orgasmic hamsters

orgasmic hamsters






Monday, October 30, 2006

fuck! ( and a mystery )

my birthday ended with a wet blanket - literally ! was talking to tre at my car park last night when all of a sudden some motherfucker threw water down and i got hit !!!!! FUCKING CUNTS !!!

all in all, was a good but uneventful birthday. the only highlight was getting so awfully inebriated that i somehow made my way home from zouk without telling anyone and eventually forgetting how i made it back unscathed. i vaguely remember handing someone ( presumably the cab driver ) my credit card and hearing him say that that there was no need to sign the receipt when i asked.


i woke up, checked my transaction history online and there was ZERO trace of any taxi charge. it's impossible that i paid in cash because i only brought my card out with me. and its no surprise that i didn't find any receipts in my bag, too.

so there can only be three possible scenarios

1) phantom cab driver as a result of a drunk imagination. if so, how the fuck did i get home?!

2) the cab driver existed but didn't know how to operate the credit card reader

3) the cab driver gave me a free ride home

weird freaky shit man. halloween pics coming up soon ! thanks for the pressies , all of ya =)



Sunday, October 29, 2006


the only birthday wish i can think of right now is an instant miracle cure to this god damned hangover i'm having right now!

was so drunk last night i actually pee-ed in my halloween costume while in the lift . LOL.

more lurid details later, off for a nap before meeting up with the happy gang later =D

meanwhile i'm swearing off alcohol for a loooooong time. i feel so horrible now. urghhhhhhhhh


Saturday, October 28, 2006


while stumbling home in a drunken stupor i thought i felrt someone folowin me but when i turned around there was NO ONE. weird.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh i am so so so so so fuckin high i had so many vodka shorts that i counted 8 at st.james power station and then some more till i lost count at zouk wine bar. yummeh !!!

no not going to wear fucking madonna cus apparently costume shops think that madonna's obese becauze the fucking costumes looked like a barrel with metallic cones stuck into it. its like XXXXXXL in size ! FUCK !

and ic ouldn't find any nude suits nor fig leaves so Eve's out as well. i eventually settled for this child costume that looked so pornographic that i am susprirsed its for little girls. its not porno in the sense that it shows tits or crotch but rather its the entire package thats suggestive. shall keep mum about my outfit, keep a lookout for me at zouk tomorrow =D =D =D ( if you shout orgasmic hamsters i'll lift my tutu skirt up for you , i promise )

then sunday its my birthday picnic at sentossa! I CANT WAIT !! but its bin raining alot so it mioght literally rain on MY parade. darlings, help me think of a backup plan ok!

i am so high, don' know why i'm blogging. hahahahhaa. but i'm happy ! and its all good !!

YEAH! and then i'll wake up feeling really silly with zero recollections that i've written this. heh.

amd all of u should really download this song

smokie : living next door to alice

i've been listening and singing to this song the whole day in the office till my colleagues couldn't stand me !!! ITS FUCKING GOOD !!! VERY CATCHY AND UPLIFTINH SHIT !!

and i got flowers today from the colleagues ! so touched! wow don't nag abt the bad english okay? will edit tomorrow la!!! BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I NEED TO SHOWER!


Thursday, October 26, 2006

last halloween i gave you my spoils

this halloween im going to be dressed up either as

1) Madonna with her coney metallic boobs


2) Eve ( Adam and Eve's Eve, not the repulsive bling bling rapper Eve )

okay its back to work. take care y'all


Sunday, October 22, 2006

give me back my sense of fun

3 years ago, it was a ritual for me to hit the clubs at least once a week. i loved the attention i got from hogging the podium and got a rush knowing that lechers were peering up my mini skirt because i was wearing nice panties.

then, the novelty of clubbing wore off and though the frequency reduced drastically, i still enjoyed dancing with handsome strangers and shaking my ass off.

now, at the grand old age of twenty, i now proclaim my newly found distaste for clubbing. since january i've only clubbed no more than 10 times and i dare say i didn't enjoy myself as i did three years back. i found myself gritting my teeth as i tried to jostle for space on the dancefloor and noticed that my eyes started smarting alot from all that smoke, a symptom i never used to display.

on wednesday i stepped into Attica for the first time with miss i-am-never-on-time and was disappointed greatly. nobody was dancing and the place was teeming with authentic SPGs in their horrid slinky numbers and faces that i couldn't tell apart because they all had a bad tan, have long hair and looked like maids gone wild. then we hauled ass to MOS where we had a better time displaying cheesy moves at the main arena where retro music was being churned out. fuck what they say about retro being cheesy and whatnot. i personally find it a very happy genre unlike r&b/hip-hop where you can actually feel the tension of people trying to outdance each other. give me the GREASE soundtrack anytime, baby.

friday, it was balaclava as usual. i now truly appreciate sitting down with friends while knocking down a couple of drinks. at least you get drunk in a dignified manner instead of throwing up all over the dancefloor. i don't know who the hell suggested heading out of our comfort zone because the next thing i knew i was standing by some cheap table at the butter factory with 87884564 sweaty and drunk young people.

i really don't get the hype about butter factory. so fucking crowded!i know for a club to be successful it has to be full of people but don't you think it defeats the purpose since there is simply no room for people to dance? which is why i avoid phuture at all costs, where i once took a good TWENTY minutes to reach the exit from the DJ console. considering that the place is probably about the size of a basketball court, it really was a harrowing experience, especially for an asthmatic like me.

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ana and me outside MOS.

anyway. i got so sick of the heaving crowd that i bade the rest all sayonara where i continued my nocturnal prowling at red dot. ahh, so much better. soothing music, comfy chairs and no choking second hand smoke. the vodkas kept coming from nowhere and here i am, 24 hours later with a fucking huge hangover and the constant need to throw up. it was good staying home though, i caught Sideways and 8Mile on DVD. so good!so shiok to spend the whole day doing nothing ( though it'd be MUCH better without the hangover) and not having about to worry about any deadlines. speaking of which i DO have one article due on monday but fuck that, i'll worry about it tomorrow. ha!

speaking of movies i've got no fucking time to watch any shit in the theatres now since our magazine's soft launch is next week. but i really wanna watch

1) the departed
2) the Oh in Ohio
3) summer of love
4) black dahlia
5) marie antoinette ( dunno when its gonna hit our shores though )

okay im so damn sleepy now. here's a photo of my lovely office !!

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nothing short of awesome huh??

my twentieth birthday's next sunday!!!! good bye teenhood! death is imminent.


listenin to: lisa ono- you are the sunshine of my life


Wednesday, October 18, 2006


thanks for the concern y'all but i'm currently learning the art of selective memory: remember only the good shit. so its all good. sadly there isn't much to remember but i have a whole life in front of me so yeah.

was having fun with my newly downloaded Google Earth when i chanced upon this

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Namazi estate ?? I'm no walking map mind you but i know my local geography well. As far as i'm concerned there ain't no Namazi estate and sure enough when i googled it there was no results. NO RESULTS!!! I broadened my search and all i got were some links about a dusty mexican town or something.


Google earth is good stuff, man. Download it if you haven't !

Now i'm going to stuff my face with mini char siew paos which my editor said resembled my breasts. ha ha ha.


listening to : frantic hands typing away


i'm fine, really. because i am an attractive, slim ( NOT skinny ), intelligent and well-dressed female with no lack of admirers.

okay i'm not that fine really. i've been stretched emotionally to the maximum, i'm tearing up over the most trivial matters, wandering around void decks searching for a place i can cry my eyes out without any one seeing.

its so fucking stupid to be upset over this one guy who obviously has less than squeaky clean reputation that i naively chose to overlook and this whore i know who happens to be the village bicycle ( read:she fucks anyone with a cock) whose "advice" to me was to steer clear of mark. and then i find out that she has been hooking up with mark.

how utterly stupid, stupid of me. god knows how many diseases this woman carries. she is the most vicious, scheming and spiteful person i know. she is the role of the typical villain in drama series personified. ironically i was on friendly terms with her not too long ago because i emphatised with her but now its like a case of biting the hand that feeds you ( not literally but you get what i mean )

i am angry with myself, very tired, am suddenly inflicted with dry skin and bad hair and is in desperate need of love. thank god for friends.


Monday, October 16, 2006

big sigh in the morning

sitting in an office where everyone seems to unusually happy for a hazy monday morning, i can't help but wonder if i'm the only grounchy face around.

i admit, i'm the cause of all the unhappiness i'm feeling now. i allowed myself to fall for mark all over again despite being pretty damn sure that i wouldn't. but i did. we had a long conversation about what went wrong the last time and it didn't really end with a conclusion but we did end up sleeping with each other. again.

this isn't a "boo hoo hoo he doesn't love me" situation but rather, i just want to commit to a relationship and yes, despite his roving eye i'm willing to overlook all that has happened and to walk away into the sunset ( ha ha ha. ) with him. but the question is, does he want to ?

my editor once said that most writers are a bunch of sad oppressed people.


listening to : snow patrol - run


okay its not hard to remain sullen in an office where you have colleagues who run around greeting people merry christmas in october


Sunday, October 15, 2006


i'm back after spending the night at Insomnia bar and i LOVE that place! their live band really does justice to rock n roll even though i had my doubts initially when i first stepped into the place with mark because the place was teeming was SPGs and women with caucasian partners.

though i've admitted before that i'm an SPG i am reluctant to actually embrace the fact that i am one, much less be seen at a place with so many of them especially when i have mark hanging off my arm. i almost left but mark persuaded me to stay and boy was i glad i did.

okay i'm going to bed =)


Tuesday, October 10, 2006

a totally what-the-fuck incident

so just now i was on my way to grandma's for dinner and three young ah bengs ( with coloured hair, old-skool dressing and the works ), probably not older than 15, were walking towards me.

as our paths met, one of them ( probably the self-proclaimed leader of the trio ) said very loudly in mandarin "Eh, go and get the number from the girl in glasses leh !"

so one of them shouted as i hastened my pace


obviously i ignored them and continued walking but a few seconds later they made themselves heard again



hubba hubba hubba

you know you have kooky collegues such conversations take place

Jos : we''ll be having a new collegue on the accounts team tomorrow!

Jon : really ? who ? what's her name ?

Jos : some girl named Phyllis i think

then suddenly there was silence and the boys exchanged glances at each other

Jon : phyllis !! HAHAHHAHAHA !!




And the next half of lunch was spent laughing over Syphillis-related jokes.


Monday, October 09, 2006

the brewing storm

don't say i never tell all you kaypoh people out there ah.

remember the Far East Economic Review? i bet you do, the last we heard about the whole she-bang being not too long ago. but we haven't heard about it since then but i'm telling ya both sides ain't taking it lying down !

it's definitely a newsworthy item that we would love to cover but of course we can't because of obvious *cough* reasons.

ah.. singapore, singapore. tonight i pray for press freedom.


just now i asked my grandma if she had any friends and i teared a bit when she retorted

"what friends?! where got time for friends?!"

all her life she slaved for this family and family is all that she's got and i'm glad that at least she has all our love and all of mine.

till now everytime i think about my grandpa this deep regret washes over me. i understood how important it was to cherish your loved ones when they are still around and i tried my best to spend as much time as i could with him, be it accompanying him on his daily stroll or just hanging out with him during the weekends and for these i'm glad. i'm just so fucking glad that i am not ridden by guilt like most people for not spending enough time with their loved ones while they're still alive and that i know i made my grandpa happy.

but i can never forgive myself for wishing that he would just hurry up and go when he was bedridden and suffering because i wanted him to be eased from his pain but yet i still didn't have the cow sense to remain at his side when i knew that he was definitely going to die after not eating for a week and i still went home when i knew i shouldn't. what the fuck was i even thinking about ??????

i'll never forget the moment i stepped into the room only to be greeted by my lifeless grandpa , and i touched his hand. they were still warm but when i saw the piece of cotton over his mouth ( a chinese belief that bad "qi" comes from orifices of deceased people ) i knew he wasn't there with me anymore.


ps: okay to end this depressing post on a happier note i am happy to annouce that i have a crush on the most unlikely guy ever - BRAD PITT !! i've never liked pretty boys, but its just that everytime i see his photos i get reminded of david. not that david is anywhere near brad but the resemblance is there. speaking of david i've started to talk a little with him again, although its mostly "work" talk since he's also a journalist. i'll never date him again though, that *&*(*&~@.

FYI he flies around like 99.9% of the time and when he's back all we do is to procreate and the last thing i want to be is someone's comfort woman. and he's a bad kisser.


Sunday, October 08, 2006


i think i've been trying to convince myself that i'm actually a lobbyist for liberty when deep down inside i'm still this traditional girl who blushes when she says cock and pussy together in the same sentence.

i'm really engrossed in this book i got on a whim last night from borders. its titled Someone like You by Roald Dahl and man, its FABULOUS!!

i had carl's junior for lunch just now. am i the only person around who can actually wolf down an entire meal ( the burger and fries ) without gagging ?!!


listening to : the new radicals - ninety miles outside chicago can't stop driving i don't know why


p.s : i know this is a really weird question to ask but for as long as i can remember i've always had the lone pimple popping out on my butt cheek every now and then. it ain't a big problem but they scar and now i have like a few scars on my once smooth ass ! best part is i've got two pimples at the same time now! please tell me its normal ! something tells me i'm not going to go doggy style for a long time.. heh heh heh.


Friday, October 06, 2006

hazy days are here again

i don't know if my office being located on a hill in the heart of orchard adds means that we get to experience first-hand fresh haze but today, when i stepped out from my uber comfortable haven of an office at around 8.30pm, the smell of smoke overwhelmed me.

then i looked up and saw that all the streetlamps were basked in an eerie orange halo, no doubt caused by the thick smog.

then while waiting for the bus home at the interchange, the haze hung even heavier in the heartlands. was quite a depressing sight actually to see the familiar HDB buildings clouded behind an unfamiliar veil. maybe we should attribute to the unusually heavy haze tonight to the mooncake festival as all the kids will be burning something other than their paper lanterns ??

today was my third day at the new workplace and everything has been smooth sailing so far. i'm halfway into my first feature article and man, a two page article may look like peanuts but the research put into it is no joke.

tomorrow i am going for a brazzzie wax. the garden definitely needs some tending, though there will be no one admiring the garden for a long time but no garden owners likes to see their garden unkempt and overgrown, no ? =D

its friday and barely midnight but i'm at home and in need of a good sleep. no partying for me till next week !! ( but i'm open to drinking sessions :p )


Wednesday, October 04, 2006


today is the day i begin my new job. the office is awesome: a pool table and daybeds on the first level with a well-stocked pantry, and a nice little cubicle all to myself with a cushy swirling chair ! goodbye to the previous magazine where the workload was crazy but the experience invaluable.

it feels so much better to work in a male-dominated office. i don't know why but i relate to the opposite sex much better. and of course its even better now that my superiors are all male ! its true that female bosses are much more demanding and we poor subordinates are subject to the female temperament.

now excuse me while i go back to writing an article about men and the issue with their penis. no kidding. if you're wondering what magazine i'm writing for now, well, you'll have to wait till late december to find out as that will be when the first issue will be published =) its a fabulous magazine, no doubt !!

man. i REALLY love my chair.


Monday, October 02, 2006

qwerty ( bimbotic irrelevant AND whiney post )

no wonder they say the female species are an enigma. i am unable to fathom how my ultra feminine mind works sometimes.

as you all know i sort of broke up with david. well i say sort of because there wasn't any concrete relationship established to begin with, we simply plunged into things without knowing where we were headed. i told him to fuck off ( in a less crude way of course. hey i'm civilised most of the time ! ) my life a few days ago and it seems to me it didn't really bothered him much though he did ask me to wait till he gets back from his working trip to talk, twice. but i ignored both his messages.

and now it has been three days since his last sms and i'm beginning to get irritated. is he for real ? you mean he's not going to try to persuade me to go back to him? and now i'm beginning to get irritated with MYSELF for being irritated with him because i was the one who requested the "break-up", and i was the one who ignored him. and come to think of i'm actually not affected by it in anyway but it's my ego that has taken some form of abuse since he's not even attempting to baby me. right, what the fuck am i saying.

okay maybe enigmatic's the wrong word. perhaps paradoxical is more fitting.

and then today i worked myself into a high listening to mariah carey yodel "all i want for christmas is youuuuuuuu!". YES i know its a little premature to listen to that but whenever i listen to that song, i go into auto-fantasize mode. i'll start dreaming about a christmassy romance with all the dramatic details like an embrace in the middle of a snow-covered street or some shit like that.

and somehow today i started day-dreaming about a winter holiday with mark in london, with some out-of-this-world scenes like him us having hot impromptu sex in the plane, us huddled together in front of a huge opulent fireplace ( now where did that fireplace come from ), him proposing to me at the stroke of christmas in a happy boisterous pub ( and OF COURSE the crowd bursts into cheers when i tearfully accept his proposal )

no it gets even more ridiculous, listen.

then fast-forward 6 months later i realise i'm pregnant and mark is delirious with joy, holding me and kissing my stomach. we move to his hometown and settles in a small but cosy house in brisbane. i give birth to a pair of gorgeous brown-eyed twins. Chloe Anne Robinson and Kyle James Robinson ( hahahahah!! nice names huh? ). cheesy? I KNOW.

by the way, mark is the only person i've dated before who is genuinely into children. i think about the way he tries to convince into having his kids and i smile.

seriously, men nowadays are so commitment-phobic that the mere mention of kids gets them worried. no, they don't even joke about having kids the way mark does because they're afraid we might start entertaining funny ideas.

woo all these in the space of one song. really, fiona. and you're not even in love with mark. the problem with being single is that when you have no one to fantasize about, your thoughts turn to just about anyone. just yesterday ryan star had his hands all over me and earlier on in the morning it was jay chou who confessed his love.


listening to : suede - beautiful ones ( HIGH ON DIESEL AND GASOLINE, BABY ! )


the writer








shawn kuku


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