orgasmic hamsters

orgasmic hamsters






Saturday, March 31, 2007


is not so boring anymore. headed to post-work drinks with the "cooler half" of the office on friday. hitched a ride with the big boss and it was quite daunting because he obviously thinks he is damn smart

big bad american boss married to SPG : so, do you read? (an obvious dig at me since i'm a writer)

me: yes

BBABMTSPG : oh, what do you read? (eyes straying to my leg)

me: urm, everything really. i like metaphysical shit

BBABMTSPG: really? interesting. do you read confucious and stuff like that? i love it

me: not really actually

BBABMTSPG: (completely ignoring my last sentence) do you like lao tzu? (an ancient chinese philosopher)

me: well, he's respected all over the world so yea. don't really know much about him though. but i have the bridged version of the art of war..

BBABMTSPG: (interupting) but that's by sun tzu isn't it?

me: (rolling my eyes) yes, i know.

then we start to talk quite a bit and my heart actually went out to him when i noticed how much of a constant hurry he was in, from the pace he walks and the way he whizzes through words. i mentioned it to him and he softened visibly

BBABMTSPG: (embarrassed) errr yeah.

me: why are you so bloody tense?

BBMBMTSPG: i don't know.

me: its friday! relax!

BBABMTSPG: okay okay.. (he then proceeds to stop by a chocolate store and animatedly buys two chocolate popsicles for the both of us. LOL)

maybe he's not such a bad guy after all!

the rest of the colleagues intrigue me, the "lesser" half of it as they are quiet little shadows. one of them has massive boobs, is a hardcore catholic (i didn't know it at first and she kinda rolled her eyes at me when i mentioned i am part atheist) and whispers. the other, a big-bone girl suffering from an obvious inferiority complex. she totally avoids eye contact. and both of them are only 23.

i should get to know them bettter and convince them to undergo a major wardrobe and personality revamp tailored by yours truly.

okay.. retail therapy time. hey! it has been a fornight since i last bought anything pretty. apart from the la senza bra yesterday.

i seriously have no idea why i am always buying pretty lingerie when there is no appreciative audience.



Wednesday, March 28, 2007



we're looking for a full-time graphic designer for our websites :) you must be damn good at HTML, photoshop and flash. even better if you are well-versed in freehand and illustrator! you must also have experience in another company of similar capacity. we're a media company, obviously :)


i am also looking for a full-time boyfriend. you must speak impeccable english, smell nice, have clean teeth and nails.

it will be an added advantage (though not necessary) if you like placebo, have nice manly and hairy hands, able to point out where tunisia is on the map, like skinny shapeless women and extended foreplay.

however, if you happen to be spanish with green eyes and dark curly hair, then you may ignore the above requirements and apply immediately.

you need NOT apply if you think wearing sports shoes other than for sports is okay, wear tight tee-shirts, think that you are far more intelligent than me (even if its true), or if you think that warcraft is the awesomest invention ever.

for the above two positions, please email fiona at

only shortlisted candidates will be contacted.



Okay… here’s a lil poem


I have a job

It makes me blue

My colleagues are boring

And the work is, too

So here I am, fiddling thumbs as I wait for the editorial line-up to be confirmed. Yes, I’m back to slaving away in the corporate world, this time as a writer (again! What else?) for an upcoming women's fashion/lifestyle website.

For a media company, my colleagues has to be the most boring bunch of people I’ve ever worked with. They are bland, wear shapeless clothes, and none of them smoke (!!!!). they don't even curse!!! Granted, they are friendly but maybe I’m just too used working next to balenciaga-whoring people in the previous two magazines (here, zara is probably considered high-end). The two ang moh bosses in my company are married to SPGs. Oh, the horror! One of them has a really perky butt though, this coming from a non-butt person so you can figure how perky he really is.

FYI, I am NOT slacking off at work. It’s only my second day here so there really isn’t much to do because I cannot start writing without the confirmed line-up. Well at least I don’t have to cover fashion week :D

I think the best part about being a writer is the research. i get paid to read magazines and surf websites as part of "research" :D

Con: office is located about ten thousand miles away from home.

Pro: office is located next to reuters, where apparently they only recruit heartbreakingly gorgeous people. To top it all off, you probably needs loads of brains to work for news agency, unlike this hair-twirling bimbo here who knows very little else except that spring 2007’s ready to wear collection looks rather mono, and that the latest turban trend is ridiculous.

Con: both bosses are Americans and are no doubt as brash and loud as david, the ex.

Pro: they are straight to the point, mildly funny and they don’t mumble.

Con: no eye candies

Pro: like I said, at least there’s reuters! And not to mention the handful of agencies nearby such as DSTA ( Defense Science and technology agency), DSO and yadda yadda, which means I am working near some seriously brainy freaks, people who will not go huh? When I ask them who made God.

By the way, who made God?

So, I met Mark two nights ago and it didn’t end as expected. Surprisingly we talked and laughed a lot, and I even convinced him to take the public bus, something that he has never done all his 5 years here. I am going to buy 4D using the numbers on his ticket.

We joked about having kids again, and this time I told him our kids were not going to have his last name as I want to preserve my culture, so they will have Robinson-Chen as their last name.

RIDICULOUS. Why am I even grinning as I type this?

I’ve always thought he had rather blah looking eyes, for they are mostly grey instead of blue. But suddenly, somehow, they looked a delicate shade of blue that night.


I want to relate an embarrassing situation which happened yesterday while on the way to work.

Was hurrying my way at the MRT station someone accidently tapped me on the shoulders. It was someone around my age, a decidedly cute young man. I gave him the huh? look and he produced a big sweep (lottery) ticket.

“er.. I think you dropped this?”

And so I did, when I was retrieving my e-z link card from my wallet.

Wah lao… of all things, why must it be the big sweep ticket? Very paiseh you know.

Back to swirling around my chair at work.


Friday, March 23, 2007


and you guys thought my hammie was fat!!

wait till you see james' cat! (wow, it rhymes!)

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

holey moley!!!!!!!!! an obese pussy! i am so in love with him.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

gorgeous garfield. apparently's he is gay after getting his dick castrated due to an urinary infection. when you run your hands down his back, concentrating towards the rear, he will start to arch and lift his ass up, as if he wants you to do him doggy style.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

and introducing the incredibly regal and atas lady partner of garfield. she is always in this "i-am-too-fucking-good-for-anything" pose and she ignores everyone. she even hisses at garfield whenever he saunters by. LOL. maybe she's disgusted that she is forced to copulate with a size 30 partner who doesn't even have a dick.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

lastly, the owner and his sexually incompetent tomcat.

by the way, i really want to get a madison surface piercing though i know the chances of it healing nicely are less than 0.1%. any advice?!!


Thursday, March 22, 2007


seems that i'm busier jobless. two rather interesting job offers so far, but because this time i'm determined to make it work for me long term i'm not jumping into anything hastily.


had about 3 lattes and a shot of expresso today. was floating around in a caffeine high for most part of the day, oblivious to my surroundings. what perplexes me is how i still manage to fall asleep on the bus even after all that starbucks loving.


i just finished watching brokeback mountain for the third time and without fail, i start tearing up so badly that even i feel embarrassed. LOL. i think i've mentioned it before but there is something so deliciously sexy when two hirsute men kiss. gives me the tingles :D

anyway that was NOT the reason why i cried. ok??

and i have finally gotten my hands on boys don't cry!!!!


its a film about this transgender girl who gets found out in the end. and you know what happens in a homophobic society.

during the interview with the american boss of a media company today, he asked what sort of sites i usually surf at home.

so i pondered a while and said matter-of-factly

"hmm.. mostly girlie sites i reckon?"

a pause.

he looks at me with an arched eyebrow.

then i realised.

"no, not that sort of girlie sites, i mean, fashion and shopping stuff.. you know, girlie."

he let out a huge guffaw and even i had to laugh. LOL.

i am tired.

tomorrow.. some me-time.


Friday, March 16, 2007

i need to whine

i have just experienced the worst day in 2007 so far.

firstly, i have an enormous ulcer at the corner of my lips. which is a really rare spot for ulcers to appear in. and it fucking hurts. i can't talk much because it stretches my lips too much and i have to cut my food up into tiny little pieces.

secondly, i have just admitted myself into the jobless market. yes thats right i am OUT OF A JOB. no i didn't get sacked. i turned down XXX magazine's latest assignment a week ago, which probably means they'll never call me ever again since they have a long list of freelancers waiting. why call fiona, the ingrate?!

and why did i reject it, you ask. i am still madly in love with fashion and writing but because i thought i had secured a new position at XXX website and was supposed to commence work next week. but it didn't materialise. all i got was an email from the editor telling me that the position had been taken up. thanks huh, telling me four days before i was due to report to work.

so now i am jobless.

to think i was so revved up to start a fulltime job again!

fuck it.

so after wrapping up the very last shoot with XXX magazine, i headed to town to pamper myself. i was suddenly craving for ramen so i popped into sushi tei.

then as i opened my mouth to savour the steaming ramen, i yelped in pain.


so i couldnt enjoy my food and was nibbling it strand by strand.

then i missed my train. after that, i missed the bus.

i need some lovin' !!!!!


Tuesday, March 13, 2007

all things gorgeous

i am in the midst of revamping my room. coming in a few more days, my dark mahogany set of closets, dresser and computer table will replace the run of the mill constructed wood crap i have right now.

i have also almost finished painting one side of the wall a dark pink. just one side though, for the accent.

yeah dark pink. not your cotton candy pink! give me a break!

i am also replacing the curtains with a flowy floral vintage fabric. though i definitely will not mind settling for this faceted curtain by hannah alljin( ). i am so enamoured with this that i am tempted to dip my fabric in resin so i can crumple it up as well, though of course it will be permanently crumpled. LOL.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

when you slowly draw open the curtains, it just comes to life like a flower unfurling. in a more structured manner of course. but no less beautiful.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


i will also need a new ceiling light. and i want this, damn it!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
this "top secret" lamp by hector serrano will look stunning against my pink wall. it does resemble a silkworm cocoon though. but i love it anyway.

in the future when i finally own my cosy little studio apartment, my theme will be minimalist yet fluid. i love softness against hard, angled backgrounds. like this washbasin by michael schmidt (please tell me how the heck do you pronounce his last name. smeet?)

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

will be easy to clean too!! no grime will be able to accumulate because there ain't no corners. die, grime!!!!

and lastly, i will be getting these ingenious book shelves from THEY CAN BE PURCHASED LOCALLY!! HELL YEAH!!!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

i am getting 4 of these babies. each shelf will be able to hold 10 books.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

and this!

most of the time, the simplest designs are what really catches my eye. some are so simple yet functional and obvious that you'll go "now why didn't i think of that?!"

right, back to finishing my last article for the company. bye, magazine life!! i need sleep.


sober musings

saw someone on the train taking a gulp of water, gargling for about two mins before swallowing it.

i was immediately overwhelmed by a wave of nausea.

i related it to james and trish and they were like "whats wrong with that?!"

yeah actually there is nothing wrong with it since you're actually swallowing what was already in your mouth but i just find it extremely disgusting. i had to tear myself away from watching that guy because my digested lunch was already reaching my throat.

i guess i am prone to be easily disgusted. every damn thing disgusts me and this is definitely working against me.

1) i am unable to eat without wiping my cutleries beforehand, which looks extremely rude. of course this only applies to food courts and hawker centres, and some cheap restaurents.

2) i force myself to drink as little as possible when i'm out, so that i can avoid visiting public loos.

3) when walking through narrow passageways, such as those in the void decks of my neighbourhood, i will develop a sudden superfast pace while holding my breath and maintaining a straight dead gaze ahead so that i wouldn't have to look at the grimey corners.

4) sometimes, i visit the homes of friends who urm, compromise on hygiene. you can tell when you realise your feet gets coated with dust after a few steps and there is a massive pile-up of forgotten debris behind their door. usually i'll douse myself in dettol when i take a shower afterwards.

5) i look at people's feet all the time despite knowing very well that i'll spot something gross like black stuff under the nails. men being the rather poorly cleansed creatures, i wonder how i would be able to find one clean man among the masses.

i have so many quirks that i irritate myself no end. sometimes, before spending my money on yet another dress/clutch/pumps/insert-item-here, i'd be suddenly gripped by guilt. what guilt? guilt which haunts your conscience when you know very well that the price of the very dress you are buying will be able to feed that old auntie collecting cardboards for a month.

singapore fashion week is around the corner, bringing another round of air-kissing and champagne flute clinking. i know the world works perfectly like that with the rich/poor divide balancing everything out like yin/yang. but spending $10000 on draping the runway with pure silk and rare flowers? frivolous. ludicrous even.

then i will start to wonder if should the world be a perfect communist community, how would it really be like? because the rich europeans would have to share their wealth, then africa and the starving nations would be equals. but do we really want that?

because then, nobody would feel the need to improve, to work anymore. why should they, when regardless of how much effort they put in, the returns would be the same as the man sitting at home doing nothing.

if communism had taken over a century ago, we definitely wouldn't be where we are now. we'll still be in samfoos and calico dresses, churning butter and writing by candlelight. everything would remain stagnant.

i am of course not saying that communism is bad because there is no perfect model. capitalism has even more cons. but i digress.

i feel bad that i am working in the fashion industry, witnessing all these self-indulgent acts which i have since absorbed (most unfortunate). they think nothing of blowing 10 grand for a couture dress, or for an 18 course degustation dinner. decadent offerings that the old woman staying in a dark bedbug-infested flat in bukit merah with her daily meals of porridge and vegetables would never have heard about.

and the beggar who kowtowed to me on the train in shanghai.

and the little girl in rags whose eyes gleamed when i handed her a 20 renminbi note, which was only about SGD$5. it will keep her happy for a fortnight at least.

sidetrack: i have mentioned it before and i will repeat myself again. i am ALL for euthanasia. having volunteered at renci hospital for 6 years running (though i admit the visits have become alarmingly sparse due to my schedule) and seeing the patients in the chronic wards, their life ebbing away, confined to a bed with nothing to do except watching the fans revolve and awaiting their death. i bet if they were mentally conscious enough to speak, they would get the doctor to administer them some lethal cocktail.

and it wouldn't hurt to put a fifty note into a frail elderly pulling cardboards. it'll only be one shoe less (and one heel of a jimmy choo). if i, someone earning peanuts can do that, so can you.

so yeah. woah what a bloody long post, considering i am bloody tired after spending the whole day out.


Friday, March 09, 2007

i love paris in the springtime, i love paris in the fall

caught paris je t'aime last friday, and it was good!

not mind blowingly good but memorable. as with montages, some gripped me while some induced a yawn.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

jean-michel shows off his balls and tight white arse. no this isn't a gay flick featuring naked men in the kitchen. and yes he's french!

also caught last king of scotland on DVD yesterday. well i can see why forest whitaker won an oscar for his potrayal of ex ugandian president amin. he was so convincing that i was almost afraid.

so many films, so little time.


Wednesday, March 07, 2007

i am Jack's smirking revenge.

well yesterday night ended on a rather awkward note after a flurry of events which took us both by surprise.

car ride home was marred by an understandable uneasiness between passenger and driver.

driver : let's just forget about this

passenger : right

driver : cigarette?

passenger : no, why don't you stab me now? you know you want to. and you can because you hate me so much that my limp body would get you so hard

driver : i'm not a necrophiliac. but i'd stop the car and rape you now if you don't shut the fuck up. and you know i can

passenger : asshole. pass me the fags.

regardless of what they all say, the human mind is an infinite abyss of which its capabilities are surely still far from being stretched.

anyway, a few pics.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

sexuality - embrace.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

i have started the ritual of ingesting a whole cup of blended blueberries everyday. costs a bomb, considering that a serving (one small box) costs about $4 from the supermarket. but well, thats the price you pay for good health!! and a glowing complexion.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

just so you guys still remember how i look like.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

hammie says hi !! (my doppelganger)


listening to : the shins - new slang


Tuesday, March 06, 2007

achievement of the day!!

finished draft at 10am, napped till 2pm, headed to office till 8pm and met up with david for coffee where i sucked the life out of probably 10 cigarettes within the 3 hours. stressed lah.

such is my life. but i'm lovin it.

i couldn't bear to leave my spanking new conventional oven to perform mundane matters like toast and to sterilise hammie's toys.

so all of a sudden on my way home, i knew i had to put my domestic instincts to good use.

so i got flour, eggs and baking powder from the supermarket.

i'm gonna make myself a sponge cake!!!

i know it sounds really easy, just whip the eggs into soft peaks, fold in flour and sugar and then pop it into the preheated oven.

but i assure you it is far from that, especially when i have to manually whip the eggs. which chipped my impeccably manicured nails.

my arms are actually still quite sore now from the whipping (ooh, sounds kinky), for it took me 20 minutes to actually get the eggs into form.

which is why i need a boyfriend, for i'll command him to do all the whipping while i bend over to bare my ass.

i mean, i'll command him to do the whipping while i sieve the flour and oil the baking tins. haha.

i've always been pretty adept at cooking but i don't know why i am cursed with the opposite of a midas touch in baking.




Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Sponge cake (bachelorette size) with warm strawberry jam :D okay so it looks really ugly and i'm not even sure if its palatable but hey! at least it didn't turned out charred or become one congealed mess.

actually it feels a tad harder than how sponge cakes should be. i.e, soft and fluffy.

okay, heading out to meet bertie boy for a quick smoke now. poor dude lost a huge client and is feeling in the dumps.



Monday, March 05, 2007

my eyes!

i have been fixated on this screen since 8pm, and the time now is 6.20am.


because of procrastination.

i should have made haste and finished up my work yesterday but i did not. so here i am, stuck without inspiration and eyes feeling very strained indeed.

i need a cinnabon bun please.

today, i got pinned to the bed by trisha while aloysius whipped out his electric shaver and tried to arouse me. haha!

it does feel like a vibrator though. a weak one.

actually it was the first time ever that i touched an electric shaver. it doesn't shave very well though, the fine hairs on my hairless legs were still there despite mowing it repeatedly.

right. back to my 1000 word draft. save me.


listening to : incubus - i wish you were here


Saturday, March 03, 2007

maybe because i'm a latent pervert

well. i may be loud and crude sometimes, but i don't think i can be described as sexual because, unlike my ex editor whose every sentence drips heavily with sexual innuendos, i don't. well sometimes they come out in my writings but that's about all.

and then there's porn. somehow, i have never really latched onto the idea of jacking off to porn, and i have never even been mildly interested nor turned on by it. i guess it's the idea that somehow i know that those girls, whose moans sound like they are being replayed by a recorder or whose facial movements are confined to the wince/mouth agape/saucy lip-licking expressions are not actually enjoying themselves. and by that, i can't either.

but i do look at porn lah, it's an eye opener to actually see things being done that you will probably never have the balls to try. like double penetration, fisting and the never-ending list of sexual fetishes that border along the bizarre. no, i will never eat shit even if jude law asked me to. okay.. maybe i will. HAHA!

then i chanced upon this last night. and boy.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

okay i admit, i have a thing for violence. there's something about these comic strips which makes it so beguiling. maybe it's the detailed illustration. maybe it's the way my mind resurrects these inanimate objects. or maybe i just like pink nipples.

okay, time for beer at the local pub. ciao !


Thursday, March 01, 2007

Pure Morning- Placebo

i've been listening alot to placebo recently, as well as getting off fantasizing about brian molko, the very androgynous lead :)


the writer








shawn kuku


spirit fingers









email / MSN


04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007

Powered By