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a bad case of deja vu
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6am , and i am back at the computer again , the same two songs in my playlist playing over and over again.

They say lightning never strikes the same spot twice.

Well , i'm the first.

As the saying goes..

"Once bitten twice shy"

Like i've said before.. when will i ever learn .

I've never been a person to let emotions rule over me but this time i've got to say

I feel so down.

I've just barely managed to sweep remnants of the past under the carpet and now a whole bagful has just been emptied on me.






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Matt Damon is Jason Bourne
--

Caught "The Bourne Supremacy" with A yesterday and i must say it was a rather good show that kept me entertained till the end with its slick moves even though i've never like action movies .

It was a pity that i didnt watch the first installment , which was "The Bourne Idenitity" as during many parts of the show there were references made to its prequel so i was left hanging and scratching my head .

Two movies that i wanna catch before they end its run

1- Quill
2- Coffee and cigarettes

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Just shoot me. I just found out something that i shouldn't know.

--

Its 6am in the morning and i'm feeling so ...... Empty.

so........... emotionally void.

Unloved.

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the chronicles of a prematurely senile mind
--

Sometimes , i seriously feel that my memory is failing me.

Short term memory ? Definitely.

And i do mean short . You know , like nano-seconds.

I guess it happens to everyone all the time , hands up all of you who finds this scenario familiar :

-
You ( thinking out loud ) : Where the hell is my pen. I bet Sis took it without permission again. Better go get it from her before she forgets.

**proceeds to open bedroom door when handphone suddenly rings. You turn around to pick up your phone when it stops ringing**

You : Bloody hell which asshole called and hanged up.

**You look at the door and notices your hand on the doorknob**

You : Huh why i am opening the door ?

**You walk back to your table continue writing with a pencil.**

--

Yep. Just a minor distraction is enough to make one completely senile for that moment. I am stiill trying to figure out why. It usually happens to me when i'm having a conversation on the phone and when the other party tries to speak out the same time i am trying to , i tend to forget about what i was going to say.

Okay , what a boring topic to rant about . A bit of a writer's block , lah !

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God bless the black undies
--

Now now . I was flipping through Her World magazine at my aunt's place hoping to locate freebies nestled among the pages.

( Her World is a magazine strictly for the rich and or those trying to look like they are , IMO. I mean who the hell buys $300 tops from Prada or blows $1000 on a a SINGLE pair of shoes from Miu Miu ? Give me Cleo anytime , at least i am able to afford half of the stuff featured in it. )


And yes there was. I felt it.

To my utter disgust and disappointment it WASN'T a perfume sample or in the very least , a sampler sachet of a cleanser or something.

It was.....

A pad.

Yes. A frigging sanitary pad.

Weeee. How exciting. And it can even 'absorb 200 times better than other brands of sanitary pads. A breakthrough technology brought to you by Laurier."

Or so it claims in its advertisment.

WHAT THE HELL.

Do we even bleed THAT much enough to warrant such a product ?

If so , i guess sanitary napkins would be obsolete.

Walking around with buckets between our legs would be the norm.


C'mon , wasting money for researching on such inane problems when all that we ask for is something that doesn't bunch up , that will not detach itself even after running after the bus , that has an amazing capacity to soak up even the jelly jelly bits ( LOL. This i guess only the ladies will understand ya ? )

Can someone please contact Whisper,Kotex and all the other companies to tell them about our grievances ?

Goodness , i have at least 50 more years to go before i am free from it. Menopause. What a beautiful word.

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Random snapshot
--

Okay , with nary a digicam nor a camera phone to my name its not suprising that i have rather few photos of myself , considering that i am a narcisstic person. So here's one taken just now during my Communication skills class.

And thats one hell of a boring module by the way.

I have no idea how my top turned out looking so.... funny.

I had 8 scoops of ice cream drizzled with 8 toppings and covered in mountains of whipped cream.

Try having that with just another person.

Ice cream never looked more revolting and it was the first time i actually ate ice cream till i wanted to double up and throw up all over the sidewalk.

It was a darn good way to get my mind off unhappy thoughts though.

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The daily MURPHY chronicles
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Yay. Murphy's law , i love you. I am so damn glad that you even exist at all. At least i can do something stupid and push all the blame onto you.

Anyway.

I'm a person very prone to stupidity.

So today as i was walking home from the bus stop , i decided to take another route as the route that i usually take was boarded up with wooden planks as that area was undergoing construction.

For the past few days i had taken the usual detour around the construction site but clever ol' me decided to do otherwise.

As i was saying , i took a new route , figuring that behind that particular route held an amazing shortcut.

Of course , it didn't.

Instead , i had to walk around 10 or so more blocks before reaching MY block as almost the entire neighbourhood was boarded up.

In the sweltering heat , too.

Did i mention that the entire place looks like a cross between a funeral and a shantytown from Rio de Janeiro ( thanks to the wooden planks )?

Funeral because the entire place had ugly triangular flags printed with the state crest strewn all over the poor trees and a huge disgusting banner that said "Happy birthday , Singapore!"

And as everyone knows , traditional chinese funerals are seldom without banners of condolences from well-wishers.

I'm not against it , but c'mon. The place is so awashed with obnoxious colours that even i , as a resident , feel ashamed to even walk in it.

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Murphy's law once again !
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Yep. If you have been with me since eons ago , you would know about my very habit of pushing all the blame onto Murphy's law ( which goes like this : When something might go wrong , it WILL go wrong. Yeah. )

So i met up with Julynn today for the first time in weeks , after a futile discussion about our advertising project with my classmates.

At Compasspoint , i went to the toilet to relieve myself before meeting her.

Boy , i wished i never got out of the toilet.

She was late for about 10 minutes , so for 10 minutes i was hovering outside 7-11 waiting for her.

Her voice arrived first as usual

"Fiona ! Sorry for being late ! My lecturer held me up lah... Hey... whats that !?"

I turned around to see her looking rather perplexed.

"What?"

She cocked her head slightly , as if trying to look up my mini skirt.

"Whats wrong with you ? Trying to peek at my panties ah u horny bitch ?"

She shook her head and suddenly shoved my head towards her chin. She started whispering

"Are you wearing tampons ? Cus' i think your tampon string is showing. What brand you using ah..why does the string look so funny.."

I was flabbergasted. Of course i wasn't using tampons ! I wasn't even having my period. I tried to bend over and saw a trail of white coming out from my behind. In a state of hurry , i pulled it out. It was a long piece of toilet paper stuck to my butt !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And when i say long , i mean long

Upon realising what was it that she discovered , dear old Ju burst into a loud cackle and she sat onto the bench and laughed for a full 10 minutes before composing herself.

Can you imagine i actually walked around with that THING hanging from my butt ?!!! It would have looked like a strip of paper about two fingers in length swinging to and fro from the hem of my skirt. And i actually showed it to everyone in front of 7-11 for like 10 minutes !!

Good lord.

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I love singapore
---

Yes , why not ?

I love the lifts with an uncanny resemblance to public toilets at my block .

the construction all around the island that never seemed to end ( the construction of the North-East line , and now the Paya Lebar expressway. Both deemed redundant by me. After all , how did people travel before that ?! )

the ever-loving government that splurges on absolutely useless stuff like air-conditioned bus interchanges and sheltered walkways for even the shortest distance ( and eventually spoiling the whole lot of us rotten )

the very irritating TVmobile that never fails to piss me off and which is why my earphones is permenantly in my ear and that is how i plan to sue TVMobile for a ridiculously huge sum of money should my hearing fail because they are directly linked to it.

By the way , TVMobile is the dumbest shit ever to happen to public transport. Yes , we love TV so much that the Stupid Bus COmpany ( SBS ) had to install it on every damned bus. WTF. Surely we can survive a bus trip without TV ?! No of course not , the SBS had to torture our poor tormented depraved souls not only by bombarding us with the unwated culture , they had to set the volume at unbelivably high levels that morphs into a high octane scrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeechhhhhhhh whenever the bus stops abruptly or when the TV signals get interuppted , scaring the shit out of everyone.

Thank you SBS , for everything. Thank you , you greedy money-grabbing advertisiers.

Okay i disgress. But i really have alot of grievances regarding the public buses in singapore which is why i am going to continue.

Face it , SBS. All that commuters want is a good rest and if possible , nap on buses.

SO TELL ME HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO REST OUR TIRED SOULS ON NOISE POLLUTED ( TVmobile ) AND INCREDIBLY BRIGHT BUSES!???????????????

Believe me when i say that the lights are bright enough in buses to trick hamsters and other hibernating animals out of their winter hibernation because its so damn bright ?!

Ok bad comparision. But you get the idea.

Yay , i have just found the second excuse to sue SBS. Causing insomnia.

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Don't get me wrong. I love singapore lah. Really!

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Have i told you lately that i loved you ?
----

He did not SMS me today , on top of his indifference yesterday. That really depressed me and i was blue for the whole day today. And yes , i cried my eyes out for no reason. I am just so seriously jaded and down and blue and feeling so under the weather that i actually lined my eyes really thickly today , like how Avril Lavigne does hers ( by the way , i totally hate her. Skater boy ? Kiss my ass ! More about how i hate her another day . ), without any blusher or anything else. And i tied my hair up.

Yes , i usually do the unthinkable whenever im emotionally unstable. You have been warned. Who knows ? Fishnet stockings with my sneakers tomorrow.

Horrors ! A drug addict. Thats what i saw when i looked into the mirror today.

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I am so depp into you
--

If you think you possess the ultra sexy smouldering manly malevolent ( YES! Don't you just love the evil some stares exude ? growlll ) gaze of Johnny Depp's ( The kind that make you want to have a one night stand with. Not with the eyes of course. With those eyes looking down at you while you.....*censored* . ) , please , may i beseech you. Drop me a line.

" />

Woah. Love that stubble too.

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from the bottom of my broken disillusioned heart
---

Thats right. Those moments of oh-so-sweet tenderness only lasted a fleeting moment , i suppose there's nothing i can do but wallow in my pool of .. serves-you-right-you-should-have-known-better shit ? I can only pray that this is only a temporary bad patch we're going through. I really loved him. Apparently he didn't.

My appetite's down and stuff that used to look so appetising to me looked unpalatable now. And i get nauseous at times. Wtf.

The sleeping pill i took half an hour ago's taking effect already.. I badly need a good night's sleep.

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random picture of the day
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--

Geddit ?

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Perseid meteor shower
--

alright , being the very amateur astronomer that i am , i guess it is my duty to inform you guys about the coming meteor shower later on in the wee hours of the night. If you're in Singapore , the best time to observe it would be probably 12-2am and 5am as thats the predicted peak. Don't put too much hope on it though , its gonna be a rather dim event and with the kind of shitty cloudy and light infested skies we have , count yourself lucky if you even manage to see one. For all ye readers from other countries , you might find this info useful. http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2004/25jun_perseids2004.htm

I won't be staying up late for this though , i have an economics test to mug for . Arghhhhh.

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The roof the roof the roof is on fire ! We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn !
---

OKay , hands up all you who can chant this refrain by heart. Those who frequent places like Sparks ( EEEEEEEEEEEEW ) , Club 3 or just about any club down the stretch of Mohd Sultan , you probably know this.

I can chant this too you know.

Yes , i admit. I go to such places ( EXCLUDING SPARKS ) and i can't help but be embarrassed should i bump into my friends along that stretch and inevitably one eyebrow would be raised when they see the ink chop on my hand that screams "CLUb 3".

WHat the F.

Whats wrong with Techno ?!

People tend to stereotype techno junkies as bengs and lians.

I beg to differ. I certainly do not fit into the mould of one and neither do my techno clubs kakis . We don't sport numerous ugly dragon tattoos or spew out vulgarities at one a second.

However , my priority would still be R&b places like cheeky monkeys'.

But sometimes i can't help thinking that the crowd there is so.. fake. You see immaculately dressed girls with tops that leaves little to the imagination , struggling to balance on *gasp!* stilettos ! And i've noticed that these girls even share the same kind of tan. The kind of tan that will probably result in complexion that looks and feels like scrunched paper and melanoma. Ha. I'm happy being pale . And bronzers works wonders for me , thank you very much.

If you thought pottering on those killer heels is hard , try dancing on em' WHILE holding onto a martini.

And the perfect accessory ?

A red-faced caucasian with his hairy paws all over her butt cheeks. The girls speak in exaggerated accents trying to outdo one another . I like R&B , and R&B is supposed to be laid back but .. Sigh. And yes i do feel rather out of place at times , in my outfit deemed too skimpy by my dad but tame to the crowd @ cheeky's or some other R&b places.

Oh Shit.

I've disgressed WAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much ! The roof is on fire topic wasnt meant to be directed at clubbing but fireworks.

Damn.

Okay , lets talk abt fireworks.

The Singapore Fireworks Festival is on full swing now and i must admit that i've never been very interested in fireworks , the reason it being too artificial.

I was cajoled into watching it with T last sunday and we waited abt 2 hours just for that mere 3 minutes of coloured gunpowder .

Sure it was beautiful and some might say , spectacular. but i was more content sitting beside him than actually appreciating the riot of colours illuminating the city skyline. Oh and did i mention , that spot we took in the middle of the Benjamin sheares bridge was MAGFICIENT? The view was woah-woah-WOAH ! Too bad we were in it with probably a thousand or so people. Not good.

I love his scent. I could go on inhaling it for hours and not die of an overdose. mmmmm.

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i am BACK
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Yes , those days of checking back to see no new entries is over. Or lease i hope till laziness gets the better of me again :P

Braved through some relationship problems and believe me when i say that its one of the bleakest periods i've ever encountered in my whole life. I felt... cheated and used.

I'm glad to say that i'm picking up pieces of life once again after that one week of major depression. Not exactly depression as in the medical condition , nor did i entertain suidical thoughts and stuff , but depression as an overall feeling of ... sadness tinged with regret.

I won't elaborate on what actually happened to me , i suppose that everyone experiences such shit at some point of time in their lifes , and it was some really major shit i stepped on , i must say !

Not very typical and becoming of me to be so emotional but i'm going to say this...



I'm in love. Serious shit.

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C'mon and blow me , baby.