orgasmic hamsters

orgasmic hamsters






Thursday, June 30, 2005

oh , fuck it.

I am very angry today because apparently the guy i politely rejected a few weeks ago is going all out to avoid me.

Because i do not want our friendship to sour because of it , i shoved all apprehensions to the back of my head and took the initiative to ask him out for coffee last week after the lack of communication between us and he gave me the most downright lamest excuse

"Sorry , i'm headed to the gym later.."

Being the thick-skinned person that i am , i wasn't about to give up so i replied

"Meet me after gym la !"

After a few agonising minutes ..

"Don't think so , i will be hot and smelly after gym.. And i will be tired as well.."

Like , what the fuck.

In the past he used to have no problem meeting up even after spending the day at the gym and now i had to cajole him into meeting up for a cuppa ??

Rejection is indeed painful , so i didn't bother to reply and went off to lick my wounds .

A week later ( which was yesterday ) after ZERO forms of contact between us , i found him online and went to pester him.

I asked about his happenings and he answered in a rather cryptic manner

"Okay lor , the usual. Camp during weekdays , gym and hanging out during weekends.. and missing someone.."

Was that person still me ? I had to ask.

"Woo.. Missing someone eh ? Somebody new ?"

"No.. its still the same person.. you might know her.. She stays in Tampines blk 277 .."

So he goes on to talk about how he can't bring himself to contact me , much less meeting up because i depress him.

So i asked , when are we going to meet up then ? Don't you want me as a friend anymore ?

His answer made me sian immediately.

"When you tell me that i still have a chance or when i have completely forgotten about you.."

Translation : I never wanna see you again unless you promise me that you're going to become my girlfriend , so fuck off bitch and stop being nice.

I'll be damned.

I really hate it when a friendship meets its demise this way.

I tried to salvage it , only to meet rejection.

And now , things aren't looking so rosy with the Ah Beng too.


I noticed that the guys of today are less chauvinistic and displaying more of the characteristics usually associated with women.

Being overly sensitive , the belief that you can't possibly remain friends with a girl after rejection/breakup.

Our manly ancestors would probably turn in their graves should they see the modern man on the streets tucking his partner's bag under his arm like its the most natural thing in the world to do.

And huh , whatever happened to the submissive woman who would peel prawns for her boyfriend ?

I realised that the tables had been turned when the Ah Beng actually peeled prawns for me. ( i was quite touched by the gesture actually )

And the list goes on.

Ah, men.

They're the new Female.

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Actually i'm feeling slightyly whoozy from an overdose of cough syrup now so pardon me if i sound incoherent or if the post is full of grammatical mistakes . cheeeeeeeers.


Tuesday, June 28, 2005

a quick update **UPDATED***

Thank you for all the prayers , my grandpa has been given a clear bill of health !

All those bleeding.. Are just piles.

Damn those little nodules in his intestines for giving me ( and my family ) such a worried weekend.


The writer's lab is organising a playwriting competition
which is like gonna last 24 hours and i'm thinking of participating but considering that my attention span is only slightly longer than the memory of a goldfish ( for all ye homo ignoramus a goldfish is reputed to have a memory of only 3 seconds . If i'm not wrong. OKay i digress ) , i'm not sure if my creative juices would survive the onslaught of sleep deprivation.

I'm no genius playwright mind you but ehhhhhhh the prize is $800 leh. Not alot but its SUSTENANCE ( for sprees. heh. i've never been brand conscious but i'm totally in love with a particular Chanel bag that costs.. Alot. Sigh. )

Anyway i'll never be able to carry off that bag because of how i look.


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"Eeeee this girl so shameless one leh ! Carry imitation ! The bag look so bloody fake lor"

I know , i have this very cheapskate look which is very appropiate because i shop at thrift stores and i love cheap stuff :P

Back to the playwriting thingy.

Dunno la , the whole thing is like damn cheem and my works would probably look amateurish especially when i'm only eligible for the Open category.

Nothing much has been happening in my life except clocking more hours at my workplace , hanging out with the idiots i usually hang out with and more recently , lending an unecessary hand ( read : coffee girl and odd job labourer ) to P and his mates who are producing an extremely short film for their school assignment which is a very interesting project indeed .

Think a vignette of Gone with the Wind with a modern twist. LOL.

Filming will probably wrap up on Thurs and hopefully i will be able to upload the 5 minute long movie here , if i can find a server that is.

Oh , before i forget , i am so goin to rant about this new collegue of mine , lets just call him M.

No , he did not piss me off with any antics but rather , i am quite amazed and intrigued by him.

He is 28 but has the attributes of a 40 year old , both physically and mentally.

He looks.. demented in a calm sort of way ( Yah.. Jack the Ripper was an english gentleman by day and a crazed murderer by night. woohooo ? )

He drinks green tea which he brings to work and without fail , he would offer me a satchet everytime he emerges from the kitchen to brew another cup of fresh green tea ( he's confined to the kitchen by my manager and i think i know why. and no , it isn't because the sandwiches he makes are particularly appealing )

So what , you say.


He has a very soft and shrilly ( okay abit contradicting la but just think of it as a low whistle kind of sound ) voice and to make matters worse , he always sound like he is panting when he speaks.

He would peer at me through his thick gold-rimmed glasses with his beady eyes and wave the little green satchet at me while still clutching it close to his chest ( i swear i saw his hands shivering )

"Fiona.. you want ma ??"

To which i will always decline and smile politely , and he would retreat to the kitchen with his zillionth cup of green tea for the day.




But NOT a couple of times all within the timeframe of a few hours !!

I know its a kind gesture and he does it out of courtesy but you know la.

He makes a really great collegue because he is SUPER hardworking.

Today my supervisor and I were whiling our time away during the off-peak period , doing inane stuff like a simultaneous exercise regime and picking out 4D numbers from scraps of papers with single digits on them. ( for punters : the numbers as 6364 and 1639 so don't say i never share wealth with you hor ! )

But M was diligently mopping away as even as I was leaning against the counter drooling at this incredibly cute guy with an awesome goatee and hopping in some sort of bizarre avoid-the-mop dance.

My supervisor told him to "relax a bit la" but all he did was to smile his eerie lopsided half-smile ala Mona Lisa and continued to do all sorts of random tasks like wiping the tables etc.


More about my day at work today.

Okay i'm a bit of a lecher because i find myself going ga-ga over the cute ones who patronise my cafe .

So just now this was this so-so .. okay , honestly , above-average looking guy who suddenly planted his delicious specimen of a male body in front of my counter while tapping his chin , brows furrowed as he deliberated over what to buy.

Some more he's hugging a copy of the Economist to his manly chest la.

Brawns and brains. Yummmmmm.

Being the lusty ol' me i could only gawk and pretend to stack plastic cups that didn't needed stacking.

And then.

He opened his mouth.

"Er , tea can ?"

I replied hesistantly , slightly appalled by what came out from his mouth. I had expected something more.. refined.

" Sure .. We have Darjeeling , Earl grey , Camomile and English breakfast. "

"Err .. Which is normal tea har ?"

"English breakfast."

"Okay i want that one.. Milk and sugar hor!"

By this time i was getting a bit irritated and disappointed. For somebody who reads the Economist , he is certainly very ill-informed and not in the least articulate.

"I'm sorry sugar would have to be added yourself."

"Har like that ah ? OKay lor.."

WHAT THE FUCK!??????????

And you read the Economist !?

My day dreams vanished in a wisp of technicolour fumes and i snorted under my breath in disgust.

I think huh , the Economist is there only for show la.

I was grossly disappointed because he really looked THAT good.


God is fair !

I'm not trying to question God but i honestly wish that he had given me less brains and more .. oomph in the other departments ( e.g what is balanced on my neck ) .

Besides men like their women dumb.

I would love to sit on a barstool twirling my hair as the guys fight for the chance to buy me a drink.

But har i am more like the geeky bespectacled smartass who sits in the corner of a bar snickering at the stupidity of those men while secretly wishing for more attention.


Okay while searching for that Chanel bag i came across this very popular blog ..

After browsing thru her blog i wish to eat my words..

God is not that fair after all !

This girl is a chio bu , smart , has a cute bf and most importantly , very very very very rich.

DAMN! She is blessed =(


listening to : disturbed - liberated


By the way my cafe ( located at Changi airport ) is HIRING ! The pay is $5/hr for part-timers .. Would be better if you're able to work weekdays !

Very slack one , don't worry.

Drop me an email or comment if you're interested !

( only guys with goatees need apply. LOL. kiddin. )


Sunday, June 26, 2005

i love him.

My grandpa was admitted into hospital today to be kept under observation because since early this morning his bowel movements have been accompanied by blood.

It is very very worrying because when you're his age , blood in the stools are usually a symptom of colon cancer and what is even worse is that for the case of colon cancer , when the symptoms appear , it is already too late.

The blood test results will only be out on Mon and till then i will be praying very hard for him.

Dear god , please don't let anything untoward happen towards the man i love most in my life. If you really have to , i would love to trade 20 , 30 or any amount of my life just to make sure that he's alright. I really hope that he will be there to see me walk down the aisle and i want him to cuddle my child-his great grand-child, in his arms.

Of course , my grandma too.

I don't even mind dying now if it ensures the health of my grandparents.

Yes , they're that important to me.


Friday, June 24, 2005

my alter ego is an ah lian

I found myself singing this yesterday , much to my disgust -

The roof , the roof the roof is on fire !

We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn !

Burn , motherfucker , burn !


I think my manager is spastic.

I don't know what's eating into his already pea-sized brain but to add as another testimony to his stupidity , he has been hiring new staff , and most of them are total geeks who can't serve customers for nuts.

One of them is SO GEEKY that he thinks that Europa is still in vogue even though he's only 25.

Like , wtf ??

I have nothing against geeks but hello ? The F&B industry don't take no stammering people who wear their shirt tucked in and pulled up to the waist level.

Aiyo , i really hope my manager dies.

Okay by the way i've got a new pic and i look like a cross between a chipmunk and a hamster.


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Finger courtesy of the Ah Beng.


Wednesday, June 22, 2005

a photoblog

In China , you get ..

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.. cafes with super funky names without a meaning whatsoever.

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... Mineral water that promises to pack a laughter.

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.. Infrastructures made from assorted bits of a bull. And yes , this is a government-owned building. Who would have thought ?

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.. incredibly photogenic goats..

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.. which seemed to smiled at the camera with an almost saucy grin ( how bizarre ) .

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.. Booby traps filled with shit and mucus and yes this is the exact hole which i fell into 8 years ago ( i swear this is the one for the villagers still remember me )

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.. a happy kid with a "san mao" hairdo..

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.. and a deliberate hole in his pants ! To facilitate shitting , apparently.

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.. Items which you thought only existed as props in retro movies.

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.. Respite after a hard day's work in the fields.

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.. Walkways so narrow , they're a source of inspiration to the obese.

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.. Lush green fields you'll never get to see in Singapore.

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.. Incense sticks the thickness of a finger and retarded looking tourists ( yes , its me. )

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.. Surreal-looking candles.

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.. The "I-like-my-ankles-toasty-warm" look so favoured by Chinese men.

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.. Babies ( with the "san-mao" hairdo , ever so popular with Chinese parents ) so cute that you feel like having sex immediately so that you can conceive one as well.

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.. Very cheem words that would take another 10 years of education to comphrehend.

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.. Communal kitchens , old-school style.

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.. More words that leaves me confused. I think it means "xie ge" but what does that mean ?

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.. More happy camera-shy rural kids.

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.. Eerie metal gates . How very victorian.



Tuesday, June 21, 2005

my manager , my nightmare

My callously infamous manager pissed me off again today.

I had to juggle the work of two persons today because one of my collegues called in sick at the last moment.

And instead of appreciating it , he droned on and on about how slow i was at work today.

For example , i had to abort washing the blender machine because there was a customer at the counter.

The stupid asshole of a manager was standing there yakking away on his mobile without even helping.

So i went to serve the customer and just as the customer left with his coffee and i , still standing at the counter looking at the receipt , the fucker covered the mouthpiece with his hand and hollered from the other end where the sink was

"Why is the blender not washed ?!"

I rolled my eyes and calmly replied

"Cannot see got customers just now huh ?'

He then eyeballed me and by reflex my middle finger jutted out but luckily his back was turned .


Very very very angry , i am.

I have managed to record a clip of his funky accent ( a natural phenomenom when he speaks to caucasians) on my handphone and hopefully i will be able to upload it .

I know i shouldn't , but i did something very horrid to get back at him before i knocked off today.

Blinded by anger , I swiped his phone off his desk and doused it in water before wiping it dry and placing it back .

Last i checked , it was still working and the LCD screen was still fine ( he uses a Nokia 6230 like me ) but i cannot guarantee how long it would be before the components gets affected by the water.

I felt really bad for awhile but the guilt didn't last long since he's so adept at pissing people off with his groundless accusations , it didn't take long before he did his thing once again and the remorse just dissipated to be replaced by a knowing smugness.


Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

I will be working again on Thurs and i wonder what he would do to piss all of us off again.


Sunday, June 19, 2005

rockkkkk on , Singapore !-

I checked out Rock on , Singapore with Himbo and his friend last night and boy , it ROCKED.

Okay i've gotta admit that the name of the event sounds a bit.... Gay la.

Like some sorta patriotic pre-national day thing.

But its NOT.

I thought it was abit disappointing that people turned up only when Electrico started playing and expectedly left when they finished their set.

Like , wtf.

You mean the other bands not good ah ?

There were a few punk jokers who tried to disrupt the peace and then there were the morons who made a few racist remarks when a chinese band played.

But overall , it was a great concert .

The sound system was excellent though it had more than a bit of technical glitches and the crowd was , as usual , lacking in spontaneity .

I was particularly impressed with Ronin .

Great stage presence , great music. Think Ac/Dc tinged with a bit of Guns N' Roses.

Initially i thought the lead singer looked pretty gay and he was damn drama la , sorta like a cross between Steve Tyler and some J-rock guy.

But after their first song I was like..... Hey , this guy is really fucking good.

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Friday, June 17, 2005

of relationships and fucked up managers

I sneezed consecutively for about 10 times just now and i got so breathless that i had to use my inhaler for the first time in months. LOL.

I met up with my Ah Beng friend ( he was sick , the poor guy ) yesterday , and to my amazement i noticed that he has trimmed away the wayangwayang-like claws on his pinkys !!

Maybe he has finally realised that they're a burden , or that he probably scratched himself while bathing.

Or maybe he has noticed my eyes staring intently at those overgrown excess protein with a subtle appalled expression and of course , the arched-eyebrow amazed look which i am so good at.

Whatever the reason , it is to be celebrated.

Hur hur hur.

I'm pretty thankful that he has clean and short nails , certainly not a common attribute of an Ah Beng.

Come to think of it he's not that Beng la , at least he doesn't sport gold hair ( or rather , he can't because he's serving the nation ) nor walk with an exaggerated swagger so distinct in Bengs.


Someone has stopped calling me all of a sudden and i don't like the fact that he is obviously trying to avoid me because we had a quarrel ( due to his overzealous and suspicious nature ) and because i indirectly rejected him.

I used to find him rather cute actually.

He's tall ( too fucking tall in fact ) , intelligent ( yes he knows where the Louvre musuem is , hallejujah ) , effectively bilingual ( a pretty rare occurence ) , gentlemenly , not stingy , and he drives his own car ( not that it even matters since i'm in love with long bus rides but i guess its a definite plus when it comes to accesibility )

Initially i thought we would eventually go into a relationship but within 2 weeks of knowing him I soon came to realise that everyone has flaws.

He would hurt me with words like

"Wah.. I guess someone must be busy with some other guy to be taking so long to reply huh ?"


"Aiya , i know i'm not good enough for you la. Go find some cute rich guy who drives a porsche and not this pathetic person who drives a pathetic japanese car"

In the beginning i was very very impressed with him for being so attentive .. for being there when Hammie escaped and i was so depressed that i actually cried for the first time in months and he tried to cheer me up by buying me another hamster and flowers.

I really tried to accept you , but you ruined everything.

And please don't let this end our friendship .

I still wanna catch that Omnimax movie .


Oh , my infamous manager HAS NOT resigned yet.

Bloody hell.

He's getting worse over the months and now he goes around threatening to sack anyone with unsatisfactory work standards which is really fucked up because you don't go around giving people the sack over the most inane reasons.

Just a few days ago , he told my collegue to "return your uniform next week" which really , is a poor euphemism for firing someone.

And why ?



Certainly she was in the wrong for doing so but does that warrant getting fired ?

Totally fucked up , the bloody moron is just throwing his weight around and abusing his authority.

I wished i had the power to frame him like , embezzle the company funds and get him thrown into gaol PLUS a good whipping.

Or stealing his handphone and wallet and splitting the gains with my collegues.

Everytime when i'm doing the dishes in the kitchen and he happens to brush against me ( the passageway between the sink and the wall is very narrow ) , i would immediately entertain dark thoughts like screaming my head off and getting everybody's attention and then bursting into tears while saying

"He.... He.. touched me ! ! He squeezed my butt ! Right there !"

That might not guarantee a jail term but in the very least he would get the sack .

Yes , i hate him THAT MUCH.

He is the most callous , scheming , bootlicking fucker in the airport , if not the world.

I wonder why superiors are such assholes.

The editor of the magazine i'm writing for is one as well.

But that is for another day.

Should i have people working under me in the future , you can be sure that i will not follow in their footsteps.

Oh , one last thing.

There will be a showcase of local bands next to the field @ Orchard MRT tomorrow from 6pm onwards .


I will be there.

Is that what i think it is ?

I took this photo when i was in China

That ghostly circular patch near the center.. Is that an orb ??

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listenin to : deathcab for cutie - styrofoam plates


Wednesday, June 15, 2005

that time of the month

It is such a spirit dampener and depressing to wake up in the morning with a familiar and dreaded wetness ( and no it has nothing to do with being turned on ) in your undies that makes you go... OH NO... NOT TODAY ! OH FUCK OH FUCK NO NO NO NO NOT TODAY !

Yes indeed , that time of the month has come.

And as usual my body ALWAYS schedules it to fall on a day when its not supposed to. Fuck.

Tonight's supposed to be the night when i finally get to party after a hiatus of 2 long weeks and believe me , even the most absorbent tampon will not suffice on the first day of that time of the month.


Is it because the flow is like a engorged Amazon river ?

Nope. That is of little or of no concern to me because it doesn't really me affect me although it can be quite disgusting to sneeze or cough and hell , you can actually feel... okay never mind i shall not disgust my male readers with the details but all ye female readers should know what i mean. :D

Also , stomach cramps don't really daunt me since a little pink pill usually solves all my painful woes.

So what the hell is preventing you to let your hair down and get high on free flowing booze , you ask.

The reason is simple but my explaination for it is quite bizarre.

Because i feel unattractive whenever its that time of the month.

Though i'm not a provocative dresser , i make it a point to either wear a mini skirt with a decent top or vice versa ( the rule of thumb is , DO NOT overdo it. Either you wear something that reveals your legs or something more skimpy on top. NOT both. Tube tops and mini skirts are so .. bitchy and come-hither. But i think its just the traditionalist in me making a fuss )

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the outfit that screams CFM ! CFM ( Leave me a comment to find out what CFM means. Wow , are there really people THAT innocent ? ? )

And yes , i love dressing up. I make sure everything matches perfectly and that alone can take hours even though once you're in the club nobody gives a damn because its just so dark.

But somehow , i feel repulsive whenever i have my period and i suddenly long to be covered up in long sleeves and jeans and hide my face under a cap.

Why the sudden phenomenon ?


During menstruation , obviously there is no egg to be fertilised and so your body doesn't see the need to be attractive since , lets admit it -
Girls dress up for the fundamental reason of attracting guys because the body says hey , we need sperm to fertilise your eggs so that the human species can survive so go forth and reproduce !! Up your chances of getting those gems fertilised so go go go and dress up !

Which goes without saying for the rest of the month you take great pains to doll yourself up because it is actually a case of mind over matter.


Was reading in a forum regarding the topic of gettin picked up at clubs.

When i just started out clubbing , i used to find it very flattering that someone actually finds me attractive enough to want to get to know me.

Even if that guy weighs 1000 pounds and reeks of week old fish.

Now now , i'm no Cindy Crawford ( okay so she's a has-been but her name has always been associated with beauty )

Neither do i have Jenna Jameson's ( go and google her name if you don't know her but please don't hold me responsible for the sudden flurry of pop-up porn ads ) boobs , fake as they are.

After reading that forum thread, my ego level is now hovering dangerously above zero.

Guys are intimidated by the real chiobu-s but they still want their egos to be masturbated when they succeed in getting a girl's number.

So they have no choice but to pick the second best , who are the plain janes like me who actually look quite decent after a few shots of tequila , under the sparkly shiny disco ball in the darkness.

That , or they just want a free fuck ( don't even bother if that is your only agenda because u will only get my 5 toes up your ass )

So now instead of feeling flattered , i guess i've got to go OH NO when i actually get picked up like a piece of trash again.

By the way if you're wondering i've only exchanged numbers with one person before in a club and yes , we're still good friends now.


How ah tonight ? = (

My life - summarised

Okay i've been pretty busy after i got back from China , catching up with my friends and my bestie over the weekend and then working my ass off at the airport and meeting up with friends again , okay , only this guy in particular.

He's an Ah beng ( without the Ah beng dressing and the Ah beng hair , thankfully. He's just the kind that makes you think "Wah , this guy surely is Beng" when you see him on the streets ) , speaks colourful hokkien to his friends and is definitely the last kind of person on earth i would even think of dating but i find myself quite intrigued by him .

And he doesn't even have a goatee.

And he chain-smokes.

And the first impression that he gives me ( even now sometimes ) is that he just wants to get me into his bed.

AND HE HAS LONG PINKY NAILS , like , WTF !?!!!!!!!!!!! ( i don't have the heart to tell him to get rid of those ghastly appendages )

But he is nice la. Really nice.

He makes me smile too !


School is scheduled to start in mid-july where i have to remodule my fucking Econs and Marketing. nabei.


Meanwhile , its just work work work , more freelance writing , more nights out , more retarded activities with the idiots i hang out with and more time with my Ah Beng friend.

Heh heh heh.

So what ? I used to be an Ah Lian too , okay !

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Had smelly beancurd @ Geylang with my Ah Beng friend yesterday after work and it FUCKING STINKS. its much worse when u actually eat it. Like , something u would find if u scraped under the rim of a public toilet bowl.

Lazy to write about China now la , have decided to post a picture up with every entry.

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Children from rural villages . Definitely my favourite subjects.

By the way... After reading SO MANY letters in the ST forum regarding the transportation fare woes of Poly students ( they have to pay adult fares when their JC counterparts enjoy student rates. wtf ? ) , i have yet to see a SINGLE reply from any of the public transportation companies ( namely SMRT and SBS transit ) nor the government.

Why ? You all humji ( cowardly in hokkien for all ye homo ignoramus ) ah ??

I thought you guys are always the first to reply the public ?

Or you guys still conjuring up a plausible reply to convince us ??

Want to earn our money , then SAY SO LAH.

By the way , do read yesterday's ( tuesday 14/6 ) forum page.

A very interesting read indeed , for you can see how moronic Singaporeans can be.

Fancy writing in to complain about being overcharged 15 meagre cents at Watson's because they don't round down prices when you buy in bulk. ( e.g a packet of tissues costs 15 cents and if you buy one u only pay 10 cents but when you buy 2 it costs 30 cents )

Hello , send one letter is 22 cents a stamp you know ????

Auntie ah , limbei give you 20 cents for you to shut the hell up you can keep the change la.

OKay i noticed that i've been sounding really singlish and hokkienish of late. I'll be damned.

listening to : koRn - Right Now

HAPPY 19th BURFDAY TO TRE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Update : its 3.40pm and my cramps are in full swing now.

If you're wondering how cramps feel like , well , its like having the kind of stomachache that will be relieved by a visit to the loo but no , this time round no shit comes out and you're left to moan and groan on your bed with a makeshift hot water bottle ( a plastic bag filled with warm water and securely tied with a rubber band )

I'll be heading to Zouk ( i don't like Zouk but the rest wanna . sigh ) later in spite of everything so if you're heading down later , sms me hor .

Say hi to me later should you bump into me at Zouk ( Or China Black ) later even though chances are , you won't be probably be able to see me because I'll be inconspicuous among those tall beautiful people.


Saturday, June 11, 2005


Yes , the Orgasmic Hamster has returned.

I gained a very essential virtue which many lack during this trip.


You get to cultivate it when you're on a trip with a bunch of aunties whose idea of "fun" are endless trips to various temples or visits to places selling native products such as titbits or souveneirs.

I learnt to wait for hours on end in the sweltering heat without screaming my head off , just wandering around the compound observing bugs and the stray animals roaming about.

Okay , more of China next time. I need to sleep.

Meanwhile here's a picture i took when we went visiting our relatives in a rural village . I really love this picture.

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She's so lovely.


Friday, June 03, 2005

On hiatus.

Permanently ? Maybe.

Shifting to a new blog as an anonymous blogger ? Maybe.

Its a pain in the ass to have so much that you want to rant about but yet refrain from doing because you have people you know reading this and they're the exact people you want to bitch about.


What is it that they call it ?

Blog burnout. Yep.

I'll see what happens when i return from my China trip.

Meanwhile , so long , and thanks for all the fish ! =D


Thursday, June 02, 2005

zhong guo da lu

I will be flying off to China this saturday morning and no , i'm not going there for a holiday but to visit relatives with my family.

I mean , who the hell in their right state of mind goes to Xiamen ( A.k.a the Fujian province ) for a holiday ???

Actually , i'm kinda thrilled by the prospect because i've always liked chinese culture and of course , the bottles of duty-free alcohol and smuggled cigarettes i'm going to lug home at the end of the 1-2 week trip.

The last time i went there ( which was about 10 years ago ) , i had a terrible experience when the whole lot of us trooped down to the super rural areas where my grandfather's super ancient elder brother and his brood resided.

When i mean rural , i mean really RURAL.

Think stone houses , zinc rooftops and a communal toilet.

Being the inquisitive 10 year old brat that i was , my 8 year old cousin and i explored the village thoroughly bundled up in our winterwear and we went around probing our noses into the barns and poking the ribs of sleeping horses and cows.

But my excitement really grew when i spied a pig sty in front of us and come to think of it why the hell was i so excited about the damned pigs which were to cause my downfall later ?

So i literally lunged for the sty but little did my young mind know that there under that innocuous pile of leaves near the sty was a bloody pothole ?

No , not pot hole.

More like a vertical life-sizd tunnel filled with muck !!

So of course i fell straight into the hole and thank god i was fast enough to get a grip on the side if not i guess i would have been completely submerged in that pool of god-knows-what.

There i was , neck-down in the hole and screaming my head off while my cousin was laughing his ass off and refusing to help me because i stank.

WTF !?!

I managed to clamber out of the hell hole and my cousin sprinted away because i really smelt like sewage.

No , more like concentrated sewage water.

I peered into the offending hole and the water was a murky brown with lumps of yellow human phlegm and bubbles of what looked like spit floating on it.

I almost threw up.


I ran back to the main house crying and i say , bad news travels fast ( thanks to my asshole of a cousin ) and everybody refused to let me into the house becaue i was dripping with an assortment of everything disgusting and laughing , they ushered me into the bathroom where another surprise awaited me.

I was pretty impressed to see a bathtub in the bathroom but just as i was about to step into it , i stopped.


What in the world ?!

As if to rub salt into raw wound , i had to wait in the freezing cold while i waited for the heater to heat up , but the heater itself was another object of interest altogether because it was actually an old-skool kind of gas heater and you could actually see a blue flame behind the glass window slowly heating up the water in it.

As you can imagine , i didn't really bother to scrub myself clean cus' the bathroom was too lacking supplies for a city girl like me so we went back to the hotel with everyone holding their noses in the car because i still smell like fuck.

And that is the exact village i shall be visiting in a few days time.

Godspeed. I shall look before i tread upon alien ground.


Caught the Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy with T yesterday and i must say i liked it though not to the extent of proclaiming it as "10/10" like he did .

Damn funny la , esp the opening scene.

So long , and thanks for all the fish !


Headed to Mustafa and we laughed our asses off when we saw this bottle of ointment

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Sibei funny la , i don't know what T said that triggered the avalanche of laughter from me but it went something like

"they put an indian face on the packaging so that it will appeal to the indian customers here but what's the use ? They can't read chinese !"

By the way the chinese words read ( after translation )

"Steady black ghost oil"

LOL !!!!!!

Those people seriously need a design and a Research and Development team.


Wednesday, June 01, 2005


I beseech all of you people to practise DISCRETION when using your handphone.

Hollering into your phone in a crowded train when it has just entered a tunnel and hence the poor reception will NOT magically restore the reception in any way.

Just yesterday , i was in a train so packed that i could lick the shoulder of the person next to me just by slightly extending my tongue.

As you all know the NEL line is an underground train system.

Which means bad reception ( fuck M1 ! 99.8% coverage of the island my ASS ! ) .

So it happens that this fiery mother hopped into the cabin that i was in and she literally screamed into her phone for everyone to hear.

She had badly permed hair , her eyebrow tattoo job had faded into an obnoxious sea-green and of course , a wonderful fashion sense as well.

Think huge shoulder pads and chunky PVC platforms.



Being the diligent blogger that i am , i just had to share what she said with you so i was industriously typing what she had said almost word by word into my phone.

**Translated into english to the best of my ability without losing the "feeling" . By the way , from her accent , i conclude that she is from China**

"AH BOY AH ! Where your elder brother HUH!"

"WHAT ! He still haven't come home ! SO LATE ALREADY !!! WHERE HE GO HUH!"

"THEN YOU KNOW WHAT TIME HE IS COMING BACK!?" ( funny , the poor little brother doesn't even know where his elder bro is , much less know what time he is coming back )

"then what you want for dinner ? then your brother leh ? he not eating dinner at home ? then where he go sia !" ( the same question for the third time running )

"don't eat KFC lah !! so oily ! i tar pau chicken rice for you already !" ( wah lao , if she had already bought dinner , why still bother asking her son what he wants to eat only to criticise his choice ?!)

"you got do your homework or not ! later i come back check and you never do i confirm you will regret one hor !!"

"don't argue with me , i am already reaching home. you watch out !"

She then hangs up the phone and realises that all eyes are on her.


Instead of looking embarrased she proceeds to blink her eyes in a pissed off manner and she even had the cheek to go Tsk audibly.

Speaking of phone etiquette , i laughed my ass off when i had to call Jamie while i was in the train and since i did not want to commit the same mistake as that woman , i whispered into the phone and the funny part is even though she was at home , she whispered to me as well and i did not realise it until 5 mins later and in between guffaws i managed to ask her why she was whispering as well and she replied

"dunno leh ! natural reaction i guess"


Damn funny la u.

By the way , any medical experts here ??

I think i have what the experts call repetitive wrist injury or something , which is caused by typing too much or using the mouse for too long.

I really think that the latter is responsible for the prolonged aches i have above my right wrist since it is where i rest my hand when i use the mouse.

HELP ! Am i going to lose my hand ?!

Before i end this post , i would like to make an earth-shattering annoucement..


Gopi , my infamous manager is RESIGNING !!!!!! ( refer to my archive for my stories about him.. i can't find the exact link leh. can any kind soul help me ? :D )





listening to : disturbed - liberate


the writer








shawn kuku


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