orgasmic hamsters

orgasmic hamsters






Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Uncle ah ! Kopi-O gao gao !

I get really turned off when i see young men with horrendously long pinkie nails.

It disturbs me to think about what they actually do with it.

Like impaling their ears with their pinkies , turning it this way or the other before withdrawing it and flicking the harvest collected in the nails away.

Or nostrils , for that matter.

Or in the worst case scenarios , assholes.

Some use it as an inpromptu toothpick , picking their teeth clean of food particles and other unmentionables .

YUCK. The bacteria ! The dirt !

I've always fought the urge to grab the hands of those guilty of that heinous crime of keeping long pinky nails , plunge it into Dettol before clipping it away.

They remind of those leery pervy middle aged men wasting their life away sitting with one leg propped on the chair at your friendly neighbourhood coffee shop.

"Kopi-O Gao ! Teh Si ! TAT KIU~!"


Monday, September 20, 2004

Woah. Been really busy. Will update tomorrow or the day after hopefully ! :D


Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Irrelevant post of the day

Okay , i said i was going to post so here i am even though i am practically falling apart at the seams ( or joints , rather ) because i am so damn tired.

But a promise is a promise.

Okay shut up you.

I am going to repeat whatever i had typed into my handphone two days ago while i was on a crowded train.

Yah lah , i do that all the time , using my handphone as an impromptu writing pad to jot down ideas.


I am going to repeat it word by word.

"Stuck in a train with freaks cutting off my supply of fresh air. Looks like Jacques Cousteau didn't invent the Aqualung for more than just one purpose.

Move aside , cosmetics. Looks like surgery is the make-up du jour , having heard so much about it i've always got my kicks from looking at pictures of celebrities with botched surgery but being surrounded by not one , but three specimen in close proximity looking like the main characters from Planet of the Apes , it feels ..... entirely different.

This lady about two feet away from me is scarily pale. And she has commited one of the worst fashion mistakes ever - Over-plucking her eyebrows which she (gasp!) didn't bother to draw. And she has really bulbous looking lips that only silicon implants can give.

And i do mean HUGE. Her upper lip is so fat , its almost hanging over her languished lower lip.

Whatever can be worse ?????

Bright red lipstick on those fish lips. HORRORS.

Another one has.. Guess what.


Nope , not eyeshadow.

Not even Lipstick.


Not that she's trying to be in vogue by trying out psychedelic colours on places one would usually colour with brown tones , but obviously because the cosmetic tattoo she got eons back has faded and in place is a digusting looking bluish-green colour.Gross. And she has protuding jaws.

I told you it was like reliving a scene from The planet of the Apes.

It's during trying times like these when you feel like screaming and the lady standing next to you is so close that you only need to stick out a tiny sliver of your tongue to taste her salty sweat-stained face.

To further worsen matters , she smells like she has just finished a year's worth of prayer sessions at some temple because she smells like a walking incense stick.

Or maybe she's just using some cheap imitation of Dior.

Well , gotta count my blessings. At least she doesn't smell like she needs to visit a doc to remove her sweat glands or something. "

Yeah. Thats it. I just had to do something during my arduous 15 minutes and i just ranted and ranted. And those were the results.

I've just decided to make it a weekly affair to thank people for the things they did , starting from today.


Thanks to :

Julynn : For staying up late just to hear me complain even though she had to wake up at 5.

Jerel : For not killing me while doing 140 on the highway. Just kidding. For the rides.

K : For the books.. For the notes .. For the dinner..For causing the bruise on my big toe.

Joel : For the cheesecakes!!

Soryan : For not blaming me for almost screwing up her birthday BBQ plans.

Mr Harpic : Burp!


ZZZ. Sounds like a boring post to me. Writer's block due to my fatigue i guess. Well its just not the same when you're updating just for the sake of updating and updating because you feel like it.


Monday, September 13, 2004

I've so many stuff that i wanna get off my chest but im really tired now so i guess i'll be back tomorrow. till then.


Friday, September 10, 2004

Irrelevant post of the day

Well. I reckon i have posted this up before but since i can't find it i'll post it up again. Its a poem i wrote last year , and i ain't no Emily Dickinson so please pardon me should you find this nauseating. I kind of like it even though it sounds like some stanza in a song lyric. Haha.

The final parting
The cinders burns quietly on the hearth,
Burning quietly as woe betides those dark moments of solitude
A prayer from his heavy heart , memories unearthed
Of her six feet under ; an eternal interlude..

He fights the tears as he remembers
The words from his late wife's letter..

Weep not , for am I not right there captured in those sephia photographs
Our solemnisation , our marriage , and those taken just for laughs
Take a look around our humble abode , a treasury of our lifes
I'm always here , no matter what , its up to you to decide
I'd hate to admit but now
Even as I write this letter
Tears stream as I take a bow
And to God I leave my matters
I'm sorry that I'll be taking my demise
One step before you
Decades we've spent , through all the times
But now i'll have to bid you adieu
Silence now as my soul departs
For darling , I'll always love you.

Random snapshot

an old photo of me trying to look constipated/pained.

A rather bad attempt , for i turned out looking rather.... Unique .

Look , ma ! Double chin !!


Thursday, September 09, 2004

Chicken ? No Chicken ? WHO CARES!?

Singaporeans are really a bunch of really tense losers. I really don't see any reason for the ban on poultry from malaysia nor the fiancial aid to be given to the poultry industry to be in the headlines .

Like hello ? Surely we all can survive without CHICKEN.

Or eggs.

In fact , i don't really give two hoots should the government decide to ban ALL poultry altogether.

KFC would just have to find another meaning to its C , or close down.

How about Kentucky Fried Carrots.

Quite appetising.

Stop being so paranoid about chickens , or the lack of it lah !! We won't DIE without chickens or eggs.

I didnt mean to , but i sure did

I didn't mean to , but stare i did when i saw this middle-aged lady walking towards me.

I was looking for her boobs ( i dunno why but i like to look at boobs. ) and was fairly surprised to see it in the middle of her waist.

Thats really bad sagging

Somebody , pass her a Wonderbra.

No , i think she needs two clothes pegs attached to strings.

Now thats what i call a mid-life crisis.


Sunday, September 05, 2004

$188 ! $288 ! Going once.. Going twice...

Yay. I'm down with the flu after being spared from it for months.

All that nose rubbing is gonna leave my nose smarting , which will proceed to look like its shedding after two days.

Yes , shedding. You know , like how snakes shed .

And then i'm going to look like a complete retard with a flakey nose.


Went downstairs despite nursing my cold so that i could stock up on supplies for my hammies and there was a Getai going on .

A Getai , FYI , is urm... a mini neighbourhood concert with really bad sound systems and even worse singing.

And singers clad in really bad shimmery / spandex outfits.

And ...........

disco lights. ( ah ah ah ah staying alive ! stayin alive *poses with one arm grabbing waist and the other pointing towards the heavens )

Well , Getais are supposedly held to serve as entertainment for the 'Good brothers' ( a.k.a souls ) that are released during the 7th lunar month but if i were them , i would rather attend a Linkin Park concert.

Or even a symphony orchestra performance at Victoria Hall or something.

My parents and I decided to stop and join the crowd ( consisting of mostly pervy looking uncles gawking at the scantily clad singers ) , since i've never seen one before.

I was glad i did , because at the rate tradition is dying in the hands of my generation , i'll prolly never ever a getai again in say , 15 years' time.

Or even lesser.

Its quite scary actually , to lose touch with one's roots.

Anyway .

Besides the usual off-key singing of oldies , auctions were also held at the getai.

Nothing very suprising , since items up for bidding were auspicious items such as liquor and statuettes of deities.

Until you realise that "$388 going once.. going twice..Sold!" isn't for a bottle of XO or something.

But for a piece of COAL !!!!!!!!!!

I don't know the story behind it but its supposed to bring good luck if you managed to bid successfully for this precious piece of 'black gold'.


Mighty Mouse !

I have nothing against bodybuilders but it sometimes irks me to see them sometimes on the streets , them wearing their tight-fitting ( gasp!) tops that allows them to flaunt their physique , successfully disgusting me at the same time.

I've noticed that bodybuilders tend to have diminished-looking heads as compared to the rest of their body , not surprising considering the fact that their necks and shoulders are nothing but masses of muscles .

What an uncanny resemblance to a queen termite !!!


Hello, Friend !


Notice the similarities ? Small head , big body.

Even the ridges on the queen termite's huge torso look like abs on the unfortunate bodybuilder's body.

They have such huge arms that i bet when they place their hands parallel to their body their hands won't be able to touch the sides of their body like us normal beings.

Nor scratch their backs.

Why ?

Because the big balls of muscles on their upper arm is causing a major hindrance.

Muscles restricts movements.

Which is why bodybuilders are rather dim-witted , since the neurons in their brains aren't able to travel as fast down the nervous system

Or , the protein supplements bodybuilders love drinking so much have gone up to their heads , causing their brain tissue to morph into useless muscles.

Mighty mouse wasn't terribly bright either.


Thursday, September 02, 2004

The suicide anthem

Was surfing the WWW when i stumbled across an interesting nugget of info.

Apparently there's a hungarian song released in the 1940s that is the cause of about 17 suicides in Hungary , either due to its depressing lyrics or the rumours that the composer has put a curse on the song or something.

Anyway it got so hyped that European and American banned it from radio airplay altogether , including cover versions by reknowned artistes like Sinead O'Conner and Billie Holiday.

Legend has it that the composer's girlfriend commited suicide shortly after the song was released , and written on the suicide note was a short sentence of.....

"Gloomy Sunday."


And yes , the composer commited suicide too.

Here's the lyrics ( translated from the hungarian version ) , if you're interested. I find it hauntingly beautiful actually , and no , i did not have suicidal tendecies after reading it. Maybe it's just me , having been tortured by too many meangingless corny lyrics of the pop tunes of today , and i find such poetic finds quite a relief.

Title : Gloomy Sunday

Sunday is gloomy,
My hours are slumberless
Dearest the shadowsI live with are numberless
Little white flowers
Will never awaken you
Not where the black coaches of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thoughts
Of ever returning you
Wouldn’t they be angry
If I thought of joining you?
Gloomy sunday

Gloomy is sunday,
With shadows I spend it all my heart
and i have decided to end it all
Soon there’ll be candles
And prayers that are said
But let them not weep
Let them know that I’m glad to go
Death is no dream
For in death I’m caressin’ you
With the last breath of my soul
I’ll be blessin’ you
Gloomy sunday
I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you asleep
In the deep of my heart here
Darling I hope
That my dream never haunted you
My heart is tellin’ you
How much I wanted you
Gloomy sunday


I wished i had the guts to download this song from Kazaa :(


Here's a shoutout to all my friends ( Grace , Soryan , Jasmine , Julynn , Ian , Jerel , Caspar.. Etc )who has been putting up with my aloofness and mood swings for the past few days ( more to come i guess ! ) Thanks so much for being so understanding and accomodating.. I reckon i wouldnt have survived the heartbreak without you all.


I gave my all.. I received.. Nothing.


the writer








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