orgasmic hamsters

orgasmic hamsters






Friday, December 31, 2004

musings from a bygone era

sometimes , especially when listening to tunes from the Ultralounge collection , i really wish that i belong to some sephia-coloured era where i would while away days by some al-fresco cafe in Paris with mosaic tiles dressed in a chiffon dress and cloche hat , and spend frivolous nights twirling with random aristocats looking like a grecian goddess with a grecian hairstyle and a grecian saucy pout.

The grecian 'do . Charlize Theron had it , remember ?

And yes , i wouldn't even have to give a damn about any fluctuating economy ( think The Great Depression.) because it is so not in vogue for a chic parisian lady to meddle in men's affairs .

Yep. Men still ruled the household in the good ol' days when women were supposed to be seen and not heard.

Actually i wouldn't mind being one of those uber-classy ladies from the Victorian era though i'll seriously look so darn out of place because their women are always potrayed with smooth creamy flesh , a heaving bosom thats easily a 40DD by today's standard and they're always plus-sized . And very elaborate ornaments dotting their over-curled hair. And smelling of lavender. ( i hate the scent of lavender btw )

how the hell do i shake my booty in THIS ?!

from my POV , i always have this impression of very opulent high-tea affairs on lush green lawn whenever i think about the Victorian era . Yep , drinking earl grey tea from a dainty tea cup with your pinky extended ( probably to facilitate access to the nostrils ) . Tiers of rich cream cakes , madeleines and hot biscuits . Marie Antoinette would turn headlessly in her grave.

okay enough of my daydreaming.

FINALLY. my exams are over.

my clipped wings have been replaced by a pair of state-of-the-art hydrogen-powered engines that would fly me at Mach10 speeds.

two weeks of self-confinement are but a passing memory.

burn books , BURN !

seriously , i used to have no qualms about writing an impromptu essay , be it narrative , expository or any shitty kind of prose.

but now , i'm tramautised by the sheer amount of shit i've gotta write for just 4 exam papers .

my right wrist is still sore and i swear it trembles slightly when stationary.


its a NEW YEAR !

there is absolutely no cause for celebration , what with the recent spate of unfortunate events , both natural ( mother nature unleashing her wrath ) and man-made ( terrorists with juvenile thoughts that blowing up buildings to make a point is cool and that God will approve of it ) alike.

not that your apathetic Singaporean teen ( and i dare say some ignorant adults ) will give two hoots about it of course.

they probably think that Baghdad is some kind of musical instrument , like bagpipes .

no , they won't say bagpipes .

they would say "baghdad ? oh ! that balloon thing with flutes sticking out right ? then the pattern like Burberry's one hor ?"



Thursday, December 30, 2004

I hate waiters.

Met up with HH for a long overdue lunch date at Swenson's and since i wanted something that wouldn't aggravate my mouth ulcer , i decided to order a spaghetti bolognese.

This puny little waiter that seemed to have a smug expression permanently etched onto his sorry face finally served us after many futile attempts to get his attention .

He stood in front of us with a limp pad of writing paper , jerking his right leg away to some kind kind of mental music in his head. Yeah , like some kinda shizo.

I beckoned him to come closer and i pointed my finger at #29 ( i think ) , which was the spaghetti bolognese.

He nodded and said in a faux accent

"Speh-get-tee bo-lor-neh"

He looked at me expectantly , as if i was supposed to repeat what his said .

Since i wasn't very sure of the pronunciation , i just muttered a dumb agreement to which he repeated it again

"Yes , Speh-get-tee bo-lor-neh ."

It was as if he was almost laughing at me because it was obvious that i had preferred using non-verbal communications to order my food because i couldn't pronouce it correctly.

His "holier-than-thou" look pissed me off even further so i started

"Yes , and do you have linguine instead for the choice of pasta ? And may i request for it to be al-dente ?"

For a moment he looked bewildered .

I knew i had won when the young punk sauntered away without repeating my request.

And as expected , the pasta was in spaghetti form , done the lousy restaurent way - soggy and overcooked.

Heh heh heh.

How the hell the hell do you pronouce Bolognaise / Bolognese anyway ?!


Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Random freeze frames

Went shopping today.

Wouldnt miss islandwide post-christmas SALES for anything else !

Almost died laughing from glee when i almost couldnt button up the last button on a Size 24 pair of Levis .

Which means i have put on weight , thank god !

Managed to button up the fly after a few failed attempts.

Bought the pair in size 24 anyway , despite the very tight-fit.

I raced down town like a tropical hurricane through rainforest ( gross , cheesy simile ) with the girls .

The damage incurred to my bank account ?

Colossal. Mammoth . Subterranean

Heh heh heh. The person i love most in the world ( title equally shared by my Grandpa ) , my GRANDMOTHER ! Note the scowl on her face because she totally dislikes taking photos .

She finally manages to force a smile for the lens , and it looks kick-butt natural ! She looks kind of smug to me , though. Ha !

Damn , i look almost androgynous !

Proof that chivalry is dead. Where are the men when i need them most ? I know i look pretty ridiculous with the two victory signs. And yes , my mouth looks rather warped in this shot and that explains the green opaque circle.

Yet another twisted-mouth shot. But i lurrrrrveeeeeeeeeeee this dress ! Its so Shanghai-Tang and i don't think i'll look like a misfit in a Wong Kar Wai film , complete with a come-hither pose with a generous exposure of legs thanks to the up-to-there slit , matt red lips , a smokey mysterious nonchalent gaze and killer stiletto pumps .

And of course , the compulsory long thin-stemmed cigarette in one hand.

i know that some would actually feel that it bears an uncanny resemblance to a oriental restuarant waitress eager to serve ( even the hands-behind-back position ! SENANG DIRI! ) . And damn right , too !

i didn't buy this dress in the end , in case you were wondering.

My tongue tends to stick out whenever i ham it up for the camera. Don't ask why. Natural reflexes ?

This guy certainly knows how to make himself feel at home .. On the bus !
I hope the door suddenly opens and jams his feet , breaking every single bone in it.

**Note : For clearer and bigger photos , please click here !


Tuesday, December 28, 2004


Stumbled across this while surfing keithf's ( ) blog and damn i laughed till the two crescents of my ass shook uncontrollably .

And yeah , have i ever mentioned that i'm a jaded cynic who never finds anything amusing unless in the company of others ( which means someone needs to masturbate my funny bone before i actually can really laugh. ) which means that if i ever laughed at anything while alone before , it must be really some good shit.

Dear Red Bull

Upon seeing your comical television advertisments, I felt I should try some of this drink you know as red bull. However, unlike the television advertisments I haven't grown a set of wings, why is this?


The reply ....

Dear Yaps

Thank you for your recent e-mail.

It is true that Red Bull does give you 'wiings' (as opposed to wings) but not in an obvious conventional manner but by vitalising your body and mind, as seen from our humorous self-ironic cartoons.

I dare say that in the history of evolution there has never been a case of a human being been naturally blessed with real wings in the sense that you mean and Red Bull would not try to fool the general population at large into thinking that it was possible to drink our product and change their genetic make up to grow extra parts of the body!

I assure you that the style of the advertisements and message that they give have been passed by the Advertising Standards Authority and are deemed suitable for broadcasting to the viewing public. I am sorry that you felt the message conveyed in our commercials misled you in anyway into believing that Red Bull would persuade your body to sprout bird-like feathery appendages. Please accept out sincerest apologies if any confusion has been suffered.

Yours sincerely
Brand & Product Department
Red Bull Marketing


Apparently this guy actually went to write the letter to Red Bull , and i'm astonished that Red Bull actually even bothered to reply this lunatic . Geez.


Listening to : Buddhar Bar - Chill out paris

By the way .. I think my taste in music is getting more eclectic and not to mention , wallet-lightening .

Ambient , lounge and jazz-related genres are an opulent indulgence .

I've always been none the wiser about lounge music , until Kian sent me Pink Martini's Symphatique .

Really good shat , im tellin ya.

And now i'm hooked.

Judging by the prices on the import albums , i think i'll stick to being a permanent fixture at That CD Shop and HMV , headphones included .

Call me Fiona the Al Cheapo.

Only to go home and start downloading away. Heh heh heh .


Monday, December 27, 2004

the mother of all bruises

may i present to you....

the biggest * insert explicit here* bruise i've ever got in my whole life.

Note that its almost as wide as my thighs.

And it looks suspiciously like the continent of Australia.


Saturday, December 25, 2004


Christmas ( or the transition from its eve to christmas , to be more precise ) was a blast !

Spent it with Mel and Co. at Ian's pub and even strangers got into the friendly fray as we approached midnight , spraying each other down with party ribbon and even foam.

I really liked the fact that for a change everybody's inhibitions were lowered and it was quite a happy revelation to receive random bear hugs , handshakes and wholehearted well-wishes from the usually uptight Singaporeans.

I had a drop too many , and i took full advantage that despite an estimated 7 glasses of bourbon coke later , i was still too sober and my one last attempt to get high by gulping my 8th glass all at once went awry as my body decided to pull a fast one on me and rejected all the alchohol at once and for the first time in my life i puked THAT much and THAT long ** gestures with both hands held at a length from each other**

It was kind of funny to see the trail of destruction left by me and if it was to be a game of Whoddunit and the puke stains were to be the clues , it would definitely be a most straightforward one since it leads all the way to my home as i threw up in the toilet , backalley , on the pavements , in the cab , on the staircase beside my lift landing , and finally into the ceramic throne of my own bathroom.

okay may i digress , while i was in the cab , i wounded down the windows for some fresh air and the crazy driver was doing 120 mph and the gusts of winds were literally slapping my face and it was so bloody strong that i swore i felt my ears and lips flapping softly . it would be such a funny sight and i wanted to take a video of it but my hands were full with clasping the puke-filled plastic bag to my face.


To say that i felt like crap would be an understatement.

I felt like FUCK.

In all seriousness , it was really sheer torture to feel queasy but yet nothing comes out but you try and try and try and finally you spit out some really bitter-tasting spit. your stomach bunch up so badly , so painfully that you start clawing at the nearest surface and your eyes start to water .

i was still in a jolly mood though , and i actually had this crazy thought that should one be made to throw up on a daily basis , he would definitely get nice toned abs since throwing up really takes some good stomach muscle action.

And yeah , its one thing to puke while inebriated and another to puke while absolutely sober . I experienced the latter and to be conscious of all of the abovementioned made me feel that dying wasnt such a bad thing after all and whats worse , knowing that you're making a spectacle out of yourself in front of all your friends .

did i mention that while trying to escape from aerosol can-wielding assailants , i overlooked the fact that i wasnt as slim as i used to be ( although i am still very pathetically sized ) and i tried to squeezed in between a very narrow space between two cars and ended up banging into a bumper .

note that i said banging and not knocking so you can imagine what followed after.

a nice bruise blossomed on my otherwise flawless ( ha ! ) thighs and its the size of my ( gasp ! ) palm ( palm as in without fingers lah )

no more mini skirts for a fortnight.

have a fucking merry christmas everyone while i spend my christmas weekend studying. bleh.


Thursday, December 23, 2004

Ode to the Ex

you had the corniest pick-up line ever
but yet
i succumbed to it
if only because
i saw your Rolex .
only to discover
it was a cheap imitation
a few months later.

your conviction
was never apparent.

for all the times when you mocked
with evident disdain
at the growing folds of my stomach
and the decreasing elasticity
of my arms
And my losing battle with gravity and cellulite.

i don't mean to taunt
i've always bemused
about the loss
of your left testicle.
not that the lone ranger was
particularly conspicuous either.

even the cauliflower-like growth
on the rim
of your ass
is bigger.

why is it that
you never can last
for more than
a fleeting moment ?
am i that good
or is it just you ?

your size
pales in comparision
to a baby gherkin.
i was just too nice
to complain.
at least
while others made
a grand entrance
yours barely
made an impression.

your mediocre antics
puts the karma-sutra to shame.
mere fodder
for my amusement.

my paycheck
twice of yours.
do you really not care
because your inferiority acts up
when you refuse
to let me go on top
egoistic bastard.

hell hath no fury
like a woman scorned.
believe it when i say
this shit's gonna circulate around
like a case of
bad karma.

i'll never miss you.
in case you were wondering

and yes

i was faking it all the while.

Even if i came
its only because
i was fantasising
about your best friend
he does it much better
than you.

** purely fictional . no reference to anyone :P **


Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Ten things i did that makes no sense

Sometimes , boredom really does make one act drastically.

Which is why i've always emphasised that should i be reduced to a complete state of paralysis , i would definitely opt for death.

Hence my stand on euthanasia , it being mudane and that it should be made completely legal.

Being me , the restless and gregarious person who finds even spending one whole day at home a mental torture , the mere grim prospects of being confined to a bed 24/7 but yet still have the mental capacity of a sane person drives me absolutely nuts.

I've never been a emotional person , but whenever i happen to walk down the aisles of the chronic sick ward in the old folks home i volunteer at , my eyes get all watery and i get all choked up.

The sight of those old folks with their buldging eyes staring into nothingness being fed and medicated intravenously , the only movement they'll ever get in a few days is the shuffling of their bodies by the nurses to prevent bedsores , them being too weak to be ferried by us around the compound in wheelchairs for that precious breath of fresh air.

What goes on in their minds ? Even in the most terminal stage of alzheimer's it has been proven that the conscious mind is capable of being aware of the surroundings , much less those not suffering from any form of mental ailments.

I've always thought that the most extreme form of punishment that God can ever inflict is not that of physical pain , but the sick method of confining us to a dark windowless cell , being kept alive without food nor air , and facing isolation for eternity.


You can do NOTHING inside , you think the same thoughts EVERYDAY for ETERNITY.

Death would certainly be most welcome but hell no , God has the power to sustain you remember ?

Let me remind you of how long is eternity.

Imagine all the matter in the universe being reduced to piles and piles of sand.

What you would get would be a colossal pile of sand.

Every one million years , a phoenix would take a single grain of sand from the sandpile and drop it somewhere.

When all the sand has been used up and it forms a gigantic large-than-life sized mountain of sand , the phoenix decides that the site of the mountain is not to its liking and it starts the process all over again .

Well , eternity is much longer than that.

Okay , i've seriously digressed.

My original topic was to tell you the stupid things that i've done ever since i woke up because i am being held captive at home to mug for my paper tomorrow.

1) Opening and closing the fridge for the N th time . I don't why but its one of my favourite habits to do when i'm bored at home despite the fact that i know there is absolutely nothing in the fridge for me to raid.

2) Yawning really loudly in an exaggerated mouth-splitting manner and then run briskly on the spot for five seconds before yawning again . Don't ask .

3) Lying on my dad's bed and engaging in a pseudo- conversation with my imaginary husband.

Me : Are you coming back for dinner tonight dear ?

Me : I don't know honey , i'll call ya later .. Can you please pass me my towel ?

Me : The towel's wrapped around your ass , dear.

4) Concocting some really weird tasting liquid with coffee powder , chocolate milk , strawberry ice cream , sugar and cream cheese.

5) Spreading chilli paste on a small piece of bread and trying to entice my dumb hamsters to take a bite. The bait worked and my poor little critters were seen pawing at their mouths for the next few minutes.

6) Washing my hands with oatmeal because its reputated to have softening effects. I doubt so.

7 ) Shave my legs even though they're hairless. And i got nicked near my kneepad.

8 ) Trying to extract orange oil from fresh orange peel by boiling the peels and evaporating the liquid. Didnt work.

9 ) Applying rosin to my violin bow until it looks like i have dusted it with talcum powder and ending up snapping a few horsehairs. attempts to play my grade 4 practical piece from memory failed because the bow has been too rosin-ed . heh.

10 ) trying not to believe that i've done all of the inane shit above within the short span of 2 hours .


Did i mention that my computer has been suddenly flooded with spy and adware ??

It pisses me to no end to see popups trying put a dent on my morals by enticing me with "free videos of hot co-ed hostel action !" or "big black naturals" or the mind-boggling " cream pie series" .

WTF is a cream pie in XXX terms ?!

its tempting to click and find out , but i think i'd prefer to sink my teeth into a real creampie without my mind conjuring up some explicit images.

time to hit the books. ciao


Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Tuesdays with Fiona

Some people might think thats its an overrated book .

But if I ( your discerning reader ) could read this over and over again in the short span of 2 months , then it must be some pretty damn good book.

Yes indeed , Tuesdays with Morrie is a book you would want to buy instead of just borrowing it from the library.

As Nicholas puts it , it "makes you want to go out and hug everyone" after reading it.

I share his sentiments , although the cause was lost on me after awhile.

I'm devoid of emotions.

dun pray pray , hor !

I can't believe that i actually got my lazy ass out of my door this morning to buy breakfast , when usually i'll just make do with plain ol' bread .

I had a very singaporean breakfast.

Roti Prata and Teh-Peng !!

Eating it makes me feel so local that i had an urge to sing the national anthem while chewing .

Did i mention that i really loathe exams ?

I always feel like some kind of recluse whenever its that time of the year.

Cooping myself up at home with a noose around my neck to prevent uneccessary distractions.

By the way.. I just realised that i'm date-less for new year's eve countdown.

Spending the past few new year's eves at some kinda countdown party , it gets tedious after awhile.

Not to mention the lack of transportation because there're about a few hundred thousand people wanting to go home.

Getting reduced to some kind of street-roaming tramp until public transportation kicks into service isn't my kind of post-party fun.

Funny how my interest in clubbing seemed to have waned in the past few weeks.

I'm sorry HH and Co , looks like i'll pass for the party @ sentosa :D

I just want to spend this year's eve quietly , maybe have a cuppa or two and slipping into the new year undisturbed .

Anyone ? :)


and thats how the cookie crumbles

excerpt from a conversation with kev -

cannibal. says:
thats not the point !

cannibal. says:
i'm not lamenting about my love life.. or the lack of it .

cannibal. says:

caught pants down says:
yes you are ..

caught pants down says:
like seriously , which girl doesn't appreciate the feeling of being loved , as cliched as it sounds ?

caught pants down says:

caught pants down says:
you're a nice person .

cannibal. says:
i know. and that usually means that ure gonna say something nasty eh?

caught pants down says:
no lah. you're really nice .. you're friendly and stuff , your looks are fine , you have no BO.

caught pants down says:
but the thing is

caught pants down says:
you're weird.

caught pants down says:
really really weird.

caught pants down says:
no girl in her right state of mind does stuff that you would do

cannibal. says :
what nonsense ?! i am as normal as anything

caught pants down says:
no no no..

caught pants down says:
look at your photos.. they're enough to turn any normal guy off

cannibal. says:
oh fug.. they're there to shock , not to impress . they can always look at my normal photos if they want to okay ?

caught pants down says:
and you're too liberal .. you're too open with your morbid fascinations.. i don't think i'll be wanting to get your number if you tell me that blood amazes you.

cannibal. says:
i get your point. but thats how i am

caught pants down says:
you're gonna be single forever.


i know you have good intentions , Kev , but in all seriousness , isn't weird too harsh a term ?

Maybe because i associate with the word with the likes of Edwards Scissorhands or Marilyn Manson.

And yes.. Having been single ( excluding my long distant relationship with T ) for the past 18 years of my life , surely there must be something wrong with me.

I beg to differ.

I'm seeing it in a different light , that is , when finally i'm "the other half" of someone else , i'll cherish it like nobody else .

Because i've been anticipating it for so long .

Speaking of this , i thought i had something going on with someone recently.

I just found out that he's not that into me after all.

I happened to stumble onto something that i shouldn't ..

Oh well... And i've even thought of spending new year's eve with him..

Maybe not ....

*wry smile*


Monday, December 20, 2004

random photos of the day

ah. exams.

the very word that brings dread to all.

i got so bored with my notes , i started taking self shots on my phone.

This is obviously a spoof on CNB's latest series of anti-drug abuse posters.. you know.. those with a boy sitting behind bars and the slogan " we promised to go through thick and thin .. but now they all left me" . Something like that.

How corny can the government get ?!


Sunday, December 19, 2004

This time round , i'm damn sure.

Its him. :)


Friday, December 17, 2004

Horoscopes ? Up yours !

I've always been skeptical about horoscopes even though i'll scan through horoscope columns in magazines when i see them.

I mean , how accurate can it be when the predictions are so vague that it just about translates into anything , depending on how you see things ?

Its all bull lah !!

For example :

The traits of a Scorpio ( yes , thats me ) are -

Determined and forceful
Emotional and intuitive
Powerful and passionate
Exciting and magnetic

Jealous and resentful
Compulsive and obsessive
Secretive and obstinate

Its supposed to be a well known fact that Scorpios are damn good in bed ( read : horny ) but i beg to differ.

Anyway .

I've never considered myself a determined individual , and even though i might come across as a perfectionist when it comes to projects or assignments , my attention to details and perfection only fleeting.

Short attention span i call it. Yeah.

Forceful ? I don't go around outraging the modesty of poor little boys with a knife against their throats ( although i know of some people with such fantasies. Kelvin , you're sick. )

Neither do i yell at people , forcing them to follow my commands.

Emotional ? Ah . That's such a cliched term.

Done to death .

All too often i've always heard guys accusing their female counterparts of being "too emotional" during arguments , even when there is absolutely no apparent display of emotions from the lady.

Bobby : Why ?

Sharon : I just don't feel like it.

Bobby : Look , you're being too emotional !

You get the idea.

Powerful and Passionate.

Sounds almost dominatrix-like !

So much that my mind immediately conjured up images of a wild-haired woman dressed in a leather leotard with a whip coiled around her neck , complete with a snarl on her face.

If you know me personally , the last person that you would associate "Dominatrix" with would be me.

I look meek , submissive and fragile.

And no , i would prefer white satin and lace over leather and metal handcuffs anytime , thank you.

As for compulsive , yes , i might be able to identify with that cuz' i have a thing for cleanliness and tidiness to the point that it drives the people around me absolutely crazy.

Of course i don't sanitise every damn surface before i touch them with Dettol , lah !

What happens if Baz Luhrmann takes over as director of James Bond ?

Found this while reading 8 days and i found it damn funny !

Bond is re-interpreted as a opera star who falls for a beautiful courtesan. Ever so often Bond ( Ewan Mcgregor in tights. Can you see it ? ) launches into an elaborate song-and-dance number before every major action sequence. "I'm bond and you're wrong / And now i'm gonna burst your arse !" And the back-up singers go "Burst your arse ! Burst your arse !"

hahahahha !!! HILARIOUS !


I don't know how my legs turned out looking so stumpy in this shot but please do not scrutinise them. Instead , please go Ooh and Ahh over my freshly predicured feet.

I love red on my toenails . Those with a fetish for feet must be having a field day !


Back for good !

Okay , i will finally have the whole day to myself tomorrow and yes i promise you a long entry from yours truly.

Checked out some chillout CDs at HMV today , and to my delight i accidently stumbled onto a set of jazz compilations simply titled "Inner Resort" .

I wanted so much to buy it , but .. Budget constraints lah !

I particularly liked the tunes from the Metropolitan Jazz Affairs , and you can check out the samples here

I really liked "Moanin' darkness" and "Corovon" alot.

Nu-jazz ! Jazz with the hip-hoppy beats .

Very nice.


Thursday, December 16, 2004

Random picture of the day

Okay so i don't look fantastic in this photo but heck , the focus is on the pair of super funky shades from Mango .


Saturday, December 11, 2004

Irrelevant post of the day

FHM's gotta have some of the best jokes around , man !

Was flippin through it last week while i was having my hair done and while ogling and feeling very inadequate , i laughed my ass off at their bar room jokes .

Damn good i tell you.

I actually saved one of it in my phone , and here goes


Stevie Wonder is playing at a gig in Tokyo.

As he finishes , a young man at the front screams

"You , Stevie Wonder ! Play a jazz chord ! Play a jazz chord !"

Stevie Wonder invites the man on stage , plays an F minor on the keyboard and goes off on a jazz rift.

When he finishes , the man doesn't look happy.

"No , Stevie Wonder ! You play a jazz chord !"

Happy to play along , Stevie goes for an A . Three minutes of amazing improvisation follow but the man is still not satisfied.

"No , Stevie Wonder ! A jazz chord ! A jazz chord !"

A silence follows and Stevie picks up the mic.

"Alright man. I've played two chords. What else do you want ?!"

The man replies

"Best song , Stevie Wonder!"

"Okay" Stevie hands the mic over to the man.

"How does the song go ?"

The yong man clears his throat and pipes up

"A jazz chord , to say , i love you.."



Monday, December 06, 2004

Friday nights

Feels kinda funny to write about friday night when it is 8.30 am on a monday .


Yep , went clubbing on friday night , got dragged down to Melvin and co's favourite haunt , which is Angel , a eurodance club at Mohammed Sultan road.

Sorry PK and co , didn't mean to abandon you guys at Black earlier :D

As i've always emphasised , please do not stereotype us , we are NOT your typical eurodance clubbers .

We speak surprisingly good english .

Okay i disgress .

I wasn't really in the mood to party , i was more into my "chillout" mode .

Nothing beats a good martini and great lounge music ( think Stan Getz ! )

Of course , eurodance is nothing like bossa nova .

I'm not biased against eurodance , even though i dance better to r&b .

So i stuck my ass on a bar stool and started drinking my very obnoxious-tasting concoction of 3 parts vodka to 1 part coke while trying very hard to imagine myself at some laid-back beach bar .

It failed.

I had to relieve myself after awhile , and guess what.

I almost got accosted by this pee-wee ah lian near the washroom !

Here's what happened.

This barely-legal ( no no , i should say pre-pubescent ) beng-lian couple were having a tiff just outside the loos .

They were just standing next to the entrance of the ladies , so obviously i had to walk past them and i happened to just glance at her.

And wah-lah !

This girl shouted screaming after i had entered the toilet.

** Loosely translated into english to the best of my ability**

Pee-wee Ah lian : Whats that bitch's problem ? Want to look , have more guts and look at me in the face lah ! Kaninah! Ask her come out and beat me up lah ! Come lah ! Scared is it ?

Pee-Wee Ah beng : Are you crazy ? She's didnt even look at you !

Pee-Wee Ah lian : **obviously ignoring the guy** Chee bye ! Ask her come out lah ! Stare what stare ! Come beat me lah ! COme lah !

Pee-Wee Ah beng : **obviously the more sensible one** Don't be ridiculous !

Pee-Wee Ah lian : What , you want to quarrel with me some more huh ? She got stare at me lor ! You never see only ! Ask her come out lah ! Don't hide in the toilet ! COME LAH !


Did i mention all the time i was in the toilet washing my face and chuckling to myself as i heard her ?

I was towering over her , she looked 14 and she wanted to beat me up ?

I was surprised that such characters still existed .

I used to be convinced that such people were the relics of a bygone era when staring incidents were the cause of adolescent fights.

Too bad she was gone when i emerged from the loo 5 minutes later.

What a pity.

I wonder what i would have done though if she really confronted me to my face.

Would i laugh and walk away , or would i let the ah lian in me rear its ugly head ?

Fiona. The vintage ah lian.

Heh yep thats right. I used to be one.

I'm a has-been !

That girl with the exaggerated swagger in her gait .

That girl who peppered her speech with incessant vulgarities.

That girl who challenged her teachers over the slightest stuff.

That girl . The resident pee-wee antagonist .

okay so this picture looks like shit but you get the idea.

I looked like this 5 years ago .

Gold frizzy hair . Major split ends.

The way wore my school uniform was a major fashion disaster.

Socks that reached my knee.

Blouse tucked in very very tightly , skirt so short that it barely covered my butt .

Hell no , i wasn't a walking school girl fantasy even though the length of my skirt would have done any Lolita-wannabe proud.

Because i looked like complete crap. hahahhaa.

Oh and did i mention i used to wear my aunt's bra so that my boobs looked larger than life when i was 13 :P

And that i experimented with sanitary pads way before i had my first period by pouring water onto it to test its absorbing power and almost dying of embarrasement when my grandmother caught me ? !

And yes , i used to think that i had the best fashion sense around .

Semi-transparent tops with a black bra ( yes , property of my aunt's . ) , huge shapeless pink dresses and velvet ( ! ) babydoll tops .


But i had fun .

I Did . =)

Random stillframes

Do the world a favour. Practise good oral hygiene. A quick brush and a thorough gargle with listerine please before you go out. Well , i do anyway. Observe. If the toothbrush is not present , i would look as if i'm foaming from the mouth.

Some people have issues about posting unflattering photos of themselves. Not me. Look at this . Bad light. Pale face. Ugly fake smile. Go on and laugh your heads off at my two ultra big front tooth thats so prominent in this shot. Now you know why i like hamsters so much.

Photo cropped to protect the identity of my friend. LOL. Oh , notice that my right eye always becomes smaller when i smile. Equally bad lighting effects as above photo.



Songs being repeated in my playlist -

Ella Fitzgerald : Fever

Lisa ono : You're the sunshine of my life

The killers : Somebody told me


Friday, December 03, 2004

Fiona - She who succeeds Aristotle.

Don't ask me why , but i've been rather into philosophy recently.

Especially metaphysics .


" Are physical objects just bundles of their properties? Or are they substances which have those properties "

Come to think of it , what actually are atoms ?

Everyone knows that atoms are actually electrons that orbit around a nucleus that is made up of protons and neutrons .

And that they are made of even tinier stuff called Quarks.

But then again


So is it right to say that quarks have the properties of what they're supposed to be ?

For example , a banana.

Would the quarks have properties of a banana then ?

Well you get the idea.

I'm also questioning the meaning of existence.

All 3 installations of "The Matrix" has got me really thinking.

Actually i was going to go into full force with my two cents worth but i just got into a really heated argument with my dad and my inspiration just dissipated into the air. Maybe next time.


Thursday, December 02, 2004

Its 5am and i feel like throwing up but am tryin hard not to do so because i do not want to regurgitate my supper .

No , half digested noodles drenched in stomach acids and liquified random bits dangling from your nose is not my idea of fun.

I lost count of the number of glasses of assorted drinks i had ( from Screwdriver to Bourbon coke ) , since it was free flow.

Its been so long since i really got drunk and i really want to feel like a twirling ballerina without the twirling bit.

what the hell.

I feel so ...........out of sorts. Good night. Somehow i know that this post is littered with mistakes but i can't do anything to prevent it.


Listening to : Ryan Cabrera - True

( This is a really damn nice song. Trust me ok. )


the writer








shawn kuku


spirit fingers









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