orgasmic hamsters

orgasmic hamsters






Friday, September 30, 2005

grrrrrrrl power!

Before i joined this cafe , Jo was the reigning 'queen' of our branch because she was the only girl in our male-dominated working environment.

Upon realising that , i knew that there will definitely be friction between caused by her resentment.

What resentment ?

That she will no longer be able to enjoy the full attention from the rest of the crew because of me.

I'm not saying that because i think that i look better than her but because i understand the female psyche perfectly well .

And ALL female minds think alike.

Fuck all you detractors , don't try to cover up for your girlfriend by saying shit like "No leh , my girl isn't like that.. She's magnanimous and understanding !"

Understanding my perky ass.

Lemme tell you this.. She's just putting up an act. God knows how much she is seething inside , her claws tucked neatly under her cuticles , waitin to unfurl the moment YOU ( the stupid suck-me-and-i'll-be-content boyfriend ) are not around.

Guys , you should really try and eavesdrop on her during those all girl slumber parties or coffee sessions. Trust me , not a pretty sight to see your normally subdued girlfriend lashing her tongue "oh-my-god-i-cannot-believe-jane-is-such-a-fucking-whore-to-sleep-with-john!!"

Okay i digress.

Back to Jo.

Because Jo is the captain of our outlet's crew , i am at her beck and call.

Like a fucking dog !

Like today , as i was clearing a table , i accidently swept a glass off and amazingly it bounced off the floor like a rubber ball ( hey it rhymes ! ) and it did not break.

My collegue was amazed and so was i , and we were both chuckling about how incredibly awesome it was to see a glass fall off a height and not shatter.

Jo suddenly barked at me from behind

"Funny meh ? You're lucky it didn't break or you'll have to pay for it!"

WTF !????????

I stared at her incredulously and my collegue said

"Must be PMS lah.. Ignore her"

I gnarled my teeth at her menacingly when her back was turned ( i'll have you know i look really ferocious when i put on that expression because i have horribly deformed teeth )

And then a couple of hours later someone wasn't so lucky and broke a cup .

I mumbled a prayer for that suay guy because i saw Jo hurtling her fat ass towards him at Mach10 speeds.

"Wah.. Why so careless ? Quick , go sweep up the broken pieces before Ken ( our manager ) sees it. Be careful don't cut yourself !"


Talk about being two-faced !

Even though she must be at least 25 , her snide remarks targeted towards me ( who else ? ) were incredibly juvenile , reminiscent of a school girl's mannerism.

Especially this incident.

My collegues were teasing me about how another collegue of ours , El , and I were so compatible with each other , and that El was interested in me ( Utter bullshit of course because i've never worked with El before )

I laughed it off and i went like

"ha ha ( sarcastic laugh ) , i've never even worked with El before , i've only seen him like twice during shift breaks!"

Apparently Jo was listening and she commented condescendingly as she walked past me

"Please lah.. You think El likes you meh ? You like him also he won't like you one , lor "

I could only look at her pass with my mouth gaping wide open .

It reminded me of my lower secondary days when staring incidents were the trend.

14 year old me : See what see ? Never see before huh ? Nabeh.. Sibeh xia lan !"

14 year old fellow ah lian : What ? If you never look at me how you know i looking at you ? Kan ni nah.."

Another one bearing testimony of Jo's childishness :

After work i had changed into my "civilian" attire of my usual getup of camisole and jeans.

I hopped over to the counter to say my good-byes and my collegues were wondering aloud whether i was going to head out to party because of the way i was dressed

"No lah.. I'm usually dressed like this.." , i said.

Before i could even add in anything else , of course Jo had to intervene , that lovely well-mannered lady.

"You know why she is dressed like that ? Because she think she is sexy what !! Right , Fiona ?"

It wasn't a question that was meant to be answered but i knew that if i did not , it would become an insult.


I put on my most plastic smile ever and replied

"Of course. People don't say that i am sexy for nothing"

Jo rolled her eyes and made a retching sound that sounded like a snort.


I am going to stock up on my arsenal of rebuttals and mace.


I hope our cafe hires another female soon so that we can spread the brunt of Jo's wrath between us.

Or even better , form an ally with me so that we can kick Jo's ass together.


listenin to : Deathcab for cutie - photobooth ( this is really good shit )

The Garden State and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotles Mind's OST ARE MIND-BLOWINGLY fantastic .


Wednesday, September 28, 2005

shut the hell up you cunts !

One sure sign that you are going to have a bad day : You get roused from your sleep at 8-fucking-a.m due to the incessant drilling thats coming from your neighbour's house thats JUST NEXT TO YOUR ROOM.

You peek out from your window and see bags of cement lying helter-skelter over the common corridoor. NOT A GOOD SIGN.

Intermittent pockets of silence were never so embraced ( prolly short breaks taken by the drillers to take a piss or wank )

*tears at hair*

I remember a few days ago i was rummaging through mel's field pack and i was fingering with this weird looking device found inside and mel said it was ear plugs , much to my amusement.

"Why the fuck do you need ear plugs for the army for ? To shut out your bunkmates' snoring ?"

Mel rolled his eyes

"For target shooting lah ! Like duh. "

I remember wondering to myself if i would ever need ear plugs because so far , so good. No major construction of any sort in my immediate surroundings until NOW.

Maybe stumbling onto mel's ear plugs were a sign from God that i would need them.

I think the drilling's coming from the adjacent room thats just next to my bedroom , seperated only by a brick wall.

How very nice.

Of course i couldn't get to sleep after that and i was ( i still am ) fucking pissed because i had initially planned to hole myself up at home to watch Love Actually for the zillionth time and pig out on snacks because it has been such a long while since i have the afternoon to myself.

And oh.. the most disgusting outcome is how i made makeshift ear plugs for myself.

I had to , because i didn't want to end up bald ( from tearing my hair out geddit ? )

I considered sticking play-dough and blu-tack into my ears but of course as luck would have it , i have neither at home.

I walked towards the kitchen hoping to find more alternatives and then i saw the loaf of bread on the counter.......

Yes i know its utterly gross and unimaginable but i HAD TO because beggars cannot be choosers.

I rolled pieces of bread into a small doughy ball and fashioned them into a soft cone.

And you know the rest.

They can't really keep out the schizophrenia-inducing noises but it helps a wee bit lah.

Surprisingly it effectively keeps out sounds ( not noises ) from the telly so the whole morning i was practically watching mime shows starring Drew Carey, Eva Longoria and the entire cast of Desperate Housewifes ( nono , Drew Carey is NOT in the cast. God forbid. )

I am damn dulan now lah , i'm going to head out to my grandma's to watch my Love Actually without having to resort to lip-reading to understand what Huge Grant is saying.

I think its ominous . All these signs , from my bout of emo-ness last night to all these shit points towards an imminent bad phase.

And then the bread i bought from Breadtalk last night had to look like a penis , complete with the phallic shape to the colour.

Or maybe its just me.

Hopefully tonight's clubbing session with the girls will turn out alright.

Okay bye.


listening ( or trying to listen to ) : deathcab for cutie - phonebooth


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Hammie the Seventh is such a baby that she can actually fall asleep on my palm. Aww. And no she is NOT dead.



To all the happy lovey-dovey couples in the world :


I mean , good for you ! And well done !

Is it just me , or do i get couples engaged in some sort of "lost-in-your-eyes" moment surrounding me wherever i go ?

From the burly looking husband holding onto the waist of his petite wife to prevent her from losing her balance on the train..

To the young "we-just-got-together" couple , looking all coy and silly.

Heck , i even managed to stumble onto my collegues in some sort of intimate tete-a-tete in the kitchen.

Embarrassing , no doubt.

But it got me sort of wishing i had someone to pull me into a toilet cubicle or something whenever we wanted *ahem* private time to ourselves.

Okay.. I've been watching too many movies.

Everytime i found someone whom i thought i could love , shit happens.

I miss someone so badly that i've started to look forward to going home , so that maybe i could catch him online.

I'd wait until the wee hours , swivelling around in my chair , keeping my fingers crossed and jumping up whenever someone signs in to MSN.

But as always , he is never online or our rare conversations would be hampered by a slow connection due to the distance.

Try as i might to remind myself that he just wants to remain friends , somehow or another i always manage to lull myself into thinking those dreaded "what if..." thoughts.

The biggest burdens are not surprisingly , "what if" questions.

What if i had never thrown that horribly childish temper which caused us weeks of silence , which led you to tell me that we'd be better off as friends ?

What if you never had to leave ?

My best friend , knowing my short attention span , said she'd give me another month before i'd get to know another guy and then forgetting all about him.

I hope so too , because all these one-sided nonsense is wrecking me.

I hope that the new guy would be as wacky and random as you. That he'll suddenly squat down in the middle of the train station with both hands on head to demonstrate how one should act in the event of an earthquake.

Or that he'll start jumping around in a manner so embarrassing that i'd walk away feeling half disgusted half amused only to have him suddenly grabbing me by the waist and saying "okay that was stupid"

Or to invite me for an impromptu silly slow dance at deserted train stations.

I hope the new guy would appreciate my scent as much as you do. And that he'll show his appreciation like you would by sniffing me like a dog.

I hope the new guy was as thick-skinned as you. Like i'd chide you for being shameless , to which you will always reply your overused thick-skinned retort .. "you like."

I hope the new guy would enjoy talking dirty with me especially during late nights , and to label me a cockteaser for saying all that.

I hope the new guy would like the silence in libraries.

I hope the new guy smells like you.

I hope he knows where Molvania is.

Shit lah , i feel so bloody emo now.

On a happier note , i am glad to annouce that

1) I have gotten two new syrian hamsters. Both are aptly named "Hammie".

2) I am going to start work at Oak3 films soon on a freelance basis.

And best of all..

3) I have just gotten my pay.

Okay thanks bye .

"And its songs like this that catch
my troubled head
when i am missing you to death"

- The Postal Service / Iron and Wine


Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Today i boarded a bus and i paid the full fare of $1.40 in coins as i forgot my ez-link card.

The bus driver glanced at me and out came the ticket.

I looked at my bus ticket.. it read 55 cents.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Laugh because i still look every bit the secondary school girl that i was three years ago ( read : youthful , evergreen ... in short .. YOUNG )

Cry because i had highlighted my hair a few days before in a bid to look my age because the ID checks were getting too frequent when my friends were getting into clubs without a hassle.

Obviously it was a failed attempt.


Sunday, September 25, 2005

girlish photoblog

This post will probably bore you to tears if you're a guy because its mainly about makeup. =D

And also , even though i haven't really gotten flak for my writings ( or lack thereof ) before , i certainly hope that i will not get slammed for "being narcissistic" , "lacking in quality posts" or etc as with the recent hoo-hah concerning some bloggers.

Being an avid writer myself , i feel that unless one writes maliciously for e.g promoting racism , criticism should always be constructive and comments such as "you suck!" or "wtf are u writing about" certainly does not fall into the said category.

And yes.. each to his own . For e.g , i must admit that although i'm not a big fan of xiaxue ( as in wendy cheng herself ) , but i cannot find any major fault with her other than her holier-than-thou attitude ( which clearly reflects in her writings ) . I enjoy reading what she writes and check back regularly because it is entertaining .

So yes.. i'm saying all these because i feel that what i'm going to post later is very very bo liao because i am in a bo liao mood.

Firstly.. A short review of a skincare product !!


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Lancome's lip-treatment . I just got it a couple of days ago because my lips are prone to getting chapped nowadays and i don't know why. It promises "visibly plumping effects" on your lips so
let's see just how "plumped" up my lips are !

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Just a little pearl drop of the "elixir".. Angelina jolie-esque lips.. HERE I COME !

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Okay so my lips are about 2cm BEFORE applying it ( ignore the moustache please )

There was little tingling sensation as i grinded my lips against each other and then for the next 20 mins or so it felt pretty numb.

The results ?

It was still 2cm after measuring it and okay to be fair it did look alittle more cushiony ( alluring ? *retches* ) but maybe i'm just tryin to justify my purchase. Aethestics aside , my lips felt dewy and more moisturised and it stayed that way until i washed my face hours later.

Overall , a pretty good buy but har , for that price i could buy like 5 generic lip balms.

Secondly.. My skincare regime !

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I used to swear by Biotherm's products but it was time for a change because i believe that one should not stick to the same products for such a long time because you will soon be immune to its effects. Maybe thats complete bullshit but it works for me lah. So now i've switched to Dior . My skincare regime's just a simple 2-step system consisting of cleansing and moisturising because i find that toning doesn't work for me.

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The smelliest perfume i've ever got ! It came with the Dior package . Too musky for me.

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The sibeh ah-lian looking pouch that will never get to see the the outside world. Too gaudy for me to bring out !

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Got this Fancl product eons ago ( i think its a freebie ) ... Only to leave it aside and to forget about its existence. Out of sight , out of mind ! And no , its not for washing laundry , my dear male readers. It received pretty rave reviews from MakeUpAlley so i'm gonna try it soon.

And then i decided to clear out my drawer and not surprisingly it contained a stash of forgotten stuff just like my wardrobe. From used tissues to expired makeup/skincare samples.

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How the hell did all these end up in my drawer ?!

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Eyeshadows , all bloody new and untouched. I have a soft spot for eyeshadows though i NEVER use them. I was very pissed with i saw that brand new Shu Uemera brush because i don't have a proper blusher brush ever since i lost my faithful Body Shop brush a month ago. Damnnn.

Okay , enough of makeup already.

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The two most important people in my life ! Grandpa and Grandma Tan. Grandma Tan has a scowl on her face because she hates getting snapped in her dishevelled i-just-cooked-dinner state.

My grandpa damn cute right ? He's like a pint sized asian version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame , except that he looks much friendlier.

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Super nauseating touristy pic ! Don't know why but i have a penchant to pose as a tourist complete with touristy poses whenever there are touristy elements in sight.

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A very disgruntled Kian in a gay pose.

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A trip down Haji lane with Kian to pay homage to the legendary Comme Des Garcons store. I have no idea that the store was so.. "Zen" . Very make-shift but oi , dunch play play hor. Within those wooden walls are zee high-end fashion !

Arab street's really a nice place , only if the weather isn't so punishing.

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Today i met up with Mel and Ian because Mel is going back to camp after two days of freedom ! This is the latest trend in fashion , the country-girl-meets-military look. Right.

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The circumference of Mel's field pack ( or whatever you call it ) is twice my waist. WOAH.

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The neighbourhood socialite on her way to a charity gala decked out in her high-end designer togs . She is the new Paris Hilton. And of course , how can a socialite forget the pose du-jour !?

And that concludes my utterly bo liao post. =D


listening to : Metallica - fade to black


film freak!

The time now is almost 4am and i am bloody tired because i have just got home.

I am happy because i have caught two movies today!

Firstly , i caught The Devil's Rejects with Kian and it did not disappoint at all because i went in knowing very well what was in store for me , which was just senseless gore and bad acting.

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Purely a hovering-between-c-and-d grade sorta flick just like Land of the Living Dead but HEY !

Classics like The night of the Living Dead ( not to be mistaken for its lousier sequels ) were slammed for being mediocre in their time but yet people are still talking about it .

I doubt The Devil's Rejects nor its prequel , the horribly bad House of 1000 corpses would be in their league lah but never mind.

So in a nutshell.. The Devil's Rejects' just a purely for popcorn-munching purposes , and has super cheesy scenes like forcing a victim to wear a mask made from her dead husband's skin.

Like skin is so easily removed from the face in a perfect sheet and best part was , it was as thick as cellular.

I like the idea of a hot sexy and beautiful demented killer though.

By the way i don't know why but right from the beginning i thought there would be some sort of incestual scene between the the Firefly siblings.

But wtf man.. even if there is , it will never escape unscathed from the local censorship's scissors.

And yes if you were wondering.. i'm a big fan of gory movies even though i steer clear of those involving the paranormal.

After that , i caught Night Watch with Pele ( no , not the legendary soccer player ) and Shun .

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Hmm well.. lets just say i thought the trailer for The Exorcism of Emily Rose was much more interesting .

The plot had too many loopholes in it for it to be a serious film and the ending was too rushed , too simple .

If only the apocalypse could be prevented with a few words.

And i'm also happy because i also managed to catch Untold Scandal on pay-per-view-tv !

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Interesting adaptation even for an overly-used plot , but i was a bit disappointed that the movie wasn't as sexy as i thought it would be..

Not that i wanna jerk off to the movie , just that i feel that one should not hold back on graphical themes just for the sake of pleasing the censors and besides , for a film of that genre , it was way too tame but then again.. Its on cable TV so it has been greatly ( and very badly/choppily ) edited.

and ... Bae Yong Jun is indeed HOT !

I prefer him with glasses and cleanly shaved though. mmmmmm.

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you can seduce me like you seduced Lady Jung anytime you want , bae-beeeee !

I think my man-crazy ( remember Nicky Li and Soo Kui Jien ? LOL ) phase is back again.

And now to update my to-watch-list

1) Silence of the Lambs
2) Sin City
3) Eurotrip
4) Trainspotting
5) American History X
6) Untold Scandal
7) Monster's ball
8) Night Watch
9) Corpse Bride
10) April Snow ( YES ! Just becasue Bae Yong Jun is starring in this korean weepie )
11) Devil's Rejects
12) Deuce Bigalow - European gigolo
13) Nobody Knows
14) Memoirs of Geisha ( I am really looking forward to this one so very very much cus i really love the book )
16) The Myth.... NOT ! I hate epic movies , azn pride or not. ack.

And this list is just gonna get longer and longer and longer.


What a silly rambling post .. :D

Bedtime ! =)


Wednesday, September 21, 2005

yes , beat 'em up please

Everytime we read in the papers about a child or a woman getting clobbered , our hearts go out to them and involuntarily we would label the person who had laid their hands on them as scums.

However , the media has twisted the audience around their little fingers so much so that we get hoodwinked into believing every damn thing , even if the report is a clearly biased one.

But anyway.

I've read too many reports about spousal abuse , where the poor wife would get daily beatings from her husband for not complying to his requests and yes , i sympathise greatly with her , even more so for the case of child abuse.

But the topic i'm addressing today is not about child/spousal abuse , but whether we should condemn people for laying their hands on the fairer sex , kids or even the elderly because sometimes , we fail to delve deeper into the situation , skimming only through the surface and pointing fingers by reflex because it has been drummed into our impressionable minds that beating the said group of people up is wrong.

For example , my friend once told me that he almost wanted to slap this girl whom we both know because apart from being a totally untruthful gossip-monger , she was a terribly spoilt brat who wanted everything her way and on one occasion , she threw such a major tantrum because we ignored her suggestion of dining at a particular restaurant and we got snide remarks from her like "Can't blame you paupers for choosing to eat at a kopitiam.."

So can we really blame this guy and label him as a jerk for slapping this girl ? Take into consideration the fact that all of us has been putting up with her nonsense for a few months already and despite pulling her aside to tell her very nicely that we would very much appreciate if she changed for the better.

Women can be such spiteful creatures and with words alone they are able to incur wrath in the most placid of personalities. I admit , i have been totally nasty by making personal attacks during arguments like

"Admit it , you're fucking ugly ! If i were you , i'd choose to die !"

"Can't help it if i'm more popular then you !"

"Seriously , stop moping about how fat you are because you're not goin to lose weight by stuffing your face all day long ! Stop whining !"

If i do get slapped , i'd fume and probably retaliate by returning the favour.

But i deserve it.


Kids today are so bloody smart that they know their rights as a minor , that it is wrong for an adult to lay their hands on them and boy do they take advantage to breaking point at times.


Kids yelling at bookstores , libaries etc.

Kids stamping their foot and not budging in public areas unless their parents get them what they want.

Kids talking to back to their parents ( One of my cousin's like that )

So just now i was taking a bus home and i happened to choose a seat surrounded by smelly TPJC guys ( not that i mind of course because TPJC have some really cute guys. i digress. )

Then this malay boy , not more than 7 years old with a mop of unruly curly hair and a hateful mischevious face boarded the bus alone and sat next to me.

I don't know what prompted him to do so but the next thing i knew he was standing up on his seat and making faces to the TPJC boys sitting directly behind and efforts to shush him nicely by putting their fingers to their mouths failed.

Then he started to flick his tongue against his lips and splattering saliva all over the poor TPJC boy behind.

"Boy , stop doing that !"

His pleas were ignored and the stubborn boy stuck out his tongue defiantly

"Why.. Not happy huh?"

I was shocked to hear his reply.. To hear that Bengish sentence in a squeaky kiddish voice disturbed me greatly.

He continued flicking his tongue and testing their patience.

He did not have to wait long.

Because i did not want to come across as a nosey-parker i kept quiet and tried not to stare but i could not help but eavesdrop and look at them discreetly and the next thing i knew , the TPJC boy was holding on to the malay boy's ear who was thrashing about violently by now .


As the Ah Lian in me would say ..

"Kan ni nah.. Sibei guai lan !!"

As the bus was slowing down to the next stop , the TPJC boy stood up , grabbed the boy by his collar and dragged him all the way to the exit ( resistance was futile obviously since the TPJC boy's like 1.8m) where he was forced to alight , but not before doing the finger-flip at him !

Oh , the audacity !

He stood at the bus stop , his middle finger still extended and he didn't seem to be in the least embarrassed nor sorry. Not surprisingly the TPJC boys also gave him the finger-flip as the bus drove off.

I wouldn't be in the least sorry for the boy should all 3 TPJC boys decide to gang up and give the puny little asshole a good whacking.

But what if they end up getting apprehended ?

Then the newspaper headline would read

"3 boys from top JC arrested for beating up a primary school boy !"

And then there will be quotes like

"I am thoroughly disgusted at their behaviour" - Fellow TPJC student

"They should be ashamed of themselves for picking on little kids!" - Member of the public

"I don't understand.. what has my son done to deserve such a punishment ? He is only 7 " - Little boy's mother

And so we will all be tricked once again.


listening to : joni mitchell - both sides now ( Love Actually has got to be one of my all time fav movies )



Sometimes i'd find myself staring at my notes in despair , hand aching from all that writing and i'd wonder..

Do i really want to write for the rest of my life ? Do i really really want to immerse myself into the crazy world of print journalism filled with deadlines , deadlines and more deadlines ?

I love writing but a short attention span coupled with frequent attacks of the dreaded writer's block reduces me to a moping mess.

Worst still , when writer's block strikes and i have an essay to hand in or even a blog entry to type , i become so frustrated with myself that i start to write gibberish just for the sake of filling up the blank slate .

Only to review it later and realise the amount of crap i've written but yet remain helpless unless if i get blessed with an inspiration which is always elusive whenever i need it most.

I've also noticed that i've been having alot of problems with my grammar and tenses to the point that i get so confused with the correct forms that i have to refer to newspapers just to make sure.

Maybe i should just get married and become a sow.


Monday, September 19, 2005

random shit

I was SO happy to find out that i don't have to work this week ( my bliss was short-lived however as my manager goes on to inform me that i will have to work more days next week ) because that leaves me the time to cross out the things-to-do on my list

1) Die die also must rent and watch at LEAST 2 of these movies : Silence of the lambs ( i cannot believe that i actually said "Silence of the hannibals" on Sat night to Ah Mao in my slightly tipsy stupor ) , Sin City , Untold Scandal , Se7en , Eurotrip , American History X and Monster's ball

2) CATCH NIGHT WATCH !! And i absolutely cannot wait to catch Corpse Bride as well. Mmmmh ! Tim Burton is a God.

3) Get tickets to Quills , khakis or no khakis .

4) A trip to Chinatown with camera in tow and that awesome vintage shop @ Peninsular Plaza

5) Chill out sessions with Cow and Ah Mao @ Acid Bar !

6) More chill out sessions with P and the filming crew !

7) Get a new monitor/keyboard/optical mouse AND a new whatever-you-call-that because i am getting alot of notices from my computer which goes "WARNING YOUR MEMORY IS RUNNING LOW" or something vaguely like that.

8) Skip classes for a day and hole myself up at home to channel surf ! Woo hoo , Digital Cable TV is fucking cool. Especially the pay-per-view movies , i noticed some really awesome titles like "Nobody knows" by Koreda Hirozaku and even "Untold Scandal" !!! Dangerous liaisons , anyone ? Non ?

Oh yesss i am such a film freak.

Did i mention i caught "Be with Me" with mr okay-thanks-bye ( yes i caught it with him afterall despite the terrible misunderstanding earlier on ) before he left for chilly Eindhoven ?

I'm not going to act like some arty-farty film aficionado here by declaring my love for this film ,how Eric Khoo has created a work of art , oooh the creme de la creme !

Cannes leh , mai siao siao.

To be honest i was slightly disappointed by this film , considering how i had anticipated it.

The lightings were good , tastefully subdued and some shots were absolutely surreal and captured every nuance of what the scene was supposed to depict , for example , the opening shot of the provision shop by dawn's light . The shuffling of the shop-keeper and the towkay-neo felt so mundane , yet somehow it was as if the silhouettes were a story by themselves.

I don't think i wanna contradict myself and launch into a full length critique here but what i was disappointed in was how the stories don't really seem to inter-weave , that the documentary on the protaganist was , though very much deserving , a wee bit too long-winded and tries too much to draw sympathy from the audience when empathy would be much more appropiate seeing how Theresa embraces her life.

And scene which got the film slapped with an M18 tag ?

Risque ? Hell no.

Tender ? Mmm yes.

And ha , the ending a bit too far-fetched for such a mellow theme !!

I still think the best movie i've caught this year was Perth ( though Geylang Massacre part in the title was damn dumb lah , obviously added in hastily in a bid to draw in the crowds ) , and yes i know i've waxed lyrical about this movie a gazillion times but ITS REALLY GOOD !

Lim Kay Tong is a genius.

The past few days whizzed by in a whirl and i almost forgot that i have class this morning because it felt so much like a Sunday.

Celebrated Yan's 19th birthday @ Nic's place !

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Gettin a ride from Yan , who absolutely detests sleeping with me because we're always disturbing each other and successfully preventing sleep from happening

And lectures in my freezing lecture halls

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Ben attempting to pull off a cinderalla stunt with my blister-inducing shoe

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I just can't keep my creative juices to myself ! Yes , genius i am. HAIL THE NEXT OLD MASTER !

And thanks to my neighbour the Cow for going lantern-toting after the boring Liverpool VS Man Utd match at our friendly kopitiam with me despite your protests !! :D

And i'm sorry i almost ruined your Zippo :p


listening to : Oasis - Today is gonna be the day ( Hahaha yes i used to think that that was the title of "Wonderwall" )


Sunday, September 18, 2005

the zen man

Yesterday the Zen man was back !

Not once , but twice !

Dressed in a crisp white outfit of matching white cotton pants and a Zegna button-down shirt and a rather unfortunate pairing with black leather shoes ( but then again he'll look pimp-ish if he wore white shoes ) , he sat by at the same seat by the window , his elbow resting in the same exact position , palm cupping his chin.

The first time he came was during dinner time.

He ordered a Decadent Chocolate Mousse and a Macademia Nut Frappe.

He leaned back languidly against the wall , his wistful expression unwavering as he stirred his drink with the straw , breaking away from his thoughts every now and then to take a sip.

He signalled for the bill and as I bent down for him ( no , not THAT kind of bending down , assholes ) to sign his credit card receipt , i noticed that he wasn't wearing his usual cologne.

Before i could return with his receipt , he had left abruptly.

He came back as abruptly at eleven . He had changed and he was now in a more dressed down attire of a tee and khaki pants.

Same seat.

Same nondescript vibes .

"Pan fried dory and mint tea" , he said in his no-nonsense voice which had an underlying message.

"Take my orders and fuck off quickly!"

I did just that.

In an alarmingly feminine manner he dabbed on his lips with a serviette after finishing his meal and with his fingers entwined together he stared at the teapot in a ramrod straight posture.

With a swift action not unlike air-calligraphy , he called for the bill but this time i had the luck to stand beside him for a little while longer as he decided to sign up for our membership card.

And of course i sneeked a peek at his particulars.

I concur that he is

1) Korean

2) Stays just a few paces away from my workplace

Point no.2 kinda answers all my unanswered questions in a disappointingly snap-back-to-reality way.

But as always , the romance novel fan in me will not leave any stone unturned.

At least i know that i have a regular customer who smells so nice.

I think ah , i'm such a sucker for nice smelling men that i'd give them extra brownie points just for smelling nice. hee.

Fiona from TCC .. Out !


listening to: goo goo dolls - iris


Saturday, September 17, 2005


his roving fingers
traces my collarbone-
sensual disgust


Friday, September 16, 2005

fiona's mini garage sale !

My dad actually cleared out my wardrobe for me last night and looking through the pile of junk i have , i realised i actually have alot of forgtten stuff , no thanks to my very bad habit of impulse shopping without trying.

Just as well lah , time to clear out my wardrobe for some $ to fund my crazy shopping spree two months later when i'm going to LA !! ABERCROMBIE HERE I COME !!!

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FCUK tee , Size S.

Should fit a local S-M . Unfortunately i'm an XXS so the sleeves are pretty loose on me. Worn once only so its damn new !!

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Miss Sixty tee , Size S !!

I totally cannot remember when the hell i got this , but i think i probably grabbed it from the sales bin lah. Will fit a local Size S-M as well.

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Miss Sixty X-low straight cut jeans , Size 24 !!

As you can see the tags are still intact. I got this somewhat reluctantly a few months ago because its a tad too loose for me . BUT i've got another pair recently which fits me to a T so i'm letting this go !!

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Beige converse sneakers , Size 4 !

Again its too bloody loose for me because i have super tiny feet but because i love sneakers too much i had to bear with walking around with loose shoes. Well my sneaker fetish has since died down so its time to let them go ! Worn twice i think.

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Light blue denim converse sneakers , size 5 !

I love this pair to bits but unfortunately their smallest size is an enormous size 5 . Another impulse buy that never got to see the light of day. BRAND NEW !!


Just quote me your price via email or drop me a comment but no ridiculous prices please =) Will post clearer pix with measurements soon but i'm in a hurry now so it'll have to wait ! And i have tonnes more stuff to clear , like Guess tees , vintage dresses and more jeans ! SO CHECK BACK ALRITE !?

Listening to : Pink martini - Hang on little tomato


Thursday, September 15, 2005

a quick update

The time now is 8.35a.m and i am still at home despite the awful fact that my classes starts at 9 later because my "train partner" , Alvin , is still sleeping. And now i'm having second thoughts about going to school because i only had an hour's worth of sleep after a great night out chilling with two animals ( namely a cow and a cat ) @ acid bar followed by a late night chat with mr okay-thanks-bye who is safely in Eindhoven ( pronounced as And-Ho-Ven , not Ando-ven , he ever so kindly corrected me ) now . woo hoo i love acid bar !

Work has been good so far and i'm settling well at TCC but most of my time are spent idling , pacing up and down or chatting with my new collegues because the crowd is measly as compared to the constant flow at the airport.

Majority of the patrons are rich tai-tais with too much time and bling-bling on their hands whose conversation topics of choice includes "Winston Churchill and Einstein did not really have alot of education yet they ruled the world !" and "The other time i was shopping at Fifth Avenue ...." Looking at them i seriously doubt whether they're just name-dropping to impress or really intellectual to actually talk about Churchill. I mean , how much of an intellect can you be when you have such a perfectly coifed hairdo and immaculately manicured fingers ( i get depressed looking at them because i get reminded of my wrinkled ugly hands ) ? Tsk.

I am very intrigued by a customer who frequents our outlet so frequently that everyone signals his presence with knowing glances whenever he steps in. Even though it was only my fourth day of work yesterday , i have already seen him thrice and my collegue told me that apparently he is such a big fan that he has been known to visit three times a day for his meals.

Surprisingly nobody has talked to him before and its easy to see why because his lips are pursed into a thin line immediately after ordering , as if we were encroaching his personal space. Because we're situated in a so-called "arts hub" , we do get our fair share of artistic-looking individuals ( bad dress sense and all ) and he is a classic example of a "Zen" person. Think earthy hued linen shirts with bamboo buttons , wispy beards and chunky wooden accessories. Very "clean" and holistic. ( Besides the "Zen" persona types , there is also the "I-will-starve-for-my-art" types. Long shaggy hair and torn t-shirts with Woodstock logos and portable easels. The most disgusting ones are the flamboyant "I-am-artist-hear-me-roar" types .Hard to describe but you'll know when you see one )

He speaks in a no-man's-land accent that is a complex blend of brit/singaporean/american and okay , i don't mean to sound like a perv but he smells really nice. Yeah , i get all weak-kneed with nice smelling men ( i love the scent of mr-okay-thanks-bye the best ! :p ) . And of course , english accents too ! Okay , i digress.

I wonder if there is a story behind his attachment to TCC . Probably he just likes the food but the romance novel fan in me refuses to think rationally . Maybe this was the place where he first held his girlfriend's hand before she passed away in an accident where she was flung off his bike ?

Maybe he's waiting for that elusive lady whom he saw and fell in love with ages ago but never got the chance to see her again ?

Whatever it is , i cannot believe that he comes here solely for the food because at that price , i don't think i would wanna dine at the same place every day . Besides there are so many different restaurents near my place !

I am just so curious about him , the "Zen" man.

Oh , don't EVER order the YuanYang and Mighty Joe Young. The former is a disgusting blend of Coffee and Tea which reminded me of day-old filtered coffee gone rancid. The latter is worse , banana , chocolate and coffee . An unfortunate unity of otherwise yummy ingredients. Don't be fooled by the interesting sounding names !

Perennial favorurites are MochaVilla , a tried and tested formula that works and their tea blends are awesome , especially their jasmine green tea which actually has *gasp* , jasmine flowers in it !

As for the food , well , let's just say that i would rather fork out a few more dollars for Bakerzin's cakes :p

Damn i wonder if i'm going to be sued for these , what with the recent spate of bloggers getting into trouble. *facepalm*

Its gonna be a crazy weekend , i get scared looking at my schedule because i have two birthday celebrations ( one of which is Yan's ! Happy birthday to my bestie ! ) to go to , and i have to work as well. Not to mention the mandatory family lunch on sunday !

I have spent 20 minutes on this entry and yes , i am very late for school. Time indulge in my favourite hobby , which is spending unecessary money on cabs.

Take care , folks !


Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Anyone wanna catch Quills together ?

Its a play on none other than the very fascinating Marquis de Sade !!!

And nobody is interested to catch it with me. Sigh.

Alright , time to rush off to work.

Been really really busy lately , its project season now in school and i've just started work at TCC.

And not to mention the never-ending birthdays and parties happening every other day !

Later !


Monday, September 12, 2005

good bye

I looked at the flight schedules , so brightly coloured on the state-of-the-art flat screen TVs at the airport and there it was highlighted in bright red -

Flight details : KL838

Destination : Amsterdam

His flight was due in about two hours and i was scared.

I was scared of the seemingly empty and mundane days without his company , his madcap behaviour being my sole source of entertainment.

My personal jester.

When i finally saw him , everything was amazing platonic and formal . It was awkward but nevertheless I was relieved to see him.

Always the busy person that he is , i lingered behind the rest of the bunch of people who had come to see him off , wishing that he would slow down his pace so that we could put off parting for just a while longer.

A hasty hug and a brief exchange of eye contact was all before he passed through the gates.

I thought i was okay but very suddenly i choked on a lump in my throat and realisement sank in that i will not be seeing him for at least a year and i was overwhelmed by a surge of sadness.

After crying my eyes out like a moron and getting teased by Yan for being such a drama-mama , i plonked down at the Viewing Gallery and saw his plane go up .. up.. and away !

Yes , i will really miss this special friend of mine.


Sunday, September 11, 2005

a paranoid female driver

The time now is 7am and i've just reached home after a second consecutive night of clubbing and the most amazing thing happened.

D actually allowed me to grace the driver's seat just now for the first time ever in my life !

It was an incredible experience to drive around the carpark , under his strict supervision of course and in a something-something ( dunno what also , but i know that the car will move by itself ) mode without any acceleration because i am too bloody scared to even touch the accelerator after reversing into a drain on my virgin attempt.

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The last time i tried to do even remotely control a car was months ago with Jun's car , then again i was only in charge of steering from the passenger seat with Jun handling the rest.

I learnt just how sensitive the accelerator and the brake really was , and i learnt it the hard way when i actually exerted full force on the brakes just like how i always do when playing Daytona.

I believe that if i did that on a full stomach i would have probably retched.

Or worse still , i could have killed us both should i have been stepping on the accelerator at the same time.

I used to think that any car would do for me , a relatively economical one like a Mitsubishi Lancer or a Nissan Sunny because i'm not really into fancy cars nor speed and all i need is a vehicle to get me around but after hanging out with D's car fanatical friends for two nights i realised just how much i am in love with the topless Mazda MX 5 , of which one of his friends drives.

Although it is a "selfish" car , as i like to call two-seaters because of obvious reasons , this baby is small and cute and absolutely beautiful.

And did i mention attention-seeking as well. Hahahha.

And the price tag for an old model of the MX5 ?

Only $40+k !!!!!!!!!! ( can buy newer model of Lancer liao ! )

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The new Mazda MX 5 !!

Because my dad assumes that his daughter is incapable of passing her driving tests , he has brazenly agreed to buy me a car should i manage to get my licence. Ever since then i have been counting my chickens even before they were born and drooling over all sorts of cars just for the heck of it even though i've kinda made up my mind to get a second hand Lancer.

Something very expensive like a BMW 735 !!!!!

Got GPS leh , perfect for a person without any sense of direction ( i know the all sorts of routes by bus/train but car .. Not yet )

So anyway we were at this stretch of road @ Seletar reservoir where speeding Ah Bengs like to congregate to show off and ah , many zeng-ed or modified WRX cars flying around.

And of course lonesome speedsters on their bikes.

I had the chance to hitch a ride in a WRX for a while and damnnnn even though i've been in more expensive cars before like my uncle's CLK and the family cars of some spoilt-rotten friends ( like P's Rx300 ) , the feeling of being in a sports car and seeing the world fly past is..... breathless.

Nothing like the smell of burning rubber !

I'm a convert.

And now to bed !

Good night y'all !


Saturday, September 10, 2005

my best friend the dumb blonde

My best friend , Yan has been pissing me off big time ever since she joined this company that sells health products about two months ago.

Because she is pretty simple-minded , i warned her about the bad rep MLM companies have garnered for themselves , but she reciprocated by giving me a piece of her mind , that "i should have more faith in her because she is not stupid", that her company IS NOT an MLM company even though all the signs are there , and she even hinted me that i might be jealous because of the five-figure sum that she will soon be earning. And , she reminds me , "my company is a registered company okay ! and a famous one at that , don't believe go check online !"

Which i did , and all the searches came up with was an amateurish HTML website. I couldn't be bothered to tell her about my finds though , because knowing her character too well i know that she'll come up with some lame-ass excuses anyway.

So you guys might think that as her best friend i should show her some support but before i go to that let me first tell you just how simple-minded she is .

An asian dumb blonde , i call her.

Firstly , almost everyone that sees her will agree that she has the attributes of a model. Leggy , fucking tall and slim. And tell me , which girl doesn't have dreams of making it to the catwalk ?

Of course , Yan is no exception.

There has been many touts in town promising young girls a shot at stardom by claiming that they have what takes , but of course you all know that to achieve "what it takes" , you'll have to pay a price for your portfolio which is your passport to glitterati and all that bling-bling.

And Yan , that stupid stupid girl , actually got hoodwinked into signing up for one which cost her almost $200 for a badly taken photoshoot , complete with garish make-up and corny poses.

Undeterred however , she told me last week that she desperately to sell off her health products quickly , because it was the "promotion" period whereby if she sold a certain number of products she will be promoted to a manager ( to which i rolled my eyes and thought if only was that easy ! ) and also , she needed $500.

I was like... "Wtf , why do you need so much money for?"

She proceeded to launch into a lengthy discourse on how this very reknowned ( don't know how credible also ) talents company has recruited her , how the "consultant" told her that "only people we feel has the X-factor will be invited to join us because we are a very exclusive company and we do not want the $2000 we will be spending on all new talents to go to waste and that is why out of 100 girls only 20 gets selected"

No prize for guessing that OF COURSE , Yan got "selected".

Being the very cynical person that i am , i could have sounded very condescending but i chose not to , so i asked about the $500 she has to fork out when the company will be spending $2k to groom her.

Yan thought of it for a while before replying

"Oh , $500 are for the photoshoot , the $2k is the money they goin to spend for makeovers and stuff"

I rolled my eyes and i absolutely cannot believe that she actually believed all of that crap.

I wanted to tell her , if you're really good , not only talent companies will come knocking at your door begging to sign contracts with you , they will even pay you instead of the other way round.

Since she couldn't even grasp this basic concept i guess i should not put her down by telling her.

So anyway back to the MLM topic.

She upset me a couple of days ago when i was in a terribly blah mood and was in an urgent need of a listening ear so of course i called her.

But expectedly she was working ( she's a part-time waitress ) so she did not answer.

A few mins later she messaged me asking why i called her , and i said i needed someone to talk to , badly.

And her reply really disappointed me.

"Har ? Help me sell the products to your family first then i will talk to you !! :p"


Because she had pressurized me about a week ago to help her promote her silly water-purifying systems to my family , i had not given her the results that she wanted because simply , my family wasn't in the least interested.

Besides , even though i am her best friend , i wasn't obliged to do any sort of promoting to my family. Why should i when i can always join some other MLM company and sell the products to them myself and gaining the profits ?

I put my phone away and refused to reply her because i was fuming.

I cannot believe my best friend was so obsessed with making money that every other thing was of second priority.

The next day she called and even though i had already repeated myself hoarse tellin her that my family wasn't interested , she insisted that i give her their contact numbers so she could call them up herself or fix a date so that she could pay them a visit.


Why would i want to subject my family to unecessary aggressive selling ?

Yan was incensed of course , and i was saddened that she didn't understand.

We didn't speak for a few days but she called me yesterday and i thought all was well when she said

"Eh , since you cannot help me sell the products.. help me to ask your friends fill in a survey for me for my company okay ?!"


Wednesday, September 07, 2005

a visit to City Harvest Church

I have been a very naughty girl. I woke up in the morning feeling extremely fatigued and it was only after the snooze alarm went off 7 or 8 times ( yes i was that determined to go to class ) when i decided to drag my tired self to the bathroom only to realise ( with unabashed glee though ) that my eyes were too bloodshot . Took me about 2 seconds to decide that i should skip class because of my strawberry eyes. And i dived straight back into my snug bed.


As you all know , i attended evening service with Yan at City Harvest Church last Saturday.

Now , you may think that there is nothing interesting to write about , after all , thousands of people attend church service every other day.

But i am different. Not only i am a non-believer , i am also a skeptic when it comes to religion.

So on Sat i took the loooooong train ride to Boon Lay from Tampines and upon reaching CHC , i found myself being surrounded by english-spewing teenagers , one of the many traits found in christian youths.

1) They are usually from JCs. Dunno why also.

2) They are an embarrasement to their own races because they cannot speak a word of their mother tongue , or pretend to be because it is so uncool to ace your second language papers.

3) They are damn musically-inclined , or so they potray themselves to be because they always have a guitar case slung on their backs.

4) They all have this certain "christian" look about them to me , just like how convent girls and JC students have that certain look. However i might be wrong because i exude that certain "convent christian girl" vibe to many people as well. How very wrong.

After playing hide-n-seek with Yan for ten minutes we finally found each other in the huge compound of the church. They even have bouncer-like security people dotting the areas !

I had barely warmed my seat when the pastor urged everyone to stand up and "Sing your praises for the sweet Lord above , hallejujah !"

I noticed that everytime the pastor says "Hallejujah" or "Amen" , the few thousand strong congregration will sudden burst into a chorus of the same word , accompanied by energetic clapping and cheering. As if on cue !

So , let the singing begin !

The songs of choice were extremely "pop-like" and thus easy to sing to , but because most of the time i was too enthralled by the drummer , preferring to concentrate on the drum beats than to actually follow the lyrics , i was pretty distracted to make a good observation.

The exuberence of the congregation is definitely at its peak during this sing along session ( or whatever you call it ) because everytime a song hits the chorus , almost everyone starts moshing ( or rather , a subdued version of moshing ) , prancing and twisting their bodies about as they sing about their faith and their devotion.

I don't know if its a monkey see , monkey do situation because the same thing happened when a slow ballad-like song starts playing and the auditorium is thrown into a hush , and suddenly right hands are patriotically outstretched , as do the choir members on the stage.

It was during one such restrained moment that i noticed this boy around my age. Halfway through the singing session he suddenly knelt down on both legs with both hands outstretched , eyes closed and frowning in concentration. Suddenly in my mind's eye he morphed into an albino.. Somehow he reminded me of Silas from the Da Vinci code . My overactive imagination saw him mortifying his back with a flagellant as he sought repentance from his God.


The singing ended on a high note about 40 mins ( I think ) later and it was time to partake from the communion. I know i shouldn't but drink and eat i did because i was too damn thirsty to reject the offer of a capsule of blackcurrant juice. I ate the little sliver of flour product too , just for fun.

Yan chastised me for not contributing to the offering and i was like.. Wtf , it is called an offering because you want to offer it from your own free will. She wasn't convinced and wants me to offer at least $5 the next time round. I looked at her in the eye and said "What next time?!" and that prompted her to shake her fist in front of my face malevolently. Some best friend huh!

And then it was time for the sermon. The pastor preached about "the art of forgiving". I must say i actually listened and chewed on my cud for awhile reviewing his words , although for most of the sermon i was thumbing through Yan's bible and getting confused by the myriad of characters in the bible.

Trivia : There is two accounts of incest being practised in the bible , though for good reasons. To procreate.

During the sermon i actually felt affected by what the pastor had said about forgiveness , that why would one rather spend his life in bitterness and resentment than to forgive the person who had hurt him ? I agreed whole-heartedly and set my mind on forgiving whoever has caused me grief. Who was to know that i would face such a challenge so soon ?

In a nutshell : Its easier said than done.

And so.

It was time to sing again but not before the congregation fell into silence to pray. With my head bowed and hands clasped together , i did the same. I prayed for alot of things . I prayed for the ache in my grandfather's leg to ease , i prayed for happiness for my family and friends. I prayed for a safe trip to someone due to fly soon and i prayed for Ju to have a smooth pregnancy. However because i know that i have been such an asshole , my prayers will be ignored anyway.

After the service , Yan's cellgroup members pounced on me like vultures on a carcass and tried to coerce me into joining their cell group. Because i wasn't in the least interested , i lied that i was an atheist here just to broaden my perpective on religions ( true to an extent anyway ) and they were appalled to even hear the dreaded "A" word. Not surprisingly they left me alone after that. :p

Frozen and ravenous , we hailed a cab down to Jurong Point where i grabbed a Ramly burger and a packet of luscious looking strawberries at the Pasar-Malam. We headed to Orchard where we spent the rest of the night chatting cus' it has been like two weeks since we last had a good bitching session. Did i mention i bought NYDC's "O" cheescake ? ORGASMIC !

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Chocolate mousse , decadent cheesecake and an oreo cookie base ! mmm.

To sum it all up , i feel that different churches have different styles , and because of their rather innovative methods , CHC's population is made up of mainly youths. Personally if i were a christian i would prefer to pray in calm environment and singing traditional hymms. Generally not recommended for first time church-goers because it would pretty traumatise them just like they did to me a year ago.

And thanks for the few emails i've received regarding my previous cryptic post.. I'm still feeling pretty much in the pits , for a few reasons although the primary cause is still the same. Yeah , i'm sad.

I hope to find answers to two burning questions

1) What is "tongue" ? What does speaking in tongue signify , and how does one go about finding his own "tongue" language ? Do all tongues sound the same ??

Taken off from an american forum

"Speaking in tongues is nothing more than giberish!!. a person performing this act is either "faking it" or is undergoing such stress that he's becoming schizophrenic. The psychiatric word for speaing in tongues is "glossolalia".

Godless. "

How very blasphemous .

2) What actually is going on when pastors press their hands into the heads of some people and after lifting their hands , the person actually 'faints' ?! Someone told me that its called the slaying of the dragon or demon or smth.


listening to : last days of april - aspirin and alcohol


update at 5.22 pm : I have just mastered the art of forgiveness .


to him

You promised to watch "Be With Me" together. You forgot didn't you ?

Where did i stand when you were planning your time ? Or should I say , did you even have a fleeting thought about me ?

I've always believed that if you really wanted to see someone , even a brief 5 minutes meeting would suffice. 5 minutes .. Is that too much to ask for ?

But of course. You're such a busy person.

Unlike me , stupidly skipping classes to meet up and sacrificing sleep to talk despite having morning lessons because you're always calling me at such odd hours. All because i know that time is my greatest enemy.

And you ? You should know better.

But what i would really want to know is , if my significance was non-existent , why are you always holding me so close ? What sort of mixed signals are you trying to send ?

I had planned to put everything behind me and maintain this friendship once you leave for europe , but hearing you say those words yesterday left me extremely disappointed , hurt and doubtful about myself.

Those two days spent together after the few weeks of silence , i really cherish it.

I wish you well.


Sunday, September 04, 2005

vat is this !

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I was going to eat this pear when i realised in horror the uncanny resemblance to the human posterior , complete with cellulite dimples and blemishes ( most likely scars from bum pimples ) . There's even a dark spot near the bottom of the "cleavage" that looks like an asshole ! WOAH !


Saturday, September 03, 2005

the straits times kopitiam

If you read the straits times regularly , you should know about the tiny flame wars going on in the forum ( the longest flame war i've ever read was the exchange between the pro-NKF camp and the anti-NKF camp ) , which is by the way always an interesting read because of the colourful personalities behind the letters , such as the inane and petty complaints from the heartland aunties .

Angry Auntie says : I am a housewife residing in Tampines , married with 2 sons and a daughter . My daughter studies in the nearby Giraffes Primary school and my heart aches whenever i look at her because she has to walk more than 2 mins every day to get to school. This is no way to treat a 10 year old kid , i wish to see improvements like a shuttle bus service that will ferry my daughter to and fro from school.

You will also get to see crappy diplomatic and pointless ( notice how they NEVER address the issue directly ) replies from the government agencies , e.g :

Disgruntled citizen says : Nabeh cheebye , why the bloody IRAS website down one huh ? Kan ni nah , you IRAS assholes should know that the whole of Singapore will be filing their income taxes online what , then why the website lagging one huh ? Tell me , you smart alecs !

Wo Bu Guan , spokesperson for IRAS replies : Thank you for your insightful feedback , the IRAS reminds all citizens to file their income tax by April 15 or the necessary actions will be taken against them. Please feel free to forward all enquiries to IRAS at 1800-3825-968.

The award for the most irrelevant replies goes to.... SMRT and SBS !

Actually can't really blame them lah huh , since its so hard to answer why "Service 197 is always crowded that i cannot board the bus in the morning" or "Why did it take one hour for Service 22 to arrive?"

Not forgetting the "bouquet-givers" :

Happy Customer says : I was dining at Harry's Le Coq when i realised to my horror that the spring chicken which i ordered had one wing shorter than the other. I brought the matter to the manager's attention and not only he got me another chicken, he also waivered the bill for my entire 20-strong family. I wish to thank him for my wonderful dining experience at Harry's Le Coq. Kudos to the manager !

I sometimes can't help but suspect that the praises for some people comes from themselves ( especially those in the service industry ) , its like after all how can the editors fish out the real bouquets from the fake ones ?

And the new breed of writers who dare to give suggestions that will never implemented , such as a letter in today's Forum which brazenly suggests the gahmen to review the 3/4 tank policy due to escalating petrol prices , so that "local consumers can get cheaper alternatives and also act as an incentive for local gas stations to offer more competitive rates".

Like wtf.

The gahmen only see the underlying message.

"Simi lan jiao , then give Malaysia earn our money !? Then wait ExxonMobil see no money to here then they move to Malaysia then FINISH LIAO LAH. Then no more anchor tenants in our country liao lah !"

Another relatively new breed are the "fuck the government up" writers who actually dare to question or even *gasp* criticise the gahmen itself. Of course those that you actually see in print are the more subdued ones , you don't think letters with headings such as "EH NABEH PARLIAMENT SIAO SI BO ??!" getting printed.

Wu Ji Lang says : I am writing in because I would like more transparency from the government. The annual budget alone is not enough to justify everything.

Spokesman for all the big shots says : The government has decided to revoke your citizenship and you shall be sent to spend your life in exile in Siberia with Chee Soon Juan with effect from now.

And then there's the morbidly health-conscious/paranoid writer. A good example can be found in today's ST forum regarding how fertilisers can be made into bombs.


I mean , i understand his concern but the thing is , if a person really has malicious intent to harm , just about every item can be made into a weapon. Why go through the hassle of extracting the whatever chemical from the fertiliser and to mix it up with some expensive catalyst when you can buy guns online or simply just use a knife or parang or what-have-you.

Concerned Resident says : I applaud the recent measures taken by the authorities to curb Aedes mosquitoes breeding but i feel that the most effective way is to evacuate the residents to an enclosed area and doing away with drains and canals forever. After all , what is flooding compared to a dengue epidemic ?

And very commonly, those ultra super long-winded monologues from scholars , lawyers or retirees that serves no apparent purpose except to prove how intellectual they are or to do some public bootlicking ( shameless whores , they are )

A*star scholar , RI alumni says : I am a President's scholar currently enrolled in the very prestigious Oxford university from which i have been awarded with double degrees in Political Science and Sociology summa cum laude , and is still studying for my PhD in the same fields.

I note with interest the recent spate of political ongoings in my motherland , revolving mainly around the controversial presidential elections ( or rather, non-elections ) which ended with His Excellency being granted a second term . To this i congratulate our president with much respect because he has proved in so many ways of his unwavering dedication to our country.

Being a distinguised political student has allowed me to view things from a higher perceptive and with a bird's eye view of the political scene in Singapore , i safely conclude that we have one of the most flawless and efficient governments in the world. Not only we are spared from monstrosities such as repression or treason plaguing the other countries , we [ message truncated due to length ].

There are just so many more characters waiting to be uncovered , but i'm too laxy to flip through the older papers la. I will address the issue of why "Ang-mohs get better service" in my next post. That coming from your friendly coffee server ( ME ) , i can guarantee you an unbiased commentary.

And oh , i've got a new part time job !!

I'm going to church later , for the first time in eons I'll be attending City Harvest's evening service with my best friend so you can bet yr life that i will definitely do a write up about CHC since i was deeply traumatised the last time i went there ( about 1 year ago ) .

Take care , y'all.


Friday, September 02, 2005

food for thought

I never fail to amaze whenever i tell people my stand on relationships or even marriages.

As long as i am being told , my partner is free to have flings with other girls. And vice versa.

And why the fuck do i have such a warped perception ?

Because i believe that at the end of the day , as long as he comes back to you , you're the eventual winner.

Infidelity , in my context , only occurs when there is no trust between a couple.

In other words , you can be out having a one night stand with that hot young intern and i won't even be bothered as long as i'm in the know.

It can be as simple as telling a white lie about his family's wealth , or as awful as a full-blown affair with another woman , complete with illegitimate kids.

I don't believe that you can tahan facing the same person all your life , true love or not. Men especially , they tend to stray. Even the most family-oriented ones.

So why not allow him more freedom to ensure a happy long-lasting marriage ?

But of course if he takes advantage of your open-mindedness by sleeping with other women 7 days a week and ignoring you completely , then its time for a divorce.

Maybe i'm saying all these to justify my own actions that stems from my very short attention span.

And maybe i might even take all my words back when someday i commit to a real relationship.


listening to : the cardigans - lovefool


My good friend is enlisting next week and guess what !

He got into 1st SIR !!

God bless him.


Thursday, September 01, 2005

Owen is mad.


the writer








shawn kuku


spirit fingers









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