming to joan jett's "i hate myself for loving you" and alanis morrisette's "you oughta know" in the lift, complete with furious air-guitaring and frantic head-shaking.

and you still check back on his relevant websites ( he's almost a public figure, especially after the Asian games ) on a regular basis. when i say regular, i mean hourly.

obsession? very likely.

but its getting better now.. i'm getting there.

i'm looking forward to the day when i can start humming along to songs like the postal service's "such great heights" and joss stone's "super duper love" with wild abandon.

for now i'll stick to my staple of angsty fuck-you-bastard-die!!!! music, and an almost unhealthy dose of mariah carey's "all i want for christmas is you" and.... *gasp* wham's "last christmas"


i know! so cheesy right??? but they just put me in a festive mood =)

my colleagues have been so irritated by my playing of last christmas on repeat that i received a warning letter.. HAHHA!

can't wait for christmas. who knows, maybe someone might sweep me off my feet just before christmas and we'll embrace under the (artificial) mistletoe after a moving midnight mass in some cathedral.

then maybe 2006 won't be so bad after all.

if not, well, i can always curl up in front of the sofa with my annual christmas ritual of unhealthy snacks+ a DVD of Love Actually.

damn i love that show! but you all know that already.


Sunday, December 17, 2006


now many of you would have worked part-time before while still in school for that little extra moolah. and chances are, you'd be someone dodging tables while carrying trays laden with food in a restaurant for a rather meagre pay.

i have spent almost three years of my student life waitressing, though it was rough at first as i'm quite the spoilt child, i did enjoy those stints.

now to view matters from the other side of the story. as paying customers, i'm sure all of you know about the service charge implemented in most restaurants. a hefty 10% of the entire bill.

but how many of you know WHAT exactly is the service charge about?

well i didn't. i've always thought that it was an incentive given to the wait staff, like the 10% wholly BELONGS to us. and not absorbed by the fucking restaurants.

i didn't give much thought to it while i was still waitressing but i chanced upon this at a local forum..

"For those of you unfamiliar with the service charge, this is how it works: the 10% levy is payable in almost every restaurant where you are served by a member of the restaurant staff who seats you, takes your order, brings you the food, collects payment, clears the table and of course tends to any whim or fancy you may have. The exceptions are fast food restaurants, self-service restaurants, some buffet places and cafes. At the end of your meal, 10% of your bill is calculated as the service charge and worked into the bill. You pay up, the staff splits the service charge collected at the end of the month, there's no tipping involved, no confusion. Right? Wrong."

the staff splits the service charge?!!!!!! NO WAY!!

it has NEVER happened before to me. i get paid probably around $5 and that is exactly what i get. i have never heard of getting any share of the service charges, which will be quite a tidy sum if i do.



as far as i'm concerned i am pretty sure that companies have no right to take it as we're the ones providing the service and not them.

can anyone enlighten me on this? i am feeling very outraged and exploited.


Saturday, December 16, 2006

la vie en rose

okay, for the last fucking time, i am going to put the toxic 'relationship' with mark into a shredder machine. the shit that i've heard, especially in the past few days, is just an confirmation that he is indeed, nothing more than a player whose girlie conquests are just notches in his bedpost.

what embarrasses me so much is how i have viewed matters from rose-tinted glasses, that somehow, he'll fall for me someday and we'll have brunette kids with mark's eyes, my nose and complexion. and our height.

i was so desperate to see him that on several occasions i had to entice him with promises of a romp in bed just so he would see me. laughable, really, considering that i've always sniggered at girls who go to such pathetic lengths for someone who probably don't give two hoots.

p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c. yes, you may use that to describe me.

ladies, you should NEVER be pressured into using sex to get someone. even if you're really that into him. because in the end, not only he will ( yes, WILL ) not fall for you, but you'll be disgusted that you actually resorted to such unorthodox methods.

but then again, it is easier said than done. now than 06 is coming to an end, i look back and i feel nothing but regret, remorse and an overall "i could have done so much better" feeling. it has been a really negatively eventful year and i can't wait for 07 to arrive, to mark my first step into adulthood and hopefully, to learn from the mistakes 06 has taught me.

i'm also embarrassed to admit, for the first time, that i've weaved in and out of depression for the whole of this year, which probably started when my grandpa passed away. it got worse when i started dating mark in june, and the periods of depression were so bleak that the only avenue of release was to inflict pain on myself, which came in the form of a blade. utterly childish, but the pain was secondary to the helpless anguish that i felt. many times, i've broken into quick strides just to get home so i can feel the tug of the blade again my arm.

it was sweet release, exhilirating even. i know there has been much flak for the growing number of self-mutilators but it's something that outsiders will never understand. it's not a cry for attention for most, but more like a form of prozac, albeit a physical one, to those in need.

the scars remain,but they are getting lighter.

i have since stopped though. i am really determined to push him out of my head this time round. meanwhile he is dating someone i know. who happens to be one of the filthiest and most disgusting ( who has had over 30 sex partners. she is only 18 ) person i know. who has bad breath and dirty plague-covered teeth and the fashion sense of a skank. and ezcema. ha. well mark, i hope you find love with her and may you two die from trasmitting STDs to each other.

so today i celebrated the first day of my new life. with retail therapy of course. i don't want to know how much i have spent, but knowing that a new wardrobe will definitely give me that confidence to strut my bag of bones is enough. a haircut tomorrow too, gosh i really need that. been so busy that my tresses have been untouched for three months. 3 months!! no wonder my hair has been really disobedient.

meanwhile i will give my all to work. i will try my best to mingle at events and stuff myself with all the finger-food available. and champagne, yes.

it is 7.14pm on a saturday and i am in the office by the way.

be happy for me everyone. i have finally stepped out of the shadows

p.s : FUCK YOU bitch. i am looking forward to day when i can peer down at you from my 3 inch high heels while YOU serve canapes me to me in your WAITRESSING uniform. i have never felt so much contempt against a person before in my life, and you deserve it, whore. you are the girl who should never have any friends, because all that you do, you'll just end up seducing the boyfriend of your good friends and then fucking them, like what you have done to not one, not two but several of us.


Tuesday, December 12, 2006

what sort of a person am i?

what happens when you happen to cross paths with a snail along the road? do you

1) pick the grimey little thing up and dispose of it in a safer place ( e.g the bushes )

2) ignore it completely and think "boy am i glad i didn't step on the bugger" and then shudder at painful memories of previous snail-crushing incidents.

3) stamp on it with relish and grin as the shell disintegrates under your feet.

i belong to 1) . i'm not trying to say i'm a total humanitarian or a martyr, and honestly, i think i do so mostly because i do not want to face the guilt that haunts me, knowing that by leaving the ignorant mollusc there, chances are they'll become a wet debris of slime and shattered shell in no time.

today, i almost became 2). i became so overwhelmed by shame that i retraced my steps ten minutes after i had left the site, only to find her/him( yes, snails are NOT asexual creatures like amoebas ) still on the same spot. i eased away its hold on the ground and flung it gently into the shrubbery.

i didn't feel at any more peace at all, knowing very well it'll attempt to escape its haven again. maybe snails like living dangerously to make up for their utterly dull lifes.

or maybe, like the humanified creatures in Murakami's novels, they just want to exit their cold-blooded lifes with a bang.

Murakami.. i've been reading him alot. If the translated texts are already so compelling, then the original japanese texts can only be better.


Monday, December 11, 2006

i had steak today.


Saturday, December 09, 2006


YES! i caught the sneak preview last night with the girls. the verdict?

cliched storyline, main characters had personalities and led lifes that were too good to be true. but then again its supposed to be a feel-good movie so i shall not discount the film much in that aspect.

but jude law looks so good. too bloody good.

Love Actually still tops the category of christmassy lovey-dovey comedies in my opinion! i am planning to make it into a ritual to catch at it every year during christmas. until i finally find true love. LOL.

in other news, extremely hectic week but i have finally met all my deadlines so i treated myself by sleeping in today.. waking up at a grand time of 5pm :p

and now that i have finally found the time to do nothing but laze around and to listen to some music or to read a book, i suddenly realise that how much i am better off doing this with a companion. i can absolutely put myself back to six months ago, lying on mark's stomach looking at the sun filtering in from the curtains..

OKAY time-out fiona, this singlehood misery must be put of your bloody head.


update at 8.30pm after 2 hour's worth of Jude Law surfing :

i know.. i have no fucking life!! i've been surfing the net trying to look for delectable pictures of jude and downloading his vids to hear his gorgeous accent.. when i chanced upon the find of the century...

JUDE LAW'S COCK!!!!!!! ( pardon my excitement but you'll be as excited too if you found a picture of jennifer aniston and her labia )

everyone now.. OH MY GOD.

no i'm not jacking off to this picture ( i swear )

this obsession is becoming a wee bit too much. LOL.

i think i have driven away any potential suitors reading my blog. nooo don't go away now!

okay time to head out for a nice little swim + sauna =) have a great weekend peoples!


Friday, December 08, 2006

i really shouldn't

since i'm a self-confessed film buff i should denounce all commercial fluffy movies but i WANT TO WATCH THE HOLIDAY SO BADLY. LIKE GIMME IT NOW BADLY!

watching the trailers remind me of mark so much. too much in fact. heck, mark's aussie accent even sound like jude law. they don't share an uncanny resemblance but because there was once mark shamelessly claimed that his friends said he looks like jude law, that idea has been in my head ever since.

and i hate to admit it but i miss him.

too bad he's in doha now. ASIAN GAMES, BAYBEEEEE! GO SINGAPORE GO!


Thursday, December 07, 2006


i've got 4 copies due today, two which were due yesterday but due to my BAD hangover ( which saw me making pavement pizzas all the way from tues night till last evening ) i couldn't get anything done. and now i'm in deep shit. hurrah!

and why the hell am i still blogging? LOL. i'm just so fucking glad that i'm over my hangover. i'm not going to drink again for a LONG while.

1 more day to the weekend! YEAH BABY!



Tuesday, December 05, 2006

say sar-mern

okay so what if i've been making a fool out of myself all these years, pronouncing salmon as "sell-mern?" and not "sar-mern" ?!

and it is definitely NOT a good idea to gorge on smoked salmon + mixed greens + balsamic vinegar at 10am in the morning because i feel quite queasy in the tummy now.

sorry shelly, our salmon date will have to wait. not touching the greasy fellas in a long while !!


Monday, December 04, 2006

buy! buy!

i don't usually sell the clothes that i have bought because i'm a hoarder; i always feel that somehow, even if i've outgrown the item, someday i'll be able to wear them. ( which is fucking true because trends just keep repeating themselves. )

but not this dress.

i bought this dress on impulse two weeks for almost $60, only to realise how unsuitable i am for this look because i am after all, a skinny jeans/wedges and kate moss kinda girl.

my loss is YOUR gain ! Plaid prints are definitely so this season ( trust me i'm a style writer for a magazine ) :) And the lace trimmings are just so adorable too aye!

i'm too lazy to get the measurements but smaller ( topshop size 6/8 or mango XS/S ) girls will definitely be able to carry this off. i'm too skinny so it looks a bit loose in the picture. ( i'm about 1.65cm tall so the length is perfect for me, if a little too short though it looks rather long in the picture due to MY BAD POSE LOL )

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this dress will look fab with beige/champagne gold kitten pumps and a simple long vintage gold necklace !!

if you're interested do email me at . it's still brand new so don't expect ridiculously low prices =)

come to think of it i think i should start clearing my wardrobe for the spring collection of clothes!!


Sunday, December 03, 2006


finally got to sleep in after a hectic week at work. its becoming a warzone out there, with the editorial line-up shifting every few days. who's bearing the brunt of the changes? us poor writers of course, scrambling to stretch our brain cells to the maximum with yet another write-up to research and squeeze out the words for.

10 more days. 10 more days!!!

i rented Peter Ho's Perhaps Love despite bearing an unfair prejudice against asian( taiwanese and hongkong ) films due to the exodus of bad films such as the slew of cheesy and CGI-ed to death films from HK especially during the chinese new year.

so Perhaps Love won big at a couple of festivals/awards and though it wasn't terribly bad, i couldn't help but compare them to my favourite films with similar cinematic themes such as In the mood for Love and Comrades, almost a love story. Perhaps Love has been compared several times to Moulin Rouge but the former isn't as vibrant and intensely colourful as the set in Moulin Rouge, instead taking on a more sombre shade of olive/vintage hues.

The plot was somehow a let down, the emotions being a little over-the-top and the emphasis on the achingly beautiful Takeshi Kaneshiro bugged me a bit. Okay okay, i have this thing against the object of most asian girls' fantasies but because the fashion stylist at my magazine whom i had a huge fight with bears an uncanny resemblance to him( scream, ladies! but he's gay ), i can't help but feel slightly revolted whenever the cameras start loving him. Takeshi has this constant forlorn look in his eyes, which he puts it to good use. However i cannot imagine falling in love with this person with the sad eyes. Wah lao, like that everytime i look into his eyes i feel depressed leh.

caught Tenacious D as well with tre. okay lah, worth a few laughs but duh plot. HOWEVER i absolutely love this line, whom i will probably use if i have a band

"Ladies and gentlemen, allow us to fuck your ear pussies!"

HAHAHA. fucking funny can.

many many events going on, and yes i absolutely hate attending events because "mingling" ( or ball-carrying, in my opinion ) bores me no end. don't be disgusted if you happen to see me at events only to catch me doing nothing but attract the attention of waiters for the champagne and finger-food.

by the way my best friend yan is fucking unlucky, she actually broke this marble clutch bag worth $200 on friday while shopping with me. a FUCKING MARBLE BAG. WTF. like if its such a fragile item why display the friggin' thing at such a strategic position?? who the fuck makes bags out of something you step on anyway?? and yes we had to pay for it.

the moral of the story is : be fucking careful.

about the !@&*^!~@& doctor in Tampines. i shouldn't disclose his name lah, since he isn't THAT bad but after going back to him a second time to get my blood test results, i realised that he had exorbitantly overcharged me a good $180 for a bunch of medication i didn't need. FUCKING HELL! $180 !! that's like a year's worth of anti-viral medication for 180 HIV-infected people in africa ( okok i was at the Moto Red press conference and was feeling sniffy about the AIDS pandemic happening. which scares me no end so i'm not going to have sex for the fucking longest time ever and if i am, i'll make sure my partner goes for a test first. ha! be safe! don't wanna die at 30 )

if you really want to know, drop me an email lah.

the time now is almost 7pm, there's taxi 3 showing on Central later. double woot! i'll be a good girl and finish some work before the show starts.

bye all


listening to: air - cherry blossom girl

p.p.s : if this post sounds a little incoherent.. i admit, i'm slightly high from the champange i got as a gift. champange at 6pm?? why not? *burp* tastes fantastic with smoked salmon leh. I LOVE SMOKED SALMON!!!! =D


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