orgasmic hamsters

orgasmic hamsters






Saturday, December 31, 2005

Happy new year , all of you.

I hope you'll have a great time ushering in yours , because i won't.


Friday, December 30, 2005

decisions !

If you have a weak heart i suggest you close this window immediately.

As everyone knows , i've had short hair all my life. The longest length i've ever maintained was way back in secondary school and it was just long enough to reach just below my shoulders , which is actually rather short to some.

So today i was toying around with Fang's newly rebonded hair. Gosh her hair's like silk lor.

I had her stand behind me while i flipped her luscious locks across my shoulders...

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OH.MY.GOD. ( dumb blonde style )

It actually looks convincingly real huh ?!!

Somehow the baby fats on my cheeks melted away into oblivion.

I apologise for the gritty quality and the weird photoshopped-like hue ( i swear it hasnt been photoshopped , just resized and the brightness adjusted ! ) but its just due to my lousy camera phone and the fact that i was standing behind an orange lamp.

I received mixed reactions when i sent this to my friends -

Xin : better don't leave long hair

And later ..

Xin : Actually it looks quite okay lah.

Yan : Yucks !! Disgusting !!!

HH : WTF??

Jun : No.

Ter : i wouldnt say its better but its a different look. but i still prefer you with short cute tresses


And this is how i currently look like with my short bob. Yes i've actually chopped off the old stylo-messy-mylo hair for a neat one-length classic because i so dig the bookish look now.

Not kidding.

I really like the bookish nerd look. Complements my glasses and my books.

I've posted this up before but its the only recent one i have lah.

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Makes my cheeks bloat up mysteriously as well.

I feel like a change , i'm actually quite sick of looking half my age because people find it hard to take me seriously because i look so bloody juvenile.

Used to find it a compliment whenever i get asked about my O levels when it took place almost 4 years ago or gettin my ID checked whenever i purchase liquor or ciggs but after sometime it loses its novelty and it becomes grating.

Not to mention the incredulous expressions and indignant replies i get whenever i insist that fucking hell , i'm a damned almost 20 year old YOUNG adult !

Maybe , just maybe , longer hair might give me the mature facade i really need.


What say you ???


listening to : the eagles - tequila sunrise



I told myself , if i win more than $100 at the gambling table during chinese new year i'll snap up the most expensive seats

dear mr otb , you're missing out on two of yr fav bands :p


Thursday, December 29, 2005

boycotting french fries

Lo and behold , i went jogging today after work.

I think it has been almost a year since i last remotely exercised so vigourously that when i reached home an exhausted heap , i sweated so much that pespiration ran down my thighs in streams ( come on don't be sick and be turned on by that )

While alternating between brisk-walking and trudging at an elderly snail's pace ( mostly the latter ) back , i past by Simpang Bedok and i decided to reward myself with snacks for the efforts i have put in.

So i got myself a packet of fries from the malay kopitiam.

Of course it was no gourmet delicacy that would have me shuddering in pleasure , just your average greasy fried-in-oil-reused-a-million-times fries that comes in a brown paper package.

Sidetrack : i think i just heard my air-conditioner drip. fuck.

So i was munching my fries even as the droplets trickled down my face.

As i the fries were finishing when i reached the gate , i decided to just stuff all the remaining fries into my mouth so i could dispose of the paper bag at the bin in front of my gate.

What i didnt realise before i stuffed them into my mouth was my neighbour who was returning home and walking past me.

Let me briefly describe the neighbour to you.

He's probably the only person i've seen who actually looks good in his crocs shoes. FYI i think crocs are dreadful. They're a close second to rubber wrist bands on the fashion faux paux list.

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My eyes ! my eyes !

I know its a trend but trends are never meant to be followed blindly. I don't care if the colour matches , e.g white top and skinny jeans and white crocs. NONONO.

Fugly shoes = Fugly outfit.

So yeah anyway the neighbour is a tall big-sized and tanned dude. He's definitely younger than me because i've seen him in his RJC ( Woot ! intellect some more ) uniform before.

But who cares ?

So anyway yeah this neighbour was walking past me and he smiled to acknowleged my presence and said see you soon as he entered his house.

All these while

1) my running shorts and singlet were soaking wet and they adhered to my body.

2) looking as busty as the mirrors on the hubble telescope ( because they have to be 100% flat to reflect effectively ) because i was wearin a sports bra

3) i have 4 french fries sticking out from my mouth.

Now he thinks he has a freak for a neighbour.

I could only attempt to grin and bear it while giving him a quick wave.


Shoot me.


Tuesday, December 27, 2005

a day in the life of fiona

So yesterday i went to town with my aunt , expecting to haul home some really good bargains.

Good bargains my perky arse !!!

As the saying goes.. There is no free lunch in this world.

Bahhh. I should have expected the crowds of like-minded people thronging the stores hoping to pick up goods at post-christmas prices.

And how could i even forget that yesterday was a public holiday as well ?! *facepalm*

I went to Tangs with this really cute pair of suede heels from Tangs and Co in mind and i was hell bent on getting it because they're having 20% off for all items , and best of all Tangs card members are entitled to extra discounts.

I changed my mind the moment i stepped into Level 2 and i saw this ..

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Seriously , what the fuck ?!?!

And i thought Level 1 was bad enough.

I used to find rummaging among such piles fun because i get a kick out of finding a pair of dirt-cheap shoes among the mountain of shoeboxes.

Now that i'm older and wiser ( and with less patience. funny , i thought with age comes patience. hmm ) , i find that such scenes just paves the way for a throbbing headache.

My aunt had already disappeared into oblivion because she was such a hardcore champion shopper and will brave the crowds at any given time.

Power to her.

So i left the maniacs in the shoe department alone and wandered into The Island Shop , where i purchased a pair of linen pants and a cotton sundress.

Non-discounted some more. Nabei.

Luckily got member card ah , so got 6% off ( auntie-style )

So much for anticipating the sales huh.

Then i squeezed my way through the crowds into Takashimaya where to my surprise there was a snaking queue outside Louis Vuitton.

I chuckled to myself knowing what a fool these people were. I had been to a supposedly LV "sale" before with my tai-tai cousin and i tell you man , don't even entertain thoughts of getting items like wallets at a steal because the only shit on sale would be nonsensical items like scarves and whatnots.

Then just as i was happily browsing through Zara , my knn editor had to call me and i was to replace the fashion ed to attend some product launch event.

So i was like "Hello , limpei freelance writer leh , why should i attend such events on their behalf ?!"

The ed said something along the lines of "because you're part of the team" without sounding even the least apologetic and i had to rush home to change into something more formal since it was a semi black-tie event and i even had to get my ass back into the office for the briefing and shit.

Anyway it was a boring event , the usual pretentious air-kissing women dressed in their Little Black Dresses and pancake make-up. I minded my own business and i melted into the lush silk velvet curtains while stuffing my face with the petit fours the waiters kept offering to me.

I think i would have been completely ignored if not for the fact i had the press tag around my neck.

Well at least the finger food ( however i wished i ate more of those little savouries topped with caviar ) were tasty and the door gifts were fantastic too. So it kinda made up for spending 3 hours like a wallflower and observing the highly plastic chi-chi people mingling. Their blings-blings were so bright i almost got blinded.

After that i trooped down to Borders where i

1) got chatted up by a cute rather bookish boy

2) embarrassed myself when i thought i saw Grace because this girl has the exact brown curls and tanned complexion like the real mccoy , though with a slightly slimmer frame. I was almost shouting when i said "OMG Grace u have lost so much weight !!" when this girl looked up and no , she aint Grace.

3) decided that i should hang out in bookstores more because there is no lack of eye candy around here and it is quite safe to assume that they must be pretty engaging individuals since it is a frigging bookstore for fucks sake. Unless of course if they have also discovered the pros of hanging out in a bookstore just like and and is only pretending when they browse through books like Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights.

By the way i purchased Adrian Mole and the weapons of mass destruction. Bloody good read , i tell ya. I plan to get the rest in the series.

And now i shall bid you all adieu because i have grandpa duty today.

Take care y'all


listenin to : the postal service - we will become silhouettes


Monday, December 26, 2005


A very good morning to all of you early birds !

The time now is 11.52am and i am very very glad to announce that today is Boxing Day , which means...


I'm all dressed up for the occasion , which means i'm clothed in undressed-in-a-flash items to facilitate changing , a top that be pulled off by tugging from the bottom so that my hair remains in one place.

It will be a good day , i'm sure. Its in the air.


4 songs being repeated on the winamp the entire morning :

joni mitchell - both sides now ( one of those songs i always listen to on dreary flights/bus journeys .. )

the bees - the sky holds the sun ( very very sensual )

suzanne vega - luka

michael jackson : billie jean ( what more can i say !? get up and get going !!! )

And oh..

Oasis is coming to town next year for a concert ! I wished Red Hot Chilli Peppers would come too =(

And Deathcab !!!


Sunday, December 25, 2005

botched II

Someone told me that he finds it a big turn-on to undress a woman , bit by bit.

The thrill of suspense eh , i say.

Perhaps he's just lucky not to encounter particularly irritating items that will have men scratching their heads and wondering "how the fuck do i rip this one off?!"

And no , despite what you have seen in the movies , shredding a top into pieces and citing impatient passion as a reason is neither impressive nor sexy. Hello , lim peh Song+Kelly top not cheap okay ?!!!

Topping the list ( after a quick survey with urm , one friend. ) is the legendary front-clasp bra.

I don't know about the rest of the front-clasp bras but the one that i do have , it has a sliding cache instead of a hook so basically you just slide to reveal the two kittens nestled snugly under it ( haha fuck i'm becoming as cheesy as er , cheese )


It brings me back to a rather personal incident i experienced a few months ago.

The last time someone tried to undress me ended up as an embarrassing joke instead of a naughty memory.

It was one of those "one too many" nights with A and we stumbled out from Sound Bar laughing at each other's dirty jokes and hands around each other's waists.

Stopping outside my place , i turned to kiss him goodnight and because i still had half a bottle of wine sloshing in my system , i felt rather flirtatious and i had to ask if he would want to come up to check out my dad's wine cooler ( and that no one was at home because it was a friday night and it meant that my dad would be at the Tampines flat . but hey oppurtunities are meant to be created , no ?)

He grinned cheekily and said something like "yeah , to check out your dad's wine cooler and something else.."

We only managed to marvel at the little fridge like storage thing for awhile before we were in my room with my back against the wall.

And yaddah yaddah yaddah.

I'm not going to go into the explicit details but let's just say that the silly boy didnt realise ( and neither did i ) that the button-fly on my jeans had 3 buttons and he only undid 2 so my jeans got stuck somewhere along my thighs.

Neither of us could get the offending piece of fabric off my legs so a few unsexy minutes later i laughed and said , ah fuck it , i'm off to the bathroom first.

So i hopped to the bathroom with the legs of my denim sweeping the floor looking like a total piece of ridiculous shit with my panties on my ass in full view and hopping around like a rabbit.

Momentum spoil liao lah .

I emerged fully dressed and went downstairs where he was smoking and we had a good laugh over ciggs and another glass of wine.

So the moral of the story is..

Unless u are damn sure that you are capable of peeling off her clothes in the suavest smoothest way possible ..



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please blame the lacklustre quality on Ming , the inebriated photographer. taken right before christmas at the backalley of Liang Seah St.

Merry christmas everyone. It has been just yet another reason to go overboard with the alchohol the past 2 nights , and tonight as well.


Pictures coming soon , perverts.


listenin to : the beatles - hey jude


Saturday, December 24, 2005


What happens when you put 3 sweet young things ( and one drunkard ) and a few more home-made cocktails together after a night out ?


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The drunkard on the sofa , half-conscious and getting flashed by the resident pervert



Thursday, December 22, 2005

why crime does not pay

Readin Chris' vivid accounts of Agent X's daring heists never fail to bring me back painful memories of when i was young , fresh and ..


My shoplifting habits was cultivated at a ripe old age of what , 6 ? I was still in pre-primary ( we used to have that but they scrapped it . yes i am THAT old ) school and was still cute enough to have my relatives fawning over my adorable chubby face.

Behind that angelic facade however lies a criminal.

I swear to god though it happened so long ago and usually people only start to remember events after a certain age , i can still replay what happened on that fateful day in a clear concise manner.

So the 6 year old me tagged along with my maid to the provision shop downstairs and being the boisterous brat that i was , insisted that she buy this tube of fruit chews for me.

Mission failed.

My little devious mind started hatching a plan and i quietly slipped the sweets between my cotton shorts and panties and held up my shorts so that my stash wouldnt fall out.

I was very happy and feeling way smug on the walk home but it was a struggle holding up my flimsy shorts so yeah the sweets rolled out and onto the pavement.

My maid looked at me and without saying anything dragged me back into the shop to apologise to the shopkeeper and she paid for the sweets on my behalf.

She didn't tell a single soul about the misdemeanor ( thank god ) but it was a terrible feeling watching the 7pm drama serial because it so happened that the particular episode showed a young thief getting apprehended. Wah lan.. Talk about coincidence !!

So fast forward 7 years.

I was 13 and a freshie in secondary school.

As you all would know by now i was a authentic true-blue Ah Lian , colourful hokkien vocabulary , irksome attitude and all.

Playing truant was second nature to me.

My brush with getting caught 7 years ago apparently didn't deter me at all because by the time i was almost graduating from primary 6 , i was shoplifting on a regular basis with my best friend cum neighbour , Jo.

Back then we simply called stealing "kop" , e.g

"Hey , let's kop this pencil okay ?"

So kop we did.

The bookshop outside our primary school was our favourite kopping venue because it was simply such a cluttered and claustrophobic shop with aging old aunties for shopkeepers that kopping was such a breeze that i don't really remember payin for any small items from that shop since primary 6.

Our modus operandi was simple enough. Just take , slip ( into pockets , bag etc ) , pretend to buy something else ( usually somethin cheap ) and go.

My collection of stolen items were startling. From expensive high-end pens to cheap "country flags" erasers that were so popular in my time for playing "rubber matches" with.

footnote : rubber matches were actually silly classroom games where two contestants flip their erasers with only one finger. The objective is to flip your eraser over so that it rests on top of your opponent's and when that happens you win and the winner gets to keep his opponent's eraser. FUN.

It wasn't that the both of us were from poor families who could barely afford stationery. Ironically we were pretty affluent kids whose dads drove a Mercedes each.

As it is with most shoplifting cases , the thrill of owning something new without having to pay for it was probably the reason why we did it.

Our kopping sprees became more daring and we "upgraded" to the neighbourhood NTUC supermarket. We still stuck to small items like candies but because we had become so bold and accustomed to kopping , we actually opened the candies and ate it INSIDE the supermarket while still walking down the isles a couple of times.

Or we would do a bit of "sampling" here and there , opening packets and popping a bit into our mouths and left it there if we didn't like it and if we did , it went into our pockets.

Then it started getting abit different after we got posted to different secondary schools. Once or twice a week we would skip classes together just to hang out though i must stress that we weren't meeting up for the sole purpose of stealing.

One fateful day , the two of us met up with another primary school chum of ours and we headed to Great World City. I can tell you what i wore then in detail because it was really gross.

Super mini bright orange skirt , black spaghetti strapped top with an overstuffed bra and get this. ..

BLACK STRAPPY 3 inch PLATFORMS !!! ( those super chunky kind )

Hell no.

We must have looked quite a sight , a trio of ostentatious pre-pubescent girls dressed in such garish togs , with the signature Ah Lian "360" ( or Sa Ba Lak in hokkien ) swagger in our walk and expletives peppering our speech.


As my secondary school classmates would put it ..

Fiona don't look like express student , lor !!


We went into this popular accessories shop , Montip , and boy i loved Montip because i was into hair clips at that time and Montip has a really wide range of pretty ones.

My fingers started feeling itchy and while glancing at the surveillance camera and around to make sure no one was looking , i slipped a few hair clips into my long patent leather wallet.

Jo acted as the decoy and went to the counter to pay for the purchases while we walked confidently out.....

Only to be stopped by the salegirl.

"Excuse me , may i see whats inside your wallet ?"


I knew i was in deep shit and i was torn between fleeing the scene and staying put but fuck lah , i was wearing platforms remember ??

I surrendered the hair clips to the irate salesgirl.

I was surprisingly calm and composed and i even managed to ask what was going to happen.

"We're going to call the police. Do you want to see the evidence on our surveillance camera ?"

The word "police" shook me hard and i grabbed the salesgirl's arm and begged her not to , or my parents would kill me.

"How old are you ?"


"13 and stealing !"

The salesgirl conferred with her supervisor while the three of us stood there with worried looks. They were lucky that they got off scot free.

"Okay , we'll give you a chance but you'll have to pay for these and we'll have to call your parents"

I nodded glumly and paid for my hairclips with a crisp $50 note.

"$50 ! And yet you are stealing ???"

So they called my dad and no doubt he was fucking furious as he yelled and ranted at me over the phone after the salesgirl had spoken to him.

"You're gonna get it when you get home !"

The worst part was anticipating the "something" i was goin to get from him. The 3 hours i spent at home waiting for the doorknob to turn was agonising. I was slumped next to the bed and crying my eyes out because my dad was a fucking disciplinarian and it wasnt too long ago when he had thrown a chair at me for dyeing my hair gold.

Surprisingly nothing painful happened but my dad threatened to disown me because i was such a disgrace and for the next two weeks he gave me the cold shoulder. Which wasn't so bad actually :p

From then on Jo and I were roused awake from our scheming little ways but that unfortunately did not deter us from blooming into chao Ah Lians.

Actually i'm damn sure that everyone of you has stolen something before when you were younger.. C'MON ! CONFESS !!!


listenin to : franz ferdinand - well do ya do ya do ya want to ? lucky lucky you're so lucky !


Tuesday, December 20, 2005

fiona's website of the day

Don't say i got good stuff never share , hor !!

Spread the lurve !!


listenin to : goldfrapp - ooh la la


Sunday, December 18, 2005

hell hath no fury

let me recall an unpleasant incident which took place almost a year ago.

i had just started going out with carl on a regular basis and although nothing of that sort was ever mentioned , i guess we were both pretty keen to take our friendship to a higher level.

so one day he invited me to join him for a night out with his friends at zouk.

the queue was horrendously long as usual on a friday night and we walked towards the snaking line to look for his friends.upon completing the mammoth task , carl introduced me to his rowdy crew.

so the usual formalities were exchanged until we came to this guy.

"hey john , this is fiona"

"hey fiona"

we shook hands. a rather limp handshake , i must add.

then john turns towards carl and in full view , he puckered up his lips and slid his two front teeth below his lower lip so that it protuded.

"hey carl , i didn't know you were into girls who likes carrots. eh , whats up doc ( ala bugs bunny ) ?"

it took me a moment to realise he was mimicking me , or my rather unfortunate two front teeth to be more precise.

i was thinking... "kanninabeipuacheebyefuckingsonofabitchtiuleilomo"

i was horrified and with bated breath i waited for carl's reaction.

he only smiled and shrugged weakly. well , what could he have done anyway ?

embarrasement turned into anger and it was what consumed me at that point of time. i didn't know what prompted me to do so but the next moment i looked at john straight into the eye and said in a tone dripping with blatant disdain

"well , at least i'm not fat and ugly with a face full of acne"

and that sums up john's looks so he just stared at me blankly , his mouth slightly gaping. the awkward silence us lasted for a few seconds before carl cut in sheepishly in a lame attempt to cut the tension

"oh hey finally the queue is moving ! fiona let me introduce you to sara.."

i'm perfectly fine with people making fun of how i look since i get it all the time , especially jokes directed at my figure and boobs ( or lack thereof ) but i am good natured about it because honestly my dear , i don't give a damn.

but when its someone you don't know , it becomes an insult and i think its just downright rude. john might have done all that without any ill intention but please bear in mind that i was fond of carl at that point of time and that definitely fans my ire.


anyway , King Kong was good. great even. i'll probably remember for quite some time which is a good thing since i don't usually remember films unless they have left an indelible impression.

and after watching Adrien Brody in action for the second time after the Pianist , i caught myself fantasising about him and thats when i realised about my attraction to sad looking men like him and Johnny Depp.

more of sad looking men and not-so-handsome but charismatic ones like Jude Law later.

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hao peng you ( this crazy bugger bought a tee which costs $160 before the movie.. and you thought girls were the bigger spenders ! WAKE UP AND SMELL THE SHIT ! ) VS a King Kong whose mouth resembles that of an oriental dragon. lololol.

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Ann never smiled like that the first time she saw Kong.

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Your friendly TCC server :p I think i look like a bloody 14 year old in this one. By the way i am damn proud of the xmas decorations at our branch.. I'm not tellin which :p

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Lastly.. Yummmmeh ! I'm gonna make many many peach martinis with this one. wo0t . if you're nice to me maybe i'll make one for you too ! :D~~


listenin to : all american rejects - swing swing


p/s : THANKS for all the comments in the previous post. i heart all of you ! i know there are more but i also know that you guys are lazy readers :p


Thursday, December 15, 2005

no way

It has been almost two years since i started this blog. And three years since i stumbled into the blogging world.

Which is too damned long , if you ask me.

You not sian , i read my blog also sian ah !!

Although the lack of juices ( a constant problem which irritates me no end ) a.k.a writer's block gets to me sometimes , of late the real reason why i shun blogging is how i must constantly review the stuff that comes out , to edit and re-edit. Its a tedious process.

Why ?

Because I know my friends are reading it. But i don't know who.

And i know some are pretending that they don't when they are snooping on me every day ( i think i might know who you are .. *heh heh* )

Its fine by me , but sometimes my friends are the ones whom i badly want to write about. I want to bitch about how so and so is such a pain in the ass .

Sometimes i'd fight the urge to do a full write-up about a romantic date with all the intimate details but i'd end up deleting the whole chunk , because i don't want my friends to look at me with a queer eye and thinking "oh my god , fiona gave xxx a blowjob last night" ( of course not , just an example lahhh )

Oppression , thats what it is.

I know you will ask me to just fuck it and to give a flying fuck about how they might feel because after all this is MY blog , but really , it is easier said than done.

( to those who have read the earlier post : yeah , i'm a faltering undecisive bitch )

i'll just keep my opinions for my other anonymous blog ( no i won't tell you the url ) and let this one remain the entertainment outlet.

But what i really want to know is , who are you readers ?

Who are the one-two hundred from all over the world popping by this obscure blog on a daily basis ?

Tell me please.

The regulars too , you know who you are =)


listenin to : sum41 - over my head


p.s : preview of the girls NOT-TO-DO-LIST

1) Paper bags are paper bags , NOT handbags.

So what if they're from Gucci ? If you can afford it , hang the cute little clutch on your shoulder for all to see. If not , don't pretend to and hang a Gucci paper bag on your shoulder instead. Its horrendous.

I saw a badly dressed lady in a slinky black dress that showed off her parallel figure with an ancient leather bag and balancing a Gucci paper bag on her pinky. Its obviously empty so i don't see any practical purpose except to tell the clueless ones "Look at me , i'm carrying a Gucci paper bag so FUCK OFF "


Want to pretend , pull off a more convincing act lah. Like put a weight in it or something.


Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Chris tells you why you shouldn't go to JB

My grandpa in a critical condition now. I feel like shit.

Okay bye.


Monday, December 12, 2005

hello hello

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the best prelude to a good night's rest.. ahhh.

and the most awesome part is , i have 9 more such miniatures ( courtesy of Hongkong's duty free section ) and a big one in the kitchen cabinet just waiting to glide down my throat in an euphoric swoosh ! w0ot.


good night y'all.



Sunday, December 11, 2005

photoblog !

w0ot it has been a crazy weekend ( or rather , it has been crazy ever since i came back from the trip ) !

i think life is so much better when all of your time is divided fruitfully and spent wisely. the only element missing now is the "school" element , which will thankfully resume in january.

don't ask me why i like school. it just feels so wrong not to , as if you're wasting away without learning something.

speaking of school , kan ni nah. i flunked my marketing exams again for the 3rd time in a row.

which means.. another supp paper !!!!! *bawls*

anyway here are some random photos..

these are taken on the double celebration for Pei and Xin's 19th birthday ! =D

we are sibei old liao.

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"i wish.. for a thousand other wishes!"

"nabei, don't be so greedy lah !"

"okay okay.. i wish... that the sinful dinner will not show around our tummies"

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oh yeah it was good alright ( except for the green curry. not a big fan of thai cuisine , i admit )

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5 cute asses

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the auntie strikes back !

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the winners of the 2005 FHM girl-next-door contest ! congratulations , ladies !

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getting a little friendly help at the aerial shopping centre at tanjong pagar


went last min fishing on fri night with Alvin n co !! it was FUN ! it was my virgin fishing experience by the way since i find fishing a very cruel sport

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the slimey bait ! i don't know what the hell you call them , but these worms have to be manually removed from their tubular muddy homes by brute force and they pack a nasty bite as well !

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probably the only authentic Ah Beng from Maris Stella. ( pose successful only after much coaxing )

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the only catch of the day after 6 hours of patient waiting , re-baiting and casting. At first we were at this ultra ulu place , Changi Jetty where random bugs queued to suck us dry. We couldnt tahan anymore and drove to Bedok Jetty thereafter.

note : you'll be glad to know this little fishy was released later on without much harm done.

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lastly.. MUG SHOT ! the one and only survivor of the Homo Hamsterus species.

Oh and this was taken yesterday while waiting for my Strawberries N Cream waffles at this crepes restaurent at Cineleisure. IT WAS BLOODY GOOD ! Highly recommended !

I think it should be the law that all waffles be served with a huge dollop of good solid whipped cream ( not those from a can , mind you. good whipped cream should still remain stout after a long time like those from the Cheesecake factory in LA ) , drizzled with honey and served with never-ending scoops of assorted ice cream ( cherry garcia , french vanilla , oooooh )

Did i mention we had Phin's steakhouse for dinner last night ? I gave it a last chance for redemption...

The verdict ?

Service was way better and prompt but the food sucked.My sirloin was tasteless and the gravy bland. I suddenly craved for the expensive but good steak ( $14 for a wee portion without any sides ! And the gravy was thin too ! WTF ? ) at Marche which i had on wednesday.

I'd rather fork out ( much ) more for a decent meal at Morton's. I only went once by the way with my cousins just before i went to LA. Good shit.

Yes , i will never go back to Phin's ever again.

I think i am becoming a steak fiend because i'm craving for it again.


listening to : story of the year - sidewalks


p/s - to horrorfreeze : i am so sorry i didnt receive any of yr email.. there must be some sort of problem. please email me at fiona.tan(at) instead ! thanks !


Friday, December 09, 2005


sometimes i do things to myself that defies all laws of .. well , sensibility ?

recently i just got to know someone. he's damn cute ( with a cute dimple to boot ) , smart like hell , an excellent dresser and smells nice.

my female instincts tell me that he might be remotely interested in me. and vice versa.

and then i probably ruined it all single-handedly last night when one of my many alter egos reared its ugly head and i started acting really weird , tellin him out of the blue about my almost-tryst with another girl , the strong feelings i have about homosexuality and i must have sounded more liberal than i wanted to when i declared about my obsession with lingerie , and the killer line : "don't you think t-back thongs are so damn sexy huh? i have tonnes ! i must have blown like $200 on panties when i was in LA !"

he just chortled heartily and switched topics.

bear in mind we've only gotten acquainted like a few days ago. i think sex and panties should be strictly taboo topics until after the first week. at least , in moderation.

actually i don't think its my alter ego , its just so typical of me to start rambling when excited or engaged in a good lively banter.

maybe its just me but somehow he sounded slightly indifferent and doubtful after my outburst.

th conversation ended awkwardly with him asking good-naturedly for his good night kiss and the wretched me had to play the smart alec by saying

"eh.. kisses are like wine. the more it ages , the better it is'

W.T.F ?!!!

i swear i wasn't playing hard to get. i was just embarassed ( and dare i say , shy ) and i had to cover up by making a "clever" retort.

obviously it backfired and he was like.. hmm , okay.

someone , kill me please.

i'll be very surprised if he ever talks to me again. that weird kitschy girl with gay tendencies and a probable sexual deviant.

fiona oh fiona. you're a klutz.

right , i'm heading dinner with WWE wrestler wannabe who enjoys executing mock WWE moves on me. i swear to god he almost killed me when he attempted to "pile-drive" me at his place sometime ago.




Thursday, December 08, 2005

things guys ( girls too ) should take note of

I'm no fashionista but i guess i have a keen dress sense at least.

Do take note !

Especially if you want to ask me out ( sadly , none ).

1) Not taking the effort to smell nice

Or even worse , smell bad. Its not going to kill you to invest in a small bottle of perfume and deodorant. Of all the guys i've dated so far , all of them was nose-pleasing , thank god. And i could associate them with how they smell.

2) Wearing shirts that are too long

I don't see why you should buy a top that looks like pyjamas on you. Long sleeves should be cuff-linked instead of rolled up during formal dates. My dad used to do it until i got him ( grudgingly ) a nice pair of silver cufflinks from Raoul. And now he has more than 6 pairs. Raoul's pretty affordable by the way. If you're feeling opulent ( if that's the case you may also call me ) , then go for it at Zegna.

3) Wearing polo tees ( or even worse , button-down shirts ) with their collars up

It unfortunately only serves to make you look like you're trying too hard instead of suave.

4) Not shaving ( with exceptions to goatees )

Me , cave-man !

5) Tees with explicit/offending captions on them

Not only does "Fuck You" make you look like a walking poster-boy for turn-offs , such trends are incredibly passe too. Wait ,was it even a trend in the first place ? Let me think..


6) Shoes maketh an outfit

I don't care if you're wearing an awesome Bape tee and sculptured Diesel jeans if whats on your feet are your well-worn pair of And1 basketball sneakers. Hell no. Neither am i going to be impressed if you're wearing your military New Balance sneakers. Or that smelly old heap you hit the gym with.

Don't even think about buying that $40 pair of Nike dunks. Seriously.. $40 ? If a non-discerning Nike person like me can suss out a fake , so can the rest. $40 is not a bargain , its a fake. Its as fake as Anna Nicole Smith's titties.

7) Clean teeth

I get really anal about oral hygiene. I have seen people with teeth so caked with built-up plague that it looks as if someone smeared greyish yellow plasticine on them. Not to mention the ultra funky breath that goes hand in hand.

Look , if i could subject myself to sheer torture every morning and before i go out by gargling with a capful of horrid Listerine ( which makes my mouth numb and my lips sausagified) , so can you.

8) Disgusting accesories

If i could vote for worst trend for 2005 , it'll have to be the icky rubber wrist band. I don't give a fuck if yours is a nice psychedelic colour of purple and green swirled together or the "original" Livestrong . Its just damn gay.

Accesories like sweat bands and chunky metallic pendants will have to be shoved too.

9) Tight-fitting shirts

Not even if you have a physique to die for. Especially NOT if you have man-boobs.

10) Folded jeans

Its okay if its folded discreetly but NEVER more than 1.5 inches nor rolled up more than once. Why , can't afford to get it altered at a tailor's ? Then don't wear it. This is even more serious for girls . That gorgeous Miss Sixty jeans ain't gonna work if its folded.

Tip for girls : Either you do not fold it ( please , it only costs $5 to get it shortened ) , or you roll it up all the way until it becomes a capri. However it stays only if your jeans are straight-cut or it'll come undone.

11) Slippers

WHY ? WHY !?!!!!

If you thought jeans with slippers is bad , how about jeans with lelong slippers ? ( Trail ! urghhh )

If you really have to , please , get a decent pair from Project Shop or Havainas ( i have 4 pairs now ! ) and then match it with berms.

12) Fabric belts

The surfer-dude look with one end of a fabric belt hanging loose is so ten seasons ago. Stop it. Please.

13) The don't-you-think-my-ipod-is-cool look

To my disgust i have seen people hanging their Ipods around their necks like a badge of coolness. What.The.Fuck.

14) Imma P-I-M-P !

There was once when my good friend met up with us in a COMPLETELY white outfit , from his white old-school sneakers to his white porter bag. I don't know what went through his head because his usually dope dress sense had failed him.

I think the only okay colour is the all-black outfit. Any other colour and you'll just look like one of those guys in a boyband singing in a cheesy MTV.


I guess thats all for now.. I have grandpa duty today. I think i'll help him shave when he wakes up later.

Girl's version coming up soon ! =)


listening to : goldfrapp - ooh la la ( if only they played this in Zouk last night ! )



All i can say is , flaming lambos floors even the most hardened drinker around.

Happy birthday , Jun !

Did i mention that i'm so into sissy drinks like fruit martinis ( lychee , apple - esp those from Morton's ) , soda-esque shooters, peach schnapps etc.


And Bailey's with milk on the rocks too !


Saw 2 was fab , it didn't disappoint. But because of the prequel i had learnt not to take things by its face value and that somehow took away the suspense because i knew it wasn't gonna be as simple as that ( with reference to the plot )

But it still gives me the shudders to think about how it would be like to be given such ultimatums.

Would you rather cause yourself immense pain and irreversible damage both mentally and physically to save your life ?

Would you saw through your own leg to prevent dying a slow excruciating death ?

I dunno , suddenly i am flooded with images from the 911 incident of people hurling themselves out from the towers to escape an imminent and painful death in the towering inferno.

Imagine their desperation..

Okay im really really tired.



Wednesday, December 07, 2005


so many things on my mind but i'm too lazy to pen them all out in details so i'm just gonna sum them up in point form

1) my computer crashed. AGAIN.i had no choice but to resort to using my dad's super ancient IBM thinkpad because he thinks i will single-handedly destroy his spanking new Vaio. i want a vaio too ! or any lightweight and pretty laptop. soon. no , make that tomorrow.

2) the burn-out we're all feeling from takin care of my grandpa. he's better now i guess but we still have to wake up a couple of times at night to attend to him and usually the buzzer rings just before i fall asleep after the previous "wake-up" call which means no sleep at all. however i adore my grandpa to bits and thats why i am doin it not because of responsibility but because i want to. his feet is so swollen that if you pressed it , the dents will still remain like plasticine.sigh.

3) my workplace. i love my workplace so much ! i've been asked why i am still working despite the lack of need. i dunno , i just like to work i guess. my parents may earn enough to give me a very comfortable life but they're not fucking rich.and i spend my own money !

4) while still on the topic , i wish to declare that i am NOT spoilt. my dad asked if i wanted a ipod video when he saw me fiddling with my cousin's brand new one and stupidly i said no because 60gb's way too much for my pathetic songlist , and that i'll stick to my cheapo creative muvo. actually i think i have ulterior motives because i'm hoping that he'll buy me a car when i get my licence ( which is not so soon ) . and if he doesn't i could resort to underhand tactics like "but i haven't requested anything from you before !" HOHOHO. hello , mitsubishi lancer ( or even better , a z-3. but thats impossible )

5) encountered a drunk bangladeshi worker on the bus ride home just now. MAN he was so drunk that he practically moved along with the bus. he walked around the bus for while before crashing into me and knocking my glasses and my bag off. im only too glad he didnt puke into my $3 thrift store bag.

6) i'm going to catch saw 2 tomorrow followed by zouk ! wo0t.

7) i think Saw rocks. i hope the prequel will blow my mind as well. the ending was really clever.

9) i realised with horror as i saw the boyfriends of my collegues waiting for them that i am two years older than them and i've never had the chance to use the word "boyfriend" remotely in any sentence . it'll be nice to say something like "oh , i'm meeting up with my boyfriend later" instead of "oh i'll be meeting some guy for dinner later" when asked. whatever.

10) my uber intelligent collegue told me out of the blue that he appreciates me for who i am . i was flabbergasted for a while and acted all coy but it was nice to know that you're being appreciated.

11) melvin is gonna POP loh ! and shawn ! and jack ! w00t

12) a sudden development of a bad habit which involves me pickin on my scalp whenever i'm idling. somehow my fingers will find its way to my head and they'll start to scrape against the scalp for odd strands or protuding bits of scalp. whether it is a habit or signs of an OCD , i don't know. i do for sure about the problem i have about morbidly obsessing about keepin my hands super clean. i tried to wean myself off this problem by lockin up my bottle of hand sanitiser in my drawer but i have since bought a new one. and i'm going to lock that one up too. but its just goin mean a premature foray into Watson's or any pharmacy.

13) hugs to chee who's going thru a bad patch in his relationship. SMILE CHEE !

so fucking tired. and no wonder , its 3am now. i think im rambling


listenin to : DCFC - what sarah said


Monday, December 05, 2005

tired , very

I wished euthanasia was legal because seeing my grandpa in such a sad state makes me contemplate filling up a syringe with an overdose of anaesthesia.......

It has taken a toll on all of us taking care of grandpa in his bedridden state. He isn't recovering as well as expected and the fact that he'll be undergoing chemo soon will definitely affect his health.

I am as tired as the rest of my family. But we'll pull through.


Saturday, December 03, 2005


I can't be bothered to upload and resize all 50+ photos taken in LA so i've decided to just randomly pick a few ( which is really only a few lololol ) . Anyway the photos didn't turn out well except for those on my own camera which died on me 3 days into the trip because i wasn't used to my uncle's old fogey camera.

And then there are the usual lame-ass photos of my friends.



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Vegas by day ! ( looking innocuously mundane )

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Vegas by night . Yes this is neither clever nor postmodern.

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Say you like my pretty french manicure ! Say it !

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Found ! Outside Caesar's palace ( where i stayed at ) , a refreshing change from the usual couple figurine wedding car

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Relax , the train will arrive.. don't worry ! ( taken in HK airport )

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Vegas showgirl !

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This ultra whizz-bang gadget commonly used in LA foodcourts .. its a device which buzzes to inform you when your food is ready so that you can go and collect it. And you thought Singapore's at the higher rung of the technology ladder !

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Peng you yi sheng yi qi zhou !

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Oh yeah spank my ass hard will ya

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indian wannabes ( during Deepavali ) . we ended up looking like morons because nobody wore jasmine garlands around their necks except us . Bloody ignorant chinks.

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one of those caption-less moments

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Last night , a chalet was turned into a gambling den of sorts..

"Eh , so i owe you how much huh ?"

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Mandatory items at a chalet : Poker cards , booze and more booze.

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Sometimes i question why such group photos are taken when you can't really see their faces at all. Beats the purpose right ? ( the boy in blue became wasted soon after ) .. Happy 21st birthday anyway !

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An effortless piggyback from Mr Big not-so-Friendly Giant ( picture cropped to protect privacy :P ) ..

Also , can you see the muscles in my arm ?? wo0t. chio chio right.

By the way i can't believe i threw up after drinking like one cup of Bailey's on the rocks ( must be the rancid-tasting pizza ) . HOW COULD I !? My beloved Bailey's !!!

Bailey's ( and peach schnapps. oh i love pronouncing that word ) is my new choice of poison. Move aside , cranberry vodka !


Some sicko posted a question at my Yahoo auctions requesting a photo of me wearing the VS thong i was selling..

And then i received another one in the mail with the same request. Same person ?

Well this is for you ..

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Fiona ain't no showing her butt cheeks to nobody !


listening to :

the beatles : lucy in the sky with diamonds ( one of those songs whose chorus that once you start singing , you can't stop. its like spelling banananananas. eh how come the grammar sounds so wrong huh . )


Friday, December 02, 2005


The thing about boobs are , unless if you're really well-endowed or have fake titties , those mammaries of yours will look flat once you lie down because the fats distributes itself towards the sides.

Well let me share a landmark detail about myself to commemerate .. urm , the first day of Dec.

My kittens look the same regardless of whether i am standing up or lying down.

Which is really really damn saddening , if you ask me.

I'm never going to turn anyone on in my life , ever.

If you love me you will tell me that non-existent boobs are sexy and that you will prefer to have sex with Kate Moss rather than Angelina Jolie.

C'mon , say it !

Yes and this is meant to be a bimbotic post , so sue me :D

ohhh shit i am so craving for the Cheesecake factory's bow-tie pasta tossed in roasted garlic and parmesan alfredo with grilled chicken.

and their petite filet mignon..

and their herb crusted salmon filet with lemon basil sauce ..


i had Cheesecake factory for lunch like 6 times ( the Pasadena branch is always so fucking crowded ) and everytime they never fail to disappoint.

excellent service , too.

and if you love me you will call 'em up immediately and send the whole lot to me via urgent courier.

okay bye.


Thursday, December 01, 2005

men are from confused land , women are from fickle land

My computer mysteriously rose from the dead as i absent-mindedly tried to switched it on last night , and WALLAH~ the boot-up beep from the CPU never sounded so sweet.

Anyway i'm not gonna take the risk and turn off my computer again for a long time until i get a new laptop and the files in my hard disk saved.

So bloody happy that my body clock is finally readjusting itself. I can now sleep at more humane hours like 12am and wake up at 10. That is , until the party-goer in me stirs itself awake and drags me by the ear to clubs. Or until my classes start again , but that'll only happen in Jan.

Caught Zathura with Tre last night despite being seriously jet-lagged. You owe me one , man.

On the drive home we debated about sex as usual ( because we're very sexual creatures lol ) and i came up with a lame-ass theory of virginity being purely psychological since there is no sure way of proving a person's a virginity , even for women as the hymen can be easily reconstructed these days. Come to think of it , we can only take a person's word for it.

For e.g , a virgin has sex with a woman in a totally inebriated state and conveniently ( and sadly ) cleanly forgets about the incident.

So ( lets assume the woman disappears after the one night stand ) , he is still a virgin as far as he or anyone around him knows. Which not true of course since he already had sex , except that he is just unable to recall.

Okay this is totally bullshit. Oh well , food for thought anyway.

The age-old saying has it that women are extremely fickle-minded , stuck in a constant confused state etc etc. Well , let me refute the claim by adding that MEN ( esp those SNAGs ) are guilty of the abovementioned as well.

They sigh when you tell them that you'll have to skip tonight's movie date as you forgot that one of your good friends is having her birthday celebrations.

Then they'll send you on a guilt-trip by asking "so.. your good friend is more important than me huh ?"

If you ask me , that sounds more like an ultimatum with an underlying message.

And boy do they love giving ultimatums.

I really hate it when guys go like "come and meet me if you miss me , if not then its okay.." whenever i ask if my presence is really necessary , like to a dinner gathering with his sec school friends or his friend's chalet or etc.

Like wtf ?!

Of course i can always play the meanie and not give a fuck but thats not the point i'm trying to prove here.

The strategy is more like emotional blackmail or discreet manipulation.

And then i always have to mull about it for a long time before giving an answer because

1) If i do go , he'll have the idea that i'm going because i want to see him , which may not be the case. And even if i do , i certainly don't want him to know about how i feel ( because i'm a nasty person who doesn't believe in premature happiness hahaha )

2) And if i don't , he'll sulk and moan and groan and whine that i'm a heartless baddie etc.

For point 1) , you may say that i can always agree to go AND emphasise on the fact that i'm not going because i miss him BUT that'll definitely lead to point 2's scenario.

Which means that the question is a paradox.

Which means it sucks.

Which means that you should NEVER use it , i don't care if you're a guy or a girl.

A person from my not-too-distant past is slowly making his way back into my life again , and this time he's back with a vengeance.

I don't know what he wants , despite repeated claims of him missing me and the usual mushy works.

I admit , after such a long hiatus , i do think of him sometimes but its still in its infancy stages.

Whatever that had happened between us a couple of months ago has been extremely tumultuous , stopping just a whisker's breadth away from being dramatic.

And yes , i played the villain , breaking his heart and stuff.

This time round i feel i am ready to give him a chance but his words don't seem to match his actions.

I tried to probe about his intentions discreetly but he gave me a cryptic answer which i am unable to decipher ( and i am really upset because i've always thought myself to be a clever decoder of human emotions and a general smartass ) . He something like "This time i'm going to take the slow approach.. The last time i was too hasty and scared the girl ( me ) away "

Yeah it is slow alright.

He thinks its working .

I'd hate to break your bubble , but its not.

It just gives me the overall impression that you're just making a fool out of me by not replying my messages or giving me excuses whenever i tried to ask you out for coffee and then suddenly taking a 360 turn by saying how much you hve missed me and stuff.

Or asking me out when you know jolly well i am busy and then going "see , you don't even care anyway"

Sorry my friend , i may find wit and intellect a big turn-on but this is just NOT it.

I don't like silly mind games at all. Neither do i enjoy looking desperate.

I am desperate only to let you know that , if nothing comes out of these soon , my patience would have run out.

And one last case to prove that men are confused little lambs as well.

Another guy , L , whom i ever so gently turned down a week ago suddenly messaged me a simple "hi" last night online.

You might brush it off as nothing , but then i couldn't help but question his motives when his nickname was " oOo L loves CinDy oOo a nevEr-enDing love stoRy oOo "

Wow , good for you man. You handle rejection very well , so well that you've fallen in love again within a few days.

And of course with his nickname looking like ( wtf is oOo ?!!! xXx ?! an online intepretation of book-ends ?! its not cute at all ) that i'm sure you know why i didn't fancy

Okay lah , i'm on getting on your nerves.

And this concludes my first real post after sucha long time. wo0t.

Aright time to head to the hospital.

okay bye


listening to : jay chou - feng


the writer








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