orgasmic hamsters

orgasmic hamsters






Tuesday, January 31, 2006


....................and so it just reinforces my belief that men are indeed assholes.

and you can quote me on that.


Monday, January 30, 2006

huat ah !!

okay so its that time of the year again.

no, don't get me wrong . i actually look forward to the chinese new year , not only for the monetary gains but also i love mingling with relatives whom i only get to see once a year and we all know that such visits are a dying tradition because i'm pretty damn sure that the "ang moh pai" people from my generation will ensure the death of chinese new year.


no visiting this year due to the recent passing of my gramps so its really quite a sombre new year for all of us. iwore pink earrings yesterday and i got lambasted for it because we're not allowed to wear anything that reeks even vaguely of prosperity. so here i am at my cousin's place dressed in a black dress.

visited my mother's yesterday and i totally hated her high-and-mighty folks.

there was this uncle who enquired about my educational status all of a sudden. i didn't want to say that i'm a private school student so i just shrugged and told him i was a struggling writer.

and then i saw him snigger.

without asking , he went on in a matter-of-factly tone

"oh.. and this is my daughter.. she's studying in SCGS.. and this is my son , he's in RJC .."

i smiled politely and my condescending alter ego couldnt resist

"oh yeah.. charmed i'm sure."

his son looked like someone who spends his time gawking at his monitor while jerking off to hentai. and he wipes his nose on his sleeves. and he doesn't shave. and he wore a PureMilk polo shirt.

the other few cousins present at the gambling table all spoke in an awkward accent and it felt as it they were trying to outdo each other from the way they gambled.

i'm glad there isn't any competition between my own cousins.

my mom wasn't any better. i felt like a display item on exhibit as she put me on parade and went around asking her relatives shamelessly

"meet my daughter ! isn't she such a leng loi ( pretty girl ) ??"

what the fuck mom?!!

as you all know my mom's divorced ( and very much estranged ) from my dad so her relatives only get to see me like once every two years or so. i don't blame her enthusiasm to show me off but damn ! she ought to learn the art of discretion.

i honestly wonder if my mom , being the superficial person that she is , would even bother to ask me there if i looked like a troll.

the relatives were nice enough to hide their disdain and it was pretty obvious that they didn't feel that i was the miss universe my mom made me out to be with their replies

"wah your daughter ah.. she is so.. tall."

"wah your daughter ah.. she is so.. erm.. wow you two could pass off as sisters !"

"wah your daughter ah.. she is so.. tall."

"wah your daughter ah... so tall !"

trust me , when someone comments about your height , they're just trying to be polite because they can't find any other kind of merit on you.

the saddest part about it all is , i'm not even tall.

and i think my mom's husband is quite a teeko pek.

i don't know if he meant well or otherwise when his gaze fixated on my chest ( i was wearing a tube top )

"do you get guys looking at you all the time when you dress like that?"

i almost choked on my drink and shook my head violently and excused myself from the gambling table. wtf man.

the only cousin whom i found cute ...

he's a married man.

*tears at her hair*

okay time for more gobbling at the dinner table.


Saturday, January 28, 2006

more late nights

i think i'm becoming nocturnal.

anyway. after a round of drinks at Acid Bar ( where i learnt that the Mojito is actually pronounced as Mo-Hee-Toh , just like how Jose is prounounced as Ho-Seh ) , T and i headed to the new watering hole which opened recently amidst much hoo-ha ( my my they even released an album in conjuction with their opening ) , the uber-cool Balconey at the Heeren shops.

yeah we're a pretentious duo. lol.

decor-wise , nothing much to shout about. i was aghast when i flipped open the drinks menu to find sheets of dog-eared and stained paper printed with cheap blotchy ink. i dunno leh , maybe i was really expecting too much huh. their drink list was extensive though , which was good but i didn't have the chance to try it. price-wise , quite standard lah , $12 for housepours i think.

worse of all they were actually playing the RADIO. actually the sound quality was rather good and i felt at least the music was commendable until i heard the commercials and i couldnt help but mouth the "what the fuck" to T.

seriously , which reputable place does that ?! i don't care if the station of choice's the station du jour , which is Lush 99.5 , because even the most ah mao ah kow place i've been to ( some sleazy bar in Boat Quay ) has the cow sense to spin songs from a CD ( burned but hey brownie points for effort )

its a cardinal sin lah. unforgivable.

we left shortly after without ordering anything. but the place's open 24 hours la. if im not wrong they're the first licenced bar/restaurent be open 24/7.

if you like music along the lines of cafe del mar , i'd seriously recommend Alley bar @ Peranakan place or Sound Bar @ Liquid room.

okay i'm so bloody tired. fun with dick and jane is a borefest , catch it at your own risk.

bye now and happy CNY y'all !


Thursday, January 26, 2006

attack of the male ego !

they say the female mind is hard to comprehend , but i say the male ego is one big international mystery altogether !

being someone female with quite a few male friends , i consider myself top authority on dissecting the male ego because the number one fact about male egos is , it only shows up ONLY in the company of females.

some guys ( or rather , most ) have this unfortunately eluded impression that their supposedly masculine behaviour will have us weak-kneed and kissing the path that they tread on ( and a blowjob at night ) but the truth cannot be any further away from that.

sure , gestures like offering to pay for dinner or shielding you from the maddening crowd during peak hours are definite pluses which will get you into the good books of girls , but i'm not talking about basic etiquette here.

take this for example.

it was during Jun's birthday a couple of months back and we were having at Marche and at my insistence he finally relented to allow me to foot the bill. while walking towards the cashier counter Jun suddenly stopped.

"eh... i think.. you better give me the cash first.."

"wuh ??"

i craned my head to look at the 6" tall giant and raised my eyebrow

"aiyah.. looks nicer that way mah"

i had to ponder for a second before realising that what he was meant was , he did not want the cashier to know that i was paying for dinner and thats why he wants me to pass him the cash first.

i couldn't help but chuckle to myself at Jun , and concluded that his ego is bigger than his frame.

and then there are the more irritating ones.

let's take W for example. the fitness fanatic who goes for 10 km runs every other day to test his endurance.

i went out with him a few weeks ago and we happened to pass by the super gay california fitness gym at somerset and the "display cabinet" where only the fittest of the fit dare to run on the treadmill there because it looks out onto the busy street.

as always , the usual slew of heads-smaller-than-body men were sweating their guts out and i commented softly

"wah.. so muscular. gross."

my insignificant comment was like the cue for Z to suddenly pull up his sleeve , which he did.

"i also have!"

then right there at the traffic lights in front of everyone else he flexed his arm and urged me to

"go on , touch it !"


i shrugged weakly and said something like "no need to feel lah , can tell its nice.."

he grins and proceeds to flex his arm some more.

"see , my little mouse says hi !"


at this point of time i was very very very tempted to give him the finger flip and tell him to stop his crap right now cus' it isn't impressing me but of course i did not and went about with my own way of shutting him up - by diverting his attention.

"i also got mouse.. just that its a baby mouse yea ?"

i flexed my arm too ( where not surprisingly nothing showed up ) and he burst into uncontrollable laughter and heng ah , it also made him pull down his sleeve.

it has actually happened a few times before , guys showing off their muscles to me and never once was i even vaguely interested.

speaking of which..

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i think guys who post such pictures of themselves online should be sent to exile in Siberia , regardless of nicely buffed he is.

some of the more common male-ego-rearing-its-ugly-head situations includes -

1- a murderous stare from the guy whenever someone tries to check his female companion out followed by a comment like "what the fuck , did you see the way he was looking at you!?"

2- boastful or "tua kang"behaviour in the hope of impressing the girls during a group outing.

guy A : wah that Skyline damn chio hor..

guy B : nice meh ? a few years ago i drove that until i got into accident then ah i decided to get a cheaper car like Lancer just in case really kena accident again.

there was once vivid incident during X's birthday where J , the biggest tua-kang in the world , threw a $10 tip to the waitress after footing the bill. instead of ooh-ing and ahh-ing over his generosity , i ( and the rest of the girls i'm sure ) was thoroughly revolted at his pompousness.

of course the word "ego" is a very loose term so please do not try and rebuke me by tellin me about the Freudian concept of "Egos".

i have so many ego incidents to share but because its still so damn early my mind isn't functioning yet.


i really detest it when people in the service line assume that your friend's your boyfriend.

like yesterday , i was with M to buy tickets at the box office at Cineleisure.

the box office cashier was friendly enough but i froze when she happily asked

"how about couple seats for the both of you?!"

i didn't even dare to look at M so i just smiled awkwardly and shook my head and we both said "just the normal seats" at the same time

why don't they rename the seats to be more single-friendly like "retractable armrest seats ?!"

i think the name "couple seats" itself is damn tacky and overglamourised. makes it sound as if the seats come with something extra like scattered rose petals or that it emits lavender fumes from when all that it really does it to let a couple rest on each other more comfortably , a belief that i have since proven wrong because i have done that before even on a supposedly non-couple-friendly seat , and with much ease too !

but this particular salesgirl at FCUK will have to take the cake.

i was trying out a top and i came out to seek P's opinion when the salesgirl chirped loudly

"you look nice in it ! i'm sure your boyfriend will like it !"

i blushed and just smiled and P politely said that "oh i'm not his boyfriend.."

instead of being embarrassed , the cheerful salesgirl looked shocked

"oh really ?! but you two look so perfect with each other !!"


listening to : deathcab for cute - photobooth



i am living proof that platonic friendships even between ex-lovers can be nutured with just a little determination ( and alot of other male distractions! :p )

i am so awfully proud of myself.

i think i rule so much that i should build a temple so that everyone can worship my awesome-ness for going against all odds stacked against me by myself.

btw , memoirs of a geisha was only so-so. i thought it was just a pretty movie and having read the novel myself quite a few times i'm pretty clear with the story itself so i was rather disappointed with how the movie turned out.

and oh i thought the dance Sayuri performed as the lead was nothing the dance was supposed to be like as described in the novel. in the movie it looked like unsynchronised movements of a ghostly lunatic flailing her arms wildly. not at all captivating.

i want to watch the da vinci code so badly.

i think i have a thing for older men. seriously. i was drooling over Ken Watanabe throughout the entire movie. he has this .. inexplicable charm unseen in younger men. of wisdom perhaps.

and i ogled at this customer probably in his mid-thirties on monday.

so older men , don't hesitate ! i'm young , disgustingly happy and i come without any excess baggage ( no boo-hoo-hoo i miss my ex boyfriend so much situations )

and i'm wiser than most.


sorry for my weird outburst. i'm too tired to give a damn !

p/s :

quick replies -

1) i wished i was really in france

2) will dedicate a post to eyelashes soon ! and yes my eyelashes are real but they're typical asian lashes. invest in a reliable mascara and ahhere to proper curling methods !

3) and NO it aint a hickey on my collarbone.


Wednesday, January 25, 2006


bonjour darlings !

i am decked out in a yves saint laurent mink coat , oversized chanel fly shades perched on my nose bridge and a hermes birkin bag in an awesome camel tan hue slung across my fabulous taut shoulder .

i am enjoying a steaming cup of cafe au lait and dainty little petit fours served in pretty porcelainware adorned with lilac blooms while overlooking the river seine with numerous bateaux-mouches dotting the waters from the quaint sidewalk cafe named contes d'oie de mere.

magnifique , non ?

and then later i will fuck the smouldering frenchman with the dark intense eyes seated across me in a cramped hotel room near the champ-de-Mars

vive le france !


Monday, January 23, 2006


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Brotherly love

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me - intoxicated and inhaling the acrid fumes of a fat juicy cigar



on why i hate dating

Let's say i met a new guy , Joe.

So Joe is an average Joe ( hahaha no pun intended ) , a typical tertiary student without any major flaws such as BO or bad dress sense and cute enough to look at without gagging.

After the few mandatory phone calls and what-are-you-doing-now smses , he asks you out for coffee and you agree.

By the end of the second date , female instincts tell you that he is interested in you.

Jolly well but the problem is , the feeling is not mutual.

You tell your friends about your dilemma and inevitably the reply is

"Then you better stop leading him on..."

Sure it is easier said than done , but ..

1) The only way to stop "leading him on" is to reject him straight in the face and the consequence is a no-brainer because he will invariably start avoiding you and the friendship will definitely fizzle out. I certainly do not want that. And besides two dates is too early for me to actually forge any sort of feelings for a person.

2) The second way is to continue going out with him but without the blatant rejection line and instead continue seeing each other on a platonic basis but that will still cause your friends to shake their heads at you and deadpan that "you're still leading him on.."

What i meant by 2) was , unless i obviously carry a torch for you , you'll never be able to see me exhibit any of my i-am-interested-in-you-too signs such as a lingering good-night kiss if you send me home regardless of the number of times we have went out on or an obvious reluctance to part.

I think guys should learn to read the subtle hints better , it'll cause alot less unwanted anxiety and guessing and false hopes.

I think its a catch 22 situation , not unlike an arguement with my dad. There's always two sides to a quarrel with him and always , no matter what stand i choose to take , i always end up losing.

If i remain quiet , he'll yell at me and go "why , you at a loss for words ah ? Are you listening to me or not or ? Am i talking to a wall here ?"

And if i do make some sort of statement , he'll get even more worked up and accuse me of talking back at him.

As of now , there are 3 slightly more prominent male figures in my life. One of them is super mr nice guy who is apparently is willing do to anything "just to make me happy" ( yah balls , thats what they always claim , pre-commitment ) , the other turned up at my door just now to send me breakfast , and the last one , someone i've completely lost faith in .. Ah well.

By the way i find it a big-turn off for a guy to say something along the lines of "my shoulder is for you to rest on" whenever we're seated and i'm yawning or slumped lazily across some wall.

Even if i do have the intentions of resting on your shoulder , that killer line will make me have second thoughts. I don't know why , it just makes you sound desperate i guess.

Its almost like asking for a kiss or a bad pick-up line.

I have met too many guys who start pouting or giving me the puppy-eye look whenever i have to leave for other appointments after a date as if i have to spend the entire day with them.

Or insecure morons who look over my shoulder whenever i am replying messages.

Okay time to work , bye.


Saturday, January 21, 2006

a sore arse ( photoblog. No , not of my arse you teekos )

Yup , you've heard it right.

A sore arse. My cute little arse has been grinded sore from the crazy off-road trails in Ubin. Stupidly narrow and hard bike seat + massive rock-ridden clay trails = bruising.

But who am i to complain when i get such lovely returns ( as you can see from the photos later ) ?

To make matters worse , my companion of the day was Zhang , a tough fella whose endurance level impresses me no end. Imagine , that crazy guy can ride breezily up a steep upslope with his gear at a cramp-inducing level 5 while i struggle and huff and puff with a lighter level 1 gear and he had to always rescue me halfway through such slopes.

He totally stresses me out lah , i feel like a bloody weakling ( which i probably am ) next to him especially during such outings which tests my strength ( or lack thereof ) . He's probably going to NIE after his NS to train as a PE teacher. I pity his students because from what i've experienced today, i think those kids are gonna get it real bad.

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Random islander on the bumboat ride towards Ubin where we got stopped by coast guards and had our ICs checked. What sia!?! If i was really an illegal immigrant , i would have more sense than to escape to Ubin.

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License plates ! PU = Pulau Ubin , for the homo ignoramuses

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Chek Jawa ! Nabei.. It was high tide when we arrived after a long ride on a non-existent trail filled with potholes and jutting rocks so it was quite a wasted trip since Chek Jawa's reknowned for its marine life during low tide. Gahhhhh.

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Kekek ( or Ketam ? I forgot ) quarry. T'was a long and trecherous climb up the hills covered in dense foliage but ahhh. Just look at the view ! Okay so it doesnt look that all fabulous here but trust me , you have to be there to experience it though its prohibited and very very dangerous to go there without supervision.

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Quarry ! Nice hor the hue , very 80s right !! Yep i photoshopped it to give it a warm yellow tinge ala old photo style. I know my cap doesn't match my outfit so shut up ! Beggars can't be choosers !

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The small little sleepy town that has never changed ever since explored the island when i was in... Primary 5 ?

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My torturer cum personal trainer cum cheerleader . ( no i am not dating him. Nor anyone else darlinggggg )

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I bought this pair of super lovely suede heels yesterday.. They make me feel so...... well , you know.

Makes me fantasise about donning a power suit consisting of a mini A-line pencil skirt with a blazer over a lacy camisole with hair tied up in a chic french knot , document bag in hand and of course , while wearing these heels.

And smelling like.. Chanel No.5

I got another pair of plain black leather flats with ultra soft pigskin ( please don't call PETA ) lining and leather that looks much cheaper than it really is. Damn !

I think i have too many shoes. I need a new shoe closet.

I wish i had legs that were symmetrical and reaches up to my armpits.

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And now you know why i like blurred photos so much. Somehow flaws are removed magically. Wow i can't believe my incredible honesty. lol. Please ignore the glaringly saffron yellow bicycle. ITS MY DAD'S.

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The two sisters-who-are-not-sisters but friends ! The cakes at Far East Plaza's Gelare sucks. You have been warned. Siao , fork out maybe 5 more bucks have a nice decent desert at Bakerzin lah ! The "Chocolate Mousse Paradise" that we had was more like entering Lucifer's Gate while drinking stale Milo.


Okay i really need to go to bed. Now. Meeting Zhang the Torturer again tomorrow to see some flatland riding competition ( i think . or some other extreme sports he kills himself with ) at Somserset.

Then its another night out with the girls at DXO !

And my legs are aching so badly i can't even stand straight without buckling slightly.


Listenin to : Jay chou - Feng ( AGAIN ! )


Friday, January 20, 2006


It has been such a self-indulgent past few days for me that i feel guilty just by even recalling what happened ( shopping , lavish meals , over-clocking on sleep hours , idling at home with M's company ... )

Well maybe i do deserve it since i'll be working non-stop next week and classes will finally resume in two weeks' time.

I had Tao's for dinner last night and to be honest , it sucked despite the over-publicity and hype.

A full review to be coming soon but here's a sneak preview of my main course ( Baked Cod Fillet )

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To be fair the cod was reasonably fresh but the miso cream sauce was lacklustre and did not do the cod any justice.

My partner had urm , pork ribs with some sort of funky japanese sauce which was okay at best.

By the way.. how the hell do you prounounce "fillet" ?!

Is it "Fee-lert" or "Fee-Lay" ?!

Okay i'm resting early tonight.. My feet are aching after trooping around all day in killer heels.

I'm going to PULAU UBIN tomorrow ! I CANNOT WAIT to get dirty on the mud trails again. woot.

Bye !

P/s : I'm in love with Jay Chou again !!!! ( not that i have ever given up hope )


Wednesday, January 18, 2006


Selling my beloved pair of Vans slip ons ..

Bought it when i was in LA for about USD$35 i think . Was damn pleased with my purchase because i absolutely cannot find any Vans of my size in SG.

But i realised it was collecting dust because i found no occasion to wear it , and i've only worn it only once so its in mega good condition ( no scratches , no stains .. zilch. )

It fits a local size 3 - 4 perfectly and is 23cm in length but bear in mind that the canvas lining is rather thick so probably it'll measure around 19-20cm from the inside.

I have no idea how much i should sell it. Do quote your price via email or comments box =D

As usual.. NO RIDICULOUS PRICES PLEASE ! =D ( like $5 or $10 .. )

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So nice hor.. Lovely shades of cream and red.. :p

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musings from a single yellow female

Someone handed me a flyer promoting a flea market just now when i suddenly noticed the date it was going to be held on.

February 16 , 2006.

My finger wandered to the date absent-mindedly. This date.. Why do i suddenly feel so queasy ?

Then i remembered.

It's two days after that dreaded day.

Valentine's day !!!

I'm too old to be whining about this relatively *ahem* unimportant date but when you look back only to realise that you have spent it lacklustre-ly for the past 19 years , it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.

Let's see.. February 14 , 2005 was spent working and if my memory serves me well , i headed to Mel's place after work where the few of us spent the night ogling at the TV screen while playing Silent Hill on the PS2.


Memorable , indeed.

Last year i dated some very colourful people , characters who have left indelible impressions on me.

There was the Ah Beng , the menace who's actually really gentle. Well to me at least.

There was the ex classmate with the pretty eyes which he uses to its maximum capacity.

There was the ultra possessive yet sweet psychologist wannabe whom my family absolutely adored despite the lack of interaction. Especially my mother , whom he drove home once.

There was the sibei-on Sensitive New Age Guy , quiet and unassuming but underneath his brooding exterior.. a conversationalist.

There was the wacky designer arty-farty nutcase with a penchant for all things weird. His deep-set dimple and groomed brows. I like.

But i think i damn suay lah , because i don't remember celebrating any Valentine's or birthday with any special someone before. Gahhh.

Best part is , the situation feels ominous. Looks like i'm going to spend it again with the girls !!

And oh..

Remember how i lamented about how i couldnt fit into the Square Cut jeans a few days ago ?

Guess what. I went to try it on again today.

The female mind is hard to comphrehend.

For mega reals.

I thought that maybe i didn't breath in as much as i could have , nor did i execute enough moves to enable a successful buttoning up because i remember someone once told me that it's easier when you squat down while pulling up the trousers. ( how mind-boggling )

That i did but it didn't came as a surprise that i still couldn't zip up half the zip , much less button up the button-fly above it.

The reason why i am so adamant about it being way too out of my league is because it is a rare occurence that denim fits like a glove around my thighs , because of my small frame.

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Notice how the fly sticks out like a sore thumb and how inflated my arse really is for my size

Reluctantly i asked to try size 25 and moaned about my predicament to the salesgirl.

"Seriously.. Girls who can fit into this are freaks ! All my prior Levis' are size 24s lor.."

I caught her sniggering when she replied

"The cutting is very very ( she seemed to place unecessary emphasis on the "very" ) small , thats why. For your size i think size 25 would be better"

For my skeletal bag-of-bones ?!!

So i bo pian try size 25 lah. Lo and behold , i even had difficulty zipping it up but it was still too loose for my liking.

Yan laughed and me and said i overestimated myself. I think she's just being mean lah since she wears a size 28 ( or even a staggering 30 for this stupid Square Cut range and thats why she hasn't tried it yet. LOL )

Chide me for all you like but i think i might be getting it soon. I'll just bring it to the tailor and have him snip a cut around the waist area though it'll be rather unsightly but nothing that a belt can't hide. HEH.

Or i'll just have to pray that my weight-gain milk powder really helps and then maybe in a month's time i'll fit beautifully into a size 25. =D


listenin to : pink martini - clementine

p/s :

To that person who's a friend's friend of my cousin who told my cousin about my blog.... WAH LAO EH ! for the love of god , don't do that ! i'll wither and curl into a burnt satay stick if my family reads about my debauchery..

and to the girl in the red top at Wisma just now around 6pm who pointed at me and whispered "i read her blog one.. " to her staring friend.

Next time say hi lah , aiyoh..


Tuesday, January 17, 2006

through my red plastic glasses

Found out that my cousin , who's 17 this year , smokes. Being the elder ( and supposedly wiser ) "sister" that he never had , i should be giving him a nice hard kick in the arse and threatening him with bodily harm the next time i catch him with wisps of smoke escaping his nostrils.

Instead i actually sat with him at the stairwell just now and shared a stick of Lights with him , discussing how he should go about breaking up with his suicidal sticky-as-glue girlfriend.

I must be some sort of hell-sent fiend.


listenin to - jay chou : feng

gosh i am so insanely in love with this song now. reminds me of someone.

don't we all associate those special someone(s) in our lifes with a particular song ?

and oh..

super extra long post coming soon... and a new banner to boot ! its time for a revamp , baby !


Monday, January 16, 2006

just one of those nights ..

grandpa will disapprove of.


Sunday, January 15, 2006

a short one

Thanks for all the love , i can really feel it from everyone =)

I'm still trying to pick up the pieces , trying to recover from the immense guilt that i'm feeling because i know i could do so much better for my grandpa when he was still around. These emotions keep me up all night with my head next to my grandpa's weathered Seiko watch and inevitably i wake up every time with eyes looking like .. two enlarged clitoris(es).

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Yeah me and my wry sense of humour.

Anyway i think the latest range of Levis' jeans for girls is a big joke.

A few months ago i tried on a pair of their straight-cuts from their Square Cut range. The 4 pairs of Levis' i currently own are all size 24s so i did the obvious.

The amazing thing was i couldn't fit half my arse into the pants and spent a considerable amount of time hopping around the dressing room trying to pull it up and when i did ( after excessive heaving ) , i couldn't even button up the first fly.

So today , i decided i would try it on again because i felt that i've lost a little weight after a no-appetite week.

No prize for guessing that i still couldn't get it buttoned up.

Please bear in mind i'm a disgustingly skinny person with a 23.5" waist and i tip the scales at a paltry 39kg i have no idea what went wrong because even all 5 pairs i own fit a tad loosely especially around the thighs.

Maybe i have a big arse , to which i sadly admit. ( but its still a cute arse )

But its definitely not a mammoth arse.

And the size 25 is too ill-fitting for me as the denim hangs really loosely around the arse and its definitely not flattering.

Anyone has the same problem with the Square Cut range ??

I just got a tin of weight-gain milk formula ( shut up and stop laughing , assholes ) so hopefully i'll be able to fill out a size 25 nicely soon because i really like the colour.

I'm going vegetarian for the next 7 weeks or so even though i don't have to because i feel that i want to do something for my grandpa. Buddhists believe that going vegetarian helps to gain merits for the deceased for a smoother passage to the Better Place.

Its probably a load of crap but still , i'd rather not take the risk by being skeptical.

Alright , time for a shower soon and i'll have to bath in a bathtub filled with flowers. How lovely.


Friday, January 13, 2006


My grandfather passed away peacefully on monday morning and the 5 day funeral wake has just ended.

The past 5 days has been extremely emotionally tumultuous , only alleviated by the visits from friends, whose lively chatter kept me cheerful. Thank you all.

I thought i had already started to grieve the moment he was diagnosed with terminal cancer about two months back but i was proven wrong the moment i crawled into his bedroom as a mark of respect on monday morning and i see only the lifeless shell of the man i adore and respect so much.

Time will heal all wounds , yes. But for now i am still unable to keep my eyes from welling up with tears whenever i think of him. His signature slouched walk and how he never fails to ask if i have enough money to spend whenever i leave my grandparent's place.

And everything else about him.

I love you so very much , ah gong.


Monday, January 09, 2006

another angel is born

Have decided to save the previous photoblog as a draft first to go easy on readers with a low bandwidth.

Yesterday was a super eventful day !

It was Bompak's little girl celebrating her first month of her young life. He's my third friend with a little bundle of joy and i wish his newly created family eternal bliss and good health.

Speaking of which.. i'm still feeling sore over not being able to attend Julynn's baby Kyle's first month a few months ago.. Simply because they're a few thousands miles away in Aussie !

Neh mind , i promise i'll be there when he celebrates his first birthday hor , best friend !


Baby Kristen inherited her parent's lovely deep-set double-lidded eyes ! How lucky. It was a rather poignant moment when Bompak held her in his arms with a milk bottle in his hand. Just a few years ago , we were still madcap teenagers with nary a responsibility and now.. He's already a proud dad ! Hmm.

But he still dunno how to change diapers lah , the girls had to rely on their maternal instincts to change it when Kristen pee-ed into my hands. Woo talk about being lucky !

So the day started off at another young hot mama's place to collect baby stuff for Bompak. Her little girl , Sherlyn, is already a year old and is awfully adorable lah.

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"lim peh sleeping hor , mai cha !"

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Qiang looks like he really wants to be a dad soon..

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..while i ponder about how painful it must be to get your pussy snipped to facilitate labour. My aunties claim that during childbirth , you won't even feel the cut because you'd be overwhelmed by the labour pains alone.

I am so not convinced.

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Introducing.. Baby Kristen ! I used to think that infants all look the same . I still do.

But oh.. even a hard-hearted burn-hello-kitty-and-sanrio person like me can still go weak-kneed over these jelly bean-sized crying machines.

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The proud.. father's friend and the trophy.

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Xin connecting with Kristen.

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The forced smile says it all. I admit i have a lingering fear of carrying infants because they're so fragile.

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Yes , we are ready to be mothers as well. Any takers ?

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Lying on my lap shortly before i carried her up and she urinated. Must buy 4D liao.

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Chinatown was MADNESS , as you can see from the crowds behind me. We had no peace eating our dinner because the crowd was moving at a handicapped snail's pace and they were staring with every mouthful we took. A riot almost broke out when the heavens opened up and everyone was yelling at the indignant policemen to "OPEN THE BLOODY BARRICADES!"

Thankfully they did.

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When in rome , do as the Romans do. That we did , we had traditional chinese desserts which was.. urm , palatable at best i guess. On the left's steamed milk which tasted like well , milk with a heavy egg after-taste and mango puree which was sickly sweet but it's made of fresh mango so kudos for that.

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Rubbin bin. How fucking interesting and unique.

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Keong Saik road. like , whatever morons , take a walk !

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Rui enjoys an intimate moment with a raging bull. I wonder why its even there in the first place since we're ushering in the year of the Dog.


Selemat Hari Raya Haji to all muslim readers !

It has been raining for 2 days straight already and the thermometer reads 23 degrees ! SHIOKNESS!

And off to bed i go ( today i sucked my parents dry by getting a spanking new DVD recorder and a Juicer so i am feeling very smug now lol ) . Hope the rain will last until tomorrow.


listening to : air - cherry blossom girl


Sunday, January 08, 2006

LA photoblog !

Yes i know the photos are LOOOONG overdue because i simply shoved it to the back of my head and it remained in oblivion until i stumbled onto the CD containing the photos just now.

So even though i am dead tired after an eventful day , i decided not to procrastinate just like i did for the China trip photos and to get it over and done with once and for all.

So as i was sayin earlier , the trip was fucking boring but of course it had some highlights.

Did i mention that San Gabriel ( the place my uncle stays at ) is even chinkier than our Chinatown ?!

For mega reals yaws !

And before you run me down with a lawn mower accusing me of being racist , let me get this straight. How can one be racist towards his own kind ?

Yeah.. the community is so chink that virtually all the amenities there have chinese/vietnamese signboards.

Don't ask me why but i really dislike the place for its utter chink-ness. I guess its because the people there have brought their asian habits ( the bad ones ) with them. The usual impoliteness , lack of spontaneity and a general irksome attitude. Not to mention spitting and wiping their snot on every available surface.

Okay time for the pics.


Universal Studios

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Nah , i don't watch and neither do i fancy Spongebob. My cousin does though. Gay.

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A well-endowed Spiderman. LOL !!

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Shark , lor.

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A nice view of Hollywood. Trust me it always looks much better when you're there to see it for yourself and thats why i hate taking scenery shots.

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Marilyn Monroe ! I remember her boobs swung into my face as i was posing for this.

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Wisteria Lane. I really enjoyed the studio tour.


Disneyland , CA

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For someone who detests just about all things cute and cuddly , you can imagine the hell i went through. If i had a choice of course i wouldn't even step in but i was made to enter by brute force. In the background is a pseudo-palace that most girls my age would swoon over. GET A LIFE ! you're not some fucking royalty just because you call yourself a princess.

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I actually have a photo of me in the same exact pose at the same exact place when i was younger. And Disneyland is really boring la. But Space Mountain's a really shiok ride ! Give me Six Flags anytime !!


Venice Beach

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The day trip to Venice Beach was honestly the only time when i thoroughly enjoyed myself. Its just a fucking awesome place with a scenic view. Next to the beach's this strip where people from all walks of life gather , mostly to sell their artwork or to make music.

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Hot bods are one of the reasons why i dig Venice Beach. :P

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We Were Soldiers.

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I went up to him and said that i smoke , drink and believes that carnal pleasures should never come from just your spouse in a teasing manner. He looked at me , smiled and said i was going to hell before handing me a brochure with claims of an iminent Apocalypse.

Bottomline : We're all going to die.

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And the tirade against Bush continues

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Reggae many-man band. Was so impressed i dropped a quarter for them. Eh that is ALOT considering i never part with my moolah unless necessary hor !

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And then there was these two guys who actually had the cheek to hold up a banner that goes "A quarter for our valuable advice!" I wanted to but i couldnt think of a cheem enough question. =D

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Jesus led a wandering life but it was on foot.

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Bohemian trailer sia !


Santa Monica

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In Santa Monica , you get your coffee from , the lazy streets so undemanding... I walk into the crowd.. - Savage Garden

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The Santa Monica skyline ! if im not wrong its just next to Venice beach. And its the only time i can wear my straw hat without looking ridiculous.


Hollywood Blvd

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CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY SIA ! I was contemplating stalking out the place . Who knows i might just bump into Tom Cruise ?

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The Hollywood walk of fame. I almost strained my neck looking for Johnny Depp's star along one stretch when i realised there's another long stretch opposite. So i said fuck it and gave up.



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Homeless man. They're so many of them on the streets that you suddenly realise that Singapore is indeed a blessed country. But of course the demography differs by a staggering scale and thats why Uncle Sam appears to have more destitute.

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Homeless man II.

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Er.. Three mexican ladies. lol

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Awesome graphic postcards by Adrian Tomine i bought on a whim.

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San Gabriel. The family next door is a modern Addam's Family. They're really shifty figures and there're always police cars paked outside their gate. And i caught their grandpa peeing in the garden from my kitchen window ! Urghh. A shrunken shrivelled dick spoils my day anytime.

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San Gabriel Blvd. Where all chinks gather to yak loudly in their cheena twang.

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Thanksgiving turkey at Second uncle's place !

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Thanksgiving turkey at B's place !

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One thing i love about the U.S.. Their calorie-cholesterol-junk laden burgers. Absolutely juicy , gratifying , orgasmic , sublimal.. This one's from Denny's

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Breakfast at Denny's.. Nothing like a good ol' greasy breakfast to kickstart your day and to pave the way for a premature death due to clogged arteries.

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previously posted Las Vegas pic.

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The super retarded go-kart track in Malibu where i almost suffered a concussion. And the steering wheels felt like someone stuck gum in between them.

I have another disc with more photos but its lost lah. So damn tired now , can't be bothered to proofread so i'll do it tomorrow.So if this post sounds like im rambling you know why =)



the writer








shawn kuku


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