orgasmic hamsters

orgasmic hamsters






Sunday, January 30, 2005

a saturday in the life of fiona tan

having quite a serious case of writer's block but my hands are itching to type . the result ? a very uncreative entry.

7am : wake up feeling extremely bewildered due to the fact that i shouldn't be awake until noon

7.05 : as if staged , phone suddenly rings and it is JP because he is in the vicinity and wants me out for breakfast . gleefully agree as i am feeling very restless.

8 : met up with JP at the market 10 minutes' walk away from my place and stuffed myself silly with a very singaporean breakfast of "Dou Hua Shui and You Zha Ge" .

8.40 : roamed the wet market with JP and bought groceries

9.15 : HOME SWEET HOME. I wasted no time in chopping up carrots and potatos to cook porridge ( Ingredients : Carrots , potatos , minced meat , ikan bilis stock , rice and spinach ) .

9.30 : allowed the porridge to slowly boil while i lounged around , enjoying the high life - Sipping on fresh earl grey tea with 3 spoonfuls of sugar , reading up on the latest scandal in the morning papers while the hi-fi spins shanghai jazz . ahhhhh,

10 : SECOND BREAKFAST IS SERVED . Thoroughly appreciate my culinary skills as i flipped through the pages of Charlotte's Web for the zillionth time.

10.35 : Feeling utterly satisfied , my mind starts to shut down and i felt so drowsy that i laid myself down for a nap .

2pm : wake up feeling extremely blissful without any plausible reasons. bathed and went out.

2.45 : met up with S at City hall and walked towards the Esplanade

2.50 : laughed at the b-boys wannabes strutting their stuff near the Esplanade tunnel , and the besotted girls hanging around the area waiting to be picked up by the wannabes.

3.15 : sat down to a private rehearsal of an upcoming local play .

5 : mingled with the cast for a while because most of them knows S

5.30 : Had a quick snack of muffins and tea at Mrs Fields . I'll think i'll stick to their cookies after today , if you get what i mean .

6 : Off to the Library @ Esplanade to do some research for my upcoming assignment for which i am required to craft an original script .

The screenplay of the Silence of the Lambs. Never had the chance to catch this as yet but it came highly recommended by Jude so i decided to browse through the screenplay and i must say i was quite intrigued. Will rent the movie soon.

8 : Decides on a whim to join Mel and Co. to attend Shiqi's birthday party at her house because i didn't want to tag along with S to his friends' chalet because that would be so damn odd . Got abused by him after telling him of my decision. Owwwww. Sorry lah , brudder :P

9 : Reaches Serangoon and permanently glues butt to a swing clogging my arteries from eating greasy barbecued food and getting a sugar rush from all that canned drinks.

Peiling in a classic pose.


"Hi this is Melvin Chung and welcome to Jackass!!!!!!!!!"

11 : Sadly it is time go bid everyone goodbye as i have to be home early or be at the receiving end of my dad's fury .

12 - 3am - Finish reading The Lawyer by John Grisham , edit a few scenes in my script , cleaned my hamsters' cage and chatted online for awhile before calling it a day.


hell , i can't believe i wrote that pile of senseless gunk


Listening to :

[Hotel Costes] Pink Martini - Symphatique

Red Hot ChilLi Peppers : By the way


Saturday, January 29, 2005

random freeze-frames of the day

Took loads of photos today on my phone but due to budget constraints i am unable to send it ALL to my email. Very expensive leh !

Okay i shall start with a pic of me ( what else ?! ) in Topshop with a visually unappealing pose with the cow-boy hat.

And then a damn funny thing happened to me on the bus today . Just look at this

The person lying so comfortably on my shoulders is NOT my friend.

That explains the constipated expression on my face from trying to control myself from laughing out loud.

Actually , i was already kind of disturbed by this person who is in a JC uniform ( Which JC ? I don't know , but the colour is horrendous . Its a light greenish-cyan ) because the moment i sat down beside her i noticed that she was singing quite audibly to herself.

Which is not a very unusual occurence IF only we were in New York , where everyone is spontaneous and nobody blinks an eye even if you decide to start skipping in the middle of a busy boulevard.

But bear in mind this is UNLIBERATED and UPTIGHT Singapore , and it didn't help very much that this girl has quite a psycho-crazed look.

And she even wiped her mouth and nose with her sleeve , for fuck's sake use a tissue lah !

She's living proof that education does ruin a person. Heh heh heh.

See lah , study harder some more. Study until no basic etiquette/personal hygiene and the pent-up stress induces singing in public tranportation.

Can you imagine all the piled-up muck on her sleeves. Blah.


She stopped singing all of a sudden and fell into a deep slumber .

How deep ?

Deep enough to let the swaying of the bus to control her bodily movements .

Yep , she was swaying to and fro as the bus swerved left and right.

Then , she found my shoulder and decided it was the most comfortable and she stayed there.

It was an agonising 10 minutes sitting very upright so that she could sleep in peace.

I'm a nice person, okay ??!

Then , apparently imaginary lead weights were hung on her nose because her head slid down south and rested on my boobs.


Thankfully a sudden brake of the bus jostled her awake but she was none the wiser about everything and drifted back to sleep with her head against the window.

Okay , next pic.

Saw this at Ero lingerie at GWS just now while shopping with my bestie , Yan .

Sidetrack : i had a field day at Zara just now , yay !

This has got to be one of the most hideous and unsexy bra i have ever seen in my entire life.

If i was somebody's husband and my wife wore this one night and starts rubbing my thigh , i'll go limp and demand a divorce immediately.

That , or head down to the nearest lingerie store and buy a plain and sweet cotton number for her.


I couldn't help but poke fun at this very ridiculous tag on every bra at Ero.

Of course , i need assurance that the fabric is free from radioactive particles that would make my boobs square-shaped , sprout a third nipple or produce wasabi-flavoured milk.

Or self-combusting substances in order to make sure that my chest doesnt go up in flames in the midst of a romantic candlelight dinner.


You are forgiven if you though that this lady here is hiding a giant-sized chunk of Tolberone chocolate in her chest or a minature missile.

It is *ta-dahhh~!* her bare boob.

Is it even possible that boobs can actually look triangular ?

You may argue that it is perky for all i care.

It looks triangular to me.

Massive boobs are always saggy lor , either this poster from Ero is cleverly photoshopped by a very perverse designer or there is something to hold up those knockers.

If not , this poster alone defies all laws of physics and biology. Heh heh.

The bra looks revolting too. Like wearing thorns leh.


ZZZZZZZZz. The week just flew by and i barely had time to breath. I had a really weird dream yesterday night but more about that later. I need my beauty sleep. Good night =)

Oh , one last thing before i sign out.


yeah i know i sound bitter but the truth is , i am .

i'm sick of having friends bump into me on the streets with the question

"so how are you spending Valentine's day ?"

when they know damn well i am damn single and resentful about it.

not resentful because i am still unattached , but because their thinly-veiled attempts at sarcasm gets on my nerves.

the next attached person who asks me the dreaded question will get a 10 foot pole shoved up theirs without hesitation. =P

digression :

i really want to watch the Aviator , Alfie , Nobody knows and Finding Neverland = (

Listening to : Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven


Thursday, January 27, 2005


Went to Zouk in the end after all yesterday night -_-

Phuture was so PACKED and i was reduced to bouncing on my toes with my hands ramrod-straight parallel to my body because there was simply no room. Geez.

I miss China Black. Balls to all those negative hype about it , be it the high percentage of Bengs and Lians in the crowd , or the questionable selection of music.

At least i could breath in there.

Not to mention the free flow of housepours. Uwehehehe !

One of the more memorable moments yesterday was when all of us were just standing in front of Zouk , looking at the sea of sweaty bodies gyrating to the same actions .

Retro music activates the herd mentality.

Anyway .

I couldn't help but start daydreaming when they started spinning Dying inside to hold you by Timmy Thomas.

I guess i was looking quite like a spastic wallflower , leaning against the pillar swaying slightly to the song with a wistful expression. Haha.

Okay back to the topic.

Heaven played a cruel trick on me when i reached home at 3.30am yesterday , only to find myself locked out because my dad was super pissed with me for staying out late.

I felt so impatient , sticky , cold and resentful that tears welled up in my eyes after sitting on my doorstep for about ten minutes so i decided to sleep. Yeah , on my doorstep.

It was so bloody uncomfortable that of course i didn't manage to catch a single wink , instead i changed my awkward position trying to find a more comfortable one every 5 minutes for two whole hours when i decided that i've had enough .

I tried to open the windows of my room but to no avail so i thought maybe my dad has relented and perhaps he had already unlocked the door while i was unaware so i decided to try opening the door once again.

This time... the DOOR OPENED.

Then i realised all these while the door wasn't locked and that it appeared locked because i didn't turn the key in the keyhole completely.


As i stepped into the shadows of my living room , i thought i saw something scurrying past my sofa.

What in the world........?

I turned on the lights and there was Hammie in front of me lookin like a deer caught in a car's headlights.

How the hell did Hammie escape from her cage ?

I went on fours and chased her around for a good 15 minutes before i managed to catch Hammie the Houdini Hamster.

Life is indeed good when you're chasing an escaped hamster around the house at 5am.

By the way i slept without bathing ( everyone now.... EEEEEEEW ) because my dear dad locked up his room and the bathroom's in his room.

I must stop skipping class on thursday mornings.



Wednesday, January 26, 2005

shit is on the ceiling fan !



Thats the most apt expression i can use to describe the situation i am in right now.

My "fun night out" has all come to a nought as plans clash into each other and worst still , i just realised my pay check hasn't been deposited into my account which makes my a BANKRUPT now.

Fuggin' balls.

What was initially set to be a girl's night out with GGYY and Shelly was dashed at the last minute because "GGYY's parents didn't allow her to go out"


Go on , dunk my head into a bucket of fresh steamin' cow dung.

And now what ? I really don't feel like tagging along with Ian and Co or HH and Co to Zouk.

I hate Zouk. Its so fugging packed.

And there's no free drinks !

How am i going to go clubbing anyway when i'm reduced to a few cents in my pocket ???

I can only cross my fingers now.


Tuesday, January 25, 2005

hissssssssss. the world's greatest french kisser

Forget about kissing someone with mundane tongue.

Why not opt for someone with a forked tongue ?

Guaranteed to tickle your oral orifices like no tongue will .

Just watch out for the venom , will you ?

The first step towards tongue forking. Hell yeah.
Somehow i suspect this guy is Ronaldo. Heh heh.

The final product. Eeew. This guy has tobacco stains on his teeth.

Look ma , no hands ! A forked tongue definitely comes in handy ( no pun intended ) should you one day become limbless . This guy most certainly deserves a overdue visit to the dentish. Yucks , decaying molars. I bet his breath stinks like a fish preserved in sulphur.


So whats next in the bizarre world of body art ?

The removal of the wall of cartilage/skin seperating the two nostrils to form a big single nostril ?

How about... fusing all 5 toes together to form webbed feet ?

Remember that you heard it here FIRST. lol.


Listening to : Telepopmusik - Breath


balls to you , sir !

Received this message from a random guy in Friendster yesterday ( just one of the many lonely desperate men who lurk behind their computer screens on the infinite WWW ) , and i was appalled and amused by his self-confidence and fantastic command of the language at the same time.

Monday, January 24, 2005 1:38:00 AM
Hi............nice meeting u..this is KENT from Malaysia..I am a chinese and always go Singapore, Hong Kong ,Taiwan and Macau for business..My fren say i m good looking ,nice but abit bout u?Reply me and be my friend ok?




Monday, January 24, 2005

you're like my laobei , my laobu, my mei mei , my kor kor

okay the topic is supposed to be a singlish parody of my current favourite song which is.....

Yes , you're correct !

K-Ci and Jojo - All my life.

Yeah , this is quite an old song and it is so darn soppy it used to make me cringe , as with most sentimental ballads but ironically i've been listening to such songs and they go hand in hand with my daydreams ( or fantasies if you will , without the sexual innuendo ) .

Now let me just do a quick naming of the songs in my playlist now

Damage - Forever ( everyone now... AWWWWWW ! )

Selena - Dreaming of you

Fantasia - Truth is

Lustra - Scotty doesn't know ( Okay , this is one of the sore thumbs in my playlist now as it is a punk-rockish song )

Richard Marx - Right here waiting ( HOW CAN THIS CLASSIC NOT BE IN MY PLAYLIST )

Metallica - Fade to black ( Obviously not a song to cuddle up with )

Savage Garden - Truly madly deeply

See ? Most of the songs are stuff i would prefer to dispose of in the past , no , i dare say even a few days ago.

But i guess one's mood does influence the choice of songs you feel like listening to.

In my case , to conjure up wild , usually silly , thoughts of me folding clothes for him , me kneading his weary shoulders , us competing to see who finishes his/her Slurpee first ( thereafter major brainfreeze ) .

How very easy .. When its K-Ci and Jojo in the background going

"All my life.. I've prayed for someone like you.. And i thank god that i have finally found you..."


I'm lovesick.

With the same guy i've been waxing lyrical over for the past... 2-3 months ?

Yucks , it is so unlike me to be so .... Mushy. Heh.

Somebody slap me .


I need to wipe that silly dazed grin off my face.

Listening to - THAT SONG LAH !!!!

Fiona , the loyal MAC girl


A successful attempt to recreate the Cleopatra effect with my new MAC kohl eyeliner ! Its not really obvious though , cos' i was looking down when i snapped this photo. And yes , i removed it before i went out. Wah lao , heavy make-up is utterly ... gross.

Some girls claim that its a "necessary evil"

Balls to that.

I think ALL girls ( or guys :P ) will look MUCH better without heavy make-up.

Especially on heavy eye make-up.


So why on earth did i buy that eyeliner for if i'm not going to use it ?


Costs me a whopping $20 +++ ?





Saturday, January 22, 2005


It is 10 bloody am and i have no idea why i am seated in front of the computer when i am supposed to be get some much needed sleep after reaching home at close to 4.30am.

The night almost ended early for us as Tim was in a half-conscious inebriated state at 1am . God knows how much he drank but well at least the birthday boy got his wish . May i quote him "No drunk no go home!"

We sent him home shortly after that because he was literally sprawled on the floor rendered immobile and we went back to the dancefloor after that , although the atmosphere was somehow muted and everyone just didn't feel like partaying anymore lah !

This may sound rather out of sorts , but i seriously feel that clubbing is NOT a very social activity.

How can it be a social activity when the music's too loud to engage in a conversation it turning into a shouting match and everybody's too preoccupied with their moves to even care about the person next to them?

I was leaning against a table yesterday at the edge of the dancefloor , staring at the orgy of feet trampling each other. Some people really have two left foot , man.

Anyway no , i don't have a fetish for feet lah , i was just feeling zapped and taking a breather.

I was thinking to myself.. Why on earth do we go clubbing for ? What is the purpose ?

Definitely not to get my ass groped and pinched or getting assaulted by cringe-inducing pick-up lines like " to pass through here you have to say the password , which is your number! " ( yes indeed someone tried that on me two days ago to which i rolled my eyes at him and walked around his feeble attempt to block my way ) and the ever so classic "Miss , you look familiar.."

Okok , i know i may not be the prettiest creature around but in a club where it is almost impossible to even see the the tip of your nose , every walking figure with a semblance of boobs is a target .

I've also always wondered about guys who successfully pick up girls at club. What happens next ? A romp at the nearest hotel ?

Definitely not a long-term relationship.

I don't know about you but even from a regular clubber's point of view , my impression of girls who club ain't THAT positive.

Overheard from the ladies' last night

"Yeah we exchanged numbers just now isn't he such a cutie shit i can't wait to get my hands into his pants later.. Oh do you have any rubber with you ?"

"Yep its in my clutch bag i'll pass it to you later"

Tsk tsk.

Maybe i should stop clubbing before their "enthusiasm" rubs off me.

I'm not trying to pretend i'm so chaste , so angelic with a halo around my head.

Label me as old-fashioned , conformist blah blah blah but girls should have the least bit of decency in them , at least they shouldn't go around sleeping with guys they just met a couple of hours ago.

What the hell , there seems to be some sorta speaker downstairs that's churning out chinese new year cheena-cheena tunes.

Ah.... Chinese new year.

Looking sooooooo forward to it !

Not just for the $$$ mind you , i really love being surrounded by relatives , especially the not-so-close ones .

To hear them heaping fake praise after fake praise on you is an annual experience.

Not to mention the ogling of yummy distant cousins who morphed from a reedy looking acne-dotted teen to a manly muscle-flexing MAN.


Wah lao , i sound so bitchy.

Time for breakfast !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am soooo craving for fillet-o-fish.

And i wanna watch Alfie and The Aviator so bad.

I wish he would ask me out really soon ! :D


Friday, January 21, 2005

the photo whore strikes back !

After idling my entire friday afternoon away , i decided i had enough.

I picked up my snazzy new digital camera and started snapping at random objects and of course , ME.


in total i took about 60 over shots but i decided to just post 3 up for the sake of you long-suffering readers. Heh.

Hammie the Hamster doing a suspended-in-motion somersault pose . I was laughing my ass off when i saw her with her butt sticking out into the air and her head firmly against the floor. And SHE WAS SLEEPING.

To look at it from a more perverse perceptive , you might think that she was trying to lick herself or something :D

Pre-party dilemma.

By the way i am so totally in love with that lavender halter top from Abercrombie & Fitch ..

And yes , FYI , i'm going to China Black again later for Tim's 20th birthday bash. Happy birthday , Timmy boy !

The smug look.

For the first time in my entire life , my lips actually look lush and dewy .

But of course you know a generous coat of lip gloss has been applied on it.

MAC's lip glass , no less !

I Love MAC :D



Thursday, January 20, 2005

alcoholic anonymous

some people , when high , go around hugging random people.

some just huddle in corner staring at the shiny disco ball.

as for me , i convert into a lesbian the moment after i have swigged my 5th glass of bourbon.

its amazing what alchohol does to your inhibitions.

never in my life have i kissed so many girls on the lips before.

Shelly , GGYY ( did i ? ) , Ros , Linda , Qiaoyu .. And two strangers.


There was this particular girl i danced with on the podium and boy was she HOT .

Come to think of it , we were actually quite obscene , straddling each other and she was literally riding my thigh and to say that we were "grinding" each other would be an understatement.

Woah , i feel hot under the collar just thinking about it.

I miss that girl already .. !

I couldn't believe my eyes when i saw Ros getting really raunchy with QY in the middle of the dancefloor. I mean , they're the best of friends but i really cannot imagine myself french-kissing Soryan or Julynn ( these two girls are my besties ) with one hand under their skirts and the other one fondling their boobs . OMG.

Anyway , i had a really fun time with GGYY and Shelly yesterday ! You girls were greatttttttttt ! *laments about your early departure*

Not to forget Scott too , though i didn't really dance with him because i was too busy with engaging in sordid lesbian acts with my girls . Heh heh heh.

P/s : Ian , you really look like Wade Robson.

Madness in the toilet of China Black . I really love this skirt , the yellow details on it are actually small cream oriental floral prints .


Wednesday, January 19, 2005


Was indulging in some precious me-time on the bus by engaging in self-photography ( what else ? )

I have dotted this particular photo with retro-esque pink blobs because i look too cute-sy and schoolgirlish in it.

Makes me wanna hurl.

Anyway , come on closer and take a look at the face circled green.


No offence , but i got the shock of my life when i saw her face and initial thoughts were that of the paranormal which i am terribly afraid of.

She ( or It ) looks like a FREAK .

ohmygoodness i am tramautised.

come to think of it , she doesn't look like she belong in this dimension.. what do you think ? I feel really spooked.


Monday, January 17, 2005


I had a good laugh in the toilet just now at the expense of myself.

What happened ?

Well , i was all set to start brushing my set of not-s0-pearly-whites , my toothbrush poised and ready for action with a perfectly squeezed wriggly of toothpaste.

So i started brushing with gusto , beginning with deft short strokes on my tooth front tooth when suddenly i lost control of my hand , the bristles sliding off my teeth and into....


Wah lao aye !

My right nostril was filled with toothpaste and foam lor !

I started laughing as the sheer absurdity and stupidity of my situation dawned onto me as i started blowing my nose into a piece of tissue.

And yes , my nose still feels rather "mentol-ly" now.

I really believe that if i lived in the medieval times , i would be appointed court jester.


i said i am NOT interested so back off !

Believe me when i say that one of the main reasons why those fundraising shows still strive despite an excess of it hitting our screens recently is...


No , not pity as in , sympathy towards the needy.

But more of an intolerent empathy towards the long-suffering c-list celebrities repeating the hotline with the extremely irksome thumb-and-pinky to ear motion while putting on their best exhausted expression they learnt while in drama class.

Not to mention the politically correct breathless *pant pant* post-performance speech.

e.g :

i-am-so-anonymous-that-no-one-will-give-a-damn-even-if-i-fucked-nelson-mandela-actress :

*wheeze* i hope that everyone will pick up your phones now and donate generously.. $5 may not be much to you but it means *pant pant* alot to these kidney patients . the pain that i have suffered is nothing *gasps so audibly that her mouth threatens to split her face into half* to these courageous patients *pants* so please call 190000018256752611 now ! Everyone in the audience , please do your part too ( camera pans towards the audience and once they realise they're being caught on the screen quickly pulls out a top-of-the-range cellphone and starts punching on the keypad. but of course you know that they're pretending)


$5 is enough to pay for a day's worth of food , so why the hell should i give it to you to fund your elaborate props and set costumes ?

How much energy does it take to pirouette around the stage ? I mean of course , we feel your pain , yes . I know how grating it is to fly around a stage with a strap around your groin hoping that the pressure never affects your sperm count . But isn't this "i sweated buckets for this show and mediacorp is paying me nuts so you better call in to make us look good when we hit the target" affair getting a bit too much ?

besides , we all know how much NKF have in their coffers.

You selfish assholes , contribute some of the moolah to smaller organisations like Renci lah !

if not the poor singaporean audiences are gonna have to put up with more unfunny nausea-inducing skits or another showcase of Vincent Ng's wushu-prowess .

i think i would be even more impressed if someone pressed a lump of dough onto his abs and bakes it so that it produces a loaf of ab-shaped bread.


Back to my topic.

We all know how irritating it is to have random people leech and walk beside you like a chaperone as you hurriedly make your way towards the mrt or something.

and we all know very well that "miss , this is just a market survey and i won't take more than 5 minutes of your time' is complete bullshit.

firstly , it is never just a "market survey".

that's just a frigging excuse because its a well-known fact that all these suckers want are your numbers so that they could pass it on to telemarketeers where the assault continues.

yep , if you wondering where those "hi you have just won a carribean cruise but you will have to come down to our office to claim it" came from , let me tell you this.


if , like most kiasu singaporeans , you fall for it and actually head down to some dinghy-looking office that looks like its incapable of even settling their arrears much less pay for your carribean cruise , you're stupid.

most probably , you'll get locked up in a cell and be subjected to 2 hours of hard-selling of some tupperware products that costs a couple of grand. woo-ha.

and the carribean cruise never materialises either.

i had it up to my neck when this pimply young boy addressed me as "madam" while i was in a hurry.

i tried to brush him off politely with a wan smile but he pressed on.

my my.

i did the unimaginable .

i actually stopped and wagged my finger at him and i said

"if you *my finger so close to his nose that i could feel the oil evaporating off his blackhead-dotted nose condensing on my prettily manicured nail* don't stop it this very moment you're going to be sorry"

everyone gave me a strange stare as they witnessed this minor one-sided melee but i couldn't care less.

anyway this boy started apologising profusely and took a million steps behind and fled.

only to start harassing another person.

I also find it downright irritating when those people latch onto me with opening lines like

"heya sista !" before shaking my hand or puttin their arms around my shoulder as if we're really pally.

You may chastise me for being rude , and you may preach all you want about these people wanting to make a living.

as a matter of fact , they are , what.

getting paid for being rejected.

and to those potential leechers reading this right now - scroll down and REMEMBER THE FACE IN THE PHOTOS.

do not pester her if you do not want whatever it is in her hand to be shoved up your ass.

oh dear , i am beginning to sound too cynical for my own good.


Here's a summary of what i did for the past 10 days or so ( with bad grammar mistakes but never mind. )

Saw my friends getting beaten up to a pulp at a club.

Hang-ed ( or hung ) out with a few new friends i have made , one of whom is a political-reform advocate and not surprisingly , a Bob Marley fan. And another , a kickass bartender who scared the shit out of me off by juggling 3 wine bottles at Carrefour . Well done , you.

Engaged in trash-talk at a chalet.

Get wasted on a lethal cocktail of vodka , cheap bourbon and other unidentifiable but as vile-tasting liquids at Ju's farewell party.

Attend mind-numbing , ass-freezing classes.

Blew two weeks' worth of allowance on shopping.

Helped out at Renci .

Family gatherings. Yay , i love my family. :D

Talked to my classmates more than i ever did in all lessons combined.


Slacked around in random coffee joints to bitch.

A sudden re-infactuation with someone i haven't seen for / contacted almost two months .

my newfound obsession with dimples.

Rooted for Singapore during the Tiger cup.


Will add on to it when i'm feeling more conscious.. I'm in need of a good night's rest .. Yawn !

listening to : KoRn - Alone i break.


Saturday, January 15, 2005


well i had plans to write a really long entry since i finally have one whole day to myself before heading for a night out later but then again one of my collegues decided to call in sick and i'll have to replace her :(

so.... yeah. i shall part with these words



Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Apologies for the drought in posts .. Been really busy !

Will update before friday.. till then , take care folks !


Saturday, January 08, 2005

too much time on my hands

You know its time to get a boyfriend when saturday's breakfast and lunch consists of a pathetic cup of instant noodles , the morning papers and the taste of bitterness in your mouth and thats not due to the noodles being expired.

Whatever happened to those hazy daydreams of me being served breakfast in bed ( heh heh. role reversal ! ) , a tray laden with good stuff like crispy hot crossaints with cute little cubes of butter and marmalade , blueberry muffins and freshly brewed coffee ?




Thursday, January 06, 2005

fiona , the photo whore

the manifestation of technology .

slowly but surely its making its presence felt in our everyday lifes.

but i'm not complaining .

because .

i am a photo whore !

digital camera , geddit ? :D

Be prepared to be swamped under a shitload of self-shots .



The new spokesman for effective eletrolysis for complete fur-removal on albino apes.

The look thats oh-so-in with 14 year olds. The upturned pout look. I'll be damned !

I'm suffering from chronic constipation and is in dire need of an enema.

The swollen tongue syndrome that's synonymous with bloated corpes and those who have died from a noose around their neck. CHOI ! TOUCH WOOD.

Personally , i really like this pic alot even though it makes my nostrils look flared because a certain someone i used to have a crush on always poses like this for the camera.

Trivia : He's from NP , witty , intelligent , a wicked sense of humour , and it doesnt hurt that he's as cute as a button too !

And he has an distinctive laughter thats so damn infectious. It starts off as a silent suspended-in-motion chuckle , and then he'll look at you with his pair of sparkly puppy eyes and this is his cue for bursting into laughter . Very unique.

I'm looking down on ya , you scum of society.

I am inflicted with wrath and rage.

I walk this empty street , on the boulevard of broken dreams
My shadow's only one that walks beside me..

Someone , please toss a coin into my begging cup.

P/s : The lady in the background is rather disturbing because she apppears to be wearing only an oversized tee and NOTHING ELSE below. Cellulite-laden dangly thighs are NOT in vogue. Not now , not ever.

Fiona the pseudo-scholar ( i'm not trying to do a take on Lolita , mind you ! ) . Yes , i miss my secondary school life terribly , to the extent that i took the uniform out of my wardrobe to relieve the days.
Some people moan about their sad existence in their secondary school lifes , but usually that's because they're a bunch of abhorrent losers with a detestable attitude . More about that later.

The sketch book stands out like a sore thumb though . Now , where's my advanced calculus textbook ?

The only thing that is lacking in this photo is a middle finger and a snarl would be an apt addition too. Shawn Kukubudus , this one's for you ! Looks familiar aye ? :D


Wednesday, January 05, 2005

the i-have-so-much-to-rant-about-that-i-have-no-idea-what-the-topic-should-be post


First things first ( always thought this was a rather redundant phrase but anyway. ) .

I actually dreamt about having a fling with my good friend's *gasp* boyfriend !

This was rather shocking , because of two rather disturbing facts

1) I don't know how he looks like

2 ) He's old enough to be my father .

Okay , not that old , but at a grand 29 years old age he's a decade older .

Our rendezvous started with us making out in a cargo lift in the airport ( how very unromantic ) and yes , since i don't have an idea of how he looks like except for the fact that he's Greek , he was just a faceless shadow throughout my atrocius dream.

Just writing about it gives me the shivers . I swear that i have never had any designs on him ! Which is why i'm rather bewildered about the dream.


There's a few films that i'm dying to catch.

1) A very long engagement starring Audrey Tatou who starred in Amelie ( one of my fav films , whimsical and feel-good movie ) .

2) Alfie , starring Jude Law . Did i mention he looks like Darren Hayes from the now defunt Savage Garden ??

Come to think of it , he looks like Richard Marx too !

This is Jude Law

This is Darren Hayes

No , this is not Darren's Haye's father . This is Richard Marx , for cryin' out loud !

Heh heh heh.

They all look like the objects of my desire , because if you haven't known by now , i have this thing for men with overnight stubble .

Yeah , i know i'm weird cus' most girls i know find it an absolute turn-off .

But then again i've known to have rather ecletic ( erratic to be precise ) tastes .


May i present to you ..... My bachelor's pad fridge !

Why bachelor pad ?

Well , simply because it has more convenience food than ingredients for a hearty home-cooked meal .

I hardly ever see my parents , so i guess i'm more on my own .

You definitely need more microwavable stuff when you're facing the elements yourself !

Anyway i took this picture because my fridge has never been more well-stocked , and i'm dang happy about it because it means i can be satiated for at least two more days without resorting to MSG-laden instant noodles which makes my eyes itch in copious amounts ( and i do mean copious because the average person eats like one packet a week but i have been known to eat it consecutively for a week. wow . )

circled in yellow : candies for the sweet-toothed infantile me .

black : a sandwich chockful of the good stuff made by me yesterday at my cafe . Bacon strips , ham , cheese , chipolata sausages , cheese slices and mayonaise ! My poor clogged arteries . Best of all , its free ! :P

blue : dairy products for calcium . fresh milk and in the container are chunks of Edam cheese . Great with crackers ! ( ha i sound like a walking advertisement )

pink : BEEF LASAGNA ! damn , i love pasta. i love beef . i love pasta sauce . i love cheese. add 'em together and you get LASAGNA .

cyan : Tio Glutton cheesecake !! Not your average rich creamy cheesecake ( which i like alot too ) , but its kind of a airy melt-in-your-mouth texture . Very japanese-y . Very orgasmic . Had 3 for post-breakfast just now.


Did i mention that i love my workplace ??

Do come and visit me on friday ! I'n working the 3-11pm shift :D

The place is Cafe Ritazza , at Changi Airport Terminal 1 . Its just next to the Skytrain station so you definitely can't miss it .

No discounts though ! Heh .

I can't believe i actually i managed to work there for almost a year already . To think that most of the part time working stints of mine only lasted for a month at most .


Monday, January 03, 2005


Watched the match and it felt more like some kind of brawl between 22 gladiators in the colosseum in medieval Rome .

I'm not exaggerating when i say that should the Myanmar players were armed with any sort of weapons , there would be alot of bloodshed .

The field was an utter embarrasement to Singapore , it being so waterlogged that i bet it made the spikes of boots redundant .

i can't wait to watch the replay , man .


Saturday, January 01, 2005

good morning , Singapore ! *****UPDATED********************

Yep , topics du jour for all bloggerholics would of course be

1) New year resolutions

2 ) A summary of the old year

3 ) How the countdown went

And yes , i will be going down this checklist in this post .

Firstly , the countdown .

Just as i wished , my new year slipped in without a bang , being the jaded party animal that i am , so it was actually quite liberating to celebrate the new year sitting by the fountain at the Istana park with E and doing a bit of people-watching and the stupid things they do as they ushered in the new year . Live "Jackass" action !

Got my ass groped twice by random new year's eve revelers ( i won't promote stereotyping by mentioning the nationality of the gropers but i think you guys should have an idea lah ! ) .

First incident. While trying to escape the influx of party ribbon and trying hard not to slip from the soap suds ( a.k.a snow foam which costs five bucks a pop . damn , i could recreate a whole bucket of foam for ya at home at no cost . suckers . ) that blanketed the floor , i found myself in a jam with like-minded individuals in front of the 7-11 store near Somerset MRT .

All of a sudden i felt a hand land on my ass and it stayed there for a while and i turned around to see a whole bunch of XXX country nationals behind me but by then the hand was already back to where it rightfullu belonged. I wanted to tell E about it , but upon hearing his war cry against the XXX nationals and his vow to eradicate any muthafucka who touched me scared me silly so i decided against it.

Second incident. En route to Plaza Singapura to catch our midnight show , a bunch of screaming youngsters engaged in a friendly riot awash with colours ( Party ribbon. What else ?! ) appeared out of nowhere and you guessed it , a group of XXX nationals decided to join in and again i found myself surrounded by people .

While waiting to cross a traffic light , i decided that somebody was standing too close for comfort so i shifted and that arse followed suit. I started walking and a hand slightly gripped my waist and it slithered down to the side of my butt in a split-second and by then , after the first incident , i was already on red-alert and my hand instantly reached down to slap his hand but my palm met my hips instead.

damn he was a seasoned striker because he dissipated into his people and they all looked like peas in pod so i had to let it rest but i felt really moody throughout because i should have done something when he was already making his intentions clear when he stood barely a hair's breadth away from me. fuck .

Since i'm already on the topic of countdowns , i would like to bring forward something that has been bugging me . With countdowns , comes celebrations . With celebrations comes party ribbon , snow foam and whatnots . And boy , i love those stuff . Hair accessories . Lovely.


I don't know what the fuck are those snow foams made up of , but i know for sure that its not something pleasant and not something i would like sprayed into my face because it chokes me and irritates my eyes . I swear i will kick you in the ass right there and then if you attempt said action .

And those aerosal cans . Wonderful CFC-producing , ozone-depleting stuff ( of course they're a thing of the past lar ) . I've always fought the urge to brandish my collapsible umbrella at braindead assholes whose fingers are still hard on the nozzles of long-empty aerosal cans . Don't they know that its already EMPTY and the can won't automatically refill itself and that psssssssssst sound that they're hearing are actually propellant gas that makes one breathless and sets off wheezing in asthmatics like me ?

Did i mention flammable ?!

Trigger-happy ignorant oxymoronic baboons.

Back to topic.

Caught "Seed of Chucky" with E , and hey , i actually enjoyed it. Not as funny as "Harold and Kumar goes to White Castle" but still capable of inducing a few guffaws in me. Didn't have much of a storyline but the sarcastic wit and the sardonically sick humour ( Think Chucky wielding a kitchen knife and stabbing someone with relish and going "DIE , FUCKER ! DIE ! DIE !" Okay , this scene may not be funny to most , but i'm perverse lah okay ? ) got me .

Also , it is not everyday you get to see a masturbating doll.

I was quite puzzled by the movie though , because as a child i've always been emotionally scarred by watching the first few installations of Chucky , and the recurring images of Chucky falling into a ventilation shaft and getting sliced by the blades has always haunted me but gone are macabre stuff the series are known for.

I thought Tiffany ( Chucky's wife ) was really gorgeous and a rockin' gothic chick . Heh . I love Jennifer Tilly's nasal voice too ! I'm not into girls or anything , but her voice turns me on .

I'll give it 3 out of 5 stars ( the movie , not Jennifer Tilly's voice. )

Wow , i'm getting waaaaaaaaaaay out of topic here .

I think i'll come back later to complete this post , meeting Mel for a cuppa now .


Noticed a disturbing trend yesterday.. Why is it that Christmas seems to be celebrated with much more oomph in my part of the world than the new year when most of us are buddhists and haven't got the faintest idea where Bethleham or what a manger is.

Besides , personally i find new year countdowns much more exciting . Think about it . We're counting down to a new year on new year's eve , but we're counting down to .... The birth of baby jesus on Christmas eve ????

Oh yeah , there's much less stuff associated with the new year , like you associate Christmas with red and green , candy cane , turkey , mind-numbing carols but what do you think about when it comes to the new year ?! NOTHING ! Maybe except the very disturbing song that gets on my nerves . Yes , thats Auld Lang Syne . No offence to Robert Burns , but this is one song i wouldnt want to hear in the middle of the night.

Speaking of him , there's this poem of his which has left quite a deep impression on me ever since i came across it in an encyclopaedia when i was a kid .

Oh my luve's like a red red rose
That's newly sprung in June
Oh my luve's like the melody
That's sweetly played in tune

Something like that , if my memory does not fail me. Something in the lyrics that makes me want to to bop along as i go through the lyrics.


i think i'm better off sleeping . more later.


the writer








shawn kuku


spirit fingers









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