orgasmic hamsters

orgasmic hamsters






Monday, May 31, 2004

Pissed. Very.

Above was my half-hearted attempt at imitating Yoda. Not very convincing.


Hands up , those of you who goes to BBQs and permanently glue all ye fat asses to the seats , waitin to be served by those toiling over the blazing hot pit while you PAINSTAKINGLY wait to be served those plates of freshly BBQ-ed food.

That happened to me yesterday. Of course , being the sweet and considerate girl that i am , i volunteered to help out with the face roasting procedures of turning raw and squishy blobs of flesh into edible eatables.

I was quite willing in the beginning , very in fact , while swaying my cute perky ass to the beats of Usher and his gang. But that was because i was all freshly powdered up with nary a drop of pespiration on my body , as i were to find out 15 min later. I was still bopping away happily when the salty drops made their unwelcome presence on my brow because i was really happy . Don't ask me why. i get happy very easily.


The chicken wings and the fishes were really nicely marinated by Kai fong. Well done , you.

Enough of the disgression.

Dear old Nicholas was grabbing all the stuff that looked cooked enough off the pit faster than you can say 'chef's chocolate salty balls!' , distributing all his illegal stash to Yan , Pei and a few others. I wasnt really pissed at first , but when i started peeling the prawns with Edwin for our consumption and Nic came to steal the food as usual to give the girls , i was seriously miffed and so was Ian who made his displeasure known by commenting very loudly , sadly unheard of to those guilty.


Okay , that was an unintentional outburst. I know , i'm selfish . BUt not as selfish as those who patiently wait for the food to be served to them. Fuckers.

Icouldnt control myself anymore when Yan started complaining.

Yan : So boring ! Nothing to do !

Me : Go and help to cook , lah ! ( sarcastically )

Yan : DON'T WANT !

Me : WHY


Me : Don't want then don't want , lah !

I walked off after that. Immediately i had the evil notion of pressing some glowing red hot coals onto her face , Pei's and the rest . Of course i didnt.

So after BBQ-ing again to simmer down i went to sit down with them and everything was normal again when i casually asked Pei why she didnt want to help out with the cooking. Her nonchalent answer ?

"I'm wearing contact lens .. They will melt if i BBQ !"


Of course i didnt , i just smiled and acknowledged her very dumb answer. Didnt want any more unpretty outbursts at such a gathering and furthermore she's my good friend.


Damn , i wonder how the heck people can believe such urban legends. So what if contacts are plastic ?


Its not your everyday tupperware-sque plastic !!!!

Besides , how HOT can the BBQ be ? The buttons on my shirt didnt even melt in the scorching heat.

AH. But then again , people will resort to ANYTHING when searching for an excuse.

That was , by the way , one of the most non plausible answers i have ever heard in my entire 18 years. Thank you , Pei !

The episode blew over in the end , i guess keeping quiet is still the best after all among good friends. Pei , Yan , Ping and Me went home together after the so-so two days of chalet. More on the chalet to come , this post's just an outlet to vent my extreme frustration. I still love them all dearly :D

What an anti climax eh ?

What do you mean , do you think i'll stop being friends with them just because of this ?

There you are , Fiona Tan presents you , her aggressive and petty side.


Friday, May 28, 2004

Irrelevant post of the day

Putain de bordel de merde!

I'm not sure but this is suppose to mean something vulgar in french. Go figure !

And guess what.

I had an encounter with a flasher.Again.

There he was , sitting so innocently at the back of the bus wanking off like it was nobody's business. And he even WINKED at me , the audacity of that motherfugga!!!!!

I've had it up to here *points to forehead* already. No more next time. You have been warned , all ye potential sickos who plan to show me your family jewels.

Family jewels should ALWAYS be kept under the warmth and security of your pants. indecent exposure to air causes a chemical reaction that causes erectile dysfunction , and even worse , permenant impotency.


Thursday, May 27, 2004

a moment of silence for the departed

A few hundred or thousand miles away from where i am being comfortably seated now in the comforts of my air conditioned room , hundreds lay dead as floods devastated Haiti and the Dominican republic ( heck , don't think most of you would know where they're anyway ). Nobody cares , because those countries are 'insignificant'. If this happened in the good ol USA , i think by now the entire world would have despatched rescue operations 1 hour after the catasrophe happened. But of course , not in some places where Zombies roam . Fuck that. I wish i could do something about it than typing some stupid words like some spoiled asshole. In singapore , nobody has to ever worry about dying in floods . Not when you are 18 stories above ground. Please , somebody hear the Haitian's pleas for help. Can you imagine , this was once Paradise , as once described by the first white men on the island ( Captain James something if i remember correctly ) but now it has become more or less of a wasteland no thanks to political unrest and the endless milking of its natural resources and the building of touristy attractions. Fuck that again. Just when would Men leave things as they are in their former glory ? Mountains still remain beautuful even if you did not build some stupid skiing resort on it.


Tuesday, May 25, 2004


Knock knock !

who's there ?

G !


GMAIL on its way !!


OKay , lame. Yes , you're right. I have GMAIL !!! Though its a rather lame address ( ) , i have it while most don't ! But im not gonna use it though.. sticking to my hotmail account for the time being.


Saturday, May 22, 2004

Irrelevant entry of the day 2

Places to visit before i die.

1- Yorkshire ( Thanks to James Herriot ( the greatest vet alive ) and author of the Secret Garden. Something something Hodgeson. Her name's too long to remember :P )

2-Wisconsin , Iowa , Minnesota , Dakota Territory ( I am SO SO besotted , in love , head over heels with the books written by Laura Ingalls Wilder that i actually stole them from my school library because i couldnt find them in any bookstores :D . And whats more , there's even replicas of the places she stayed in that doubles up as a musuem. How cool is that !! I would just die of happiness. I've read all of her books countless times ! She is so my favourite author ! But you know that already ! )

3- Bhutan , Nepal , Tibet ( Their culture is like.. Wow. )


Actually i don't think i wanna visit them before i die. The places would have changed so much by then should i visit them at 60. Heck , every Bhutanese home would prolly own a TV set 60 years later , and the people dressed in Burberry's and Prada just like anyone else.


irrelevant post of the day

I can't believe i threw up again , the nth time this week . OKay , i was exaggerating. Just the second. But its enough to warrant me an alarm.

Luckily i only had breakfast ( consisting of two siew mais gobbled down within one minute and a sip of orange soda ) before i puked it all out or else it would be such a waste to waste food.

My collegues asked me why i was looking so deathly pale in the morning , and i happily replied 'morning sickness' , not realising that the term can only be used by pregnant ladies. Well i found that soon enough for the next few minutes were spent de-explaining the term to my indignant collegues. And i thought morning sickness was just a term for a general feeling of malaise in the morning.

Which brings me to the my next point. Do i even look PREGNANt in the first place ? Heck , i don't think i even look like someone who isn't a virgin. I mean , look at me. I have the word VIRGIN in bold printed all over my face. Ha ha , sorry for the sudden outburst. I simply just feel so strongly against this topic , due to my extreme conformist take on this. To me , virginity is like a gift. Urm , like you know. For your husband. Its supposed to be an exclusive thing ! Okay , i disgress again.


Thursday, May 20, 2004

I wanna be an ostrich

At least i could bury my head into the sand and stay there when the need arises. Sometimes , i really feel that Murphy's law does exist.

What the fark is Murphy's law , you ask.

Let me tell you.

If anything can go wrong, it will

Take the famous buttered toast example. Buttered toast ALWAYS falls on the buttered side. Just like when you are wearing your oldest pair of socks with all the holes in it and you wish that there would be no occasion to take your shoes off , suddenly your boss invites you to his place for dinner.

Okay , i disgress.

Back to me. So yeah , so Murphy's law dictates the abovementioned. Today , i had an absolute bad hair , bad make up , bad everything day.

My hair was bad. It has two very prominent cow licks and it just felt downright messy.

My make up was bad. My eyebrow wasn't drawn well and my sparse brows looked as if they were balding , and i was feeling miserly when i was applying my blusher in the morning so i looked liked a pale insipid piece of walking flesh.

And bad everything. I wore a horrible red camisole that was hurriedly ironed and worn because i was in a rush to get to work and it so happened that the striking red fabric caught my eye and i didnt even bother to check out my reflection.

And yeah. I was feeling utterly spiteful and tantrum-prone that morning. And out of all the other mornings where i looked much better , i had to meet HIM with his GIRLFRIEND on the bus.

Oh good lord !

I had to meet my second ex boyfriend , Derek , the very person i had been playing hide and seek with for the past year.

I was so miffed i tried to look nonchalent praying hard that he would not see me but of course , he saw me and so did his girlfriend. Imagine my tremendous luck when most of the passengers suddenly alighted and all of a sudden i was standing next to HIM ( he was seated). I swear i really wish the ground would open and swallow me up. He must have been thinking "What the fuck was i thinking the last time ?!"

Maybe i was being too sensitive , but did the smile he gave me was tinged with sympathy ? Did i actually saw his girlfriend snigger ? I didnt really bother , all i wanted to do was to fuck off that bus. Which i did the next stop.

Why oh why did i have to see HIM in my pathetic state ? Why couldn't i just bump into him when i'm dressed to kill with a hunk hanging from my arms as the final touch ? I could be the bitch and give him the treatment , complete with that haughty toss of the head and the deliberate blink of the eyes but not when you're feeling like you've just emerged from some slimey smelly alley.



Afterthoughts 15 mins later ... :

I know i know , i sound like a complete bitch who's still bitter about a failed relationship but thats not it ! What i really want , is to let him know , i'm keeping up fine , that its his loss we broke up. Maybe i'll go for plastic surgery and increase my bust size to a DD , and thats the day when i'll dress like a whore with my boobs almost spilling out from my low cut top , march up to him and knock him flat with my supersized boobs. Haha. Kiddin.


Wednesday, May 19, 2004

I've never really liked Simple Plan , they kind of look and sound like most other 'pop punk' wannabes but i gotta admit their 'Perfect' is growing on me. Worth listening to but if you're looking for some good ol' punk rock , this is NOT it. I'm tired ! Lots of photos coming up tmorrow :)

"Cause' we lost it all..
Nothin lasts forever..
I'm sorry.. I can't be


Tuesday, May 18, 2004

i'm walking away

3 months down the road less travelled , and now that we'ved the crossroads , i guess its about time we left it this way , amicably and with memories that'll prolly linger on forever. A relationship seperated by miles and miles of ocean will never work out , not even with the agreement that the relationship would be a non-exlusively mutual one.

I gotta admit , i found you more than a little cute the very first time HH introduced us to each other. I didn't really think much until the second meeting , during the breakdancing rehearsals at Youth park and i was really impressed by your slick moves and your brown eyes came across as striking. 1 year passed just like that , all the stuff we did together seldom came short of being crazy.

i refused to believe it when HH told me you wanted to take things a step further . I was reluctant to for two reasons. Firstly , what i felt were just really 'good friends' vibes and secondly , friendships always end up nowhere when somebody wants to 'take it further'. I gave in anyway inspite of myself , mainly because you were already leaving and i couldnt bear to see you leave with such a sunken face.

Thank you for the nightly phone calls.. the online conversations..I know , you really gave up alot for us to work out but believe me when i say its better to end it sooner. Chicks are everywhere Down Under , don't fret :D . Hey , i shall end this with the chorus from our song , Blink 182 - First date.

Lets go
Don't wait
This nights almost over
Honest, let's make this night last forever.
Forever and ever
Lets make this last forever
Forever and ever. Lets make this
last forever


I'm sorry if i didnt love you as much as i was supposed to.


Monday, May 17, 2004

Crimes of youth


Taken at Dhoby Gaut MRT station about 1 month ago. Looking very much like those caught in a surprise vice raid with our squatting and hands-behind-our-heads position. And indeed , we pretty much embarrased ourself in public as this was taken during the evening peak period. Morons united ! I'm the one in the green racerback , somewhere around the middle.

Argh. Whats wrong with blogger ? After revamping its site it seemed to have screwed up especially during publishing , for the page would just constantly reload itself at 0% or 33% forever. And worst of all , sometimes i can't even log into blogger because its so damn laggy.


Irrelevant post of the day

i absolutely cannot fathom why the hell am i entertaining myself with such sick stuff like this website. And i'm actually lauging my ass while reading this ( pardon the pun ) shit. Enjoy.

not what my grandma likes to wear

Okay , confession time. I have a fetish ( okay , fetish is too strong a word. How about a sustained interest ? ) in lingerie. I've got lots of 'em. Everyone has their weaknesses , and this is definitely one of them besides my habit of spending all my money on food.

I prefer thongs to bras , most probably because i possess a less than impressive pair of mammaries and im not exactly keen on them either though of cos i'm not saying i have a nice butt. My god , this entry is getting quite personal and intimate.

Thank god i have a friend who shares the same passion and more often than not we often spend more than we should on unintended stuff. Our preferences are quite diverse , she likes hers sheeny-satiny and i love lace to bits. Some girls complain , they hate thongs and g-strings because it kind of rides up and it feels like wedgies in their butt but i say , get a better thong ! SOmetimes , price really does make a difference. You wouldnt wanna be caught dead in public with trying to pull a wedgie out from your buttcrack. Uh oh. No way. And yes , the biggest fashion disaster of the century's not from the 80s disco fever era ( susprise ! Not those appalling flare pants and loud shirts ) , but the sight of a very obvious G/T-string peeking prominently our from your hipster pants and walking with your butt swaggering left to right.. to and fro. Yucks. Thats so ho' like.

Washing machine tip of the day : Most of you sensible girls would probably know this , but anyway this goes out to those without household common sense like me. Never wash your bra in washing machines ( and neither should u put tissue paper in washing machines either. Refer to previous entries ). It not only mangles the wired in wired bras , it even twirls the strap to the point that it seemed permantly twisted , as i found out a few days ago. Usually i handwash everything lovingly but i felt lazy and dumped my babies into the machine and it came out looking mauled.


Sweet dreams are made of a lil lace.. a lil cotton.. and ribbons.. I usually prefer black and red stuff.. but this is definitely an exception. Maybe a lil too over the top for some , but i would love to get my hands on this one .


well , nothing much happened today , except my manager made 3 of our girls cry today. He's such an asshole.

listening to : yellowcard - ocean avenue


Sunday, May 16, 2004

the power of math

okay , i can't help it. i gave in to my urge to blog.

i've a question for you guys.

Take a piece of A4 sized normal writing paper and fold it into half 50 times. What would the length of it be ?

Don't be surprised by the answer!

The length would actually be almost the distance of earth to the sun !

Ridiculous ?

Its not the first time i've seen this question , i've always been rather intrigued by physics and maths though i failed maths in school :P . Anyway back to the question.

I shall now prove the answer to you !

thickness of a sheet of paper : 0.1 cm

folded into half = 0.1 x 2 = 0.2 cm

another half = 0.2 x 2 = 0.4 cm

another half = 0.4 x 2 = 0.8 cm

another : 0.8 x 2 = 1.6 cm

another : 1.6 x 2 = 3.2 cm

another ( 6th fold ) = 6.4 cm ( thickness of two CDs ! )

7th fold= 12.8 cm

And guess what ?

by the 10th fold

it would already have reached an estimated 1 meter !!!!!!!

So you see , 1 x 2 = 2 m

12th fold = 2 x 2 = 4m

So it just goes on doubling its thickness till by the 50th fold , the distance would be the distance of the earth to the sun !

So i presume you would have understood

Or do you ?

Check out this website for more info


But the bottomline is : Paper can never be folded more than 7 times. Don't believe it ? Try it ! However some smart-alec student has managed to fold it 12 times. Check



The maths is kinda too brainy for me so i didn't really check out the theory part of it.


i didn't catch a single wink last night and i went to work feeling like some sort of a haitian zombie. i am so exhausted now that that i shall not have an entry today. Good night !


Saturday, May 15, 2004

the sky is NOT the limit !!!!

Guess what ! Singapore MIGHT permit sky diving !!!!!! and about time , too !! I've been waiting for like so long !!!!!! $350 a pop ! Wow , a bit steep but its the closest thing you can get to being excited here in Singapore where everything is banned. And i do so want to watch Sex and the city so bad.


very very very irrelevant entry of the day


I have decided , NOT on a whim , to exclusively stick to black undies.Forever. Ask me nicely , and i might tell you why ! :D


Friday, May 14, 2004

my grandpaarents


Today , something happened. It might not interest you much , but i am sure this is something i will never forget , though so unremarkable.

My grandma , or 'Ah ma' as i address her , has always been one feisty granny who never fails to let anyone know anything because 1) she enjoys speaking her mind , 2) she talks with a loud voice. So today i was at my grandparent's place as usual but before i left , my Ah ma stopped me.

Ah ma : Xinyi ( thats my chinese name ) !

Me : Ya ?

Ah ma : That ring on my dressing table.. you gave it to me ?

Me : Huh what ring ? I don't know of.....

Ah ma *cuts in impatiently* : Aiya , you ah ! Buy me ring for what ? I got so many rings already , but you still want to waste money buying this for me ! ANd besides , all my rings are made of genuine precious stones and metals , i don't want your fake ring lah. Take it back !

Me : What ring ? I really have no idea what you're talking about !

Ah ma : Cannot be , not you then who ? You're the only one who has such funny ideas

Than at this point of time my grandpa ( or Kong kong as i address him ) said

Kong kong : Aiya , i was the one who brought you that ring lah

Ah ma : Take it back lah , i don't want it. Aiyo.

**end of conversation** ( yah , its mostly in singlish. do drop me a comment should you need any explaination ! )

Without saying anything , my grandpa stood up and my grandma passed the box containing the ring to him . He quietly walked into his room and placed it into his drawer and i don't know why but all of a sudden i felt really touched. All my life , i've never seen the both of them express any affection for each other before , not even one subtle hint. My grandma's like that , loud and speaks her mind but i know that despite putting my grandpa down like that she's secretly pleased and although my grandpa was impassive throughout i kind of feel something for him , but i just couldnt find the right words to describe how i felt at that time. And i can't believe it myself , i actually cried on the bus while thinking about it. haha ! And its not even a sad incident to begin with :P

My grandpa likes to complain to me about my grandma whenever i accompany him for his daily walks , speaking bad about my grandma. He would say things like

"Your grandmother , getting crazier as she ages"

"Your grandmother , never fails to nag at me"

"Your grandmother , she's mad , lets ignore her"

Altough he was straight-faced whenever he poured out his troubles to me i would always hide a chuckle for i find it so comical , the way he describes my grandmother so imaginatively. I guess thats the way they were brought to be because in asian cultures , being openly affectionate was a source of embarrasement and was quite taboo in their times. Theirs was an arranged marriage , and they absolutely did not know each other prior to their wedding. But yet , their marriage lasted through the years just like most marriages in their time. Now , times are different.

Divorces are common because women now know their rights and they simply do not have the tolerance our grandmothers had. I know , some feminists would say that in those days , we were being constantly bullied by the men , blah blah blah. But come to think of it , although i like to see myself as a liberated woman , i like the feeling of being taken care of by my husband , to do his bidding and urm , being dominated ( literally ! what were you thinking of ? ) . I guess the traditionalist in me is making herself heard ! i want to get married !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But i don't lust for a life behind the kitchen door , cooking dinner , tending to the kids.. Maybe juggle a freelance career as a writer ? Oh my god. Please ignore me. I'm thinking waaaaaaaaay too far ahead. *smacks forehead*

Okay , i know this is a dreadfully boring post. But you see ,i was feeling rather urm , serious. Thus the tone of this entry. But ! I will be back later .


random incidents


i don't know why but i have a penchant of bumping into flashers. The word 'flasher' conjures up images of shady and unshaven looking males dressed in a black trenchcoat , always ready to pounce on unsuspecting victims as they pull open their coats with a flourish , but no , you have been watching too much movies. In real life , flashers look just like you and me.

I was walking home today and as usual i made my way towards the lift landing but before that i had to pass by a couple flights of staircases. It was the time of the day where everyone would be rushing home for dinner and i didn't think that anythin was amiss when i heard somebody hissing at me as i walked past a staircase. I couldn't believe my eyes when i turned around to see a man sitting on the stairs with his pants down and wanking off like it was nobody's business. It wasn't the first time i had encountered such assholes before ( i've lost count. an estimate ? at least 6. )and i knew by reading from newspaper reports that these sickos seek their thrill from the looks of hysteria and shock on their victims' faces.

But not me. At least , not today. Usually i would look really shocked and walk away quickly but this time i deliberated and stared at the motherfugger in his face for at least a second before walking away coolly. He had this really sick smile on his face and i really salute him for his apparent bravery to commit such a despicable act in broad daylight. He must have been really desperate. I made a mental note while in the lift to purchase a slingshot so that i could render any flasher encountered impotent.Painfully.

listening to : lisa ono - you are the sunshine of my life

currently reading : the secret garden by frances hodgson burnett. ( yes , i'm a sucker for children's novels. this book only serves only to intensity my longing to visit Yorkshire.. you would too after reading too many of James herriot's books and this one )


Thursday, May 13, 2004

good bye , latoya

I've never been a fan of anyone this season of American Idol , but this time round i shall put my hands up in protest over the extremely undeserved booting of Latoya. Anyway , i don't have much opinions nor emotions for this season's show , too much twists and turns so nothing unfazes me anymore. Oh my , i really miss American idol 2 ! Don't you ? At least i had someone to root for - CLay Aiken ! He looks really yummy with glasses on. And yeah , his rendition of Soliataire is really... incomparable with anything.


i am back. again.

Okay , i know that i've been way too irritating these few days for posting more often than i should. But darlings , you can't just blame me for my enthusiasm. I just wanna blog as much as i can before my week off ends and i have to start work again tomorrow. For the record , i am currently working at a cafe at the airport as a server as i'm having my study break now and will be returning to continue my dreaded education in July.

i am all singaporean inside , lah !

I was reading my previous posts just now and i realised to my horror how 'american' i was. I love and embrace the american culture , and would have packed my luggages to breath in the air of 'freedom' at LA to stay with my uncle but my grandparents blatantly refuse to move. But i always ask myself. Do i really want to emigrate ? The answer ? A resounding No. at the end of the day , i still remain very much a singaporean girl , complete with a generous dose of lahs and lors in my everyday speech. what are they , you ask. They're just two meangingless syllabus that is supposed to place emphasis. An example

John stevens : Yo fiona , wanna have dinner with me ?

fiona : don't want lah !!!!!!!

**end of conversation**

So basically the lah is really redundant without any apparent purporse except to shorten our breath trying to squeeze in an extra monosyllable. But yes , i use it . ALOT.

I have received an email just now , much to my chagrin , a question from a very curious reader as to where Singapore was. WhERE IS SINGAPORE?! Holy cow , you must be living in the medieval times. OKay , geography class now. Singapore is basically a very tiny island located at the southern tip of malaysia and is no bigger than your mother's thighs , which is i guess around the size of new york city ( NOT the state ) ? I'm not too sure. But its small enough to have a meagre population of about 4 million people consisting of five major races - the indians , the malays , the chinese ( the majority ) and the unknown foreigners like you. And we're already facing a shortage of housing with only 4 million citizens ! How cool is that ? Anyway , we're every bit as modern as Manhatten , our service/finance sector makes up the majority of the industry. So yeah , you can imagine. We have sun all year round and we're all healthily tanned with NO freckles ( i hear sighs of jealousy already ) because urm , thats the way our complexion is like.

Our president is apparently there to only entertain the big-wig visitors like George Bush ( he caused a minor uproar when he visited singapore recently. Can you imagine , a few hundred people hanging outside at the State house just to catch a glimpse of Bush ? Duh. ) because thats the only thing i always hear him doing. Back to the weather. how is the weather like now ? Fucked up , i would say. I could work up a sweat just by sitting down . Its about 33 degrees celcius and freaking humid. Well thats about it i guess. More to come later. I shall end this post with a national song.

We are Singapore
We are Singapore
We will stand together hear the lion roar

OKay i admit this isn't one of my favourites. It sounds like it has a grammar mistake in it though it doesn't. Here goes another one.

This is our land
An island where i wander free
Land of my hope ( i think so , not too sure about the lyrics )
Where my heart longs to be
Our friendly shores
Welcomed our fathers long ago
Our spirits soar from strength to strength i watch Her grow
Arise awake ! Our land is calling strong and clear ( again unsure )
We will defend , the isle we hold so dear
****************** ( completely forgotten , this phrase )
This is our land oh Singapore we love you so !!!


Yeah and we sing this every national day. Its kind of cheesy but i like it. Not surprising since i have been weaned on this since primary school. Well , fuck you if you're a singaporean and you never sing 'em during our National day because you find them utterly lame. well if you think its so useless than get your butt off our island.OKay its blatantly propaganda but i don't see anything wrong with promoting your own country. OKay , and this is our national pledge. Everyday of my school life i recite this followed by our national anthem which is in malay.

-- The singapore pledge

We, the citizens of Singapore,
pledge ourselves as one united people,
regardless of race, language or religion,
to build a democratic society
based on justice and equality
so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and
progress for our nation.

I really like our pledge. Whats yours ? OKay , i'm going out now , folks. Will do an update on this topic should inspiration strike. I really want so badly for the rest of the world to know us better.


oklahoma city bombings

i used to be rather intrigued by the then prisoner on death row , Timothy Mcveigh , the man who killed 168 people when he drove and parked a van loaded with explosives in front of a building. In 2001 he was executed and i saw him getting executed by lethal injection on the internet live and it wasn't a very pretty , but hauntingly peaceful sight. I don't know whhy i was so fascinated about the whole episode , presumably because there was supposedly others in conspiracy with him that never got caught , much like the JFK assasination . I have watched JFK documentaries on Discovery channel a few times and have seen the actual eerie footages. Was Harvey Lee Oswald the one who really assasinated JFK ? Or were there others ? Was is the 'Umbrella' man ? We'll never find out. But one thing is for sure ( major digression comin up ! ) - we'll never be able to know how it really feels like to be on death row , to know the exact time of your death. To actually be strapped on the familiar brown 'execution bed' and know that the fateful phone call from the red phone that would mean parole will never come. To have your life ebb away as the lethal combination of chemicals suffocate your vital organs one by one. And worse of all , knowing that it'll all be telecast live !

Moral of the story ? Don't kill people.

P/s : Tim Mcveigh bears an uncanny resemblance to Eminem!


hi guys , i've loaded this spanking new template . i love this so much ! please bear with the slow loading , i will try to load the pictures into a local server soon !


america , are you listening?

i've never like to be political , but the recent spate of events has caused me much discomfort . of course you know i'm referring to that Al-Qaeda video that has some american guy getting beheaded on video. The pain must have been excruciating.I really symphatise with his parents.. i mean.. imagine seeing the video of your child losing his life ! I've never condone the acts of war given the thumbs up by Bush , lifes lost just to track down one stupid man. But neither have i condone the acts by the terrorists . And what the fuck , worst of all , they're doing the ultimate sin of taking the lifes of others , and whats more , they even dare to proclaim it all as God's will , clearly too evident in the beheading video where one of the Al-qaeda men shout out 'God is greatest!' before killing him. Thats stupid. They're using God's name for all the wrong reasons. No amount of pleading , not even whole lifetime of doing good deeds to repent for the evils they have done will suffice. Nothing will lead him to salvation.

Wow. i can't believe i sound so dignified in this post.



Wednesday, May 12, 2004

what the ?!

This website is cool.

A collection of naval fluff ?

I've never seen anything collected in my naval as yet. Maybe in my later years when i have a flabby tummy. I'm not looking forward to it.


the tissue issue

damn ! i committed a big no-no of washing machine rules. I forgot to take out a piece of tissue paper left in my jeans pocket and now my black tops looked like a cat had just shedded its fur on it !!!! Sticky tape doesnt seem to really help remove it.... oh my goodness... please anybody , any tips for removing those lint-like stuff on my beloved tops ?!!!!

okay even as i type this , despite the catastrophe that had just happened to my clothes , i am still grinning like an idiot. guess what ? Julynn has just got her pay , and i'm off to a sumptuous dinner at Ponderosa's now. A wee bit too early for dinner but hey , nothing is 'too anything' if its free.



cheesecakes. don't everyone just love 'em. well , certainly not me for now. i stuffed my face with two huge New York cheesecake slices from Coffee Bean ( my absolute fav ! They're really rich , creamy and meltssssss in your mouth. The biscuit base was disappointing , though ) just now and i was feeling rather smug for finishing 'em neat because i usually manage to only finish half a slice at one sitting. The bloaty feeling soon turned to nausea and 10 minutes later i was emptying my stomach of its acidic contents. I had the cow sense to inspect the aftermath and it looked very much like curdled milk mixed with yoghurt but it smelled like sour milk. Not surprisingly i puked again after that. I still smell like vomit.

from this ( actually i don't really find this pic appetising. looks rather bland , don't you agree ?)

to this

This is just for show. I've found much grosser pictures just now while searching for a vomit puke that really compelled me to puke some more.

oh my god , you're puking ! you turn me on so much
was searching the WWW for some vomit pictures to put up when i came across many sites that seemed to be 'pro-vomit'. It came as a complete surprise , and much to my disgust , that some people actually get turned on by people vomitting ? That is like... eeeewwww. The bizarre fetishes some people have.



irrelevant post of the day


i hereby declare my neighbourhood cats horny. why ? what else can you use to describe cats who shag the whole night through , and disturbing the peace with their loud mewwwwws and all ? I'm a cat lover as much as a hamster lover but no , shagging cats aren't for me.

listening to : maroon 5 - this love


Tuesday, May 11, 2004

the irrelevant post of the day

i was crawling like a sloth just now after an acute attack of the needles-and-pins in my legs after sleeping in an awkward position. thats all for the irrelevant post of the day. holy cow , this is interesting. i'm gonna make it like a daily thing. heh.


i had sex today

Just kidding , i didn't .I've got your attention , didn't i you closet sexually deprieved pervert !


Monday, May 10, 2004

i cant believe how BLISTERING hot the weather is ( no , i did not commit a fatal grammar mistake. I said IS because it is still fuckin HOT now. ) It did not help when i waited almost 1/2 an hr for stupid feeder bus home just now and i almost tore my hair off at the bus stop in frustration , and coupled with a sweat soaked shirt that stuck to my back , it was a deadly combination. If you had seen me just now , you would have seen a savage looking girl with a huge scowl on her face and tapping her feet impatiently . I swore i was so frustrated that i almost cried. Worst to come , when the bus finally arrived , it was so fucking packed that i did not want to create a spectacle by squeezing up the bus with the other passangers and blocking the entrance like some stupid people. In the end , after waiting for more than half an hour for NOTHING , i decided to walk home in the sweltering heat,while hatching a diabolical plan to murder the feeder bus driver. template. im faliing in love with this !


Life's like that

I used to marvel at this phrase Jermaine like to mention alot.

"God IS fair!"

It seemed that for every shortcoming in a person , there is something to make up for that flaw. Here are a few celebrity examples :

Ruben studdard : He IS fat , admit it. And sadly , obesity is a trait that is always associated with losers in most parts of the world. But , God is fair !! He made up for that by blessing Ruben with a gorgeous voice and a personality that oozes charm and people have an affinity with him, despite his obvious flaw. This particularly applies to many people like Oprah Winfrey , Kimberley Locke , Lydia Sum etc.

Rob Schneider : He's ugly ! But ! He makes big bucks making people laugh. 'nuff said !

And the winner is ... William Hung ! : He's definitely not in the league of even 'average looking people' , but he's got enough brainpower to study at the prestigious UC Berkeley and now money is rolling in for him even though obviously the hullabaloo over him is gonna blow over soon.

This thesis can be proven by sneeking a peep or two at some so called ( i said this with much disdain because i personally loathe them smart-alecs with the haughty i-am-so-smart-i-am-wearing-the-RJC-uniform-and-don't-talk-to-me-in-chinese-you-cheena-neighbourhood-school-students-because-my-english-is-so-high-up-i-talk-with-a-fucking-fake-accent uniform look ) top schools and you shall find statuesque ( not statuesque as in Brad Pitt statuesque but instead , bearing an uncanny likeness to statues. as in , stone dead. ) students poring briliantly over their thick textbooks with ancient thick glasses,unsightly unshaved-for-years stubble,endless stretches of acne due to neglect and skinny white legs.

That aside , god IS fair. no matter how undesirable you look , if you have a brain that can absorb even the entire works by Shakespeare , you've made it in Singapore. And chances are , you'll marry a decent looking , if not beautiful girl. Why ? Because singaporean girls are realistic. Even if you're the ugliest man alive but you're filthy rich and fuggin intelligent enough to hold a job at some science research center , it all becomes secondary. At most , the wife will be closing her eyes while the nerds are at it on the bed with their tiny deeks. hrrrrmpppph. And also , hopes arise that their offspring will inherit the mother's looks and father's intelligence. Of course , shit happens. Which is, inheriting the mother's intelligence and the father's looks.
Wow. i disgressed alot.

Anyway. Back to the topic. So yeah , god is fair. What you lack in length , he makes up for it in width. Ha ha ha okok thats not meant to insult short people with a problem with their weight. Serious. That was supposed to be a showcase of my literary prowess. I mean that length and width phrase.

But of course , God sometimes plays a cruel joke on some unfortunate beings , the worst being the poverty stricken people from countries like Ethopia in africa. But lets not touch on that depressing topic. SOmething closer to home , maybe ? A sterling example: My friend from school , lets just call him Boo.

Boo looks like Michael Jackson , without his moves and luckily his face , but his skin. Indeed,Boo is a guy but he is as fair as a baby's arse. And thats is NOT a good thing, considering he has really rosy and lush ( in cruder terms : inflamed and out of poportion ) lips that is really an unpretty contrast. And he had medium-mild acne which really shows on his pale sicky complexion.

And he's rather fat and there are wart-like growths on his body too , luckily there's not many. and he dresses really horribly and shabbily , alternating between like 3 shirts he has. Bad fashion sense is alright , but not if you don't even bother to iron some very severely crumpled rags..oops..clothes that you wear. And he wears slippers to town ! And he doesnt trim his claw-like finger and toenails ! Verdict ? He's someone girls would love to touch , but with a ten metre long pole.

Now , this isn't so bad if he's rich. The really unfair thing is , he is in a constant state of need. his whole family is jobless , but Boo is so lazy that he doesn't wanna work , blaming it instead on lame excuses like "No jobs for me" , to which i open up the papers and find tons of unfilled vacancies . And he sucks in his studies too , failing his O levels terribly , passing only his language papers. So he only qualifies for ITE .

Thats it. Boo is ugly , fat , fashion-less , poor and not academically inclined. Not surprisingly , every girl he has dared to woo so far has failed. Nevertheless , god is still fair , although not as much for his case, for he is a really nice person and has no lack of friends . Character-wise , nice and affable , with a knack of making friends easily. But then again , in this materialistic society , you got to have either intelligence and money , and if not , good looks to survive. CHaracter alone doesnt really matter at all.

Of course , saying all these , i have to say that i am not perfect. I am not ugly , but i am not what you would describe as pretty . Neither do i have a fabulous figure. But still , i feel really blessed enough. And the morale of this really long post ? Okay , it might sound really cliched and stuff , but , the moral is , be happy with yourself and everything you have. God is fair , and whenever you start thinkin stuff like "why did god make me turn out so ugly ?"' , most probably you have many friends and a supportive ,close-knit family. Well , if you don't , don't despair. Be positive !

Think this way. In singapore , nobody starves. DOesnt make much sense ? Well , lets say if you're really so unlucky to be jobless and wifeless and penniless in the future , don't despair. you can still count on our government. But chances are , it won't happen , don't worry. Even if it does , being a taxi driver does rake in some good money too !


Disclaimer : ALl the negative stuff i said about RJC and top school students are just my personal satirical point of view. I have quite a few RJC friends too and no , they're not like that though they can get rather conceited sometimes , like when they start saying

RJC friend : Fiona , hows yr O levels ? Can get into Junior college ?

FIona : Ha ha ha , 24 points and a flunk in maths , what say you ?

RJC : *scowls* What ! 24 ? My momma would kill me if i got twenty............Oops , i didn't mean that.

Fiona: Its okay

RJC student : But then again , 24 is way too much ! I mean , i got 7 points !


Life's like that !


Friday, May 07, 2004

why do birds suddenly appear everytime you are near ?


a stab in the dark : maybe because you look like a mound of juicy earthworms ? don't get me wrong , i love The Carpenters , but i can't help but poke fun at lame song lyrics whenever possible. Rap and R&B lyrics usually have absolutely horrendous ( phrase courtesy of SImom Cowell ) lyrics that don't make sense , and with the sudden influx of said genre's music flooding the market , its getting irritating , and i don't just mean the lyrics. here's an example

P.diddy featuring Usher - I need a girl

Bad bad bad bad grammar : Cause you was depressed and now you abusin me

what ? : I need a girl to ride, ride, ride
I need a girl to make my wife

I would strongly suggest a car or a bicycle to ride , unless you can find a girl with wheels for legs. Don't tell me that ride means something else in ghetto lingo , i'm not convinced.

Unfortunately good singers are not spared from the same grevious mistakes , Clay Aiken ( droooooool ) included. this one song definitely takes the cake.

Clay aiken - Invisible

What are you doing tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall -- ( self-deprecation detected ! )
Are you really alone
Still in your dreams
Why can't I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I'm alive


If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room-- ( never knew clay aiken had voyeuristic tendecies )
If I was invisible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait..I already am)
-- ( ah. contradiction at its best )


So far , ( the now defunct )Savage garden's songs are still top contenders in my playlist. DOn't you all just love them ? Those lyrics .. those music. Throw them any genre and they'll conjure up what you want. Period. Too bad , they're gone. My biggest grouch is that Darren Hayes isnt doing too well solo. what a waste !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Songs i can't stop humming now

1) Grease soundtrack - Greased lightning
2) The cardigans - Lovefool
3) five for fighting - 100 years ( a very poignant song with a wonderful melody )
4) Jet- are you gonna be my girl
5) hoobastank - the reason
6) clay aiken - solitaire
7) jay chou - qing tian
8) an unidentified song from the Ramones
9 ) metallica - st.anger
10) good charlotte - a new beginning

Dig 'em up from your kazaa or irc network !!


Sunday, May 02, 2004

i feel so.........blank and lifeless. day in day out , followin a stupid routine which is wake up , work , eat , use the computer and sleep again. I have absolutely no time nor energy for any contact with the outside world and its driving me nuts. it appears that my friends have gotten pissed by me always turning them down whenever they ask me out , to the extend that they don't bother to ask anymore , knowing very well the answer. just wanna say , im sorry to those i've neglected.. well actually i really wanna ask ya guys out whenever its my off day but hey , you know its not my style to do so.. and besides suddenly i feel very 'homely' , preferrin to lounge about at home . oh no. this is not the life i want. geez ,really hoping for the school term to start so i can live my life again.this ( work ) is really taking its toll on me man , i feel so damn easily irritated and more often than not i often catch myself with an ugly scowl on my face. its definitely one of the 'down' moments in my life. what the hell , i don't even bother to check out cute guys anymore. thats really a BAD sign.


Saturday, May 01, 2004


give me goatees


Guys with goatees turn me on so much , i always feel like doin the unthinkable and unmentionable to them with the goatees. Kidding of course. My obsession with the goatee is such that whenever i see some plain joe without one , i always picture him with a goatee and suddenly he looks so desirable and shaggable. ha ha ha. okay , i'm sick. i don't exactly dig limp bizkit's music , but i do dig fred durst. i don't understand why so many ppl has a thing against him , for although he doesnt exactly look droolsome and he's a lil plump , he HAS A GOATEE. and thats what matters to me . and he has got attitude. growwwwwwwwwl. i want him for dinner.


the writer








shawn kuku


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