orgasmic hamsters

orgasmic hamsters






Monday, October 31, 2005

ho hum

Over the past few days i realised that

1) I NEED sleep counselling

2) i have many habits as a result of being alone at home too often. e.g the discomfort i experience when sleeping fully clothed or when i'm unable to scratch my nose at whim

3) my best friend is an asshole who thought that staging a phoney quarrel with me would be the best way to celebrate my birthday

4) that i really do have some fab friends ( xin , nic , yan , P and ju . i heart all of you )

and oh , i met up with my mom just now and we had a loooong fruitful conversation which had her confessing to me her deepest and darkest secret.

I actually am supposed to have an elder sibling if not for the sad fact that she aborted it because she was 18 and afraid.

i felt only a tiny pang of disappointment because being an only child definitely outweighs having siblings.

but as always there are always two sides to a situation and the only child can be often described as spoilt , weird , spoilt , weird and spoilt.

i dunno. you tell me.

am bloody tired after my 3 day long birthday "festival". thanks to all for making it happen. and the presents and birthday greetings too.

i was actually feeling zonked out at 11 but i perked up again mysteriously when i reached home and now its already 4am.

yay ?

halloooweeeeeeeen tomorrow ! look out for fiona the barely-legal quack nurse prowling the streets with her gothic posse and her cyanide filled syringe.


listenin to : backstreet boys - as long as you love me ( WHY CANNOT AH !? )


Friday, October 28, 2005

a quick one a day before i turn naughty nineteen

I'm feeling a wee bit better after a bout of the blues already =)

Its gonna be hella busy from now onwards until Thurs . My birthday celebrations with various important people like the girls ( big thanks to Nic and Xin ) , the family , P and etc until Sunday.

Its just too bad i can't be with all the people i love on my birthday. I guess coping with loved ones going away are part and parcel of growing up. Julynn , mr otb and T .. 3 people , 3 different continents =(

And then i had this really really bad quarrel with my best friend , Yan. It got so bad that i'm sure we won't be on talking terms for a long time to come. And even if we do patch things up , the scar will be an indelible one. And yea those lofty plans we had discussed for my birthday , they're not gonna materialise. She's not even going to celebrate it with me. Oh well.

And then there's my grandpa who's still not in the best of health.

Definitely not in a celebratory mood.

Monday - Halloween. Yet another event over-commercialised by retailers out to wring every single penny out of us. But i won't be contributing to any retailer's coffers as i'll be in a hand-me-down given by my collegue. I'll be dressed up as a nurse ( i even altered my uniform to be extra tight with a nice long slit . I'm such a slut :D ) Unimaginative but aiyah , budget lah you know. See you guys @ Zouk on monday =)

And then its gonna be work non stop until thurs/fri because its the Hari Raya/Deepavali week and since most of my collegues at the cafe are non-chinese , we have to cover up for them. At least the pay's good. Hur hur.

On a happier note , i received my pretty VS bra and thong set in the mail yesterday. Heh. I love black lingerie so much. It's adorned with small little floral appliques so its really pretty.

And i've got window seats for my LA flight ! Woot. I'm gonna check up domestic flight fares to Wisconsin on monday , hopefully i can make it there for a day trip or something so i can pay homage to my all time favourite author - Laura Ingalls Wilder !

And now its time for me to head out to meet P for a short while before he flys off this evening to .. SOUTH AFRICA !

How fucking awesome. He's gonna be there for some documentary shoot lah. Lucky arse.

Before we know it , we're all gonna be scattered around the world. Permanently.

Just wait and see.




listenin to : goldfrapp - ooh la la


Thursday, October 27, 2005


I hate moping , and i hate people who wallow all day in misery.

But its hard to hate yourself at 6 in the morning when you're both physically and mentally exhausted but yet your mind refuses to rest.

I've been watching independant short films all night and it does nothing but refuel my faraway dreams of putting my scripts into action.

I can only wish.


If i were to cave into my innermost selfish desires now , i would disappear from this stifling little country , away from everyone else . Away from all my commitments and responsibilities. At the snap of a finger.

To be able to run without worrying that you might knock into someone else.

To be able to run without worrying that you're trespassing.

To be able to run without worrying about the next ERP gantry , and that your cashcard has sufficient $ to be deducted.

I am being slowly smothered to death.

This feeling of detachment.



I danced and skipped along the edge of the abyss and hummed a tuneless tune as i went along.Caution thrown to the wind like ashes dispersed.

And there she was.

I leaned forward and swept her hair away from her hauntingly beautiful face.That alabaster skin , so tender and translucent.She turned away and where our skin met just a moment ago , an empty void.

Her cheeks , gently rouged. When she smiles - two ripe cherries.

Her lips , drenched in Dior. An iridescent smile.

The distance will kill me , i lamented.

It wouldn't , technology will bridge the gaps and the timezones , she insisted.

It will , because i need you so much closer.

So very much closer.


Wednesday, October 26, 2005

fuck off and drown in your puddle of cum

Thanks to a not-so-private email address listed on this blog, i've received my fair share of weird emails with interesting propositions like an invitation to engage in a hot FFM ( although honestly i would prefer an MMF because it would mean alot less work ) and etc. And yes , i am extremely flattered that i sound exciting enough to be invited to be part of a menage because frankly , i am as sexual as an amoeba.

And then i get emails as mindfucking as this one. Like , whaaafuck ?!


From : JL
Sent : Saturday, October 24, 2005 9:17 PM
To :
Subject : mmm.


Hello there

I am just wondering if you get turned on by people cumming into ears. To have a thick long cock rubbing against and behind your ears and getting it filled up with hot fresh cum. Probably it its a new idea to you but since you're quite adventurous maybe i can tell you more if you want ?


Dude , hell no.

I might be a little extreme sometimes , and truth be told , i find some out-of-this-world fetishes absolutely riveting , such as erotic asphyxiation ( phew what a big word ) , which probably stems from my fascination with being domineered because asphyxiation is basically just choking.

And choking is dangerous because many horny ones have died trying to achieve a sexual high from choking themselves. Michael Hutchence of INXS was rumoured to have died from it. It was reported otherwise of course , but it was never proven.

And necrophilia. Not that i fantasise about fucking a corpse of course , but the idea itself is just .. amazing.

But masturbating with ears or nose or between eyes or whatever is just too unsexy .


"Oh yeah rub my earlobes hard with your cock. Oh fuck yeah that feels so good"


Hell no.

Dude , hell no.

I wouldn't be surprised if i googled "sex with hollow decomposing mice" or "sex with Teletubbies puppets" and got results.

It takes all sorts to make a world , and you better believe it.


listenin to : depeche mode - enjoy the silence

p/s : i've got jay's second newest song - Shan Hu Hai ( or Coral Sea ) . Woot ! I love him.


Tuesday, October 25, 2005

oh no

Due to the atrocious and downright horrendous dressing of some , i have decided to dedicate a post every now and then to those unfortunately captured on my trusty digicam.

Today's fashion faux paux trophy goes to this Ah Beng ( complete with badly dyed orange hair and ugly earrings ) sitting in front of me at the bus interchange just now

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Oww.. My eyes ! My eyes !

Mesh singlets has NEVER and will NEVER be in vogue. I don't give a fuck if you want to tell the whole world discreetly that you work out at religiously at the gym or you have nice pink nipples that's begging to be rolled about gently between two fingers ( or licked )

I don't even care if you're gay , because gays are supposed have an impeccable dress sense , flamboyant maybe but still good. If you're gay and you wear a mesh singlet , then you're a *cough*loser*cough*


listening to : disturbed - want

Have i ever mention how much i love disturbed ?? Okay , so i have.

And they have a new album too ! Fuck yeah !

I think the lyrics to this one is really.. well , a big turn on.

I know it sucks to have lyrics on blogs but i only post the good shit so read it okay ?

"Quivering now, shivering now, withering
Your mind wont let you say that you're
Wondering now, pondering now, hungering
Wont let you say that you're
Questioning, wavering, weakening
You mind wont let you say that you're
Hearkening, listening, heeding me now
Wont let you say that you want

and of course my all time favourite from them - meaning of life

"Need to get psycho
wanna hear you say it
say, you want it, need it
Don't wanna wait until we finish the show
It's not enough, you hunger for more
You're one twisted little fuck
And now you wanna get psycho with me

Need to get psycho
Wanna hear you scream
Tell me to take you, scare you, fuck you
After we finish the show
It's not enough, you listening whore?
You're one twisted little fuck
And now you wanna get psycho with me

I can feel the blood, flowing through my veins
Spilling on my soul
And now the hunger's getting bigger
Come a little closer now pretentious whore and pull my trigger
Free the violence that is building in me
I say now end of the ride, murder suicide
Is how I've been feelin'lately "

Yeah i know i sound like some kind of deviant. But i really like the thought of being someone's slave.

To submit , obey and beg.

Damn i really need to get those three words out of my system.

Ok bye.


Monday, October 24, 2005


Their shadows superimposed on each other's as they shuffled along in tandem , the curve of their backs like a waning sliver of moon. Their arms swing like an ungreased hinge with every slow step.

Seperated only by a glass panel - a stunning contrast.

A beaming mother breastfeeds her baby.


Saturday, October 22, 2005

an unfortunate turn of events

Life dealt me an unfair blow this morning.

My grandpa , whom i am quite attached to , was diagnosed with a probable case of cancer after a routine check-up.

Nothing is confirmed yet though at this point of time , though the signs point towards an unwanted outcome.

I was disgusted with myself for my lack of emotions . The first thought that came to my mind was "Shit , now what's gonna happen to my trip to LA ?"

What the fuck. I fucking hate myself.

I don't know what caused my sudden indifference , maybe because i've already unconsciously prepared myself for the worst after my grandpa's recent spate of ill health.

Maybe because i was really THAT looking forward to my LA trip . I need to get away from it all so badly that going overseas was a welcome respite.

As for why "i needed to get away from it all" , i myself cannot put a finger to my sudden detachment.

I feel so stifled here . I hate it that my life has settled into a sort of routine.

I long to go away and be free from being beholden. To my family , my job and my studies.

Even if its only for one paltry month.

I need to find new perspectives , to find a new direction and a purpose in life.

I want my life to be more than just working , studying and partying. Its so inane.

I don' know how a single short trip would change everything , but i have a feeling it will.

I long to meet up with my friends in LA , and forget that i actually belong somewhere else.

I hate how i drag myself to my grandparents' almost everyday. Sure , i love seeing and spending time with them , but now it has sadly become a case of appearing just to make them happy instead of the visits gratifying both parties.To put it in a simpler term , i am probably filial because i just want to make them happy , and not because i want it.

To make things worse , i have been thinking , what if my grandparents had passed away before i was even born ?

I'd have no commitments to my family at all .

Or what if i've never been close to them ? That way , no amount of ill-health would have bothered me and caused me such worry and great pain.

I'm such a selfish asshole.

I prayed to an unknown God earlier on. I prayed that if he would let my grandpa's cancer screening pass with benign results , i would give myself two deep cuts on each arm as a token of appreciation .

But i would not go as far as sacrificing my life for anyone's because i am a selfish piece of shit.

And now i am late for work. Ok bye.


the things only my grandma would do..

Like cutting open a tube of toothpaste to get to the very last bits.

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.. and you thought your mother was being extreme ( and niao ) when she rolled up it up and secured it with a rubber band .

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The toothpaste murderer.


Friday, October 21, 2005

short one

I over-plucked my eyebrows by mistake.

The more i tried to rectify my uneven brows , the more i plucked out.



listening to : Jay Chou - Ye Qu ( His new song =D )


Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Pimple's last stand

If you have hanged ( hung ? ) out with me for the past few days or so , you WILL have noticed the nano version of Mt.Vesuvius on my nose , except that this miniature one is active and not dormant like its bigger sibling.

I've never been one to complain about pimples because firstly , i'm blessed with a good complexion free from even blackheads and secondly , when i do get pimples , i'd just wait for it to ripen and i'd pop it with gusto.

But this one , is different.

Usually , my more significant pimples would ripen after about 3 days , that is when the pus is waving at you from under the veil of translucent skin.

But this stubborn thing here is apparently very much detemined to survive and to ensure its survival , it has grown a second layer of scab-like skin over it.

The pimple's version of a kevlar vest.

I can see the yellow pus bubbling under like a cauldron but i simply cannot pop it because i am unable to remove the scab.

After enduring looking like a clown for a week ( i've never believed in covering up pimples with concealer.. have you ever seen how disgusting a pimple looks like under concealer ? Flaky, due to the dry skin surrounding the pimple caused by pimple cream ) i decided i've had enough and decided to go ahead with my last ( and extreme ) resort.

After all , even the best kevlar vests has its limitations. Like , they're rendered completely useless should you get blasted by a bazooka or a volley of shots fired by an army.

I lighted up a candle and passed a needle over the flame for a few seconds and waited for it to cool down.

Then, squeezing the intruder between my thumb and index finger , i took a deep breath and pushed the tip of the needle in.

I didn't feel anything and the pus didn't ooze out either so i took another deep breath and lunged the needle in without further adieu ( and without much thought )



The pus came to the surface in a small concave sphere dotted with blood and i dabbed it off with a tissue.

I pulled my nose taut and i cursed aloud when the pus actually propelled out like a liquified cannonball and it landed on my upper lip.


I swear to god i am not exaggerating.

After pressing the now defunct pimple into tissue paper for a few more times , i hereby declare winning the battle.

For now.

The flattened Vesuvius still looks red and from past experiences , some times the pimple miraculously survives.

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I told you it was big..

By the way , i have an anecdote to share with you all.

I went to M.A.C today to get a new concealer because my previous bottle had dried up to lack of use ( i don't really use alot of concealer. actually i don't really use alot of make up at all ! ) .

I went to the counter where the concealers were placed and fondled with the tub concealer and wondered if i should stick to it , because i didn't really like it as it was too cakey and waxy.

But i was in a rush and besides i'm a creature of habit so i was sort of sitting on a fence and contemplating to try out their other concealers.

Then a male sales assistant ( or SA. actually the proper term would be make-up consultant but you get the idea ) sauntered over and recommended me the cylindrical concealer.

I dabbed some on the back of my hand and liked its sheer coverage and how light it felt and nodded in approval.

Then he said

"Yeah , i like this one too you know ? I'm using it too !"

Woah woah woah.

I'm perfectly fine with metrosexuals , beauty regimes and all. But i think using make-up is really crossing the boundaries of my acceptance.

Which is too bad , because the SA was really cute. Ha.

Anyway , i got the cylindrical concealer and its really good.


a birthday wish list

I know i shouldn't but i can't help compiling a public wishlist , just in case there is somebody nice enough to get me want i really want. Heh

1) Juicer. Those nifty machines that make tomatos and carrots alot more palatable by liquifying them into pulp-free liquids.I hate raw tomatos by the way but i force two down a day for the sake of my health.

2) A nintendo dunno-what console. Because Nintendog is the most kawaii game i've ever played in my entire life !

3) Original Sims 2 game , because the "friendly" version i have is un-crackable. Stupid malaysian vendor. Never go to JB for your discs !

4) A golden retriever. A real one , assholes.

5) A new bolster. My current one has gone limp , not so huggable anymore.

6) A crate of disgusting tomatos

7) A hunky male escort with dimples

8) Something to cure ulcers

9) - To be continued -

I know , its a crappy and lame list but it makes me smile while compiling it because it makes me realise that i really don't want anything at all , and its a nice thought , because it shows just how lucky i am to not be in want of anything .

( actually i DO have wants , but they're not really wants , just one of those silly and opulent thoughts girls have , like a little something from Tiffany and Co , a pair of Miu Miu pumps etc . Utterly useless unless you have the style and elegance to carry it off , it'll look fake and cheap on you. )

The only thing that i really really really really want , is someone to love. But i didn't want to put that down on the list because i'll come across as juvenile as those kiddy bloggers who writes stuff like

"SobX sObs.. I dUn wAnt aNythiNg for My buRfday bUt a sWeet BoyFrienD whO wiLL dotE on Me.."



Tuesday, October 18, 2005

sobering up

I looked into the mirror and saw my mother , even though i am like the female doppelganger of my father.

I miss my mother so much , i wish she would call me more often.

Once every few months just isn't enough.

I wonder what would have happened if from the very beginning my mother got hold of my custody ( impossible because she was 20 , young , reckless ,rebellious and a party animal. like me. )

My dad , always sullen and brooding. Never replies when spoken to despite repeated attempts.

My mother , always laughing her bitchy laugh. Full of endless enthusiasm.

Just like me.

My dad : "You look like a fucking slut wearing that"

My mother : "I have that top too , you know !"

Just like me.

My dad , the workaholic.

My mother , the overaged zoukette with ants in her pants.

Just like me.

My dad . Always condescending and insulting. "Don't fucking stay here and bother me. Why can't you move out and stay with your mother ?" , "don't be so cheap like your mother"

Like your mother.

Well , fuck you. Don't insult my mother.

She used to be your wife after all.

My mother. Always so nice . "Remember , never let boys take advantage of you okay ?"

Been saying that since i was 12 , and she is still at it.

I'd flip through the family album sometimes and my heart aches whenever i see my mom , as young as me , cradling a fat red-faced baby in her arms and a milk bottle in one hand.

She was so young , how could one expect her to be endure such a burden when her peers were attending tea parties and dancing to Banarama ?

She was so young , and my dad's 12 years her senior. How did their marriage survive two years ?

Every trait i own today , were from my mother.

From my habit of going bra-less at home ( i remember once my mom was piercing my ears for me when i was in primary 6 , she leaned over and my face was literally being cupped between her ample cleavage because she was wearing a low-cut singlet. Unfortunately i did not inherit her heaving bosom. Whaddafuck ? ) , to my relaxed stance towards dating. My mother used to say , date all you want , but respect your body.

I listened. I'm glad i did.

My mother was a pretty lass in her time. Why the hell did she make the mistake of marrying my unworthy dad ??

Sure , my dad was pretty well endowed in the looks department , fortunately. But their characters were as similar as anal sex is to abstinence.

So why oh why.

I think my dad selectively mute , because when he is with his girlfriend , he suddenly becomes as eloquent as David Letterman.

But whenever i try to talk to him , my presence is as significant as a breeze.

And he is rude. I cannot stand rude people. Take this phone conversation for example

Me : Dad , is there any bread at home ?

Dad : Where the fuck are you ?

Me : At grandma's place lah.. So is there any bread at home ?

Dad : Don't fucking lie to me !

Me : Really lah ! You can call me back if you are so doubtful.. So is there any bread at home ?

Dad : Fuck you !

Me : What !?! Can you just tell me if there is any bread at home ?

Dad : *CLICK*

My cousin was laughing his ass off listening to our conversation , and he still finds it humorous enough to talk about it every now and then. Of course i didn't see the humour in it. In fact i was hopping mad at my dad's blatant lack of manners.

Actually i'm supposed to be mugging for my papers tomorrow , but i missed my mother suddenly and hence decided to blog about it.

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I know , my middle finger looks like a dick between four fingers. But hey ! I'm a writer , NOT an artist :p

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The girls ! Xin , me and Pei. Muahhh ! I love you all.


listening to : Sigur Ros - se lest

Next up : Frankie J - Don't wanna try

Okay i shall put up my playlist for tonight which consists of 10 songs , two abovementioned

3) Darren Hayes - Insatiable

4) DJ Shadow - Organ Donor

5) Deathcab for cutie - Photobooth

6) Metropolitan Jazz Affair - Moanin' Darkness

7) Erykah Badu - Back in the day

8) Mazzy Star - Fade into you

9) Suede - The beautiful ones

10) Franz Ferdinand - Take me out


Monday, October 17, 2005

fuck this shit

although my life has been pretty fulfilling ( read: unexciting , boring , its my party and i cry if i want to ! ) so far , i find myself getting all riled up over the slightest of reasons like

1) being inflicted with a most distracting sort of insomnia. it must be some fucking new breed that has evolved after years of late nights because i AM able to lull myself to sleep , but only after 6am. i must have become immune to those little white pills promising sweet sweet dreams because even after maxing out the recommended dosage of 2 1/2 pills , i still remain alert. and this is seriously shitty because i spend my days in a trance , falling asleep in trains and buses and then starting the cycle all over again.

2) my hamsters running in their cranky fucking wheel. the noise is enough to wake king tut up and i wake up at 8am to overturn their wheel , sending them scurrying for their lifes in shock. i know , i'm a cunt. *note to self: buy them a new running wheel*

3) a developing case with cleanliness bordering on obsessive-compulsive behaviour. especially my hands. its gets so bad that seeing the slightest smudge of brown dirt under my own nail makes me want to hurl and pick at it with any pointed small object like a pin or the corner of a card immediately.

i'd feel equally disgusted seeing grime under other people's nails. i could look away and ignore it but somehow by reflex i keep turning back to stare.

i'd hate it so much when i get sticky palms after steppin out of a cold environment due to the condensation that i have to get my hands under running water.

i'll get paranoid about making contact with "public" surfaces like train seatsthat i'll wrap my uncovered back ( when i'm in camisoles or halters ) with my shawl or sit at the edge if i'm wearing something short.

and worst of all , i'll feel so nauseated in public toilets especially when confined in a cubicle. i'll fixate on the dirtiest scrummiest corner filled with matted hair balls swimming in brown mush and unidentified coagulated bits in spite of myself and then feeling so dirty that i could feel my lunch rising up my throat and tears stinging my eyes. even thinking about it now draws up graphic images in my mind's eye and i have to suck on a vick's candy to get my mind off it.

to sum it this cleanliness issue up , somehow my mind wants to look at things i just don't want to see and consequently ( and always successfully ) making me feel grossed out and uncleansed.

and oh i just got a bottle of hand sanitiser from the pharmacy and its bloody effective in making that sticky palm syndrome go away.

4) this recurring dream about a fucked up experience i had with a whole steamed chicken when i was about 8. my grandmother forgot that she cooked and left a chicken in a pot before we all went out for a short getaway to Thailand.

we returned a week later and i was the first in the kitchen because i was hungry. seeing the pot on the stove of course i uncovered the lid and saw the chicken still in one beautiful piece and i did not know that it had been there for a week already , much less question its presence.

my fingers reached inside to pick up the chicken and.... the whole fucking thing DISINTEGRATED like powder and beneath the collapsed heap was a mass of fat white maggots and other swarming creatures , a few which were on my hand. fuck , the chicken had been hollowed out by the savages , leaving only top part intact. i dreamt about this thrice in two weeks already and i always woke up in cold sweat. shit.

5) seeing a Durex wrapper in the thrash bag after getting home late on a saturday night. my mind conjures up disturbing scenes of my dad and his girlfriend in various positions and it makes me lose my appetite . fuck , obviously "discreet" is not in their limited vocab. how stupid can they be , throwing that into a filled-to-the-brim trash bag ? ( yes i know that its incredibly immature of me to think like that but deep down inside i know that if the woman inside the master bedroom's my mother , i'll probably just chuckle to myself and secretly berate my parents for being so openly kinky )

i am neither depressed nor suicidal or whatever equally shitty terms you can come up with, but i get angry with myself for being so unable to tolerate such minor situations.

i am goin to learn the art of Zen and meditate.



listening to : franz ferdinand - do you want to ( i'm better off listenin to deathcab or cafe del mar at this point of time. i will , later )


p.s : apologies for the excessive language. an angry blogger is a vulgar blogger.


Sunday, October 16, 2005


If you have noticed , i deleted my last entry because it was too personal , i don't really like people to make inaccurate judgements about me simply just by reading what i write and this has happened on several occasions before and its not the best feeling in the world i'm telling ya ( woah such a long sentence without a single punctuation. i'm good! )

i was writing about being pro-polygamy by the way.

so yeah.. been incredibly busy the past few days. busy slogging at the cafe , spending whatever time i have left with my friends and family especially because my grandpa has been pretty cranky lately and i'm worried sick cus' he seems to be complaining about phantom symptoms. and then cramming in revision here and there for my exam next week. no wonder the lone pimple right smack on the tip of my nose is ballooning. fuck.

caught the 40 year old virgin with mel and co. just now. thin and predictable plot , but worth a few laughs.

it alarms me to realise at just how fast we're growing up. it feels like yesterday we were sitting in our stuffy school canteen bitching about "how miss chinniah nagged at me and oh my god did you see what miss toh wore today ? what a hot slut !" in our school uniforms while copying overdue math assignment. and now , conversation topics revolve around "wah my officer tekan me again today.. fucking retard." or "hey i heard ah pong just got his licence.. heard he getting rx8 sia !"

before we know it , we'll be discussing so-and-so's weddings and the birth of so-and-so's first baby , clad in our office togs and document bags tucked under our arms.

its a scary thought.

by the way i have an excellent murphy's law incident to share with you guys..

just a few days ago , i was in a public toilet with an urgent need to pee.

i unbuckled my belt and sat on the toilet seat ( of course wiped and lined thickly with toilet paper ).. WITHOUT taking off my jeans

so yeah you can imagine what happened.

luckily i managed to hold it back after the initial trickle but i still walked around with a slightly damp patch for a while before it dried. i know its gross but i don't have any other choice , do i ?

worship my stupidity.


Wednesday, October 12, 2005

the chronicles of John the prairie boy

Way before your grandparents were born , there lived a little boy with blonde curly locks called John , and he lived with his parents , Jane and Joseph ( They were both blonde too , except John had curlier hair )

They were simple folks who lived on whatever Nature had provided for them. In other words , they were farmers. Back in those days , you could move your little log house wherever it may please you and you wouldn't have pay a single cent. No taxes even.

Those were the good old days.

This little family lived in Wisconsin , in a cosy log house by banks of the Mississipi river. Sometimes it flooded during the rainy season , but they all would move out from their humble abode into their canvas covered wagon into higher land and would stay there until the swollen river subsided , only find out that their precious little wooden house has disintegrated into wood shavings. "Next time , i shall use stronger timber. No more branches for walls" , Joseph would always say. How many times they have build a new house , i do not know.

John was a beautiful boy , always truthful and obedient like a little dog. His parents adored him , and would often sing his praises to their relatives whenever they visited , which wasn't very often for back in those days they had no highways and horses were painfully slow. Which is why our ancestors had alot of children , because they had no reliable forms of transportation and the only pleasurable pastime that they had was , in the words of the bible , "lying on each other".

So Joseph lay with Jane one cold night , but little did they know young John was looking at them , for they all shared a bed. "Mother , father ? What are you doing ?" John asked , horrified to see his father apparently trying to crush his mother by sitting on top of her , and his mother moaning in great pain. Joseph smiled at John and said "Fear not , son. We are just exercising. Go and sleep now , child" Little John was fascinated "Father , may i please watch ?" Joseph looked at Jane , and Jane smiled consentingly "All right , John. You may watch and learn , but be quiet will you darling ?"

Joseph lay with Jane again , and John watched. He wondered if he could do the same , and his eyes wandered to Brownie , their stout barn horse hoofing around in his shed.


To be continued !


another film list

I wanna catch

1- April Snow
2- Corpse bride
3- 40 year old virgin
4- Deuce Bigalow
5- Everlasting Regret ( this has been slammed by the critics but what the hell.. I'll catch it just for the postmodern Shanghai theme )

Thats all for now folks , i'm bloody tired.


Tuesday, October 11, 2005

random ramblings

You know you're really deprieved when you unconsciously inch closer to the guy sitting next to you so that you could take in deep breaths of his yummy scent ( Issey Miyake ? Whatever. Mmmm. )

Only to startle yourself in horror upon realisation

"What the fuck am i doing ?!"

I better get a hold of myself before my mind detaches completely and my hands will wander to a stranger's lap because thats where my hands are usually found when i used to have someone special in my life ( yes , all 2 of them )

And then i'll get arrested for outraging someone's modesty.

Okay i ramble.

And no , don't send me emails with contents like

"Yeah baby you can put your hands on my lap.. Or reach inside my pants!"


"I'll make you cum in your panties"


"I will love you long time!" ( asian prostitute-style to a potential customer )

Because when i say deprieved , i don't mean it in a sexual way.

Not that i am getting any of course but let's just say the female libido is.. er.. a mere fraction of men's.

Or nano-fraction to be more precise ( the majority anyway.. )

So yeah no sexual propositions please , but if you are ( or know someone ) who has the personality and smouldering looks of Johnny Depp , do not hesitate. ( or if you look like Angelina Jolie , also can ! I'm always open to different options baybeeee )

I'll be waiting in my boudoir , handcuffed to the bedpost in my white lacey garters and matching satin chemise :D

( yeah i like white. looks virginal. )

Speaking of garters , i think they are damn hot. I don't know about the rest but i feel that wearing them makes one feel like a whore and i like that.

Just like a french courtesan of yore ! Think Moulin Rouge and the Crazy Horse. Phwoaaar.

Spectacular , spectacular ! ( if you're a fan of the film you oughta know this line. if not , shame on you ! )

AND speaking of lingerie , i have this fascination with corsets..

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I think they look really gorgeous , too risque for day wear perhaps but if i could get my hands on one , i don't mind wearing it for late nights out !

Of course i'll probably look anorexic ( but i have put on weight recently.. Really ! ) and it'll squeeze the life out of my fragile long-suffering kittens but sheeeeesh i think a nice white victorian corset , straight cut denims and white patent 1 inch heeled pumps will look really sweet.

And i'll complete the look with my still-in-the-mail white clutch bag with shiny metal clasps!


I heard Raoul has a ladies' line that carries really nice corsets ( at alarming prices , no less ) so i'll be keeping my fingers crossed.

And oh , corsets will serve as a deterrent to would be straying hands as well , for it takes ages to loosen one. Ha !

UPDATE at 3am : Shitte , i think i sound like a bloody nympho.

listenin to : Sigur Ros - Nothing song ( prelude to a well-deserved rest after a crazy day with the girls )


Sunday, October 09, 2005


I had tapas and Stella Artois ( pronouced as Stee-La Ah-Toys :p ) with a good head of foam last night at Clark Quay after work with P and it changed my mindset towards beer forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. Amen.

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We ordered like 4 plates of tapas ( and believe me it was really awesome ) , and it looked something like this.

Grilled tiger prawns , calamari , some funky looking potatos drenched in a cream sauce which was incredibly tasty and some fishy dish.

I've never been a discerning beer guzzler but..

The beer was just.. crisp and fruity and it washed down the salty flavours perfectly to a T !

Mmmmmmm. More tonight !



A question to all boyfriends/husbands out there...

Would you mind if you other half sneezes really loudly at home?

I've suppressed my sneeze from such a young age that it sounds like a squeak now but i like it when i'm alone at home and i would force myself to roar with such vigor when i sneeze that it resonates throughout the house.

It sorta de-stresses i guess.

Therapeutic for stressed students like me :D

So.. What say you ? No politically correct answers like "I sneeze loudly too so i don't mind her sneezing as loudly as me" because thats complete bollocks as we know guys tend to sneeze in a more hearty manner anyway.


Saturday, October 08, 2005


After a fulfilling dinner cum fruitful gossip session with my girls , we took a walk down Orchard where we sort of got accosted by a towering transsexual outside Orchard Towers.

The girls were scared stiff and they remained at least 3 feet away but because my uncle's girlfriend is also an ex "he" , i didn't think too much about talking to her although i had my reservations at first because they have been known to become violent towards girls .

As it turned out she just wanted to have a harmless conversation with us and i guess she was just curious as to why we ( three modestly dressed schoolgirlish kids ) were in Orchard Towers ( the reputable "four floors of whores" ) , the reason being we had dinner at Nicholas' working place which is situated there.

Anyway she shared the same name with my uncle's girl and was equally flamboyant in both behaviour and dress-sense.

Think wild sudden shrieks , exaggerated actions which more often than not involves the cupping of an ample boob , hair tightly tied up in a high ponytail and of course , thick make-up with pencil thin eyebrows.

They even share the same physique. They look unfortunately manly because of their broad shoulders , thick ankles and statuesque height.


I personally feel that they're a grossly misunderstood bunch , even more so than homosexuals.

Its true that they've always been associated with paid sex but come to think about it , they have needs too and because more often than not , they're considered social pariahs and its hard to land a decent paying day job.

I've gotta admit that before i got to know my uncle's girl , i used to look at them through a different perspective , that they were hardcore party animals whose only aim in life is to get laid for cash to buy even more body-hugging clothes usually made from lycra.

But i'll have you know that they're really interesting people if only you guys would give them a chance , and to overlook their night jobs. They're really spontaneous people and i believe that it is so because once you've already pushed the boundaries by changing sex , you don't give a shit to how people feel anymore ( like "hey if i can cut my dick off why can't i do this ?" )

And that , boys and girls , explain their loud and attention-seeking ways.

You would too.

Ironically , after we had left Orchard Towers , along the way we saw a burly looking angmoh pick up a trans with this line

"Hey.. How much ?"

We couldn't hear how much she offered for her services but the transaction was over and done with in a blink and the next moment she was hopping into a cab with the horny man.

As a woman ( and i treat them as ladies as well so i believe they share my sentiments ) , i feel that one can never be truly happy about having to resort to prostitution to earn a living.

p.s : i accidently deleted my previous post. arrrrrrgh.

p.p.s : because i accidently deleted my previous post , i have another reason to gently remind you all that my birthday is in 3 week's time . be nice !

hints : i like macaroni and cheese , handmade gifts/cards with looooong inscriptions , a sincere firm handshake and dimples. :D


Thursday, October 06, 2005

stop following me..

Today.. I trooped down to XXX Publishing ( i shall name this company after my official "departure" ) and handed in my FINAL article before calling it quits because i am absolutely fed up with their style of giving the shitty jobs to their freelancers.

I am a writer , NOT telemarketeer nor mail-handler , you assholes.

On a happier note , i headed to Geylang for a sumptuous dinner at a cantonese restaurant with P after that.

I heart roast pork !


After chilling out at Acid bar just now with the usual suspects ( i officially declare Acid Bar the new SPG pickup joint. More of that later ! ) , i made my way back along as the rest were headin somewhere else for another round of drinks.

Bloody alcholics ! :D

Because it was already 1am when i finally reached the interchange , i had no choice but to take the long lonely trek home .

As i trudged along the dark pavements , i noticed someone was walking behind a few feet away and i hastened my footsteps because that particular stretch was rather deserted due to the construction ( wooden panels and all ) going on and it looked like the perfect crime scene.

I turned around and i didn't know if i was being too sensitive but i thought i saw that man hurriedly hiding his hand behind a big plastic bag the moment i turned.

Perhaps .. he was trying to conceal a weapon ?

I didn't wait to find out because i quickly took a detour and headed towards a block of flats .

Yeah i'm a prude , so sue me ! It pays to be safe :p

He disappeared from my sight and i paced around the lift lobby for awhile , just to be sure.

I know it sounds really really really dumb but before i continued my walk home i stuffed my handphone into my bra and my ic down the other cup.

I mean , if i really got robbed , the robbers would probably just grab my bag and run or maybe do a quick search through my pockets right ????

As i trudged along the park , still being extra vigilant and turning around every few moments like a suspicious bastard , i noticed a figure preparing to lie down on a bench.

Since there were a few rowdy skaters nearby i decided it was safe to walk past him..

And guess what !

It was the man who had been "following" me !!!!!!

Shit , i had wronged him.

And it was quite embarrassing for i guess he knew that i had purposely detoured because of him , and that i thought he was some sort of mugger when he was just a poor homeless person whose bed is a park bench.


So i walked home feeling rather silly and my bra almost bursting at its seams from its extra load.

But then again ..

Its always better to be safe than to be sorry , especially if you're a person who is easily overpowered.

And being mugged is not the worst case scenario.. Imagine being raped or even worse , being at the mercy of a psychopath who derieves pleasure from torturing people.

Anyway , i've got my air tickets already..

No Eva Air for me definitely ! I'm placing my life in the hands of Cathay Pacific.

Heard that the stewardesses damn chio. Hmm. Then the stewards leh ??

I'm disappointed that we're not travelling with KLM , because it would have meant a stopover in Amsterdam =(

My rendezvous with mr otb will have to wait !

But if all goes well i'll be going to France next spring ! And France is definitely just a stone's throw away from Netherlands , no ? =)

Okay so its not really THAT close but its close enough. Ha.

I think Paris ( Sizzling frenchmen ! River Seine ! Amour ! ) is the loveliest place ever , among others like Yorkshire ( the moors ! okay , too much James Herriot here ) , Winsconsin ( Prairies ! okay , too much Laura Ingalls Wilder here ) , London ( British accents ! People ! Sub cultures ! ) and of course , Tibet , Mongolia and Nepal ( Prayer wheels ! Yaks ! Nomads ! )

Not forgetting that its home to great impressionists like Manet , Monet and Renoir..

Imagine sitting by the banks of the Seine and overlooking the scenery which inspired Monet before.

Sing with me , boys and girls , to Ella Fitzgerald !

I love Paris in the springtime
I love Paris every moment
Every moment of the year
I love Paris
Why oh why do i love Paris ?
Because my love is here


Wednesday, October 05, 2005

wtf ?! Answers wanted !

Can someone tell me why there is such a VAST difference in fare and travelling time between different flights to the same destination ?

Was checking out airfare and stuff when i stumbled upon this..

KLM Airlines flight 838 / 601 - 1 Stop - Change planes in Amsterdam, Netherlands (AMS)
Singapore (SIN)
Thu, 10 Nov 11:30pm
Los Angeles, CA (LAX)
Fri, 11 Nov 1:45pm
Total travel time: 30hrs 15min
Next day arrival

WTF 3o hours including transit ?? And the price is like , $2500 ??

Did i mention that the fuel surcharge now is like $150 ( and RISING indefinitely ) and there is airport tax as well and this incredibly shitty tax for security called.... The security tax ( yay , u guessed it u smarty pants)

So if i were to go to LA on this flight , the grand total would be.......

$2500+350 = $2850 !!!!!!!!!!!!

Wu Yah Boh ?!

All you are lucky bitches who travelled before the fuel surcharge shitte .

Then compare it to this..

Eva Air flight 111 / 225 - 1 Stop - Change planes in Taipei, Taiwan (TPE)
Los Angeles, CA (LAX)
Sun, 04 Dec 11:30pm
Singapore (SIN)
Tue, 06 Dec 12:00noon
Total travel time: 18hrs 40min
Arrival on 06 Dec

The former's travelling time is twice the latter's and the same goes towards the price ??

Although i must say the prospect of stopping over at Amsterdam is very very enticing , mebbe i could stuff my pockets with weed and a smorgasbord of other "stuff".

And maybe i could even catch a glimpse of mr okay-thanks-bye ( and then we can make out in the airport's toilet , no ? )

Very very puzzling ( i mean the travelling time , not the making out part ) , i'm sure there is a reason but i am unable to figure it out ( And no wonder , it is a 7am now after getting roused awake by an attack of the munchies )

I am thinking that maybe the stopover at Amsterdam is longer but WTF ? Usually it shouldn't take any longer than two hours.

Then i saw this ..

Korean Air flight 2 / 641 - 2 Stops - Change planes in Incheon Int Seoul, Korea Republic (ICN)
Los Angeles, CA (LAX)
Sun, 04 Dec 10:15am
Singapore (SIN)
Tue, 06 Dec 6:50pm
Total travel time: 40hrs 35min


Yes , its two stops but the mere thought of being in a plane for approx. 30+ hours excluding the stopovers makes me baulk.

The aftermath ? An acute case of jetlag which will probably never recover.

The last time we took Eva air to LA , i swore we would never go through that traumatising experience ever again.

Think instant noodles and uneffectively bilingual stewardesses.

I say..

Give me 20 hours with the Singapore Girl anytime ( That is unless i fork out 2k to canoodle with them )


Tuesday, October 04, 2005

a bus ride

Just now while on the bus , i looked out of the window to see a school bus stopping beside me and a kid plastered his face on his window , his two hands on the glass palms facing up, his eyes fixated on something .

What fascinated him so much i did not know , but he made my day when he suddenly awoke from his blissful idle and his lips curled into a faint smile , still staring at the side of the bus i was in.

His mouth was gaping wide open , his eyes spoke of wonder.

His gaze followed my bus as it drove away.

Just what was it which caused him that brief moment of glee ? Maybe it was the wheel of bus ? As you know , boys like vehicles.

I got my answer when i alighted.

Covering the entire bus were advertisements with delectable pictures of Oreo cookies.


Monday, October 03, 2005

of women and sex

Last night Keithf and I chatted online and even though it started off with a innocuous question regarding airfare , we ended up discussing sex like always.

I told him i feel that i was afraid to let anyone touch me not because i wanted to remain chaste nor keep to my vow of "saving it for the wedding night" ( which is all but a scam , really ! ) but because i was afraid of myself.

I was afraid that once i don't have anything more to be protective over , i would lose a rein on myself and will start , to put it crudely , fuck around.

Because i can , because i am that sort of person.

For now , only in my wildest dreams can i have a one night stand in someone's car , someone whose name is "hey".

Because i've always been a person who believes that one should always make the best of his youth , i might take my belief a little extremely because once you have lost your attraction as a nubile young lady , than maybe you will never know how it would feel like to have a no-strings-attached kind of sex.

I know its wrong to think that way but i like to live my life dangerously.

Another reason why i flinch and back away whenever someone tries to get close is because i know very well that you men ( assholes ! ) tend to misinterpret signs , that the slight gasp from her when you nuzzled her neck means that she is horny.

Not true.

I don't know how to explain it but skin to skin contact always feels nice , and not always in a sexual way. I liked being touched and cuddled , because it makes me feel loved. And not because i want to fuck the brains out of you ( well , sometimes... )

I don't know about the rest but i find it a big turn-on ( and flattering ) to have someone tell you that you turn him on .... and it shows .


Okay i digress.

But i like it best when the simplest of actions such as holding hands is able to cause a big reaction in me , sometimes i can actually feel myself blushing , trying to contain the sudden urge to skip in joy and to plant a big wet one on his lips whenever i look down to see my small hand encapsulated in his.

And nothing , absolutely nothing , can feel better than that.


listenin to : death cab for cutie - transalanticism


Saturday, October 01, 2005

Screw blogger.

I am unable to upload photos because i cannot access the HTML editor.

To find out why , go to my Flickr !!

I've uploaded quite a few photos as well !


hello idiots

All i can say is.

Don't expect superb service from us when you treat us like dirt.

We are not robots programmed with a radar that alerts us whenever you're trying to seek our attention because as humans , our field of vision is only THAT wide .

I served this incredibly anal woman yesterday and she was all smiles and politeness initially but when i wrongly informed her about the soups of the day , she rolled her eyes and said

"Forget it , i'm not getting the soup anymore. What lousy service !!"

I was flabbergasted. I had only misinformed her about the soups available for the day and she said that ?!

You singaporeans are bloody good at this , im telling ya. Using those two dreaded words on us poor service providers at the slightest provocation , or even none at all.

Because you know it'll make us frightened.

In my opinion , bad service is all about attitude and efficiency , and NOT human errors which are bound to happen sometimes even in top-notch restaurents.

If you can accidently delete off a report which you have mugging on the whole day , we are also liable to serving the wrong orders.

This particular lady was so anal that when i nicely asked whether if she would mind moving to another table because the table was about to be reserved , she yelled at me

"What ! Why should i move ? You should have informed me in the first place before i even sat down ! No i'm not moving ! My god , what horrid service !" ( see , she used those two dreaded words again )

Okay so it was an oversight on my part not to inform her in the first place .

But did she really have to make such a fuss ?


I worked non-stop for almost 14 hours yesterday and at the end of the day i was so fatigued that i had to sit down while showering because my feet were aching so badly.

Luckily my collegues were a great bunch as usual , if not working such long hours would have been really unbearable. The best part about working with all male collegues is that you get to do only the lighter stuff like wiping of the tables while they slog at moving the tables :D

And even better , i served this really cute guy last night and he really made my day when he addressed me by name when he came back to return the plates he had borrowed !

So nice of him to remember :D

And he speaks good english too ! Awesome !

Okay.. i ramble.

So bloody tired that i think i'm going to spend my saturday at home to rest.


listening to : the postal service - such great heights

i'm still madly in love with this one.. how not to when the lyrics are so beautiful ?

"I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned"


the writer








shawn kuku


spirit fingers









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